Everytime we get in an argument she always ask do you even want to be with me? What does that even mean?

[Cd7116]

[lilyanony1]

Reading this I couldn't help but laugh.
Umm I've been there its difficult.
Being an anxious person I need reassurance. The only way I can get that is if the person I'm with actively shows me.
Telling me that we're an item and calling to meet for when they're horny won't do it.

Sometimes you gotta take a step back and look at what's really going on here.

What are you arguing about? And do you have to argue about it?
Can't you talk about the issue instead?

How bad are the arguments for her to feel the need to say, do you really want to be with me?
Is the complaint about something that's a part of her personality?

Think about the situation as if it was a dear friend telling you about their relationship, what would you advise?

[Pistolpete90]

Think it depends really on what you're arguing about. Is it something she's done? How are you communicating with her, is it a discussion or an attack against her personally?
If arguments are about her character or behaviour, makes sense why she may ask why you're with her. After all, if all she gets is criticism, it does raise the question.
If arguments deviate from the issue toward things about her which annoy you, makes sense why she would ask it.
Could be she also sees that she's cray-cray, and might wonder why you're still with her after everything she's put you through.

[Belgie]

She is either ignorantly immature, or emotionally controlling. Up to you to figure out which.

If it's the first, she doesn't understand that people can disagree and argue and even fight over things, and still love each other and want to be together. Not everyone is a perfect communicator.

Or she's an emotionally controlling manipulator, and wants to shut you down when you are arguing against what she wants. As soon as you speak up for your point of view, she will say "Do you even want to be with me anymore?" and imply that you disagreeing with her in any way, is proof that you don't love her - and so you guys should break up.

[loveslongnails]

It's several things. For one thing, she's really insecure, and for another, she's using emotional blackmail to put the victim sign on her and make you the bad guy. There's zero reason to think that because a couple gets into an argument that it means you want to split up, unless it's truly something extraordinary.

What she's doing is going to an extreme to try and get you to relent. She's trying to equate whatever you're disagreeing about to mean " you don't really want to be with me, otherwise you wouldn't be arguing or saying what you said". It's an emotional tactic. Don't fall for it.

[Anonymous]

All these men saying she’s trying to control you are wrong. Some women, when arguing, with their partner will question if he still wants to be with her bc of the argument. She’s asking because she needs reassurance that you’ll still stick with her even through a heated argument. Yes, it might sound dumb to some men, but women don’t take these things for granted. She may be asking because she doesn’t feel secure in the relationship in that moment and needs reassurance you still want to be with her, despite the argument.


I’ve questioned this before (never aloud to him) anytime we argue as well. I always ask if we are okay after any arguments because a little part of me also fears that he may not still want to be with me after a disagreement. Not entirely sure why I think that way, but it happens. If he says we’re okay and carries on like normal then I feel like everything is okay in the relationship.

[Silvermantis]

I feel the same way. She might not be feeling heard as well.

[slatyb]

It means that at least one of you doesn't know how to have an adult discussion about a relationship issue.
That's a deflecting tactic people use to avoid any discussion of their behavior.
What was the last argument about? What did you say before she said that?

In the end all you can do is tell her how you feel about something and see if she cares enough to change her behavior. If she doesn't, then you can either live with it or leave. Based on the information I have, I'm voting for leaving.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Difficult to tell you when we don't know how you argue.
Maybe you're violent when you argue.
Maybe you have a way too sharp tongue.
Maybe you argue too much.

Maybe she has abandonment issues and is scared that you will leave over an argument.

The thing is, you should evaluate your own behavior and talk with her about it.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Go easy on her. Sometimes the arguments can make her anxious and she might assume that the relationship is at the end of its road. Sit down and have a discussion with her and come to an understanding of what an argument is in a relationship. Arguments are bound to take place in the relationship and if the idea in her head of a relationship is perfection then she will always ask that question.

[Daniela1982]

That she wants to be in charge and if you resist she plays the "You are not into me" card, in spite of your actions to the contrary.

[DumBear]

Could be many things. Not enough context.

Lets see.
You could be getting too angry, being too mean, not showijg enough appreciation or caring for them enough.

It could be they are manipulating you by saying things like that to solicit a reaction and control the argument. (Are we gonna break up? Then u say nooooooo and then she can focus on dissolving the argument vs talking through it normally).
It could be so many things I don't know how often she does it and why

[cryscrys1]

It means what she is asking , do you want to be with her? If the argument was smth you can drop easily then let it go because she seems insecure. I don’t know why. Also why argument for? You are saying everytime do you mean often ,, this seems dangerous!
Well next time when you argument you chose quickly who will be the fire and the water. Fire and fire doesn’t work…
Try not to argument too often it’s useless it’s just words.. and words.. and words.. blah blah

[snowgirl123]

have you reflected on what words you tell her or what actions you take when you are in an argument with her? what if she becomes sad with your actions?

maybe you could ask her why she feels this way, and if you want to be with her, you might reassure her that you love her and not do or say what makes her feel unwanted

[Sonorous]

She could be using manipulative tactics like distraction, deflection, or moral indignation? Aka changing the subject, pointing the finger elsewhere (making herself the victim in the process), & claiming moral high ground. Or maybe she genuinely believes that you don't want to be with her? It really depends on the situation, her desires & intentions.

[AviatorTom]

It's her defense mechanism. She's afraid that the argument means you don't like her, which is usually far from the truth. People in serious relationships will have arguments from time to time. That's actually a good thing because it gets things off their chests rather than letting it fester over time.

Let her know that you care for her. A simple way of doing that is, next time she says that, give her a nice hug and tell her you care for her.

[JC1981]

It's a manipulative tactic for power to win an argument or a threat of leave if you don't like it.

[Retiever]

A question that I’ve been asked to. My response wasn’t very good. I said would I be here if I didn’t love you. So the only thing I can think of is when you are not arguing trying to show how much you want her to be in your life and how special she is.

[alpha_aude]

My guess is she’s afraid you don’t see her in your future. Maybe it’s her way to make you say that you’ll stick with her (getting married and having kids, car, house, dog…)
Maybe she’s that type of girl who wants to be reassured when in a relationship.

[Hanrej]

It means that if she doesn't get her way she will interpret it as you not being willing to be with her.
It could also be a way of blackmail. Hi ting that unless you give in she'll leave.

I'd be Careful to trust a woman expressing these sorts of quotes.

[eblehe]

Maybe the thing you're arguing about is making her think that you don't love her? Or maybe something you said hurt her to think that you don't wanna be with her. I'd say ask her what is on her mind when she says this.

[NicoletteXO]

It means she feels so disrespected, and so much like you are not willing to do what it takes to make the relationship harmonious, that she wonders if you even want to be with her. Sounds like if you don't up your game, she will leave you soon.

[Gadoleon]

Do u mean by "up his game" that he lowers his voice down for her? And never speak for himself or bring up his opinions?

[NicoletteXO]

@Gadoleon No.

[Ninani]

She's afraid to lose you. Whether intentional or not, that question is manipulation.

[Nazgol]

She questions your love & you probably make her feel doubtful of that, unless the cause of argument are things that are her fault & she's playing a victim. Could be either or depending on the context of your argument which u have not disclosed

[kc_4308]

Clearly you made her feel like you could walk out at any given moment - she doesn’t trust you anymore

[kc_4308]

I wouldn’t be with a man arguing all the time

[MysteriousDarkness]

We don't know who started any of the arguments or the context of them. Without that information we can't say if she is trying to blame you or has a legitimate reason to be upset and question if you still want to be with her.

[GoldenCage]

The only wise comment here

[Raphtaila]

Two reasons
1. She’s insecure
2. She cares about doesn’t want to lose you so she puts on a front

[Anonymous]

She knows she's a b****h, doesn't understand why you like her.. Or doesn't understand big b arguments are a healthy part of relationships.. It could be a sign of mental illness.. Narcists, you either are ""all"" good/bad. Very complex, nutshell? Its a mask, a front, ruse. If its her she knows she's playing your emotions.. They dont have feelings. Herbrain. is damaged..

[Sarahh00]

She doesn't feel ur love
Probably u too less with ur feelings

[humpbackjack]

Sounds like she’s making a back handed threat like she’s gonna bounce if you keep tripping or she honestly thinks you don’t treat her like you love her

[lilaccc]

I don't know the details but yeah she's kind of manipulates you, wants to make you feel guilty.. or maybe she's too tired then she said that to end the argument quickly.

[Flower7]

It’s a valid question. What’s the point of staying in a relationship where the other person is always upset with you?

[Sweetener_]

Maybe she's insecure you'll leave her after every argument.

[koolbrz]

You are right. These type of relationships are not going to last longer.

[Echo_BSN]

Sorry, I agree with the guys… it’s to play the victim and get him to feel guilty. Straight manipulation…🤷‍♀️

[jshm2]

It means she's seriously considering if you're even worth the effort to be in a relationship with.

[Anonymous]

She probably is considering a break up if you don’t agree with her (due to feeling attacked or not supported) or thinking you don’t value her or want her due to disagreeing or challenging something. I think everyone have their own biases.

[Andres77]

Sounds manipulative to me.
Is she implying that to be with her means that you must agree with her about everything?

[MJtheCoach]

She talks backwards. That’s women for you.
I wouldn’t say no! Morning loses a power p##sy then a guy who doesn’t give a fk if the chick leaves.


Even if she’s a 10
Get lost

[Benedicttan]

she probably wants you to say something that makes her feel better, or she just wants a validation for you feeling towards her.

an example for a reply to that question can be " because i love you".

[FunkyMonkee]

Maybe she's looking for an escape claus! Next time she asks, ask her the same thing.

[blended_ninja]

She's attempting to put you on the defensive and give in to her.

[FatherJack]

Manipulation , sounds like you are better off ending this relationship.

[Shy_Steve]

She is odviously not sure how you feel about your relationship with her and if you have feelings for her.

[admles]

It’s a manipulation tactic, used to play the victim.

She is trying to shut you down despite how many valid points you make.

[Anonymous]

maybe you argue over dumb stuff so she's wondering why

[Anonymous]

That she is hurt and want to hear that you still love her and want to be with her eventhough you guys are fighting.

[Mervyco]

It means that she is insecure in the relationship. Either you have cheated or hurt her in some other way, or she has a history of bad relationships that causes her to doubt your feelings

[jasco]

Either she’s toxic or she's wondering why you are still with her

[Robh55]

That's a womans attempt to throw the whole incident on the man!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's wanted a separation for a looong time 🥶🥶😱😱

[OddBeMe]

It’s a nonsequitor she uses when she runs out of arguments.

[jae_jae]

Thats a red flag. she's looking for an excuse to break up.

[Twalli]

If you have issues with her it makes her question if you're just with her out of convenience or not.

[whosnumber1]

was she losing the argument before she dropped that line

[boxxie2002]

I feel it's the trump card to try and difuse the argument and get the "win".

[Quigly]

It means you don't seem happy with the relationship when you complain and argue all the time.

[CinMinRoll]

Are you showing her enough affection? Letting her know she's special to you?

[Anonymous]

it means she thinks you don't want to be with her wtf else do you think it means ffs

[Anon_Girl27]

sounds like she is insecure.

[WhoRtheseGuys]

Agreed. Insecurity.

[spartan55]

It's a manipulation tactic, don't fall for it.

[Avicenna]

It's an emotion overreaction to the argument

[rcljr]

She’s guilt tripping you.

[PuNishant]

Nah I'm just stuck with you dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Sounds insecure about relationships.

[BillyBalls]

It's time to move on!!!

[In_Trance]

how do you not know what that means?