For many years I thought that personality differences was the reason why I would get negative vibes from my friends. As time has passed I’ve realized most of my girly “friends” were silent/passive haters. I don’t posses extreme beauty, highest IQ, best sense of humor but I do have a competitive, positive and outgoing attitude in everything I do. I always got downgraded or judged for my achievements and always thought it was their personality. Like I said, I’m not the greatest but I am grateful and happy for the things I have in my life which are not all that. It is why is so hard for me to understand what is it about me that my “friends” hate so much? Why is it a habit in most women to downgrade and hate each other more than empowering each other?
Why do women hate on each other instead of empowering each other?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
We live in an economy built around scarcity at a time where most people are strangers.
Like personally, I was shocked when I first learned how catty women can be to each other, because we're always taught that kind of competitiveness is a guy thing.
But you can tell scarcity is where the source is if you look at stats about women in male-dominated fields. The single most harsh demographic to a female employee is a female employer.
And it blew me away in some of my jobs seeing how the girls would be all friends and everything but then one would get promoted and all the other girls wouldn't just abandon her but actively try to sabotage her success.
I think, in the case of the workplace, it also has something to do with men's general acceptance of hierarchy and aversion to conflict, and then women's aversion to hierarchy and willingness to incite conflict to break it down. Just from experience anyway. I notice guys like to have their niche, and like that some other guy is working in his niche so that he can continue sticking to his own niche. I like someone doing all the tedious corporate and legal work, taking the legal hit if things go wrong, and trying to sell the stuff I design to people who don't want it, because it means I get to spend all my time doing the fun stuff.
But in these jobs I mentioned, this was a non-starter for the women there. A whole lot of "what makes her think she's better than me and can tell me what to do?". Like cool that shit is awesome take it to the streets. But the workplace hierarchy does more to prevent conflict by making everyone's roles clear.
But most of it I think is still just a scarcity mindset and competing for what seems scarce, even if it needn't be. And when people aren't as close as they used to be, you get less of that vicarious excitement when a friend does well. You feel less happy for them and more jealous of them.
People who hate you for your acomplishments, personality, or physical traits, are insecure about themselves, and either think you are unfair competition, or that you are living a life they wish they had, or both.
6
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Firstly, I cannot stress this enough-your bad experiences in the past are not representative of all the woman in the world. I use to think he same way-women were catty and bitchy. And many are. But being defensive and closed off and suspicious will most definitely drive a wedge between your ability to make genuine friendships. I have been friends with my bestie for 10 years, and I can certainly say it took some growing. I was suspicious of her and she let me down many times. We argued from time to time, she misunderstood me, we bickered, we bitched, we fell out…but we always worked it out and learned to change and see things from the other persons point of view. We forgave, we understood, we accepted accountability for our mistakes. The woman who hurt me during one year became the woman who tried to save me from my depression the next year, and even when she did catty things like talking behind my back, she came clean and apologized and it was up to me to forgive her. I’m confident in our friendship now more than ever because it hasn’t been perfect but we confided our deepest secrets and have been each other’s rocks. And I see so many friendships like ours or even better ones amongst women I know every day. What it takes to have a true friendship is to have it in your heart to forgive, grow, and learn TOGETHER. I’m sorry you had a bad experience with those women in your past. It can harden you. I was the same way before I met my bestie in high school. I had been dumped and rejected by my friend group but even when I tried to keep a wall up my best friend broke it down. And it took patience and love in our sisterhood.
Things become better once you realize that women aren't the enemy but rather it's the society we live in that makes women pitted against each other because we have the mindset that if another woman is perceived as better, especially around men, then we're in deep trouble because we always grow up with a lot of pressure on us to outshine others and be seen as special, or else we're told that we're not worthy.
Shifting that mindset has made things a lot better for me in a way that I can actually seek out healthy bonds with other women and be there for them in times of need, but there are women who are still stuck in the middle school mentality and I simply don't engage with them.
Perhaps you've collected an unfortunate group of underachieving friends AND personalities...
Start making a list. What do your friends have in common with each other? What do you share WITH your friends. Start creating a process of elimination.
Perhaps it is only incidental that these people are women. The women I know support each other and are mostly great friends. But recently I was attempting a friendship with a woman who had some bizarre problems and I had to break up with her. I'd know her about six months...
Have you made no new friends in a long time? Are these all old friends? Maybe your time together has ended and. you need to seek more accepting and encouraging people around you.
Talk to a counselor about this disappointment and have him or her help you sort it out if you have the money to do so. Makes it clearer from an objective source.
I like to empower not only women but men as well but some people will never be happy for you no matter what because they just don’t like you. They want your life and so they hate you because of that. They’re miserable with their own so they need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. They tell you they’re proud of you and roll their eyes when you turn your back. They don’t have your best interest at heart and what gives them joy is seeing you fail. Sometimes, it’s best to not parade your accomplishments to these people because they will try to outshine you which won’t make a difference if you have nothing but good intentions. You don’t need half ass people like these in your life. Drop them! They’re not friends!
I don't think it's a habit in most women. I think that's just a negative stereotype. I think there are just ugly people in the world. Some of those same people are ugly to you, but sweet to others. Chances are, if they're like that then they probably weren't your friends or didn't like you in the first place.
It's a tale as old as time. You're not alone every woman experiences that. And the cronies in charge of mass media desperately wanna make it look like it's men who hate women when in fact no one hates women like other women do.
As to why I can only speculate. I think humans are hateful in nature especially when they envy someone but because men are perceived as more prone to use violence they keep eachother as friends to avoid unnecessary conflict. Women on the other hand are perceived as less violent so one woman can think "I hate her and there's nothing she can do about it"
I literally have two friends who hate eachother and one of them once slipped when drunk and told the other how much she hates her, it was electric and even then no fight occured wheras a guy would have told the other guy let's hash this out.
It depends on the vibe of someone, if they show me a negative vibe I’ll show one back. Like I’m a shy person so I don’t usually compliment other girls. But I’ve had girls that do that are like “oh my gosh I love your dress! It’s so pretty!” Then it’s easier to compliment them back. And I didn’t have a negative vibe from them to start with. But there’s other girls that immediately when they walk into the bathroom or room or whatever I feel a negative energy and they glare at me the whole time and if I do say something they ignore me. So I don't know maybe attitudes of “I’m better than you, so don’t try and talk to me”
Why put such an unreasonable demand on a woman as to say that she ought to empower other women? This will only lead to more anxiety and disappointment. Instead it may be helpful to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking that a woman should empower another woman, perhaps it's better to think, "It would be nice to live in a world where everyone is kind, supportive, and 100% genuine, but no one is perfect, and everyone does their best in spite of their shortcomings." And let's be real, if women are choosing some type of power other than kindness and compassion, then it's the wrong kind of power anyway.
most young girls for generations have been raised in a world much like a beauty pageant. where it's believe that only the most beautiful and attractive ones are able to find love and happiness. which makes many of them insecure about their looks so they try to outdo each other. with all kinds of stuff like ( hair dye, hair extensions, cosmetic surgery, reveling clothes, etc. ) that most average guys who would be willing to date/marry them don't care much about. they would rather her have a good personality with average looks and and a naturally healthy figure.
Maybe they think you are fake because they aren't alwayd positive and outgoing... or they envy that about you.
Maybe you don't show any other emotions that they are able to sympathize with or connect to.
There is actually this same phenomenom with men in relation to women. When women become feminists for example and they act like "iron-men" they don't need love... then they don't get it.
I had experience it with my own mom and older half sister. You won't believe even your own sister , mom or cousin will hate on their own family. My mom says things like when I was your age I was way way more skinny then you. Or I will dye my hair a peticular color other people would complement me my mom would tell me you look ugly. Your right even friends turn out to be back stabbing bitches. I had that happen in highschool God it was the reasons I always ended up getting into fights.
I don't think they ALL do, but some sense competition for whatever it is they want. As for that photo, that's Sofia Loren on the left, who had beauty and class. The other one is Jayne Mansfield, a publicity seeker with little talent, so she crashed parties and showed off her boobs to get attention. She was kind of a Kardashian.
When I was in the military a lot of men would bully other men. It bothered me so much I had to see a therapist. According to her, some people who bully others do it because they have to prove to themselves, and others, something that they lack.
I'm wondering if this is the same thing for women who hate on each other?
I get what you mean but I don't really care much about female empowerment and all of that either. I live my life and others can do whatever they want, just live and let live.
Because people don't wanna see other people do better than them.
1
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
See, my brain knows that but it’s hard for my heart to accept it because in my heart, if someone is doing better than me…I first appreciate what I see and the work that person put to be better, then I want to learn their way and perhaps I can do it better without hating, but appreciating. Does that make sense?
Because not enough fathers are instilling in their girls that their worth is not intrinsically linked to their ability to snag a man, or another woman's man. Women on this basic level tend to be very catty and insecure.
Yup. I realized this at age 8. All of my friends since have been male.
2
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Because it’s all a competition. Biologically it’s a survival of the fittest. You naturally are more attracted to a strong male who’ll give you strong children who are likely to survive. Same with men, men tend to be more attracted to females who have large hips and breasts who will be able to survive child birth and not die.
Well, you did say that you are competitive. Some people don't like that because it may seem to them that you're showing off, and that can be annoying sometimes.
Also, in the photo, the blonde girl has her titty popping out, so that's probably why she's getting the side- eye from the brunette girl.
0
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I find it's the opposite (especially older women, ie not teenage years). But maybe that's a public show and we don't see/know what really happens? lol Like the first thing women do (even strangers) when they see each other is compliment on appearance (ever notice that? lol Doesn't matter who or where, how well they know each other, it's the first thing they do always lol). I kind of find it humorous (just the difference with the genders as guys never do this lol).
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I have friends like this now. I’ve known them since I was little and they degrade me and make me feel worthless at every turn. Every achievement is downplayed and every venture is torn to shreds. I thought it was their personality too but they are just insecure themselves. They probably don’t realize they do it or how they sound. But some women are just extremely unable to grasp the fact that we can all win
Girl, they definitely know that they're doing it. They do it in a way where it seems innocent because they're smart in the way they're phrasing it (because they're so goddamn insecure that they have so much experience doing it). I have dealt with this: my old "friends" would say rude things but in a form where it would seem as if it were extremely honest and of course, any good thing I said about myself was responded to with silence (weird, I know right?). The best advice I can give you is to LEAVE THEM. It is going to be so awkward walking past them by accident and bumping into them, but from my experience, it is SO worth it. You don't realize how much their negativity haunts your subconscious mind: even if you think you're doing fine and handling it, you're subconsciously taking that negativity inside and feeling bad anyway. I remember feeling that I had to hide any flaws that I had because I knew that they were happy to hear anything bad that happened to me (I was crying about a test I failed, and one of the girls LAUGHED) and I must admit, it eats you up inside over time more and more. If you accidentally encounter them, act as dry as possible and say you have to leave for some reason. Be lonely for a while, and discover new friends. If your inner peace is on the line, it's too expensive. Being lonely can be difficult, but you'll realize it's actually a lot easier than dealing with these negative people. Summary: leave these "friends." They hurt you even more than you imagine, seriously.
Thank youu. I have been debating on it for a while. Sometimes things are good with them and I feel bad for not wanting to be around them but mostly I feel bad about myself around them. The other day one of their little sister told me I was skinny and they got dead silent then said “Yeaa well if u knew her how we know her she done put on all the pounds”. That hurt and I can name a bevy of times in high school they did this to me. I just find it hard to completely cut contact. Especially now that I’m a young woman. It’s scary to have that much change
Because they are COMPETITORS with each other for attention--often from potential mates. That picture you chose to illustrate this with is a CLASSIC example. Sofia loved all the attention she got for her beauty and her bust. So when Jayne shows up with her neckline down to her nipples Sofia wasn't going to say "wow--you look STUNNING!" She was going to glare and think "BITCH!" lol!
Ew you have internalised misogyny and it’s embarrassing. Stop perpetrating and pushing patriarchal stereotypes. You definitely from a really shitty country, who tf thinks like this💀💀
Speaking from an evolutionary point of view. There is a built in competitive nature among women. (Who in the Que is marching closest to the leader) I don't even think it has to be conscious.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Women compete for male attention. It’s biology. They therefore do not know how to be true friends.
But those that push the “empower women” nonsense usually are the ones telling girls to be sluts and dress like whores and it’s “empowering”... which is actually doing the opposite.
Jealousy I never had a woman being negative towards me when I was at my lowest point in life. When I started doing well in my life is when I started getting more slide comments or put downs from women.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
most women are greedy evil selfish creatures with no CHRIST in them
they shall be placed inside the snake and be tortured in fire as they circle it and scream in pain
you just have to surround yourself with people who do... I don't let people like that into my life. If you friend's are putting you down... they aren't real friends
Insecurity and envy. Women's friends are very much direct competition for social jockeying, where men aren't as much direct competitors in that same way.
Personality clashes tend to happen everywhere and anywhere.
It's not really something you can help, but something to resolve quickly.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
jealousy and insecurities. some people (regardless of their gender) love putting others down because of their own envy. they can't stand seeing someone be better than them
bc women actually compete for the attention of powerful men. same way that men compete for the attentions of the best breeding stock in women. a couple centuries of prudishness can't undo several million years of evolution.
Personally I find people hate on people, doesn't necessarily have to be female. It always seems to me that misery enjoys company. Let haters hate, stay positive and beautiful. You're never going to make everyone happy.
guys these days are the same. If they're single and/or miserable watch them try to bring down other guys to make themselves feel and look better than they are.
No lol. It's Sophia Loren, basically the Italian Marylin Monroe, she has nothing to be jealous about. They were friends and she was worried that her friend's boobs would pop out, cause one of her nipples was visible 🤣
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