Girls, when it comes to emotional support, I’m sure you’ve experienced guys going into problem-solving mode prematurely. Thoughts?

[dynamicyandere]

In your opinion, when do you think is a good time or what’s a good cue for guys to pay attention to, before trying find a solution together?

[weasley8]

If I just want sympathy, or if I'm frustrated and just want to vent, I'll usually just say what happened, and that I'm having a rough day.

Maybe if the guy is particularly funny I'll ask a really specific question like what he would say to the person if he could say anything, but that's just because I want him to say something ridiculous and make me laugh. Not because I want him to tell me what to say.

If I want advice on what to do I'll usually make that pretty clear. I'll either ask for help, or just say that I don't know what to do.

If you really do have an idea that you think would help, and she hasn't asked, wait until she's calmed down some. You don't want to give her more to think about and stressed about when she's just venting, or she's already upset. If she's telling you things and not asking for advice, it's probably because she's trying to calm down, and wants you to validate her feelings or make her laugh.

Once she's already calm, and a little bit of time has passed, then you can bring it up. Just say you have some thoughts, and ask if she's tried x y or z. I know a lot of times girls get frustrated when guys try to help, because the things they suggest are things we've already tried, or that we know wouldn't work. Depending on the way the suggestions are made, it can come off like the guy thinks we're not smart enough to come up with simple ideas on our own. This is another reason to wait until she's already calmed down, as when we're stressed, and our feelings have already been invalidated several times during the day, we can be extra sensitive to things like that.

[dynamicyandere]

I really appreciate your insight on this and explaining the nuances. Thanks for sharing!

[weasley8]

Of course. I like questions like this, because it's nice when someone realizes that they could approach a situation better, and actually makes the effort to find out how. It's also understandable that guys wouldn't automatically know things like this. In general, when girls are already stressed, we can be sensitive, and sometimes catches guys off guard.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I've told this to my partners many times: if I want solutions or problem solving, I will ask for it. If I don't ask, I just need a rant.

Likewise I'll usually tell them I just wanna rant.

If I ask "can I get your feedback or thoughts?" it means problem solving is on the table.

[VIVANT]

I generally prefer problem solving and or getting another perspective in course if events so it’s not an issue for me of someone wants to give sone input. Great.

I can’t think of any time I’ve “ just wanted to vent” if I’m not trying to solve a problem I’m unlikely to mention it to anyone — unless I’m communicating through satire. turn a laugh is always nice- if it’s genuine.

I suppose tho l, if I really just JUST wanted to vent it’s no problem to just say that. I don’t need anyone guessing and I prefer they don’t bc that sets a precedent for guessing at other times on other things and that’s a sure mess in waiting.

I like questions, so when in doubt, please ask 👍🏼

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks for the input! 🙂

Yeah, I agree that the safer route to go is to say something like, “I just need to vent…” if it’s going to be solely venting.

That way, people don’t assume that you only want to vent when you’re actually trying to get something resolved.

Like, I understand that showing empathy and listening and validating is very important and should be exercised as well.

But, if there is something that needs to be resolved, sometimes it’s time-sensitive and important to solve sooner rather than later.

[TrueConfection]

I recommend just listening and if you think of a solution, ask if you can help.

[Anonymous]

If I need help, I will ask for it.