Why are women so totally clueless about men?

[KrakenAttackin]

Seriously, men are the simplest creatures and yet women seem to have no clue whatsoever, about what men need and want. Do women just not care about what men want? Why is keeping a man so hard for so many women when men are so easy?

Updates

1 y

There are the top 5% men who just want to sex their way through tons of women. The other 95% of men want a reasonably attractive (in his eyes), KIND, compassionate, loyal, occasionally attentive, feminine, woman.

No man wants a "bad bitch", or "strong and independent" (read: loud, obnoxious, mean) woman. We are not "intimidated" by strong and independent, we just don't like it.

It's not that hard ladies.

Updates

1 y

I see women hurling insults at men, saying "it's not up to us to understand men", there is serious female entitlement below.

It's clear women don't see any reason to understand men, because women think men exist as disposable, expendable, replaceable, interchangeable, machines.

[Mia-Wallace]

"Women" will never understand "men" because those terms are abstractions of the sum of all the unique individuals with penises and unique individuals with vaginas. The groupings are based on similarities, not differences, and it's usually our differences that matter when we want to truly know each other for forming long-term close friendships. (yes, the generalization is very useful in everyday communication, identification, and even as a basis for people's relationships, but it's never enough for a lasting relationship).

One woman could understand one man if she tries hard enough. If you have an extended family who shares similar genes, culture, upbringing, social class, education, etc. you could probably know a bunch more men to a degree (and even in a family, people can be very different and difficult). Even your father is more of a god, an archetype, than an actual person, and embodies the overall aesthetics that you will hopefully come to love (as you will share a lot of what he is). As a very unique individual, it's your mother who (hopefully) knows him, and if you want more, you have to get to know him, that is if he wishes to open up. Many fathers keep some distance because they must discipline their children.

Same for men.

I'm quite sure the experience of knowing my guy, with his specific Swedish-German cultural background, his social class, struggles, education, behaviors, kinks, mental health, etc. is a lot different than knowing you, even though as a man he shares similarities with you. My duty as his wife is not to generalize and act as if I'm living with an archetype, a cliché, but to know and long to know everything specific to him.

To make it simpler, the conservative rule of affirmation, feeding, and sex is an obvious necessity (Is there an adult female or male who doesn't like to be emotionally supported, fucked, and fed?), but it's not enough, never was (no, conservative relationships before the 1960s weren't all happy). It takes a lot more sweating to form and keep a happy and lasting close friendship with a man. To become the woman he comes back to and eventually wants to die for/with. But it seems like many women do not even like to follow those simple necessary rules to create a functioning household, and yes, some of them don't even want to consider a man's "assumed" needs - it's all about them.

And honestly, I don't know what a lot of them want. A lot of them just seem confused between their sexual desires, ambitions, insecurities, and an inferiority complex/fear of submission put in their heads by some ideologues. Girls I saw who weren't confused about what they want (and when they want it) have good families.

I do think the reason for this confusion and inconsistency is that the average woman is just as dumb as the average guy (even though they pretend they're not). When you look closely, many smart women end up educated, relatively well-off, and married (to a smart guy like themselves. That's supported by some data), even when they come from some crappy household. But I guess dumber people needed a proper system to function/keep their lives more consistent and now they are malfunctioning and confused in this "freedom" and abundance of choices, exactly at a time they can take what worked before and perfect it. (yes, that sounds elitist, but IDGAF)

And everything I said about women applies to men.

[MannyFrs]

thanks for the book maybe write an E Book for Amazon

[Subarugirl]

Because men are due more credit than you are giving them. Men are certainly not as simple as you would like to insinuate.
Relationships fail for many reasons and it's generally it's because of issues on both sides.
Do I care about what men in general want? kind of, but I am not going to sacrifice myself in order to try and twist myself in to what "men want". I have my man, and his wants and need are important to me, and I try to meet those because I love him and I want to. You need a hand to hold the door or someone to give you a jump when your battery dies, I will help you out same as I would anyone else. However women are not responsible for your needs and wants, you are.
Women have a pretty good idea about what men want, it's not like its a big secret. The thing is though, is that women are not obligated to give that to you and she won't unless she want's to, and she certainly isn't going to want to if she isn't getting anything out of it. If you want the perks of being in a healthy committed relationship, without putting in the effort to actively work on it's health, or being committed, it's not going to work out very well for you.
Unfortunately for some of you, just brining pay check home doesn't cut it. In fact, contributing financially to a relationship is the absolute least important contribution you can make, and it is certainly not going to cut it. If you want a transactional relationship, hire a hooker or a sugar baby. If you want an actual relationship then you have to contribute emotionally, and physically.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Subarugirl. So, women know what men want but don't want to be desirable to men, because that simple fucking approach to a relationship somehow demeans women. And you wonder why men just use women for sex. Using your logic why should men give a flying fuck what women want?

[Subarugirl]

Try rereading what I wrote and come back with a logical reply instead of an emotionally charged irrational one

[katelouise-6]

Hell yea. Guys just see what they want to see and that’s why women are “oblivious” to mens needs

[Whatever2929292]

You're right. But not all men are the same the same as all women aren't. You are also right All women the same as all men can't change to fit every woman's needs. Number one that is not possible and you have to find someone who you meet each other's wants and needs in that way.

If you just assume all men want sex (and sorry if that was not what you meant) then I think you're a misandrist. Not all men are the same the same as all women aren't either.

Yes relationships go both ways. If one has to do everything and gets nothing in return... Then the relationship would fail or end up with one person being miserable

[Whatever2929292]

I don't have a problem with people who want something traditional. There are women out there who want that too. But there has to be a give and take. What I do have a problem with is people forcing something on everyone to change because someone is romantically or sexually frustrated.

There are women who think this way too. I am sorry but I am not going to change either. I don't care what some random woman out there thinks is attractive or what a "real man" is. I think women like that are pathetic

[Whatever2929292]

BUT... To be fair. When you're in a relationship it is both person's job to help each other and fit the others wants and needs in that regard. But not just random people you don't even know

[Whatever2929292]

To tell you another thing... Why do you think men should care what your wants or needs are if you don't care what they need and want? You know things work both ways and good men (and good women) walk away from one sided.

[Subarugirl]

@Whatever2929292 because there is a big difference between being a people pleaser and worrying about the male gaze of every man you walk past and caring for your significant other or the men in your life. I could care less about what some random guy on the internet thinks about my hair, or the make up I wear. However I value and respect the thoughts and opinions of my husband.

[Whatever2929292]

You're right about that. Now that is true. I am the same way. I put effort into myself I don't want to look like a slob or stink or anything like that.

But I am not going to change for people either. I don't know why some men and some women think that ALL women or men or even sometimes both should change... Who are not their significant others. Why does it matter?

[Subarugirl]

@Whatever2929292 maybe ask Kraken.. he’s the one who seems to be so upset about how women don’t do what he thinks they should

[Whatever2929292]

But see your only response is you don't believe in God. I have said a lot of other things as well... That you won't touch.

[Subarugirl]

@Whatever2929292 maybe as a specific question then so that what you are asking is clear instead of wright 3 paragraphs about something that we weren't even talking about...

[OlderAndWiser]

Women assume that the opposite sex must think and feel the same as they do because they can't fathom how we could be different. So they see us in a sitation and think to themselves, "How would I feel in that situation?" and then they assume that we are feeling the same that they would feel. Totally invalid assumption, because

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From A Parallel Universe.

Of course, men make the same mistake when thinking about women. If only Eve had not eaten that damned apple!

[Reaper1985]

modern feminism and toxic masculinity are the great lies those in power teach young children. using schools, media and other sources to break up the traditional family unit. which causes more single parent households and/or adults to not have children. males and females aren't meant to be equals there meant to be compatible and work together.

[Apple1996]

Men and women are total opposites so it's hard for us to understand each other. What I've learned over time from being constantly surrounded by men most of my life is that men are not simple. They might think they are but nope y'all are difficult to. People in general are not simple. Its takes actually wanting to learn someone as a individual to understand them. Which even with that is a lifelong process since everyone changes with time. And personally never had any issues keeping a man since I'm putting in the time and energy to learn about my husband and what keeps him happy.

[TrueConfection]

I think women over-simplify men and take them for granted. Men and women think differently for physiological reasons.

For example; men use different areas of their brain seperately (either logic or emotion) where women use both at once.

There seems to be a notion that men don't have emotions (or in the case they display their emotions that they are unintelligent or immature).

I posted something a while back on this subject and the men seemed to agree where the responses from the women were more along the lines of, "But what about me? How will that affect ME?" 🙄

[whirled_up_girl]

I don't know when I was younger most of the men I dated even for a few dates all seem to want something different from a relationship and out of life. When I was younger I wanted a committed longterm relationship that would eventually lead to marriage and a family. However, when this didn't happen I decided to give up on that idea and become more self-sufficient to be able to live comfortably on my own even though that can be lonely. Now I'm trying to just understand and appreciate what drives men and women in life and why their priorities for relationships are sometimes different. I can see how striking the right balance could be a challenge. That being said, yeah, I still don't have a clue about most of you, and joining gag seems to have made me even more confused, lol.

[Jamie05rhs]

But that's kind of the point, though. You've already learned the most important principle about men: we're all different.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Jamie05rhs But not really. Pretty much all men want peace in the home a faithful partner, a kind partner, femininity... it's not that hard.

[whirled_up_girl]

@Jamie05hrs thanks! @KrakenAttackin I can't even really debate with you if you've already decided that my not being married is because of me being mean, disloyal, or lacking compassion (per your update). I'm actually quite shy and soft-spoken in real life. I didn't date Chads or Alphas or the top 5 percent, hardly, they were just regular men, that we're trying to figure sh*t out like the rest of us. I don't even blame them really for not wanting a commitment but that's what I wanted back then, and they didn't. Some of us are just dealt a bad deck of cards when it comes to luck and relationships but that doesn't mean we don't ultimately value similar things in a long-term partner and want to offer that in return.

[Pinay_ako]

You can’t keep a person if they don’t want to be with you no matter what you do, they’ll walk away… unless you chain them to the wall. That’s a different story 🤣

To answer your question, I do care about what my man wants. I like to communicate. Even if it results into a fight, talk to me! I’m your partner, not a stranger.

[Whatever2929292]

If you don't care what your man wants. Why do you some of you say this and then think that a man should fulfill your wants and needs? It works BOTH ways... LOL

[Pinay_ako]

@Whatever2929292 when did I say I don’t care? 😒 I care too much sometimes that we argue about it… so what’s the problem? And yes it works both ways or else I’d go solo if it’s one sided 😑

[Whatever2929292]

I apologize. You're right. I get too caught up in things. You seem like a good person and caring. You said you did care what your man wants I thought for some reason you said you did not.

To be fair there were comments like that posted on here. So I am sorry about that

[Pinay_ako]

@Whatever2929292 no worries 😌.

[Whatever2929292]

thanks LOL. Sorry about that

[Pinay_ako]

@Whatever2929292 apology accepted 😃

[Whatever2929292]

Thank you. Just a misunderstanding I did not mean to come at you like that

[LazerBean]

A lot of women don't have a father figure, or don't have a decent one. The ones that did know what the different types of men want, we are just selective about which of those types of men we decide to care about.

[KrakenAttackin]

@LazerBean. Well, that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Women only care what the top 5% of men want.
They want douchebags and assholes.
They want to be the one girl who magically makes him a “better man”
They are stupid and believe guys will actually change and think they are actually going to be special enough to be that one.

So since the top 5% are the guys who want trashy easy slutty females, most girls think being a trashy, slutty, “ratchet”, bitch is somehow going to get these guys.

The “strong and independent” farce is hilarious because no female is strong and independent.
It easy to believe you are strong and independent when society does everything in it’s power to make you life easy.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@KrakenAttackin this is what I hate. This mentality. This false mentality that creates hopelessness in guys.

I know you think I favor women, but do you really think that believing that we are only valuable if we are the top 5% of men (whatever that means) helps us in any way?

That only helps to make guys lose hope when it's all a bunch of bullshit. Way more than 5% of guys are in happy relationships with girls that wouldn't trade them for all the gold in the world.

[Opinion Owner]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 sadly the truth doesn’t care if you like it or not it’s still remains true

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

What truth? Who is saying that? Where do you gathered that information?

[Opinion Owner]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8
Tinder used it’s actual app data to show how women only want the top 1% of men.
medium.com/.../tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

Men earn 61.5% of all income but only account for 25% of domestic spending. Men only spend 40% of what they earn after tax. In contrast women make up 38.5% of all income but control around 75% of domestic spending , women on average spend 90% MORE MONEY THAN THEY EARN.
https://www.catalyst.org/research/buying-power/

Divorces are initiated by women 80% of the time.
Men pay 97% of Alimony

Men lose custody in 84% of divorces.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

1. Yes a dating app based on looks alone. When most men can't even take a decent picture to save their lives that's not an accurate representation.
Studies were made when people had to rate others attractiveness, before and after they talk they get to know each other.
Women's ratings of men changed a lot after they got to know they. For better and worse. While men's ratings of women were basically the same.

2. Of course this happens. Do you know where people spend more money? Food, clothes and other necessities. Do you know who usually does the shopping for that, for the entire family? Guess who.
But what does that have to do with anything?

3. It's actually 70% of the time. But so what? If you are white and you marry a white woman your chances of divorce are 35%. Out of those 35% they initiate 70%. So after you say "I do" the odds that she will divorce you are 24.5%. Why is this a problem?

4. Regarding alimony, yes because men insist on marrying women that can't provide for themselves. We should have higher standards.

5 Men don't fight for custody most of the times. No really, in 51% of divorces BOTH parents agree that the children should stay with the mother. We win close to half the custody battles they actually fight.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

But wait up!
Nothing that I said is against men. It seems like today we are the ones trying to play victims of society when we are actually not. Just look at the facts and ignore the lies that go around the internet.

"Men lose custody most of the time". Do you know what message this sends? That is hopeless. That is useless to fight because you will lose anyway. When no! No no! That is the worse thing you can say. It only worsen the main problem.

The article with that "51% don't fight stat" said that it was because we don't fight when we think we have a chance. So to spread the lie that the court is bias is literally the worst thing we can do.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

"... we don't fight when we think we DON'T* have a chance..."

[Opinion Owner]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8
Dating apps reflect women’s dating preference. It is completely valid as a reference of how women select men.

Men do have it worse overall. We don’t “play victim”, statistically women live in a life of privilege and men are disposable. This isn’t internet hyperbole, it’s statistically proven time and time again.

In every aspect of life.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

But they don't chose us like that. That is the core of the question. Looks are just your presentation card. How attractive you are to them depends a lot on who you are.

But that is not backed up by the facts. Like Churchill used to say "A lie will travel across the world before the truth got it's pants on". Don't believe in what you read online. Make a non bias research.

[Opinion Owner]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 When most males approach a female they are instantly met with rejection on the forefront. It is a natural female kneejerk reaction to shut down guys when they approach. Unless the guy has insane looks or money/power.
Then if a guy is persistent, they are called creeps and potentially accused of harassment.

It is only in less common situations when a female “gets to know” a guy via work or other situations and the guy makes his interest known that I female takes interest in him.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Yes we do most if the approach and so get most of the rejection. But so what? That doesn't make our lives bad.
We have plenty opportunities to show who we are, like at work like you said.

[Opinion Owner]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 I have to ask a serious question...
Have you ever actually dealt with women?

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

I am married dude. Also I have sisters and had several girlfriends.

[KrakenAttackin]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 Only 14% of married women describe their marriage as "happy".

[Opinion Owner]

They are only “happy” when they can get away with affairs and spending money.

[KrakenAttackin]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 You can't fight the gynocracy, you can only choose not to engage it at all.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Where do you saw that 14% stat?
I already saw that statistically married women are happier than married woman, but honestly I don't that either of those stats are true.

[JSmuve]

It's because of their solipsistic nature. They don't feel like they have to understand men. Men should understand her and change for her. But she's "fine just the way she is". This leads to one-sided relationships where the guy feels undervalued. Then when things go sideways and she tries to understand why, it's either "men are confusing" or "men just want sex". Clear, unbiased, introspection is not really a woman's strength here because she runs the risk of finding out she's not adequate enough, which her ego won't allow because, circling back, she's "fine just the way she is" and "men need to be better".

[Lionman95]

For the same reason that many guys are clueless about women. People nowadays have a hard time comprehending that there are differences between the sexes and one of the biggest ones is communication.
Women tend to choose the "wrong" guys because these guys are often charismatic, out going and are good communicators and that´s what girls like.
Men tend to choose women that look great and are falling for the best looking girls but they are not always the right people for a relationship.

[hoqhuuep]

Not sure women actually are clueless about men. Maybe they just have different priorities when it comes to the info that matters to them.

E. g. to women, the answer to the question "will this man try to rape or kill me" matters a lot. So they're relatively good at noticing sketchy vibes (sometimes too good).

OTOH, the question of "how do I get this guy to sleep with me" is not very important, because most guys want to do that anyway.

[KrakenAttackin]

@hoqhuuep. Ok, I get the "will he kill me" vibe, and yes, most guys will dump a load in her. The question I have is why are women utterly clueless about everything in-between.

[hoqhuuep]

I don't know, but from my vantage point, what would be the evolutionary pressure for women to understand men, beyond how to avoid being harmed by them, and how to keep them around?

If as a guy you understand women, the evolutionary upside is so much greater.

[KrakenAttackin]

@hoqhuuep. So you theorize that evolution wants women to have paired off prior to hitting the wall so there is no drive to understand men? Perhaps but as so many women are 'shung yu" (leftover women), you would think women would make the tiniest effort to understand men.

[hoqhuuep]

Maybe I'm being unfair, but I feel like procreating should be really easy for women, the challenge is a) being picky, but not too picky, and b) making him stick around.

But the getting laid part requires very little understanding of men in my opinion.

But of course it always becomes simplistic and presumptuous when one generalizes about large groups of people like this.

Also, in my experience, it's not that women don't try to understand men, but perhaps the culture doesn't exactly encourage it. I dunno, I'm blathering.

[KrakenAttackin]

@hoqhuuep. It should be easy for women, but they seem to be lost in the wilderness.

Most men do just fine on their own, but women (as evidenced by Tik Tok) lose their damn minds when they are alone. You would think this would spur women to make an effort to understand the basics of men, but I guess they don't get it.

[hoqhuuep]

I don't really have the same impression. Most women I have met could get guys easily, so it's more about quality, right. I think most of them dream of the knight in shining armor (or the black knight) perhaps sweeping them off their feet, etc.

But yeah, if you look at who is involuntarily celibate, my guess would be mostly dudes.

[hoqhuuep]

Also, in my experience, women are just people. Some of them are extremely self-centered and clueless about men, others really are not, and are quite interested in men and ask a lot of questions.

Look at how many women expressed compassion for Johnny Depp during his trial.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm assuming you're not forgetting that some men don't want to be kept.

But setting those aside, ... I really don't know. I think the main issue is their lack communicativeness. Because if they asked a guy directly what he wanted, he would probably give her an answer. (At least I would.)

[Jamie05rhs]

Only 5% of men want to "sex their way through tons of women"? I don't know; dawg. I think the number is much higher than that. I think it's more like 65%.

[Jamie05rhs]

Of course, there's a difference between wanting and actually doing. Lol. Many of those guys will only have sex with like 2 or 3 women in their lifetime.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Jamie05rhs. Ok, let me amend my statement. Only 5% of men CAN sex their way through a ton of women.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Jamie05rhs. Let's add that most women have no idea what they want.

[Jamie05rhs]

@KrakenAttackin Okay; in that case I would put the number at 15%.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Let's add that most women have no idea what they want."

And yeah, I agree with that!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Your perception is flawed and bias. Men in general and people in general aren't as simple as you are trying to portray.

People have all kinds of needs and wants and they can be bitchy about those needs and wants, when they want it and how they want it and if they don't get it then they start bitching and moaning causing annoyance to the other person.

[superdonkey]

I think it's because a lot of women don't have a father figure and they see a mother struggling on her own possibly going through a lot of bad relationships from what I understand it's generational learn to behavior Grandma to Mom Mom to daughter I find it interesting that they complain about not finding a good man yet they're always pregnant

[Wubs3000]

Man these comments...
I would say you are overgeneralizing by a long shot. You are one guy you can't speak for everyone.
Its impossible to know what goes through anyone's head. And everyone one, even guys are different and have different wants a needs.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

This here👏👏

[isoldeskywalker]

Well, judging by the amount of questions I’ve asked on here, I’d say that we were just made that way. I guess it’s the mystery we end up figuring out! Besides, it’s not like men know how to hold down women all the time, either… I suppose we have to just learn about each other more and try being more open and straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Most women only care about their own desires, needs and wants. This means they project and cannot place themselves in an other's shoe. Therefore why would they be able to understand a man?

Don't believe me? The next time you talk to a woman, note how much and how often she only talks about herself.

[N192K001]

Men & women see the world (and, hence behave) differently.

If your map, radar, strengths, vulnerabilities, experiences, threats, allies, protocols, priorities, objectives, etc. are all different, is it a wonder that they make sense of things by projecting what they do know to us (who are similarly different, and do the same)?

[Juxtapose]

It is funny how a lot of women will insist on projecting their overcomplicated thought processes when us men really are simple as you said.

I want a woman who can get my dick hard and make me have more fun than I do in my solitude. I want her to be loyal like a true friend and love me like I'm her dream.

[Whatever2929292]

Well number one not all men are the same and not all women are the same. We are also wired different in ways. Since they aren't men is why they don't understand us. I am sure women think the same thing sometimes.

But they can't read minds either

[hahahmm]

Most women aren't worth your time. And even a lot of the ones that are will only act right when with a guy who requires that & who she believes will be a good investment towards her life goals. Of course many love struck dudes & tons of women will say I'm full of sh&t.

[Apulu_Imback]

Both the genders are clueless about each other honestly. For us girls men are complex and for guys girls are complex.