Why do I have this obsessive need to be loved and obsessed by everyone? I want people to love/ care about me more than their kids?

[Anonymous]

And guys too i want them to be obsessed and in love with me

so since when i was young/kid i have always been cute and people used love me and treat me like a princess whoever it is strangers or relatives, as i am getting more older this need is still there but i am not receiving the same love and care i used to as a kid. And i know and understand everyone has their own thing and am not a kid am a complete adult, but this need is taking over me and am wanting to do anything just to make everyone be obsessed with me so i can leave them hanging. I have this need to break hearts and i have been doing it for a while even though i know its wrong i try not to do it but unconsciously i do it. Its like i have to do it once a year at least to satisfy myself. But i dont want to be like this, i hate feeling miserable and angry for something i dont even understand why. Can someone please help me understand why? And how do i stop?

[Chill_Thoughts]

First of all, that's shitty behaviour, I hope you know that.
You were educated poorly, there's a difference between being sweet to a child and making her so spoilt she feels the need for people to be obsessed about her.
You need to look inwards, if the main reason why you need people to do this is because you find your worth in it, then you need to learn and do things that give you purpose. Stuff like volunteering, cooking for others, for example, you need to learn to love yourself, do this and you won't care about how people feel about you much, because you don't need them to be happy. If you are happy with yourself but still feel this urge, then you must burst your bubble. You are not special. Everyone's life is exactly as complicated and self centered as yours. The people you leave hanging will often times feel relief after the initial heartbreak. I've met a couple and even dated a girl that thiked like you do and they are unbearable, if you don't stop you will end up pushing everyone you know away.

I'm not trying to be mean I'm just being real with you. Like it obviously bothers you so that's a good sign
Have a good one and good luck figuring stuff out 🙃

[Gent207-2]

Honestly you lost me at the part where you need to break hearts once a year. Why?

Suggesting your relationships don't last even if the guy was absolutely perfect for you?

This confession has elements of authenticity in the sense that you do recognize the wrongness of your behavior and the toxicity of your perciefed need. However there doesn't appear a desire to change and recognition of the need to change - in the abscence of a plan i. e., therapy, reading self-help books, volunteering etc.

One last question, why does your need only require all of them but not all of you?

[LaneHale42]

The wanting to be loved part is normal, and as a fellow "Cute child" I can relate to craving the attention I used to get from girls and all of my older sister's friends. Being regularly told that I was cute by women all the way up into my 20's was always a boost to my confidence. The other part about wanting to break hearts is a real problem that seems a bit sadistic. You have empathize more with others and understand that the pain you cause them is possibly even traumatizing to them. Breaking people's hearts to prove to feel that power over them is really terrible. If you recognize that it's bad then you need to grow up and change for the better. You can still get validation by looking good, but leading people on and then hurting them is unnecessary.

[In_Trance]

You're going to be disappointed