She Now Wants My Emotional Support, After Leaving Me Hanging For Another Man A Few Months Ago?

[Anonymous]

A while ago a woman approached me, pursued me, love- & sex- bombed me.

It was going great, very quick start, instant rapport.

She was rebounding, and struggling with depression.

Her ex, who wants her back, found out about me, threw a monkey wrench into the mix, by giving her a real tough time over her dating someone else.

She didn't communicate that she wanted emotional support, but, kept stringing me along, while becoming more resentful towards me for not showing up how she expected.

This was followed by her abruptly dropping me for another guy (*not* her ex), just 1 day after I respectfully let her know that I didn't like the way she was now treating me.

She posted to Facebook that he "saved her" from her depression, provided her the emotional support I was not yet giving.

While with the new guy, she was still trying to get my attention, with various Facebook posts which were about me.

For example, some were angry about my 'lack of caring', one trying to guilt trip me into the friendzone, and so forth.

Fast forward to a few months later, with very little contact between us, she is now turning to me to provide her emotional support again.

Clearly the replacement guy hasn't been able to keep up with how much emotional support she needs, otherwise she wouldn't be turning to me.

I do care about her, and it hurts to know that she's suffering while I could help her a bit.

However, she has disrespected and hurt me in multiple ways, and I'm not interested in being just friends.
Even giving her a second chance romantically would be questionable.

I let her know that I want to help her, but that it currently wouldn't be good for my own well being, and to shoot me a message if she becomes single again.

I'm now less sure of my decision in doing that.

I have two questions:
- Why is she looking to me for emotional support now, is it to use me or something more?
- Is there a way for me to actually help her, while not harming myself, and not friendzoning myself?

Updates

1 y

Some additional details.

I could sense something was up, but didn't know it was nearly this bad, and was waiting until the next time I saw her in person to talk, which was only going to be about a week after our last date.

It was far from obvious how much she was struggling, otherwise I would have offered a video call prior to that time.

Just 3 days prior to our next date, she was pumping it up a tonne, among other signs of interest. She flaked on that date the next day.

Updates

1 y

*she flaked two days afterwards, one day prior to the date

It took me several weeks to understand what went wrong, as there were other possible explanations. Her Facebook posts, and time, made it more clear.

[Pegases]

Love/sex bombing is actually very common behaivior for women that are rebounding. They do it to feel better, without any regard for you, or how it will make you feel. Further, it's actually proven that your response to it can be as addictive as some drugs, which is why it's hard to let go of even when you know she isn't any good for you. But, let it go. Women like that are broken, and there is no saving them, or reconciling with them. Those kinds of women rarely recover from the heartbreak that led them there, and they will only bring you down with them. She did you a favor by going back to her ex. Take it for what it is and move on bro. You're much better off without her.

[Anonymous]

You're the sidekick in the movie that is her life. You provide her what she needs when she needs it.

In her mind she cares about you but her needs will ALWAYS supercede yours, and that's not really love. You really only have 2 choices here. Be cool with how she is and what she does. Or drop her flat and remove yourself from her life completely. Hopefully she realizes what she lost. Odds are she won't she sounds pretty self absorbed. But if she does and comes back to you then you now have to dictate the terms. Your love, your effort comes with a price tag so to speak.

[Asker]

Thank you Anon 45+.

> In her mind she cares about you

Really?

I have a hard time figuring out what she wants of me, if it's genuine interest or just to use me.

> You really only have 2 choices here. Be cool with how she is and what she does.

So in the current circumstances, that would look like going along with being her shoulder to cry on?

That's less than ideal, and sounds like a fast track to friendzone if I'm not also her lover at the same time.

> You really only have 2 choices here. ... Or drop her flat and remove yourself from her life completely.

That's what I'm leaning towards, but it's a tough pill to swallow.

> Hopefully she realizes what she lost.

I've pretty much cleared up all of the misunderstandings now, provided she believes me.

So, she probably has a sense of that now, if she's willing to do some self-reflection.

> Odds are she won't she sounds pretty self absorbed.

There is that aspect though, which might make it difficult for her to see the bigger picture.

> But if she does and comes back to you then you now have to dictate the terms. Your love, your effort comes with a price tag so to speak.

Yup, agreed.

[Opinion Owner]

If it makes you feel any better most of us have been there my friend. It sucks! But in the long run it'll make you a stronger person. This will be a life lesson. And it teach you establish FIRM boundaries with women (or at least it did me). You can love a woman, and you can love her intensely. But not unless your need requirements are met. Good luck man! It gets better trust me.

[FilmGuy93]

My dude... why on Earth would you EVER take that girl back?

[Asker]

That's a question I've pondered for a while.

I know the answer, there are multiple layers to it.

[FilmGuy93]

As with so many other things in life, I'm sure there are probably elements that actually complicate the situation, and other elements that you complicate for yourself lol.

No shade though... I'm definitely guilty of the same things.

[Angryfrog]

Stay away or consider if you can make friends work, romantically your gonna get hurt.