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bubbly to everyone else but the minute they come into your vicinity they act like a different person. Reserved and uncomfortable. Standoffish even. Being civil only gets a few words out of them and then they leave the room. Companies encourage open honest conversations and want people to be social but it doesn't really happen. It's frustrating. We were working remote now we are back to three days a week as if nothing happened. Returning was under the guise as we work better when we see our coworkers regularly etc. When we get into the office though you hear a pin drop all day long.
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A woman doesn't need to be married to not like the presence of someone... And this sounds more specific to her and you, not "married women" in general.
I think you are reading it like if she is into you so that's the reason she avoids you (or that's what you hope, no reason to specify "married" otherwise), but chances are she doesn't like you in general as a person and is uncomfortable around your vibe for some reason. And those reasons can be many, from reasonable to completely stupid: she might think low of you for something you said or posted on social media, she might not like the negativity you express indirectly you are not aware of, maybe you seem weird and she doesn't know how to talk with you so she just avoids it, or she might think your metaphysic energies are corrupted by the wrong planet alignments and random bullshit of this sort. Lastly, yeah, there is the chance she avoids you because she is into you, but I think in that case you would have got early signs of interest first (positivity, openness, more smiles than usual etc), before she could even recognize her feelings, then a sudden drop out of her rational decision, if anything. Or maybe she is an extremely insecure person and goes silent any time a man looks a bit attractive (is she? If you expect more contact probably it means she isn't of this type).
Anyway, you can't know. Since you have no personal contacts with her and no inputs almost, it's difficult to understand the reason.
(And there is even a chance that you are biased about her being "bubbly" with selected people).
So, to find out, I think you need more data. You should try to interact with her in different circumstances, to at least exclude it's the circumstance itself to make her embarassed.
well she did like a photo of me and my wife together (we were attending a friend's wedding) before though. Not that that means shit though. She cared enough to scroll through like 30 some pictures and just like that particular one. I updated my profile picture and she didn't like it though she was online. See stuff like that makes me get self concious
And she has no problem touching my arm holding and dragging it slowly down my arm sitting and leaning next to me in a meeting. Yes we were in a group with some important people and it came my turn to offer my opinion. So I did and no sooner as I finished my sentence she piggybacked off of what I said 'excellent suggestion' at the same time placing her hand on my right shoulder and lingered and probably a good two seconds slowly ran down the course of my arm. It was that moment I suddenly felt different like OK what was that about. I felt like I blushed and nervous began looking around the room to see if anyone else noticed but they didn't they were paying attention to the speakers. I couldn't focus on the meeting after that
Well this detail means more, because at least we can exclude she is uncomfortable around you if she literally touches your shoulder and arm. And we can conclude that is the circumstance of being alone in the office makes her silent, while in a meeting she is more "bubbly" like you said.
However the fact she liked the picture with your wife could mean she is telling you:"Whatever I do, you know I am aware you are married and I won't cross that line". Or, instead, she could have liked that pic to hide the fact she likes you (like someone out of nowhere completely randomly going like:"I'm not gay anyway", because he is and is focused on not letting anyone notice, but that gives it away). Maybe she scrolled your profile to check if you were single indeed.
But that could be still random, maybe she is just expansive with anyone.
I think you should ask her what is she about if she does that again, when exposed she would probably stop completely. You are both married so you shouldn't indulge in this random sexual tension I think. You may motivate it like that, telling her you are married indeed and her physical inputs distract you from what you are doing and from your marriage.
Stroking your shoulder and arm is a bit too much for colleagues in a meeting I guess, I think you wouldn't do that with a male colleague and viceversa, unless the environment is not formal at all and mutual support is more than welcomed so that becomes very friendly...
Today I gave her a thank you card wishing her a happy new year and it had a 25 dollar gift card to her favorite restaurant
All she said through email was thank you for my card! I really appreciate it!
I meet meet her in the hallway about an hour later in passing. She doesn't mention anything at all about the card which is surprising. She had her hands full with a bag of food i guess for her lunch. I hold the door open and i again asked how she was doing today. She replies cheefully yet a little guarded all in a soft tone 'i am doing ok. Having a hard time getting it going this mornin' (we had been working from home week of Christmas) first day back. It was another kick me moment all i could say is chuckle and say yeah while holding the door open. I was paralyzed so nervous. Im certain she can tell something is up.
In the breakroom as I am everyday (and she knows this) she walks in while I'm in there talking to another person in there. She says is it lunch already? I don't know why I came in here. I guess I can wait a while to eat and come back later laughs waves and heads out the door.
I get back to my desk and I have a Skype message saying please stop by after you get back from lunch (no idea why) so I did. She was wondering if needed the entire day off because of other requests for the same day. Then blushes pupils got real big twists her head downward like a sideways typr look and smiles bearing all of her teeth crows feet and all. Says you know I'll let you have that day if you really want it, it's definitely ok with me! I'm not saying you can't have it... I think it was an excuse to have me in her office...
I know I probably turned all shades and thats aright with me, that lady is absolutely gorgeous sound body and mind.
Well I think I shouldn't help further here, I don't want to contribute in cheating in any way. If you are into her I'd rather suggest to solve the relationship with your wife, understanding and cooperating in the problems and lacks of your marriage rather than destroying it.
She has no idea there is anything at all going on. Is all of this reeeally cheating after all?
You are sounding jealous if I interpret what you are saying in your reply.
Me jealous? Of who? I don't even know any of you both... Jealous of people flirting in an office? I don't... get it?
Thing is if your goal is not to stop this flirt but to see where it goes, you have intentions that go towards cheating, so I won't continue helping you in this interpretation and steps day by day. I find cheating immoral unless there are situations of violence going on, so... Well, good luck
Goodness. I didn't mean to upset you. What it is worth... I did consider you a friend. You're advice is appreciated. I'm a little nervous as Well I'm unfollowed on social media and when there is any work related stuff it's to the point. She doesn't even tell me to enjoy my time off anymore when I send my email out to everyone. Conversation is awkward now.
i wish i knew what i did wrong. its driving me nuts. She liked one post on Christmas Eve and nothing else since then. she's been on the website often and interacting with
everyone else. except me and my posts. I guess it doesn't help that i have my settings where only she can see them. they are nothing bad. just stuff i want her know about me. That i can't dare let anyone else know that im even communicating with this woman. A long time ago i went on and turned off my post settings for all of my friends except her. So nobody sees anything I post and i only leave interactions up long enough for her to respond. posting only select times when she's active online. I screenshot and delete keep them in a hidden folder on my phone.
i guess she's pissed or doesn't know how to respond? She still interacts with me at work though, so not all is lost. Just a little more guarded and when i see her now her whole face has a flushed red look to it. not like before.
Review time is coming up when we have one on one meetings. If she brings it up, im pouring my heart out. Im not getting any younger and i dont want to always wonder what if the rest of my life!
I lost my dad last year and if its anything i learned is just do it. We are never promised tomorrow.
I think she would love the brutal honesty. Someone to be direct and tell her that i sit up thinking about her sometimes at night tossing and turning wondering if she does the same. Or how the feeling is deep as sometimes I dont feel like eating at times and a having a moping feeling around the house. feeling sick or something. its hard to explain. I try not to let anyone see me like that.
so many nights @quaranta i lay awake and cry myself in prayer to sleep. wondering when the next chapter may begin and how in the world will it all happen. I dont want to hurt anyone either but i feel like something is calling me and i dont feel like i will be at peace until that happens. been feeling this way since around 2018. I thought by being away for 2 years remotely would be time away i can let the feelings subside. Weve been back to the office and slowly and surely the feeling came back and you see where how far its got now.
I don't know, I said already anything I could say. You may talk with your wife to understand what is not working in your marriage before deciding to indulge in cheating on her with this woman... Is your marriage not enough? Have you lost interest in your wife? Did she disappoint you? Did you disappoint her? All issues and more you should sort out with her, not with your colleague. The fact you are attracted to your colleague and you are not doing anything against that is possibly a signal you should fix your marriage because something is clearly not working, but of course, you can destroy it as well instead like many couples do, just take a big responsibility over it especially if there are kids in the middle, and don't have sex with your wife anymore in case you have unprotected sex with your colleague because that is beyond disrespectful (not just betrayed but even put at health risk without knowing, that would be exaggerated).
I don't support cheating, I support responsibility in ending, or fixing, a marriage. I won't help you flirting with your colleague... Open another thread here on the website if you want help with cheating, maybe someone supports that.
I see.. well you offer helpful advice. Im not sure what's going on. Honestly. I think it all stems from some guys I knew back in the day had trouble getting women. They used all the techniques and didn't have success but I stayed humble and didn't act like these guys and was successful. They were like Damm man how do you do it? You certainly can pull some women what's your secret. Ever since I'm always testing what I did to obtain this just to see if I still got it. It worked once it its possible it will always work...
Update. I walked into the breakroom and she was heating her food. I sat my bag down and went to get my food out of the refrigerator to get ready to cook.
I hadn't even got my food out of the fridge and she had already started a conversation. She says hey how are you? I was kinda caught off guard based off recent interactions. Hey I'm good, you?
I'm fine warning up my food. I made some Jambalaya last night and brought leftovers. I was like oh really. I've never had that before. Yeah it's really good you ought to try it sometime. I said well I brought this microwave dinner full of salt but tastes good. She couldnt quite hear what i said due to both microwaves running. She got in my personal space within about maybe two feet and listened intently. I repeated, She laughed and said they are good but there too much salt for me.
Then it was like this awkward look between us for like ten seconds and we both kinda lookong down at the floor.
Then I asked her if she had done interesting over the past weekend. She responded actually I did.
I went to a Charlotte Hornets game over the weekend and it was actually the first time ever going to an actual NBA game.
And let me tell you, its awfully loud, music the whole time, yeah went there with husband and son. I just went just to go. I didn't really care for it not my thing but they were excited but was like can we turn down music?
By that time she grabs her lunch and lingers describing more of the game and leaves and says enjoy your lunch! See ya later! 😊
Normalize not wanting to speak to everyone.
I'm not sure I mentioned I am a person whose entire life was shy and avoided people not speaking to anyone. I suddenly realize I shouldn't be like that. Over the course of covid and coming back (sort of like a reboot) I have reinvented myself and are no longer afraid of what people think or say. I guess that's off putting maybe?
Accused of flirting. Nothing personal.
so there is some flirting going on? Which way me towards her or the other way around?
She's waiting you to lead and gently ask her out to anywhere but a bar. And slowly build trust before even mentioning Sex.
I'm trying... but I don't wanna push to hard.
Alright... you are there and know the Vibe much better than I ever could !!
She seems all business man. I can't seem to break her away from the office. 30 mins in a empty conference room could do us both wonders.. all I'm saying.
Alright. hope you figure it out.
Well I'm unfollowed on social media and when there is any work related stuff it's to the point. She doesn't even tell me to enjoy my time off anymore when I send my email out to everyone. Conversation is awkward now.
I seen her today when she walks in the room now her entire face appears flushed red when she sees me now. Anytime I may add. Very quiet feels like she's mad at me. But she does start conversations but I reply how are you back and it's like I'm doing good. Good. I don't know hard to explain. I have a Pic of this interaction actually if you wanna see the screen grabs see how she looks in my presence on different days.
I would be simply ask and close the transaction one way or the other. My general personality can't guess but for so long.
She seems so standoffish... I think I will face the music and just March in there and ask her right in her office in lunch break. Ask if either if us wasn't married would she ever consider someone like me? Wait for a response then get up and leave probably having a panic attack all the way back to my desk. Wishing I didn't but I'm tired of this day to day wondering. At least I'll know.
Alright. Good luck…,