Girls, I want to understand my wife... why does she feel like I have to say something before she can do something as simple as cuddle with me?

[Tx5969]

Ok... I love my wife, but I need to understand something and I hope all the women on here and can give me some insight.
This is about something so simple but honestly it can become very frustrating when it happens a lot.
Me and my wife will be watching a movie and her favorite thing to do is lay her head in my lap ( she usually falls asleep) sometimes, she will be sitting up and won’t lay down. I will eventually say something because I want her to be closer and she will always say, well I didn’t know if you wanted me to cuddle... why does she feel like she can’t just lay down and be close? We are married, she should never have to ask. I am young but have had a lot of injuries, so there are times I have to ask her to get up for a min, but I always stick it out as long as I can because I know it’s important to her.
She just brought up this morning how she tried to cuddle yesterday morning, all she did was push her butt up against me, I can’t lay on my side do to an injury I got while In the military. Also we just had a baby and so I have been sleep horribly and working a full time job.

So my mind has not been the best lately, so I didn’t pick up on her “hint”
I just want to understand why she doesn’t feel like she can’t just turn over in bed and cuddle...

[Tish94]

Full and open communication what @aWes0MeNeSs has said is true

1. My ex hated physical contact where one of my "love languages" is just that I feel loved when you reach out and want to have some form of physical contact.

2. I have been sexually assaulted in my life so its a thing where if you turn it down once I won't do it again unless its explained to me and reassured that its okay and you might have just had a bad day or in your case your injuries where acting up.

3. Verbalized communication is not something im good at when asking for something. So its usually something silly and my partner have stared paying attention to see if I give him what I had to tell him is my hint. Aka the butt push or the foot looking for your foot approach. If you can fold her into your arms just literally go hey baby come curl into me so I can hold you.

And then the other 2 ladies is also correct in she might be scared of hurting you

Maybe do a love language test with her for fun so you can se how she shows or receive love and communication

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Have you asked her about this?

There could be a possibility that she was in a past relationship with a guy who didn't like physical affection or wanted it only with his permission or something. Also, this may be reaching out on a limb, but some sexual assault victims may feel they need your consent first.

However, she should at least be vocal about it and not expect you to pick up on hints.

[Tx5969]

Well I am the first guy she has ever been with

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Oh, maybe for some reason she initially thought she needed to make sure you wanted it first?

[Tx5969]

Maybe... I feel like it has something to do with how her dad was so controlling... that maybe she thinks that’s normal and expects me to be that way even though I’m not

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Probably so. I think you should talk with her about it and let her know that you won't be upset if she wants to cuddle with you.

[MissDawn7961]

since you just had a baby ( and that is wonderful ) then you should ask each other - do you want to cuddle and please me honest - and if both of you want to then do so but if only one wants to , then do not cuddle ! for cuddling is a sweet and loving thing to do with your spouse and baby but if someone does not feel good , then save the cuddling for another time when all feel better and want to do it ! Thanks

[BlueGoddess]

The injuries you mentioned might be an indicator. She might be worried she will hurt you.

Also, some women may feel a little lost after having a baby, I know my friend did. She wasn't sure what her partner was thinking and it played on her mind.

Communication is key and so essential. Speak to her, tell her how you like when she cuddles up to you. Maybe instead of waiting for her to cuddle, ask her for a cuddle and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I think she just doesn’t want to hurt you but communicating with each other should help. You tell her you love her affection and cuddles and to not be afraid to do it. Also mention you didn’t pick up on her hint so next time maybe just verbalize it so you’ll welcome her with open arms to cuddle. You guys could even have a “cuddle word” so you’ll know when she wants to snuggle up to you. I hope that helps.

[Tx5969]

Thank you for that, that is very helpful

[devilish-cutie]

Beacuse she is afraid she will hurt you due to your injuries
You should openly tqlk to her that youd prefer her to do it and you will tell her if you can't handle it

[Tx5969]

Thank you for that... I have tried that to an extent... but will definitely work on communicating that more.

[devilish-cutie]

Open communication is always the key