Why does my friend NEVER think she's in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Why does she never seem to think she's done something wrong?

Every time my friend does something (like speak behind people's backs) she lies and says she never did it and plays the victim. She was caught out doing something EXTREMELY rude and mean to her boyfriend's friend. The boyfriend's friend confronted her about it, and it turned into a screaming match where my friend again played the victim, called him a "liar" and said she never did anything wrong. She has banned me and her boyfriend from speaking to the friend now.

Anyone who goes against her, is horrible in her world. never her. Why is she never wrong about anything and never says sorry?

[ManofHistory]

I am not an expert, but some of my family does it. It is probably because she has a hard time seeing things from other peoples point of view. This means that she does see herself as the victim every time there is an argument.

She may not remember being wrong or, like a lot of people, she might manipulate things in her mind to always be right.

[Asker]

Thanks. I don't think she doesn't remember though, I think she knows she's lying. I just don't get how she can always think of herself as innocent when she KNOWS what she did.

[ManofHistory]

I agree with you. I think most likely her subconscious is changing what she said, in her own mind, to better fit with the newly discovered truth.

[Asker]

Yeah totally, I think it's probably a defence mechanism that kicks in. It's hard to deal with though, because she owes lots of people apologies which they will never get.

[Username28]

I’m her eyes, she probably truly believes she’s always right and is a victim. Honestly, she’s gunnu try it with the wrong person one day and her world will be turned upside down.

[Asker]

But I don't get how, though? She KNOWS she actually did all of those things, I was there, so she knows she's lying when she says she didn't do it and they are wrongfully accusing her. I just don't understand.

[Username28]

It’s narcissism. They can know they did certain things but convince themselves that they are always right or the victim. If she’s actually a narcissist she won’t be able to entertain the idea of being a narcissist.

A “normal” person can reflect on the idea but an actual narcissist can’t.

[Username28]

Everyone has some narcissistic tendencies but not everyone is actually a narcissist.

[Asker]

Thank you. I did think she might have narc tendencies or is just really stubborn, but I wasn't sure. It's not really worth being friends with someone like that I feel, because if you fall out with them they will blame you.