What does this girl want?

[Anonymous]

Half a year ago I met her and we had an instant connection. Started messaging every day, went out a couple times, flirted and had a good time. Then suddenly everything changed, the girl became cold and almost unresponsive. I instantly pulled away in order to give her space. Few months went by. She messaged me a couple of times but nothing special. One day I asked her if she’d like to meet up, to which she agreed, but said that wants to keep things platonic because she can’t commit to anything serious atm. I must admit, the girl was very busy, and in a way that excuse was justifiable.
Few more months passed, I never initiated contact and was trying to get over her. Then out of the blue she texts me saying if she can call me. The girl said that she has a project that she wants to work on with me and wants to meet up for “coffee” to talk. Since then she’s been very active, messages me almost every day, asked me how my exams were going, trying to support me etc…

Boys and girls, from your point of view, what does all this mean? Has she changed her mind?

[mobiusforniner]

I dated a girl like this. Bottom line, she is broken inside. She puts up a wall to prevent herself from being hurt. And good luck trying to get her to open up because, if she's anything the same, she keeps conversations focused on small talk and nothing meaningful. She may actually really like you, but as soon as you get frustrated or confused by her behaviors, she will write you off as not being worth her time.

Mine would ghost me at random times and then "check in" later, sometimes asking for little favors that didn't serve any purpose other than to keep me interested. Its her way of keeping you at bay without losing you.

Dating this type of woman will involve lots of work and patience.

In the end, I left.

[Asker]

Man that sucks. In a way I believe that is exactly what is happening. As soon as we got intimate she pulled away the next day. Feels as if she’s scared to take things further. But it’s hurting me more than ever. Should I talk to her about what’s happening? I’ve messaged her about meeting up and she still hasn’t replied.

[mobiusforniner]

Dont force her into talking about it. She will shut down even more. It also shows you place priority on your feelings over hers. I know that sounds stupid, but thats what she will infer.

Is she Asian or indian? My experience these women tend to behave this way. They grow up in unaffectionate households with high pressure on their career or schooling and usually marry within their culture. They are also terrible at expressing how they feel and put a lot of onus on you to figure it out.

Your attempts to confront the situation will cause her to withdraw.

[Asker]

Yeah I get what you mean. No she’s white. The girl replied a few hours ago saying maybe meet up this week when she’s free. Honestly my brain is going crazy because there is absolutely no logical explanation to her actions.

[mobiusforniner]

Yes, there is. If she cannot talk to you about what she feels, she is likely emotionally supressed. Im willing to bet she grew up in a troubled household or had past bad relationship experiences that cause her a lot of hurt.

As others say, dont go for her if you're aiming for pussy because you're not likely to get it. This girl requires you win her heart and that won't come easy if she won't allow you in.

[Asker]

At this stage I’m more interested in mending our relationship and not sex. I remember her mentioning That her Ex cheating on her with another guy and always questioned me if I was 100% straight. Tho the girl said she was teasing me, I believe there might be a deeper meaning behind it. Apparently we are meant to meet up this week, no mentioned time yet. Should I treat it as a new start or talk try and talk about what happened and how u feel about it? Don’t wonna scare her off. by the way thank you for all your support, appreciate it bro

[mobiusforniner]

Dont mention her behaviors. She knows what she is doing. All this does is put your priorities above hers, which is a turn off. Instead, try listening. Ask her questions about things that she enjoyed most as a little girl. And when it comes to her birthday or holiday, buy her something that evokes those happy memories. Thats the way into this type of girls heart. It takes time and a lot of work. The fact you're not looking for sex means your hearts in the right place. Go slow and earn her love vice trying to win it.

And you're welcome. I've been around the dating block many times. Been hurt many times. At least i can share thise experiences in a way to help others.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You're the backup/back burner guy. Her main relationship might not be a dude and is her career or her studies, but it's still the same thing. She's just keeping you there for when she wants to use you to put it simply.

My advice... get busy with something of your own so that her with a sudden need for attention is too much to ask and you can ignore her back.

I forget what we call these chicks... emotional vampires, looking for dudes to be emotional tampons. Not sure what to call it, but I think you get the idea.

[Asker]

Honestly the last few months have been complete hell. I’ve started working out intensely, focusing on myself. Should I just cut her off?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'd say yeah... she's not guaranteed pussy and it sounds like she just calls you up when she wants attention. That's a waste of your time and effort unless she's like this outrageously hawt girl that you really want to fuck which makes it worth being a "try-hard". You're working out which is good and my guess is after 6 months of that you'll be able to pull girls her level and above just by being nice to them... shit, think about it... even this girl that is just using you for attention will hop right on your dick once you're ripped enough.

So on second thought... don't just cut her off... let the lines of communication be open, but don't invest in it either... I'd say cut off any heavy investment of time + energy into the texting/calling or whatever and just keep focusing on you. Once you're at a certain level of physical fitness she won't give a shit if you care about her stupid mother fucking problems... she'll just want your dick inside her. Stright up, that's just how women are.

[Anonymous]

She's stringing you along.. You are always available when she's bored, or has no one else to hang out with.

She seems to contact you when she wants something, then disappears when she finds something or someone else to entertain her.

[TheNameDoesntMatter]

I believe she’s just busy with life you know as usual we have our own personal things to deal with, she maybe did it do have something to look forward to and maybe or not be ready for something else

[RavVid]

It seems hard to tell. If you are doing exams don't let her distract you though and wait till after they are over before getting involved again. She might have changed her mind and might keep changing it. When you do meet you should ask about this.

[Vegasrunner]

It means you're weak. She knows u don't have anything else going and she can get attention from u whenever she needs it. What was the nature of "the project" she had to work on?

[Asker]

She would like me to help her represent a company to underprivileged people at schools and collages

[Asker]

What should I do, in your opinion. Is there a chance of getting things back to how they were?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker thats a noble project. What's in it for you?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker There' nothing to "do" This is a mistake most young guys make. It does not matter how much u like this girl it only matters HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU. I know it's hard to hear but she doesn't feel anything for you. If you're working on this project because u generally care about the cause that's one thing if you're doing it just to get close to her then you're making a mistake and you're going to get embarrassed in the process.

[SnowedIn]

Sounds like she enjoys you as a friend -- when she's not involved somewhere else. So, no, she hasn't changed her mind.

[PhantomMenace22]

I don't think so, she probably sees you just as a friend/professionally

[magiusX26]

she wants attention. i very well could be wrong here, but i suspect she is expecting you to just linger on waiting for her.

[In_Trance]

You're wasting your time

[Asker]

Is she playing me or? Can you be a bit more specific please?

[pacman97]

She is a weirdo

[Anonymous]

She’s weird