Am I in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

My technical lead, someone that answers our questions, does not like me. She's always trying to nitpick or be rude to me. Anyways, last night I felt like I had enough of her so I snapped back at one of her emails. Long story short, she sent me and Ccd my boss talking about me not being at the building on my in office day and that it disturbs the work schedule and something along the lines of her saying I had told her I telework 3 days a week 😂😂. So, I reply back with... During our unit meeting we were told we could telework if we weren't feeling well and that we can make that day up in office (I attached a snippet of that meeting memo). I also sent her a snippet of me informing her multiple times stating I only telework 2 days and not the 3 she was claiming I had told her. I also attached snippets of emails of me asking her a day before hand what are our work responsibilities so I can adjust myself to those tasks. Anyways, the list goes on.

[abc3643]

Being in the right or the wrong is irrelevant.
You are in a situation with bad chemistry - just like a bad relationship.
So, ultimately, there will be a "break-up" and one of you is going to leave - either the company or be rotated into a different group so you two do not interact.

A lot depends on what the manager for both of you is like. A wishy-washy manager will let the tech lead or other A-type person run over them. They just "oil the squeaky wheel" because they just want this interpersonal squabbling to end. However, some managers are stronger and will get to the bottom of this and rule.

However, since she is the tech lead, she likely has more experience, seniority, and is more valuable to the company. So, I don't want you to get afraid, but I suspect that your days at this company will end. Maybe not soon, but start looking for a new job soon.

Remember this from "The Godfather: Part II"
"Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer."
In other words, keep your eyes and ears open to what she says or does. She may manipulate the situation to remove you. Consider working from the office; "out of sight = out of mind" and, if you are not there to protect yourself and do nonverbal communication, you are behind the 8-ball.

But, again, start looking for a new job.

[Asker]

You're right. I think it's for the best if I start showing up Monday through Friday to the building just so I can stay in the loop in regards to whatever intentions she may have. I'll also be emailing upper management to let them know what going on and I'll be attaching proof to those emails. Regardless, I'm going to start looking for a new job. I like my job but the pay after tax isn't worth this back and forth.

[abc3643]

If your organization has an HR department, talk to management about the issue but also consider (and mention to management that you are considering) talking to HR about this.

[Asker]

So, we're federal and we don't have an hr department... we do but they only do hiring. Our chain of commands usually go as follows... my manager, his department manager and then program manager. I emailed the program manager and I've attached the necessary screenshots where her behavior towards me has been anything but professional and also the screenshots were the meeting minutes indicate we can make those days up and to conclude the ones where I'm constantly asking her what I will work the next day just to know ahead of time and informing her that my telework days are Tuesday and Wednesday- not the 3 days she lies saying I told her. Ideally, I'd like to be placed in a different team and I told the program manager in which team. If he denies it or fails to reply then there's not much more I can do because our union is equally as useless because they keep promising me that I'll get moved but they never follow up. As for my boss, he's been knowing that my lead and I don't get along but he never does anything to put an end to it. If anything, I think she brain washes him too making think I'm a horrible employee when in reality I'm the opposite but... in the past I have sent him an email about bumping heads with her just so he'd know but I don't think he cares. If he cared, the lead would've stayed in her lane.

[abc3643]

That's the example of the wishy-washy manager I was talking about earlier.

[Asker]

Yup, he’s definitely a wishywashy manager. I had a talk with him today and it went exactly like I thought… he admits her behavior is overstepping boundaries but he refuses to back her off. He’s beating around the bush and allowing her to think it’s okay. Needles to say that I am exhausted. I’m going to just stay away completely and close everyone off until I find a new job. I don’t get paid enough to be dealing with childish behavior.

[abc3643]

Keep in mind this old adage:
The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

You may be in a less-than-ideal situation, but there is no guarantee that you won't have a similar situation in the next job...

I am not advocating you keep your existing job or move on.

I bring this up because, sometimes with an unpleasant situation, it is better to wait until things change (or do what you can within the situation) or simply to adapt to the reality you face then it is to "throw it all away" and risk the possibility of a worse situation. Then again, without that risk, you might not ever be in a better situation. This is one reason people start their own businesses and become their own boss - to not have to deal with bullshit like you are going through and to have better control of their situations and destiny.

[Asker]

I've thought about that too but I can't help but feel like I'm on the losing end right now and it'll eventually lead to me quitting, getting fired or not advancing. At the end of the day she is my lead and I'm supposed to be able to rely on her for whatever questions I may have but I can't do that right now and I doubt I will ever be. It's awkward for me and for her. I don't want to work in that type of environment.