If a woman mistakenly thinks a man is hitting on her (and he’s not) is there anything a man can do to resolve it? Does it speaking up make it worse?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this happen a few times. It really sucks.

I’m a friendly guy but over the years I stopped approaching women I don’t feel attracted to initiate conversation unless they talk to me first or it’s a pressing question I need to ask.

But is straight up saying “hey don’t get the wrong idea” help at all?

[_Maya_]

I never make that assumption unless it is glaringly obvious. Like the guys that hit on me when I am bartending. They have a way of being really obvious. If a guy just tries to start a conversation and is being friendly I don't make that assumption at all. Not sure what you could say in those situations because I've never had it happen. People shouldn't assume everyone approaches just to hit on someone. As a bartender I see people approach people all the time just to be friendly.

[Asker]

You might be that way but many other women aren’t. Also you interact with a lot of guys with your job. You see lots of behaviors, mannerisms and comments of course that hint if a guy is interested or not.

But not all women interact with lots of guys all the time.

Anyway I’ve been unfairly labeled something I’m not before when just talking to women (especially if they don’t find me attractive). But I usually let it roll off my shoulders. But sometimes it’s extremely unfair. Wonder if saying anything makes a difference or not.

[_Maya_]

I don't know what you say. Saying by the way I want you to know I am just being friendly and not hitting on you... they are going to either be like yeah right or that's weird to say.

[Asker]

I can usually tell if a woman has the wrong idea just in her body language. I usually cut the conversation short and walk away. But it does piss me off a bit. I feel like flat out saying “hey I’m not hitting on you” will do some weird reverse psychology and make it worse.

I’ve had woman approach me before (that I didn’t find attractive) when I was unsure of their intentions. But I don’t assume the worst off the bat.

[_Maya_]

You're a lot like me. No assumptions in the beginning. The way to go. I agree that saying that is going to be weird or they will be like suuuure you aren't.

[marrk]

Would you feel comfortable wearing a fake wedding ring around or slipping in a fake girlfriend into the conversation?

[Asker]

Well if there so happens to be another woman in vicinity that I do like then that could be problem.

This doesn’t happen all the time and it’s often unpredictable when it does happen. But I don’t always assume the worst when a woman I don’t find attractive starts talking to me. If I’m unsure I chalk it up as her being friendly. But from my experience women usually are quick to judge especially if it’s a guy they don’t find attractive.

[marrk]

Yeah sorry bud 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

I would Stat talking about your wife (even if you're not married she don't know that). If you start talking about your wife and she still is showing interest does it really matter whether she thinks you're hitting on her? I mean at that point you know she's a terrible person and I wouldn't care what she thought from that point on. It's not your job to straighten her out.

[LiamJHayden]

Maybe, but I do not see the point. Some people think simple courtesy is a flirt. I am not changing who I am because some random person makes assumptions.

[BunBun369]

Just tell em you're gay 🤣🤣🤣🤣 an keep it pushing. I don't know it won't hurt their feelings

[Asker]

I had a friend who was rather “friendly” yet very assertive (Aggressive) when approaching girls.

He was short, a bit chubby but very fast on his feet and confident/funny. He would use the “oh but I’m gay” get out of jail free card.

But I’m tall and athletic. Not a smart ass like him either. But that “oh I’m gay” excuse wouldn’t fly over very well lol.

Anyway women are saying “oh I have the same problem” here but it’s not apples to apples. A guy being approached by a woman he doesn’t find attractive will feel uncomfortable at worst. Women in the otherhand can feel “threatened”.

[BunBun369]

It's a double standard

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I’m a friendly woman and I have the same problem. Sometimes speaking up makes it worse.

[Asker]

You might make someone uncomfortable at worst. But women can feel “threatened” by men doing this despite his intentions. That doesn’t happen often but when it does it really sucks for the guy. Extremely unfair.

[inhua]

no because it's her word over yours

[Cherkez]

Be direct