How come girls say they only want friends and are never looking for a relationship?

[chris_987]

Most single girls never say they're looking for a relationship. It's just something I've noticed. They always say something like I'm looking for a friend. So why don't they want to seem like they are available for a relationship?

My thought process is girls think it looks desperate to beg for a relationship. But what ends up happening is the guy that they actually like. See that she's not committed to anything and sleeps with her and now all of a sudden she's ready for a relationship.

But she hasn't realized she played herself by not being open to one in the first place. Because if she was she would only attract serious guys that are looking for the same thing.

[SamA_nold]

Because if I say I’m only looking for friends, I’m only looking for platonic, non-romantic/sexual friendships. I could have a number of reasons I don’t currently want a relationship.

[chris_987]

So when you're in relationship in the past was it because you're actually looking for one?

[SamA_nold]

Yes. I wanted a relationship then

[chris_987]

And how did you demonstrate that you wanted one which is different from how your acting now

[SamA_nold]

This magical thing called “words”

If I’m looking for a relationship, I’ll say, “I’m interested in a relationship”

If I’m not looking for anything other than friends, I’ll say, “I’m not looking for anything other than friends”

[chris_987]

So let's do a hypothetical let's say you meet a guy who you're interested in a relationship with. But you're in your. I don't want a relationship mood.

What are the tangible reasons why you would not want a relationship with somebody you actually like.

[ItsChloe1999]

It’s a defence mechanism. We want to be friends before starting a relationship so we don’t get hurt by dudes that turn out to be creeps or cheaters.

[chris_987]

But that sounds like it would do the opposite. If you run around telling guys that you're not looking for a relationship then you're only going to attract the men that don't want commitment.

Seems like girls aren't logical in anything they do

[ItsChloe1999]

And your completely right, that does happen but we get wet for bad boys.

[chris_987]

So women probably shouldn't make decisions about there love life because then on criminals only get rewarded with sex. And that leads to a rough society.

[ItsChloe1999]

We’re not talking major criminals. Only guys who street race illegally and guys who provide us with a thrill.

[chris_987]

Naww guys who kill women have groupies

[Anonymous]

Because I don’t want a relationship right now. I’m focusing on myself and my career as well as working towards my goals. I’m just not ready to have to bring another person into all of that.

[chris_987]

You're missing the point. Most girls want us. If they're ready for a relationship will say no, but girls getting to relationship more often than guys do which tells me not only do you not know what you want but you're not living life in any logical manner.

In the past when you got a relationship, did you say to yourself I am ready for a relationship and you went out looking for one? No you met a guy and you like them enough to see where things went. So saying you're not looking for relationship means nothing when you've never actually look for relationship because it's not a woman's job to do that.

[Opinion Owner]

No, because I have never been in a relationship and I don’t want to be in one.

[chris_987]

So from the moment you were born till now you remained a virgin?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep exactly

[chris_987]

And you don't plan on ever getting into a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Not anytime soon at least. Maybe somewhere down the line, but right now I’m too career focused.

[chris_987]

So there is a hypothetical timeline where in which you have your career established and you reached the level that you want. Meanwhile there are guys asking to be in a relationship while you're telling them no, some of these Men are guys you're really attracted to. But still you turn them down and then when you reach the apex of your career, all of a sudden you think in your mind you will make the switch that you are now ready for a relationship. So all the times that you denied yourself, pleasure or even your basic human urge to be turned on by a guy with all of a sudden your gonna act on that?

Now you're a smart girl. Dont do you think that past behavior dictates future behavior? Like if you 've lived in asexual life, how are you all of a sudden going to become a sexual person?

[Opinion Owner]

I guess I will just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I know for fact that I don’t want to sleep with just anyone though. I don’t tend to feel sexual attraction for random guys, I feel like once I get to know a guy, establish that trust and begin a relationship then it’ll happen. But like I said that’s in the distant future for me, I want goals I want to focus on first. Who knows though, maybe I will meet someone in the line of work I’m involved in. I feel like dating outside of it will cause issues.

[Opinion Owner]

*I have goals

[chris_987]

But you do see how none of that has anything to do with you not wanting a relationship because of your career.

That's why it's so frustrating to hear. A girl said they don't want a relationship when what they're really saying is I don't want a relationship with a random stranger news flash. Nobody hooks up with people they don't know for the most part. That's not how life works.

You meet a person and your brain and chemical reactions like dopamine and oxytocin determines how attached you become to another human being. Not the mere fact that you are chasing a career. Because as you know sometimes out of the blue you randomly get horny and you can't just turn that off. So I always laugh when girls say they're not looking for relationship as if they're not led by their urges in life. And one of those urges is to bond with another human being or else you would literally go insane.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I mean I’ve managed 25 years without acting on any urges so it’s perfectly possible.

[chris_987]

But my point still stands. People who are asexual in nature don't normally make good long-term sexual partners. Cuz think about it if you're not attracted to men in a sexual way. Why on earth do you think you'll have a long lasting Relationship with somebody if you haven't practiced those habits. What's most likely to happen is you end up in a sexless marriage and you'll be confused as to why?

Yeah you're not going to basically wake up one day and be attracted to your husband in a sexual way every day if you were never like that before.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re not understanding my point. I do not experience sexual attraction to strangers. Have I experienced sexual attraction to guys who are not strangers? Yes. Have I decided to act on it? No. I have to get to know a guy for that attraction to develop.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t need to ‘practice’ those habits at all.

[chris_987]

And what do you consider a sexual attraction? You are with a guy that you know and what made you attracted to him. Because clearly you're only friends at this point since you would never accept a date because that would hint that you want a relationship. So how is it possible that your friends with guys that your sexually attracted to?

[Opinion Owner]

Easy…like you just said…they are friends. Well they’re my step brothers friends but I know them well enough. You don’t have to be in a relationship to experience sexual attraction, my point is that I’m choosing not to act on any of it until I’m in a relationship with someone I trust and love. And that’s something that I do not want right now.

[chris_987]

No, but your habits dictate your life. That's my point. If you don't have a habit of wanting to actually have sex with a guy. When you eventually get into a relationship, the sex will die down and you're going to end up confused as to why you don't feel the need to sleep with a guy you apparently like. Remember what you said at the beginning you've waited 25 years without having sex with somebody and I commend you for that. But if you're a girl that just sees sex as a chore and something you don't really need in life, then guess what. You're going to rationalize it the same way you do now. You're going to tell your boyfriend that it's not really that important and he shouldn't be thinking about sex all the time. Because as you said before sexually isn't that important to you.

So if I were you I would try to find a guy that has the same mindset. Who hasn't had sex before because he never thought it was that important. Anyways, that's the only way you can actually have a successful relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

I definitely won’t be doing that. I don’t see it as a chore at all, I see it as something valuable and special and something I only want to do with the man that I love.

[chris_987]

But my question to you is there are plenty of people who are married and are in sexless marriages. How do you think they ended up like that?

[Opinion Owner]

They don’t experience sexual attraction?

[chris_987]

Exactly and guess what those women believed they were going to be attracted to their husbands for a long time. Exactly like how you believe you will switch on your lust even though you've never acted on it before

[Opinion Owner]

I have experienced sexual attraction and lust. I already told you that. Pls stop trying to pressure me into having sex lmao

[chris_987]

Lol I'm not pressuring you into have a sex dafuq. I'm just saying that you think exactly like how other girls think.

I really don't care what you do with your sex life. I just find it funny that girls think they can turn on or turn off their attraction to somebody. Throughout all of human history, that's not how any of that worked

[Opinion Owner]

When and where did I say I can turn it on or off. I said I have experienced sexual attraction, I just haven’t acted upon it because I’m not ready to. When the time is right and with the right person, then I will. That’s it.

[chris_987]

But you have more experience not acting upon it then actually acting up on it. So past habits dictate future once as I said before and when it comes time to please you husband for the rest of your life, You're going to be less enthusiastic about it. Trust me

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe that’s how you feel. But that’s not how I feel.

[chris_987]

If there was two girls both virgins but one was sexual and she masturbates regularly and wants to be in a relationship vs a girl who doesn't really care about sex or relationship she's just focusing on her career. Who do you think will have a healthy sexual relationship with a man?

[Opinion Owner]

Sir, the second one would not be getting into a relationship if she doesn’t want one. Why are you unnecessarily over complicating it?

[Opinion Owner]

You’re missing the whole point.

[Opinion Owner]

And like I said, with job I have it’s not reasonable for me to be in a relationship right now. And I’d prefer to meet someone in the same career as me.

[chris_987]

Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you guys end up breaking up and you're going to have to switch jobs

[Opinion Owner]

Not really. I’m an actor lmao.

[chris_987]

An actor that's a virgin. Now I know you're lying. You work in Hollywood?

[Opinion Owner]

You don’t have to have sex to be an actor wtf 😂 and no, I work in the UK.

[chris_987]

Okay, I kind of believe you if you're from the UK because the acting scene isn't as bad as the American one. So when you talk about focusing on your career as an actor, are you saying that you want to be in big movies or just a regular TV show?

[Opinion Owner]

I want to be booking roles no matter whether or not that be in a movie or TV show. Both are opportunities that I wouldn’t say no to. Right now I’m trying to establish myself, get some small credits to create a showreel and apply to agencies. Big movies and TV shows are all union which isn’t happening right now because of the strike. Since I’m non union I can still work on smaller projects like short films etc. There’s a lot that goes into it before even getting the chance to audition for movies and TV shows.

[chris_987]

I know I was about to work in the film industry but it was too long of a process to join the union. So you would date a fellow actor or would you date like a first AC or director?

[Opinion Owner]

That’s just how it is unfortunately. Some get enough credits and impress a lot of people fairly quick and others slower. Just gotta stick with it. Did you manage to get an agent at all? And honestly either.

[chris_987]

Oh no! I was going to get into the more director cinematographer roll. So I was looking to get started as a first AC or a key grip. I did get a job opportunity to work on. I think it was suicide squad driving the trucks but they never followed up with my application. Which was a shame cuz I would have loved to see Margot Robbie in person

[Opinion Owner]

Ooh that’s cool. Would you ever consider getting back into it?

[chris_987]

Nope. I've moved on trying to get my pilot's license now. See what that industry has to offer then maybe in the future switch over to some next endeavor. It might be different for you, but a lot of people don't really just stick to one career

[Tessafowler03]

For now

…no relationships

[chris_987]

So just casual sex without commitment?

[Anonymous]

they want to hide their true intentions

[chris_987]

So you agree they deserve to get hurt for lying

[Opinion Owner]

noone deserves to be hurt

[chris_987]

Wrong, liars definitely deserved to be punished for lying or else they won't learn from their mistakes

[Opinion Owner]

okie