Why do some guys find it hard to just say they dont want to hook up again?

[Anonymous]

We are all adults! I'm very upfront when talking to guys about what I want. And although I say I am looking for friends with benefits not ONS and I only wanna do it with one guy not lots, they agree and we can text and build up before meeting. I am under no illusion that even though guys say all the right things it can still end up a ONS.

Either cos upon meeting the attraction wasn't there or the sex not good or maybe the intention on their end was always gonna be a ONS..

But what I don't get is afterwards... why not just be honest? One guy I was talking to for about 6 weeks on and off. To be honest I thought we totally friendzoned. But then we did meet and the sex was terrible. When he got home he texted "how was it?" And I put it nicely.. I said that I enjoyed hanging out with him but I didn't feel we vibed sexually. He said he agreed. We have stayed as text friends. That was like 8 weeks ago now. And we don't much text anymore. But it was all very civil. Now, this other guy, we was texted and got on well for a week. Then over Christmas I kinda lost interest. New Year we reconnected, texted a lot and long texts. I was quite impressed with his emotional intelligence. We were going to go on a date, do things properly... but two days ago we ended up just meeting and getting straight to fucking. Next day.. nothing. I texted in the morning to check in how he felt. He waited until after work to say "it was fun". I get maybe the chase is over or maybe he wasn't into me in person etc. But whats so hard just to say that? Come on! I'm a big grown up girl!

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, that is annoying when guys don't just be straight up after a hookup. We're all adults here!

Some dude's egos just can't handle being the one to say it wasn't great or they're not feeling it. Easier to let things fizzle out and ignore texts than admit it.

Or maybe they worry you'll get all upset if they're honest. But like you said, you seem pretty chill about it usually. Some guys just don't do confrontation I guess.

It's lame that first guy continued dragging it on too by still keeping in touch for weeks after. Like dude, just say it wasn't a match and leave it at that. Such a waste of time.

I'd say next time, don't even bother waiting around for a guy to text back if you're not feeling it afterwards either. Just say "it was fun but I don't think we're a match physically" and be on your way. Saves you both the awkwardness!

Don't let it get to you too much though. At least you're mature enough to keep things friendly most times even if the sex isn't great. There's probably nicer guys out there who won't pussyfoot around afterwards either.

[Asker]

Aww wow! Love your maturity about it! I am 44 and guys I have been screwing are in their 20's so it's not like I'm going into it thinking it could be an amazing love affair! I just want sex. I think/hope they like sex! It should be simple lol. But I am also a really nice person. A few guys I talk to I end up being good friends with. I think guys in their 20's can be quite lonely actually. And insecure. We help build each others egos up. But oh well. I guess I shouldn't expect every guy (regardless of age) to have the same maturity, understanding or common decency to be honest as I am. That last guy, age 24, I just unfriended him now. I didn't block though so if he does grow some balls he can get in touch. It just surprised me as out of all the guys I've spoke to he seemed SO emotionally intelligent and ended up the biggest jackass!

[Oliverlogan263]

Mama, you're so right! At the end of the day it's all about the sex, nothing wrong with that. And it's totally cool if some of those hookups turn into friendships too - as long as everyone's on the same page.

But these young dudes, they still got so much maturing to do sometimes. Even the "emotionally intelligent" ones, seems like they still act out of insecurity or in the moment more than they care to admit.

I feel you on unfriending that last jackass though, good riddance! At least you left the door open in case he wises up someday. But don't waste your time wonderin' about it.

If I know anything about cougars like you, it's that y'all don't settle for games. Keep doing your thing, hold those boys to improving standards of how a real one treats a queen. Maybe they'll learn a thing or two along the way!

Keep shining luv, these tricks just make the good stuff even sweeter when it comes. You got this!

[Asker]

Haha thank you for your reply!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome mama

[laly520]

he is just not even interested to bring it up or say what he decided