I do have a lot of hobbies. I just have made the choice that for the long term dealing with men is too painful. I want to be emotionally fulfilled without them. I’m making it a mission at this point. Any ideas or mindsets?
My question to you is why has dealing with men been too painful and who have you spoken to about this pain? Meaning, have you sought emotional support and resolution through therapy?
And, it appears you're doing all you can do to be emotionally happy, except that one thing I'd suggest-- therapy. I'd also advise to seek good friendships through groups like meetup.
There are groups who meet for softball, volleyball, coffee talk, movies-- anything and everything. You'll have fun and probably get a friend or two in the bargain.
Don't forget to go to the gym and do heart-pounding exercise 30-60 minutes three times a week. Get outdoors and take walks. Read lots of books. Volunteer to help kids in school, tell stories at libraries, explain a craft, plant trees, aid elders, the homeless.
I'm single and I do all many of these things as well as work, and though I'd enjoy a partner, one isn't available now. So I do for me and others.
But take care of your issues FIRST. Resolve stumbling blocks. Then, later, while you're helping all these folk AND yourself, someone new and better will come along! Good luck.
Maybe it would be helpful to journal about this.
From what I've learned from my own experiences, is that I often don't have a clear view of what exactly is causing this kind of need for dependence. Even though I have never been in a relationship, I do often sense that I'm seeking confirmation from people, especially men.
What's been helpful to me is taking the time to talk to myself and learning to know how I think and feel in certain situations.
Communication is key in any kind of relationship, even the one with yourself. Understand that you too experience feelings and needs that want to be answered, and learn how to answer those by being on your own, rather than having them fulfilled by someone else.
Do you enjoy spending time on your own? If not, how could you improve this? Are there certain activities you like to do that require one person?
Do you ever take yourself on a date, and don't mind spending time with yourself? If not, give yourself a special treatment and go for a solo-date, have lunch at a place you feel comfortable at and maybe bring a little booklet to write about what you're experiencing. How do you feel in that situation? What do you notice about others? What do you enjoy about time spend alone? Can you write any positive aspects you're experiencing while you're out on your own? Try to do this on a regular basis and you'll feel much more at ease spending time with yourself.
Finally, happiness, as cliché as it sounds, is honestly a mindset. Do you make a fool of yourself and feel embarrassed, or do you laugh at your own mistakes and go on with your day? Be your own friend. I'm sure she is a very lovely person to deserve happiness being on her own.
Have a rich social life. I think a really great way to do this is appreciate individuals for who they are, love them, and also to do what you can to be helpful and supportive of others (but there is also a balance to be had, don't give so much of yourself away that you are drained).
There will be people who appreciate you back, and there will also be "leeches" that realize you are giving so much love and energy, and they will want to latch on to you. It's a delicate balance. I would suggest making sure you know your boundaries and are clear about them. You can still help the leeches, but on your terms and the goal should be to help them become more self-reliant and not need you so much. They are not bad people, just ones that need a little more growing and guidance. They can become toxic, though, if you facilitate a co-dependent relationship.
I think if you put some time and energy into others like this, it will help you grow emotionally, and it will also provide you with a support network of people who you enjoy and mutually enjoy spending time with you. This is a good, safe place to have your goal of "emotionally happy being single".
I will warn you, though. Once you are at your goal and feeling really balanced and happy, how attractive you are is going up as well, so there will be some men trying to get to know you more and start up romance. You can be friends with them, too! But if you really want to be single, you'll need to place a boundary on those interactions as well.
I wish you lots of success and happiness in your goal (s)!
This is a question more and more women will have to face in the very near future as AI and s3x dolls evolve and in a year or two merge and spread like wildfire. 1-2 years from now these dolls will come equipped with a motorized exoskeleton and on-board AI. They will be the perfect companion. They don't argue, do not have headaches, they are never "not in the mood", they do not get jealous (in fact a man can have 2-3 of them in the house, not just for housework, obviously), they do not play games or be difficult, their looks will be fully customizable and they will gladly appear in the cosplay of their man's choice. They can be programmed to be playful, teasing, submissive or dominating and engage in any fantasy games a man wants to experience without reservations, strings or inhibitions. Any one of them will be better at BJs and everything than any girls out there, and they will be programmed to learn and get even better every day.
Not sure what women's roles will be in the world soon, heck, we don't even need them to carry babies, that's done in Ecto Life, where their smoking and drinking doesn't damage the embryos.
So that's the mindset you're looking for, and will have to face inevitably. I'm not worried about the men, we'll be having the time of our life (many of us already are). If you have lots of hobbies like you say that's good, not sure what most other women will do when they are not wanted any more.
Opinion
65Opinion
Just living How you Please. As being in a Relationship it might "trigger" some unpleasant feeling to the SO as it might not agree with you in certain moments... So... Enjoy to the Full! 🤷♂️
Ask yourself what about a relationship makes you happy, and if it actually does or if you've just be raised/conditioned to think it should.
Most of the time people find themselves thinking they need to marry, have kids, get a house with a white picket fence, all because it's just "what they've been told".
Reality is different.
Unpacking and deprogramming from what you've been raised to think should make you happy, and discovering what actually makes you happy will help a lot.
First of all, how do you know that you didn't play some part in why your relationships didn't work out? The good news is that if it is you partly, then you have the power to change things. Maybe though, since you're already doing lots of hobbies, and they aren't fulfilling enough, maybe go to a psychologist who you can have a fulfilling relationship with instead of having a boyfriend. You can just talk to them, and feel understood, or, maybe they can also help you with your relationship difficulties.
That is a personal journey. When only you can take you know you better than anyone and what puts a smile on your face and in your heart. No one can tell you no one can show you. Your happiness is responsibility of you. No one else. Otherwise, you become dependent should always be independent. When it comes to your happiness, search your heart. Search your mind. Explore the world and things. Try new things. Try new places. Find out what warms your heart and put a smile on your face and use that as an anchor whenever you need to. Feel happy. That's your strength. Keeps you grounded. We're all responsible for our own happiness. Not depend on anyone else to make us happy others are to enhance our lives but our happiness is all on us ourselves,
Very well said ❤️
You already figured it out for yourself, dealing with men is nothing but a pain in the butt. So just use a little "Preparation H" for that painful itch men give you on your posterior, and move on in your life. No use dwelling on it as you don't need to kiss ass anymore
.
I am on the same journey
What I am doing is giving myself everything that I desire, be it a hug or a kiss (kiss my shoulder) or a car drive or just Spa treatment
And always check in with myself, remind myself that I am worthy of love, I will always love me, I will always show up for me, ask myself how I am feeling, be kind and compassionate to myself... and remind myself that I am complete and perfect just the way I am (basically being imperfectly perfect)
It's really helped me feel emotionally full for many days
My therapist helped me reach this point
Hobbies are great, but to truly be at one with yourself, you need to make a list of things you've always wanted to do. Things that even if you were in a relationship, you'd say, I would want to do those things myself.
For instance, even if I am in a relationship, I do a trip once a year alone, regardless. I do things I want to do, with no one else saying... I want to do this, I want to do that...
The trip is all about you and the freedom to do whatever you want in your life without someone else's input. It's actually really self-fulfilling and it helps your mental state immensely, because you get back to the basics of enjoying life on your own. It proves you don't need someone else to be somebody.
It doesn't really matter if you're single or married or what you are in order to succeed or have a happier life you need to find yourself you have to be content with yourself you have to be honest with yourself you need to become one with yourself and when you can do that you can become one with others and then become one with the universe this is just a moment in time remember that everything changes even you you change for the best you get the best everything we do each and every day is a choice and with each choice that we make everything changes
Happiness can be a different journey for each and everyone of us. You concluded that for yourself long term relationship with men is too painful. That is 1. 2 is the question... do you still want it despite it being too painful or not? Once that answer is no, you're already there because that means you don't care about being single. If you say the answer is no, but are still unhappy, you are in denial.
This is something you need to learn about yourself. Where you stand on the topic of relationships.
By breaking up. with your friends.. do things to be of service to some one else... help a guy or two who struggles with dating.. to get laid. Apogise to who you've been rude too. Wear only comfortable clothes.. especially shoes.. laugh and make jokes of your self and enjoy making some laugh at your expense... be a wing man for some one with less confidence than u.. forgive your self for the bj you didn't give for no reason and for the one you gave for a bad reason... get reacquainted with your self for real... be fair... not unrealistic... be real but don't be rude... its rude getting in a mood thats other than good cause the only way your not a bitch is if realise theirs no reason to be seen as one
Yes. First stop by convincing yourself dating isn't even an option. Sounds like you're already doing that. Close that door behind you, lock it, and throw the key away. Next you have to think of a time when the opposite gender wasn't even on your radar. And pick up your life there where you left off. When I stopped considering women an option I became driven to make money financially. Rather then wasting it on women I invested it. And many years later I have nest egg in the high 6 figures. I don't know if money your thing. But you know what your passion is better than me. If you don't know, splash around till you figure it out. You're still under 30. Nobody said you have to have your life completely figured out yet.
Start by* not stop by. Lol
accepting that all things are temporary, even the good things, so why attach yourself to anything, especially an outside force.. and also making the decision to find ways you can make yourself enjoy your own life in your own ways.
you got this. it will take time, so be patient w yourself ❤️
I think the fact that you have many hobbies is really great start , just get really social and at ease with yourself , do some things you wouldn't normally do , new groups of friends..
This will help you not have to deal with " painful " males.
Other than hobbies, I'd say find a passion (if you haven't), go out with your friends, spend time with family, help out, do things that are important to you, and just have fun in general (but be safe). If you ever think about going back to look for a relationship, maybe list what you'd like to have for future references.
Spend time with friends, make new friends, focus on your goals and future. Volunteer and help others. Pamper yourself and travel if you can. The more people you meet and friends you make the more fulfilling your life becomes - I’ve been single for a while and worked on my well-being. You don’t always need a relationship to make you whole, it’s sometimes nice to be with someone that loves you back but it’s not always what it’s cut out to be. If you believe it, the right person will come along when you least expect it and then it becomes your choice.
That is something you must discover on your own, no one can tell you to be happy and bam your giddy, you know what makes you happy us strangers don't, remember this you can read listen to others views thoughts ideas, but what works for one don't for another this is something you must discover personally because you are responsible for you own happiness
Healing from your pain and let go of it. Focus solely on what will make you happy mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and more. Do what you always wanna do or haven’t done. What will uplift yourself. What will make bring you peace.
You asked "How do I become emotionally happy being single?"
I'll answer this question for the most part in the negative.
>>> The quickest way to become emotionally unhappy is to stop being single. This is because being single maximizes freedom and being in a couple curtails freedom.
Being content with yourself is easy when you distract yourself with hobbies and activities. It's when you mind is still that these feelings of being inadequate and loneliness strike, in my experience. Take some time, and really ponder on what you want in life. And then pursue it. Best of luck hun.
I think that is a good decision, and I have made a similar decision that girls are more trouble then they are worth.
I think it is a matter of stepping back from an image of it will all be rainbows and unicorns when I meet that special person to something more realistic. It follows automatically from that.
At the same time I think this sets you up for a real world practical relationship also because the pain comes from expectations that aren't met.
odd as it sounds, you simply choose to be happy with what you have, do, are around, or you choose not to be happy with these things. sometimes there are nuances to it but reality is, being happy or not is (speaking from quoted and accredited phyciatric proffesionals) literally a choice.
This an important time to get to know yourself. Find out what you really like to do. A person that’s comfortable with being alone but chooses to be with someone and knows what they want out of life is very sexy. You become able to give the best version of yourself in a relationship and you’re not mentally reliant or broken.
That’s the key! EVERYONE should be emotionally fulfilled without anyone. That’s one of the biggest causes of divorce. Unwhole people getting married and eventually in a long convoluted process blame the spouse for not making them whole.
focus on being you.
I myself spend time with my mother, father and siblings and enjoy. I work and I spend a lot of time there.
I travel to new places explore them and have fun.
I think about new ways to change my home decorations, buy new things for my home (I plan to buy a new tv) you know start searching about new models, compare…
Changing my car also
New days, I start thinking about plastic surgeries. You know searching for good doctor, going for visit …. Are also fun
If it helps, just consider all men to be cheaters and they would all cheat if they had everything. Side effects include misandry and hatred towards everyone born with a penis. It's kind of the modern hip and trendy thing these days.
There, there. All better now?
Not easy to do because human beings are genetically programmed to partner up, at least for a while. I know a lot of miserable people who made the choice you are talking about. Then again I know some miserable ones who partnered too.
Life is always a toss of the dice.
No matter what you do and what you achieve, in the end of day you will need a partner that you can go to. This is how we humans were created.
Men need women and women need men, they complete each other and compliment their attributes. But nowadays, the world is all about self love, self care, independence which is wrong. No one can live alone forever. This is my biggest fear, dying without having anyone around me.
Not being afraid to have interesting experiences either with friends or one your own. Go for that walk, visit that shop, read that book, watch that show, take that class, whatever turns you on. Getting out there and being open to new experiences is also what will lead to new connections and relationship you didn’t even know you wanted.
Just keep yourself busy and work on your goals, it’s easy for me without even trying since women never ask me out or show interest so it’s a no brainer for me, but I’ve never been single by choice it’s just a normal thing for me, I don’t have to worry about getting into a relationship because it never happens , I’m always ready and available to date but it’s not something guys have to worry about because women don’t approach guys, it’s very rare
You can't, sorry. Women were never meant to live alone because in our ancestral past it meant certain death. We won't evolve differently either because these women tend to not have many offspring so they are failures from a Darwinistic perspective. A good example would be Chelsea Handler, who can't stop boasting about how great her life is while she starts every morning with hard liquor and Xanax; not someone you should aspire to emulate.
It's very hard for girls in general
Try to be busy with work and different activities
Surround yourself with positive and positive people
Get new hobby
Go to vacation
Avoid bar and club nonsense
If you looking for potential partners look for good places intead
It doesn't work. We are meant to be with someone; as we are social creatures. You're better off taking your single time to properly vet the next person you date. I think where most people go wrong with dating is that the qualities of a good spouse are often not the qualities of a good date.
Being single is amazing. I love it. No man cheating, controlling you, threatening to leave you, I look in the mirror and I feel beautiful I don't have man giving me insecurities about this and that. It's the best trust me.
I doubt you will be saying that a decade from now.
Keep yourself busy and productive and hang out with friends. Basically focus on your career and making a better version of you, as well as haveing a good social life
I understand where you are coming from. There are good and bad people out there. Its okay to take a moment to heal from emotional damage. It is the best thing to do before entering a relationship. My advice to you is to get excited about YOUR life again by discovering or partaking in things that makes YOU happy. I should also mention love happens when you least expect it. Embrace life and the surprises that come within.
If you aren't automatically, you never will be. People who need an SO will always need an SO. I have a lot of hobbies that bring me joy. But no amount of them will ever make me happy being single.
Just try to relax. If you want something too much, you quickly tense up. You don't find GREAT love through force, it happens when it's supposed to happen.
Well not having that mindset in the first place would help.. But also just being content with doing things by yourself would help.. Maybe go to a movie, hang out with friends and family a lot.. Get a dog, a cat.. etc..
Your desire to have positivity in your life should light up your life already.
That's the beginning of better things to come.
No lies nor pretensions.
It took a while for me to switch to this mindset, but I think I've finally mastered it. Focus on your passions and work and do personal projects. Romance really isn't everything, and if you're feeling that way (I don't know if you are) you probably aren't spending enough time on your passions and self care.
joy related to word enjoy. find the thigs that you enjoy. doing a hobby is not enough unless you chose the hobby that you enjoy.
be around those people with whom you enjoy being with.
Hobbies
Spend more time socialising with friends/family but also meet new people
Travel loads
Get a pet
Work towards your career.
Most importantly change your mindset, what I don’t understand is why people think they need to be in a relationship it be happy. Fuck that, live for YOU.
*to be
Make a lot of friends, always be busy, and do everything someone else would do for you, if you were in a relationship. We usually date people that complete us, still you can be complete without anybody, so yes, complete yourself.
God and born again through His Holy Spirit is the answer which God offers joy and peace with Him.
Looking for others and things to make you happy simply doesn't work long term.
@Hispanic-Cool-Guy
You are 100% correct and I am glad you gave your opinion about it.
So many christian songs sing about how "He fills me up". For so many years I was empty inside, always believing that if I got married and found the right guy that that emptiness would go away. Well, it kinda did, but it was still there.
Then my husband abandoned me and our new baby boy. I kept crying and saying "Who's going to help me now" then the word "God" popped in my head. The next day I told my sister what happened and she called her pastor, he came over, and I said the sinner's prayer. I became a born again Christian. It doesn't instantly take the emptiness away, but now I had someone that would listen to my prayers and answer then. It's such a gift.
I often wonder if people that need something in their lives but haven't heard about Jesus yet, do they just keep their pain shoved inside of themselves?
Focus in the habits that you like and watch this YouTube channel:https://youtube. com/@Einzelganger? si=tnyoTaSuBZETy7Ng
Could be hard tbh but if u can stop bothering about others n feel tht u r sufficient for urself by engaging in those hobbies.. i think u may do it honey
Find things that you love to do and do them. When you cross paths with someone cool, make or female get their number
live to add value in the moment, whatever you are doing. look for ways you can give and add value to others lives.
i just remind myself how beautiful i am. perfect slant angle for my eyes, i just love my eyes so muxg
Spend time with the people you love the most friends and family. Do your favorite activities.
Life is a gift... take care of yourself first. Exercise, enjoy some close friends even if they are guys who stay friends not boyfriends. Hopefully some masturbation helps also?
Above all, you shouldn't think about it too much. Then you would just put yourself under too much stress. Just live and let everything that will happen, happens.
I think you need to heal your innerchild and learn to love yourself more than you already do that might help a lot with being lonely and content.
You're going to just end up with the same guy in 2 years.
You're not even interested in a friends with benefits's?
I guess it is really depend on your personality ,
if u willing to learn enjoying life as free spirited people, being single would be the best feel.
have a lot of friends both male and female and have friends with benefits so fun with no issue if u have few friends with benefits u dont get emotionally attached too deep and get the pleasure without the pain
Nobody's telling you how you should behave. That's not nothing.
Learn that a relationship doesn't equal happiness. That's all that needs to click.
Well you have a lot of hobbies so make a career out of one of them.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
