Is virtual attention in itself is enough for women to subside on vs real life attention and intimacy?

[Anonymous]

You hear of women marrying men who are serving life prison sentences. Charles Manson, Joran Van Der Sloot, John Koopenhaver (War Machine) are all serving very long to life prison sentences. Even Ted Bundy got “married” when he was jail.

But none of these guys are getting conjugal visits or if they do it would happen maybe once every couple years (if they bribed someone). Instead they write letters and occasionally get heavily monitored visiting hours.

So why is it that these women would “marry” a man who 1) they can’t (almost) never have sex with 2) will get zero financial support from. 3) get no attention from outside of visiting hours? You don’t hear of men “marrying” female inmates if there is little or no chance they will ever get to have true intimacy with.

But on non-related yet ironically very related issue is how many women are nowadays are perfectly content with virtual attention on social media. It seems like a woman getting lots of likes and DMs itself is satisfying enough on its own vs. getting attention in real life from people particularly men. Guys like attention too. But we will never take fake virtual attention over real attention.

Anyway I think this is behavior largely contributed to singlehood rates nowadays. Not the only reason but a major reason.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man this is a weird phenomenon for sure. I think for some women, any kind of attention - even virtual or from a guy in prison - makes them feel special and desired, you know? Like they still feel important even if it's not a "normal" relationship.

Obviously that's pretty sad when you think about it, but I guess I can kinda get it too. Being alone all the time must suck. And it's probably become more of an issue now with social media and stuff, where getting online attention is so accessible.

It's easy to see why that wouldn't fulfill guys the same way though. We generally want the real deal - actual human contact, sex, providing for someone. Fake internet stuff just ain't the same.

At the end of the day, everyone just wants to feel loved and important I guess. Even if they go about it in weird ways sometimes. Hopefully more people can find happiness in real relationships before settling for less. But what do I know - girls are crazy man!

[Asker]

Yeah why is it women can be content with fake virtual attention or even real yet constrained attention (letters from an inmate) but for most men that would never be enough?

[Oliverlogan263]

There's definitely a difference in how guys and girls view attention and relationships, even if we all want to feel cared about deep down.

I think for a lot of girls, any kind of attention - even if it's just online or through letters - makes them feel wanted and liked in the moment. It boosts their self-esteem to get compliments and DMs. But guys are usually more physical, so we want the whole package - someone to talk to, hang out with, hook up with, and do fun couple stuff together.

Virtual attention just isn't the same when you can't actually interact with the person. It might scratch the surface of filling a void temporarily. But most dudes wouldn't be satisfied long-term without real world affection and a human connection.

Also girls seem to get emotionally invested quicker sometimes. So getting attention from a prisoner or random online probably makes some feel special and loyal to that one guy. Guys sometimes want to play the field more before committing.

At the end of the day though, I think everyone just wants to feel valued and have someone to do life with. Virtual stuff is cool as a supplement but can't replace the real experience of being with someone physically and emotionally. Hopefully more people realize that before settling for less than they deserve!

[Asker]

Well I do blame men for enabling all this crap to being with. I never like random women’s photos now matter how hot they are. Never DM a random girl especially if there is zero chance of meeting up with her for real.

I only connect with women I know. I will admit however I did connect with and meetup with a few random (not bad) local girls when social media first came out. But women are way more averse to doing that nowadays.

[Oliverlogan263]

You make a good point man. Guys definitely enable a lot of that virtual attention-seeking behavior on social media. By constantly liking random girls' pics and shooting their shots in DMs without any real intention of meeting up, it just feeds into that cycle.

Those girls are getting validation regardless of whether it's real or not. And it probably does make them less interested in actually interacting with dudes face to face if they can get all the attention they want online.

I've definitely been guilty of mindlessly liking posts before just because a girl is cute. But you're right, it's way better to save your energy for girls you know in real life or at least have a chance of hanging out with. Otherwise you're just adding to the problem and not really getting anything meaningful out of it yourself.

The girls who will meet up with randoms online are few and far between nowadays for sure. Social media has definitely changed how people interact and form connections. Real life interactions where you can build actual chemistry are probably way more important than sliding into DMs.

Gotta be more selective with who we give our attention to so we're not just enabling virtual validation-seeking. Good call on that man.