Girl I went on a few dates with said she has genuine feelings for me, but isn’t mentally ready for a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Been on a few dates with a shy girl who only recently broke up with her abusive ex boyfriend. Yeah. I walked into this.

Anyway, I noticed her interest waning over the last week and she’s not the only girl I’m seeing so I essentially asked her straight up if she wanted to see me any more romantically or just wanted to be friends, and reiterated I was completely fine with either option, because to be honest I’ve sort of been losing interest in her as well.

She sent me a message saying that she isn’t mentally ready for commitment, and is worried about taking it too far before she’s ready otherwise she’ll just end up hurting herself and me. She also said she has genuine feelings for me.

How do you people interpret this? Is she friendzoning me forever or do you think there is a chance she will come back once she’s healed a bit? Either way I’m not thinking about her, just wondering. Maybe she wasn’t looking for something as serious as me.

She’s 19 and I’m 21 by the way.

[OlderAndWiser]

Don’t tell her you want a relationship, and drop that word from your vocabulary. Just tell her that you like spending time with her and you want to keep doing what you’ve been doing. If it’s right, feelings will develop in her heart regardless of whatever is in her head.

[SallyTho87]

So, she is saying "I have become attached to you, as my new safe person of interest, since you showed interest in me. I'm not looking to progress the relationship, but my attachment to you is driving me to remain in your life in hopes something will possibly bloom into the future"

If she has anxious attachment, it's probably NOT genuine feelings if you two recently met. It's ATTACHMENT. - I would let her down gently, inform you appreciate her time but you know she deserves to have someones commitment, and needs time to heal. Unfortunately, you are looking for something more than just casual dating, and are seeking that commitment with someone.

She may be hoping you'll wait around for her, help her heal, help her keep busy, get over her ex, give her that connection and male companion she is missing right now. But thats really not fair to you if she wants this, while knowing she is unable to commit to anything serious.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SallyTho87. Excellent analysis. She is just using him.

[SallyTho87]

@KrakenAttackin Ty! and yes, I Absolutely agree!

[Asker]

I’m fine to casually date her too, it’s just that for her I did want something a bit more because honestly our personalities aligned so well compared to other women I’ve dated casually. I told her I was looking for something serious at the beginning and she stuck around with me since then, was she just leading me on? Also I did know her for a while before we started going out probably around a month or two.

[Asker]

So she doesn’t actually like me? I feel kind of used if this is true.

[Asker]

Also I don’t plan on sticking around in her life. At this point I sort of know she isn’t good for a deeper relationship even though our personalities clicked.

[Asker]

Is there a definitive way to find out? What if I ghost her now? Will she reach out randomly and be like “I think we should try again” or some shit?

[SexyRedd1966]

She likes you, but give her space... she just got out of an abusive relationship. you don't want to be the rebound... she's got to work on those issues

[Asker]

Yeah, I’m ghosting her lol. Can’t really give her more space than that.

[Anonymous]

Move on, she too damaged. She gonna start cheating behind your back if she decides on dating you, run

[GoGetitGio]

Women are whacked out of their minds

[Asker]

You’re telling me bro, I’m so confused here haha. Hope she doesn’t go back to her ex, but she has a group of good friends who hopefully won’t let her.

[GoGetitGio]

All I can say is women give other women horrible advice. My mom is 40 she was laying out by the pool the other day with her bestie she was in a little thong bikini her friend told her it’s a good idea to take thirst trap pictures and post them. So she took a bunch of pics of my mom in her thong bikini in provocative pictures like in one she’s on all 4s! She posted these on FB and IG 🤦‍♂️ this is the advice girls give other girls! It’s awful

[padrepiedra777]

run.

[Asker]

What’s your interpretation exactly? What specifically makes you think that she’s using me?

[padrepiedra777]

You said you've been losing feelings for her. She said she's not ready. Get out now before a complicated mess ensues.

[Asker]

Got it. At this point I’m actually worried she might’ve been using me to get over her abusive ex. The only bad sign was that she used to compare me to him in a positive way, like I would do something nice and she’d be like “aww my ex would never have done that” or “my ex wouldn’t have remembered that.”

[padrepiedra777]

Yeah. I'd get out now dude. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but it sounds pretty cut and dry to me.

[Asker]

Do you think the definitive way to find out if she was using me or not would be to just completely ghost her right now and see if she reaches out after a while with some shit like “I think we should try again?” Not that I would, but I would like an actual answer from her so I know what to avoid in my next relationship.

[padrepiedra777]

No, because that's not really the point. The thing about relationship questions is that they're very complicated questions with very simple answers. I'm trying to help simplify this for you, because for you its a complicated mental mess.

You yourself said that you were losing interest. She herself said that she can't commit to you. You have your answer, its just obscured by 5000 different feelings/thoughts.

It doesn't really matter if she was 'using you'. She probably doesn't even know if she was or not. My recommendation is to leave it be. Still be nice to her if you see her, but let the romance go. Move on.
What do you think you should avoid in your next relationship? Do you think there were signs beforehand?

[Asker]

Honestly man I don’t even know lmao. Thanks though.