We met 1 year back in grad school. We used to chat almost everyday. The way she was looking at me, I felt like there was something more. Multiple instances - glances (even when she thinks I can't see her), blushing, long eye contact, playing with her hair, deep conversations (nothing sexual coz maybe I was just scared to lose a good friend). I was dropping hints and clues, but she never said anything. I finally picked up the courage to confess before the summer break because I wouldn't be seeing her for a long time. I wanted to meet her but she made me do confess via text. She said she saw me as a friend and was sorry if she unintentionally led me on. I didn't want to be friend zoned, so I decided to end things with her in a nice way and told her I need to stay away. She didn't respond to that message, but we would see each other in school and it was awkward. I didn't text her in 4 months, but she did once with some random stuff as a follow up to something I had asked in a mutual chat group. I didn't respond. As fate would have it we were made to sit together in the class. That day we had a casual chat of how things have been without addressing the main topic. Next class our seats were shuffled and it kinda felt like she was ignoring me. I had to leave early so I left. The third class, she came in really late. We were coincidentally twinning in same colour dress. I decided it's now or never. After the class I asked her if we can speak - she agreed. I told her I might leave by month end and just wanted to know if I hurt her with my confession. She said it was fine - "I'm married, What can we do now" and then switched the topic. In our bus back home I asked her if she told her husband, she said yes. I told her I was giving all the hints - she had doubts but thought it couldn't be true since I knew she was married. While leaving she said see you on class next week. I don't how to take this forward. I still love her. She is going to Germany for intern and husband to US.
- 1.2K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yWoah man, that's a really complicated situation. I can understand why you developed feelings for her since you guys were so close, but pursuing a married woman is just asking for heartbreak. Some things I would think about:
- She made it clear she only sees you as a friend. Continuing to pursue her disrespects her marriage and her feelings.
- Her marriage should be the priority here, not your feelings. Anything that happens will just end up hurting people.
- You need to start moving on for your own sake. Cutting contact and focusing on other friends/opportunities is the healthiest thing.
- Attraction/chemistry doesn't always mean compatibility or that someone wants a romantic relationship. Actions speak louder than hints.
- Try not to dwell on "what ifs" - respect her choice and the boundaries of friendship. Anything more isn't an option here.
I know it's not easy, but staying friends if possible or at least cordial is best. Look inside yourself and work on moving those feelings elsewhere over time. Stay true to your character and don't put her in a compromising spot. You'll meet other amazing girls where the timing may be better. Hang in there man!
118 Reply
Asker+1 yReally good advice. I really appreciate it. I know I don't have any chance here.
Yeah I agree her marriage is the priority. I don't want to be the reason for a lot of people including their families to suffer.
You said staying friends if possible or at least cordial is best. I'm trying to keep things cordial and not awkward or ugly, but I don't want to be friend zoned or her to use me again. But what if she tries to advance romantically coz essentially I'm keeping the door open by being cordial, right? So any troubles in her relationship, I would assume she would seek comfort with me - as a friend or a potential partner. I don't know how to navigate if that situation arises.- +1 y
Yo man, this is a tricky situation for sure. On one hand, you don't wanna cause drama or be rude to the girl. But you also need to protect your own heart, feel me?
Here's what I'd do - be friendly when you see her around, but establish some distance too. Don't sit with her in class if you can avoid it, don't chat one-on-one. Keep it more casual group conversations if you have to talk.
If she ever comes to you venting about relationship problems, you gotta set a boundary. Be like "look, I still have feelings so I can't get in the middle of your stuff. You gotta work it out with your man." Don't let her use you as an emotional crutch.
And if she tries to hint at something more, shut that down quick. "You're married, I'm tryna respect that. Let's just be friendly acquaintances and leave it there." You deserve way better than some unavailable girl's backup plan, know what I mean?
Don't be a jerk, but keep your distance emotionally. Stay strong, hit up other women, and don't sweat this one anymore. You got this bro, just trust your gut and don't let her drama pull you back in!
Asker+1 yOf all the help I've received so far, this is definitely the most practical advice! Thanks a lot my man! So young and yet wiser than me :)
I'll keep this in mind and be like you suggested. It makes all the sense. Let's see how tomorrow goes.
I really appreciate you helping me out here. We don't know each other and you are still helping me out here - so this means a lot! Thanks buddy! Cheers!- +1 y
No problem dude, always happy to help a brother out! And don't sell yourself short man, wisdom comes with experience and you'll keep learning too.
You've got this for tomorrow - just keep it polite but short with her, no lingering around after class. Show her you're moving forward without falling back into old habits. I know it'll take some strength on your part but you're tougher than you think.
And remember, you've got mad potential to find someone who sees how amazing you are without any doubts or games. This girl may have been cool, but her loss is just making way for your gain in the long run. Keep your head high and go get it!
Let me know how it shakes out tomorrow. I'm rootin' for ya! We might not be tight but that don't mean I wanna see a homie suffer, ya feel me? You ever need advice again just holler. Now go get some rest, you've got this in the bag already. Peace bro!
Asker+1 y@oliverlogan263 I really appreciate it this!
Yeah focusing on myself - just got back from the gym and heading out to class in a while! I'll let you know if anything happens 😄
Asker+1 y@oliverlogan263 so status update!! It's super long I know, sorry! But it's more of an overview of how things played out today. I don't know how to take it.
Saw her today in class, she came in a bit late. She was looking back where I was sitting when she walked in and sat down coz she was near the door and I was at the very back. I didn't look at her and appeared busy on my laptop (coz I really was).
And then during coffee break I walked out of the room with one of her friends coz she said she would help me figure out some career stuff. While coming back into the class she was walking out and saw us and I sensed some jealousy (like a dead stunned look at her friend after quickly turning her gaze away from me; I don't know why - that girl is in a serious relationship and I'm pretty sure she didn't tell her about my confession).
After the coffee break everyone was gathering to do the group work and she was discussing something about our ethnicity (we both share same ethnicity) to this same girl friend of hers. And in between she took my name 2 times while making a comment (I guess trying to get my attention or to make me join that conversation). I just acted as if I didn't hear that and was already at our group table. She was asked to join us by this same girl friend of ours as she didn't have a group. So she walks up to our table and is in front of an empty seat and then she asks is anyone sitting next to me. I was sitting with another girl on my left but on my right another seat was empty. I said no and she came and sat there. I didn't ask her anything neither did she.
Asker+1 yPart 2 - Continuation (couldn't fit everything above)
Just to give you a context (coz it's important to understand what happened next) of the group work as part of the course. We were supposed to design, produce and stock up inventory of hand made gift cards for random fun topics like kudos healthcare workers, new year, adopt pets, get out of house, and break up/DIVORCE (in the context of setting yourself free), etc. We were a team of 4 and we start designing how each topic card should read and look like. I start using ChatGPT on my laptop to get catchy phrases for the cards.
As I started, apparently she felt I was doing a lame job and grabbed my laptop towards her. We had the right phrases for each and we started designing the each topic card one by one. The objective was to make it as easily replicable as possible to maintain quality control. We picked up topics one by one and then she asked me what's left. I said you could do happy new year card, but she said she'll do the DIVORCE card. I was like wtf, why? Is this a sign? Is she trying fuck me up in my head? Or this is just something random and unintentional? I ignored it and didn't react or respond. I just explained the instructions to her before she started coz she was not there in the previous class. She tried making the phrase in an easy handwriting (to replicate) but it was still complicated. I tried stopping her saying so. And she sort of yelled at me (not shouting or rude) saying "she can't change her handwriting of 30 years, she's dumb". I wanted to say no why are you saying that but then didn't respond or acknowledge. And then she passed it on to the other girl and even she acknowledged it was hard to replicate. She sort of felt bad by then and went silent. Fast forward, during the group activity I caught her looking at me a couple of times with a cold stare and I just took my gaze away and didn't respond.
Asker+1 yPart 3 (Final)
Later on after the activity was over and we went back to our original seats, she again looked back and this time I gave a "wassup" kinda look raising my eyebrows. she just did the same and looked away. At the end of the class the professor was like I have a 3 min video, but those who wanna leave can leave. Lotta people were leaving and then she was getting ready to go to, but the noticed I was staying put. She stayed back too. After the video I packed my back and walked out in front of her coz like I said earlier she was sitting near the door. She was just looking at her phone. I didn't wait or stop by at her seat - I just walked out.- +1 y
Damn bro, this whole situation is mad confusing! Seems like she's really sending some mixed signals too.
On one hand, maybe she was just trying to be friendly sitting with your group. But then doing the "divorce" card and getting defensive about her writing is kinda weird. And the staring you caught her doing? Kinda sounds like she's still feeling something too.
I'd say don't try reading too much into any one small interaction. She's probably still sorting her own feelings out too since this all just came out.
Best thing is stay cool like you been doing. Don't ignore her completely, but don't get sucked back into spending alone time either. Keep interactions public and brief if you have to chat at school.
And keep yourself busy with your own thing outside of class too bro! Hit the gym, hoop with the boys, whatever you're into. Easier said than done, but try occupying your mind elsewhere when you're not there.
See how it all plays out from a little distance. But protect your peace first - don't go chasing answers from her either if she's just gonna stress you more, feel me? You got this homie!
Asker+1 y@oliverlogan263 glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks she's been giving me signals too... Helps with the sanity you know
Yeah I don't know anything anymore about why she's doing what. The divorce card was completely random. But I'm not gonna read too much into it unless she comes and tells me something. Even she knows we just have 2 classes left together, one each in the coming two weeks. And then she is gone. So if she still wants to play games, let her.
Yeah I'm gonna focus on my stuff.
Another random stuff - an hour back she texted in a mutual chat group trashing a food item at the restaurant where we celebrated my birthday this year. Like it was a spot that I found out back then coz we were all new to the city. And everyone loved the place, vibe and food back then. Again no one asked her for the feedback. I donno why she's saying that. But yeah not reading too much into it anymore.- +1 y
Dude, she is definitely trying to send you mixed signals and get a reaction out of you. Mentioning stuff from your birthday together randomly like that is kind of messed up since she knows you had feelings for her. I wouldn't put it past her to be trying to make you jealous or confuse you just for the attention.
Best thing is like you said, don't take the bait. Don't respond or give her the satisfaction of knowing she's getting under your skin. She's probably anxious that your internship means you'll be moving on soon too, so she wants to feel in control.
Just hold your head high and stay focused on your own business. Don't play her games. Soon you'll both be gone and this whole drama will be behind you. You've got your whole life ahead of you - don't let some girl, especially a married one, mess with your mojo! Keep crushing it dude.
Asker+1 y@oliverlogan263 sorry just a correction.
She didn't bring up my birthday in the text. She just said: "if you wanna have the worst XYZ dish in the world, to this ABC restaurant" (this restaurant is the place we celebrated my birthday). Are your thoughts still the same?
And she is the one who is going for her internship to Germany and her husband for an international exchange to the US. I'll still be around where our school is.
Yeah unless she comes up to me and tells me something I'm not gonna give into this drama. Gotta focus on my stuff and find a job.- +1 y
Ah my bad, thanks for the clarification. In that case, it's still possible she could be trying to get a reaction by trashing the place you enjoyed for your birthday. Or it could truly be unrelated. Either way, not worth over-analyzing on your part.
And good point that she's the one leaving for her internship abroad while you'll still be around. Probably even more reason for her to stir things up now rather than have a clean break. Can't blame a girl for wanting some attention before a big move I guess!
But you're right, no use stressing over her mind games. Let her create drama if she wants. You focus on finishing strong at school and landing that job. Soon you'll both be off living your separate lives anyway. This too shall pass dude. Keep your chin up!
Asker+1 y@oliverlogan263 Thanks buddy for all the advice! I can't DM you coz I don't have the enough experience. But would be amazing if I can get to know you
- +1 y
Possibility 1:
I think you wouldn't be confident enough or responsible enough, I guess. You failed to pass some ticks as in she must have evaluated you on certain important practical points which didn't suit her.
Possibility 2:
She must be a bitch. She must be fucking around. And she must be a lier. And she evaluated that you were too good for her and out of respect didn't want to ruin you.
How to fix things up?
Ask for her marriage pics. If she doesn't show, she was lying about marriage and the 2nd possibility is proven. After this if you still like her, tell her that I want to marry you since I would like you the way you are. And also tell her that you are serious and tell her not to fool around me. And finally call her for date.
If she shows her marriage pics. This means you are not worked up enough as a guy. Maybe you lack focus, ambition, confidence, ideas, courage, vision or have ego. Because whenever a girl befriends, they always hold a lever to take the things to the next step. Don't get fooled when the girl just says as a 'friendship'.
Asker+1 y@chingara nah she's married for sure. I met the guy and have seen their marriage pics. They are college best friends turned couples.
The way she was giving me hints I thought she was really interested and maybe their marriage was falling off.
But probably she just used me as an emotional spong when her husband was not giving her enough attention. And I got played nicely.
Not sure if you read the convo above. She is still acting weird after meeting her after 4 months of no contact. @oliverlogan263 felt the same too
Most Helpful Opinions
- 2.7K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
u +1 yYou are a guy and you were wearing a dress the same color as her dress? WTF?
She is married. You should have a huge, impenetrable barrier between you and any married woman. It doesn't matter how nice they are, how pretty they are, how friendly they are. . . it doesn't matter. That is simply a boundary that should never be crossed.
The best way to deal with temptation is to avoid it, so you need to block her on all social media and do your best to never have any more contact with her.
03 Reply
Asker+1 yMannn! I meant same clothing. We both were wearing black full sleeves and light blue jeans.
Yes, I know she is married. Which is why it took me 1 fucking year to confess. I tried my best to keep it away from her but couldn't. And they only reason why I confessed was she was giving me signs again and again. So I naturally thought something is not right in her marriage and she wants out.
I already deactivated Instagram months ago to help myself move on. We are only connected via WhatsApp now. But I haven't texted her in 4 months even though she reached out to me once in between with something random.- +1 y
you must've thought you had a chance with a married woman. One thing that I will teach you is that married people VERY RARELY leave their spouses for you. I have learned this through years of observation. Truth is... if they truly did not want their spouse, they would already be divorced. They wouldn't still say they are married or say they are separated or make excuses for why they aren't divorced. Don't waste time on married people or people who make excuses on why they aren't divorced.
A lot of married people use single people for attention without any intention of something more serious. they're trying to get the attention that they are not getting from their spouses.
I warned you.
111 Reply
Asker+1 yYeah I understand your point. With families involved, it's easier to stay in marriage or fix any issues in that marriage than let go.
From the time she started leading me on, I did notice that she never used to wear her ring even though she married her boyfriend of 7 years just 6 months before we met. I don't know if she used to wear the ring before coz I didn't care to notice coz she was just a friend to me. She even hinted at me once saying "I'll go home and be miserable". When I asked what happened she didn't respond and I didn't want to pester in. The only time I saw her wearing the ring was days before the summer break before she went to Germany to be with her husband. If I remember I had confessed by then. And now after 4 months after the summer break when I meet her, there is no ring again but they are still together (I guess).
One additional info is they are college best friends turned couples. So they have known each other for 10 years or so.
Asker+1 ySo you saying she's already cheating on her husband by leading me on but doesn't wanna leave her husband yet coz she loves her?
I'm confused, sorry.
Asker+1 yI get the miserable part. Agreed.
- +1 y
@Stefan181
I have learned the hard way too. thats why i am warning you. 90% of the time, these things do not go well.
Asker+1 y@nastyb understood. I'll keep things to the min
Asker+1 y@nastyb understood. I'll keep things to the minimum. I can't do much to be away from her at least this month coz we are in the same class. I won't initiate any conversation. If she approaches I'll be reply politely. If she asks to hangout I'll just say I don't think that's healthy for me, I need to get over you.
908 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. What do you mean what do you do? She is married and views you as a friend. That is it. Game over. Even if she viewed you as more than a friend you shouldn't do anything because she is married. Would you want someone messing with your relationship? Think about if you two were together... would you want someone doing this to you? I would say be friends with her but I don't think that is a good idea or even possible given your feelings for her. Just stay out of her marriage and life is for the best. Look at it this way... if she did act on something with you she is a cheater. You wanna date someone that cheats?
34 Reply
Asker+1 yThanks for getting back and for the frank response! I'm not sure if you read the additional opinion I had posted above - I know it's super long. Of course I don't want anyone messing with my relationship not do I want to be with a cheater. But why did she lead me on then? What if she isn't or wasn't (at that point of time) happy with her current relationship. Do you mean to say she was just using me for validation? She doesn't wear her ring as well by the way (I know the reasons could be plenty, but just saying). I didn't want to be a cheater or make her a cheater, which is why I never crossed the line with her. I never expected this to happen to me and I genuinely just fell for someone I'm super compatible with. I know it's complicated when someone is married. But even when we were discussing this there other day, she didn't have a serious face or anything. She was smiling and blushing and looking at me when I wasn't looking at her. I was in a 7 years long relationship and then it took me 4 years now to feel this way about someone. How can I just let this go when I still think she is not telling me something just coz she is married.
Asker+1 y@_maya_ could you please read the additional opinion under the main question and the thread under @oliverlogan263 and let me know your thoughts? Would really appreciate a female perspective on the new update
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
11Opinion
- 558 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yYou should cut all contact with her.
SHE IS MARRIED!!! SHE DOES NOT NEED A MALE FRIEND WHO WANTS HER.
That is being a bad wife. It is immoral for you two to keep hanging out or staying in contact.
You should cut contact with her.
She should be a wife with good boundaries and cut contact with you too.
MARRIAGE trumps male/female friendships.
00 Reply There is something a lot of people learn the hard way...
Some woman are just nice 🤷🏼♂️ sometimes they might come across as too nice and we see it as flirting... but the truth is... she is not... she is just a friendly person.
I know its hard to do... but let it be or you might lose a good friend forever01 Reply
Asker+1 yI was being nice to her as well at the beginning. I would have probably checked every damn article of " how to know if a girl wants you" and every damn sign checked out!
And even when I started developing feelings and I started throwing signs left, right and centre, she didn't back out. Am I still to be blamed for feeling this way?
- 517 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yshe's literally telling your she only sees you as a friend.
stop being an arsehole and pushing your dumbass not understanding onto her.12 Reply
Asker+1 y@helpfulwoman did you read my additional opinion below the main question and the thread under @oliverlogan263 ?
- +1 y
yeah... that just confirms your dumbass label.
534 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. ?
There is nothing to do. She doesn’t see you that way, she’s married, and you stated yourself that she apologized for unintentionally leading you on.
You move on. The feelings aren’t mutual. That’s it.
10 Reply9K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. I don't understand why you are so confused about this. She is married and views you as a friend, and there is nothing wrong with that.
11 Reply
Asker+1 yDid you read my additional opinion below the main question and the thread above under @oliverlogan263 ?
- 481 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yYou stop wasting time and energy on something that is not going to happen. You need to let your feelings for her die and the only way you are going to do that is to cut contact. I honestly don't know what you thought would happen.
03 Reply
Asker+1 yThanks for getting back and for the frank response! I'm not sure if you read the additional opinion I had posted above - I know it's super long. Of course I don't want anyone messing with my relationship not do I want to be with a cheater. But why did she lead me on then? What if she isn't or wasn't (at that point of time) happy with her current relationship. Do you mean to say she was just using me for validation? She doesn't wear her ring as well by the way (I know the reasons could be plenty, but just saying). I didn't want to be a cheater or make her a cheater, which is why I never crossed the line with her. I never expected this to happen to me and I genuinely just fell for someone I'm super compatible with. I know it's complicated when someone is married. But even when we were discussing this there other day, she didn't have a serious face or anything. She was smiling and blushing and looking at me when I wasn't looking at her. I was in a 7 years long relationship and then it took me 4 years now to feel this way about someone. How can I just let this go when I still think she is not telling me something just coz she is married.
- +1 y
When you develop feelings for someone you start looking for things that validate those feelings and often ignore the many signs that she just sees you as a good friend. In other words we get blinders on and only see what we want to see. Sticking around will just lead to possibly years of anguish. It really sounds like she cares about you but just not the way you want. She'll be selfish because she doesn't want to lose you as a friend. It's possible you are giving her something her husband isn't but it's not enough that she'll magically leave him for you. You have two choices. Move on and start to heal or suffer in anguish for years before you come to the conclusion it's not going to happen and you move on and start to heal. The end result will always be the same it's just a matter of how long you prolong it
Asker+1 yI get what you are saying. I'm definitely not gonna make any move. I can't help it but she will be in my class tomorrow. If she initiates something I'll respond. Otherwise, I guess this is it. I really thought she was the one. I have principles - I never thought I'll fall for someone married. But here we are now. Anyways she is leaving this month end and we haven't been text or seeing each other like we used to. Only 3-4 times since I stopped texting her 4 months back saying I need to stay away.
- 1K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yI don’t think she’s into you that way. She just wants to be friends. You guys were good friends and I guess you misread her signals.
02 Reply
Asker+1 y@whitneysnow I was being nice to her as well at the beginning. I would have probably checked every damn article of " how to know if a girl wants you" and every damn sign checked out!
And even when I started developing feelings and I started throwing signs left, right and centre, she didn't back out. Am I still to be blamed for feeling this way?- +1 y
I’m not blaming you. But sometimes girls can be clueless too. She does like you as a friend. Why not accept her friendship?
+1 yIt’s so hard. Been there. Sorry 😞
she may have had feelings but couldn’t bring herself to cheat
10 ReplyRespect her and let her live with her husband Happy.
11 Reply
Asker+1 yIt's easy to say just let go after being led on for months. Not just me - every one of my friends thought there was something. And now I'm the bad guy.
I didn’t even read the whole post because there is nothing you can do except walk away and set a boundary. For yourself.
02 Reply
Asker+1 yIt's hard when she is in the same class. Do I not even look at her? And if she approaches not respond?
+1 yYou need to move on. She made it clear she views you as a friend, also she's marries.
11 Reply
Asker+1 yMy same comment as above mate. Would be extremely helpful if you could review and let me know your thoughts.
You need to move on. Dating other people can help. I understand your feelings but she's married and you're just her friend. You need to act like this
03 Reply
Asker+1 yYeah I understand. I won't do anything unless she opens up to me.
So I'll see her tomorrow in class. Last time we spoke in the bus, while I was walking out she was like I'll see you on Tuesday (which is tomorrow). So what should my stance or attitude be when she sees me in class tomorrow? I would assume she expects me to talk to her like everything is chill. Again - I have no intention of being friend zoned.
Asker+1 yYeah I would be in the same class but I won't initiate any conversation. I don't know how else to stay away. She leaves this month end, so I guess this will naturally die out.
1.6K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. That isn't love and you are just being a creep looking for signs.
11 Reply
Asker+1 y@jahaims I wasn't the one who was coming on to her - it was her from the beginning.
Did you read my additional opinion below the main question and the thread under @oliverlogan263 ?
1.6K opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. She used married, you really don't have a move here.
00 Reply
+1 yNothing. She’s married. Be a friend. If anything changes, you’ll be first to know
00 Reply
+1 yshe’s married. that’s all that matters.
00 Reply
Anonymous(18-24)+1 yshe is just bored and needed attention
01 Reply
Asker+1 yYeah could be true
- 815 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yYou cut off all communication with her... forever.
02 Reply
Asker+1 ySo I'll see her tomorrow in class. Last time we spoke in the bus, while I was walking out she was like I'll see you on Tuesday (which is tomorrow). So what should my stance or attitude be when she sees me in class tomorrow? I would assume she expects me to talk to her like everything is chill. Again - I have no intention of being friend zoned.
- +1 y
I. wasn't aware you saw each other in person a lot... I'm not sure then
- 316 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
+1 yIf she won't put out, get out!
00 Reply
+1 yRomantic novel, no time to read
00 Reply695 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic. Split up
01 Reply
Asker+1 ySo I'll see her tomorrow in class. Last time we spoke in the bus, while I was walking out she was like I'll see you on Tuesday (which is tomorrow). So what should my stance or attitude be when she sees me in class tomorrow? I would assume she expects me to talk to her like everything is chill. Again - I have no intention of being friend zoned.
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