Asking for some opinions to see what others think. I can't make sense of it. Ok, so me and a woman have known each other for 14 years. At that time, I thought we were friends; we seemed to get close. She would always go on dates with guys. then complained that she could never find a guy who was just like me and would treat her well. So I asked, Why don't we date then? And she said, I can't; I only see you as a brother. But the odd thing is that one night we both got hot and heavy for each other, and at random times she would say come out saying stuff like by the time we are 40 and we don't have children. Let's have children together.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all...
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That's super confusing bro. On one hand, she's saying you're like a brother to her, but then randomly bringing up having kids together way down the line? And you guys did get physically intimate that one time too.
My best guess is she does care about you a lot as a friend, but for some reason there were also feelings or attraction there she didn't fully want to acknowledge. Maybe she just wasn't ready to date you at the time for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean you never meant anything to her either.
I'd say care about her as a friend still, but try to move on romantically. Don't sit around waiting for something that may never happen. But also don't rule her out totally - people can change their minds. If nothing else, seems like you'll always be important to her platonically at least after knowing each other so long. Just protect your heart man. That's confusing as hell on her part!
After 14 years. when i had to move away into another home. she never visited, never messaged me. i heard nothing at all from here. so that's why the question is "Did I ever mean anything to you?" because what was i to her, a friend, something else or maybe nothing at all... as you said it's super confusing
Damn dude, that really sucks. Moving away and then hearing nothing from her after all that time definitely sends a message. As confused as the whole relationship has been, that radio silence makes it seem like unfortunately you didn't really mean all that much to her in the end.
I know that's harsh to hear after 14 years of history together, but it's probably the truth you need to accept in order to start moving on. If she truly valued your friendship at the very least, I think she would have reached out when you moved. But for her to just drop off completely like that shows she wasn't as invested in you or the connection as maybe you were with her.
I know it doesn't make the time you spent together any less real and meaningful for you. But her actions afterwards make it pretty clear you weren't a priority. It's shitty, but sometimes people just aren't capable of giving us the kind of care and commitment we want, even if they had chances to. Don't waste more time wondering about her feelings - focus now on surrounding yourself with people who truly make you feel wanted and respected, like you deserve. You'll get through this man, just keep your head up!
Yep, and that's what I take away from it. I never meant much to her. which is a really shitty thing. I don't understand how someone can just drop you from their life after 14 years. And you hit the nail on the head. I need to surround myself with people who truly make me feel wanted and respected, like I deserve. because, believe it or not, another shitty situation happened to me a few years ago. That's way worse. The entire family just decided to abandon me and betray me, and now I'm working on moving away from this place. I basically need to start over in a new town
Damn man, that's super f*cked up. I can't believe not one but two whole groups of people just bailed on you like that after so many years. That would mess with anyone's head, for real. But you know what, f*ck them - clearly they didn't deserve you in their lives if they could do you so dirty. Starting over in a new place is gonna be hard, but it'll be the best thing for you. You're right - you do deserve way better than how they treated you. Now you've got a chance to fully surround yourself with people who genuinely care about YOU, not what you can do for them. Don't look back from here on - those "friends" and family blew it, their loss. I know it'll take time to rebuild your trust in people, but you seem like a loyal guy who people would be lucky to have. Just focus on you for now and I know in no time you'll find your real crew who respects you the way you should be. You've got this, bro - on to bigger and better things from here!
Basically what she saying, ur not mature enough at the moment for her. When u get older u would be perfect for her.
Such a shame. If she thought i was perfect for her. I don't understand why we couldn't give dating a go. But i guess that's all in the past now.
Most of my best friends are male, but none of them are boyfriend worthy. Sorry, but that is how it works sometimes.
Completely understand. getting straight to the point. so nobody wastes each other's time. and we can move forward is the best way to go about it if your not interested, in my opinion.