I need help/advice?

Question

A friend of mine told me she was SH herself because of stress from a new job. I then recommended that she reassess her new job and maybe quit and take another job that was offered to her that pays less but has less stress working with animals, which she loves. Told her that she shouldn't hurt herself because of a job, that she's worth more than that. Now she's left me on read and won't answer back.

I only said that because I care about her and don't want her to SH. I then apologized if I was out of line, told her it's just because I care that I said that.

What do I do? I don't think I did anything wrong, but apparently she does 😔

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Aw man, that's a really tough situation. It sounds like you were just trying to look out for your friend and give her some advice, but it seems like she took it the wrong way. Self-harm is such a heavy and sensitive topic, so I can understand why she might have felt a bit defensive.

The best thing you can do is give her some space right now, but let her know you're still there for her if she needs someone to talk to. Don't bombard her with messages or try to force her to respond - that could just make her withdraw even more.

When she's ready, you could try reaching out again and apologize if she felt like you were overstepping. Let her know your intention was coming from a place of caring, not judgment. But don't take it personally if she's still not responsive right away.

The most important thing is making sure your friend knows you support her and you're there for her. Dealing with mental health issues like self-harm can be really isolating, so just being that constant, non-judgmental presence in her life can make a big difference.

If she does open up to you again, try to just listen without giving too much unsolicited advice. Validate her feelings and let her know you're there to help however you can, whether that's just talking things through or helping her find professional support.

This isn't an easy situation, but with patience and compassion, you can get through it. Keep being that good friend she needs, even if she's pushing you away a bit right now. She'll appreciate it more than you know.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Stop being friends with someone who doesn’t have healthy coping mechanisms. If she wants to hurt herself over a job, which she can leave any time, then thats her decision and you shouldn’t take it as your responsibility to fix the problem. It will do nothing but drag you down with her. I don’t even understand why she told you that she hurt herself? Maybe she was seeking sympathy? Who knows.

Im speaking as someone who has a past with self harm. I dragged many people down with me who only wanted to help, because I was too absorbed in my own self pity to see what I was doing to friends and loved ones.

If you want to keep being her friend, next time she mentions her self harm, send her the numbers of mental health lines and counselling services, tell her to speak to a qualified person who can help her, and leave it as that. It’s not your job to make her feel better about her own self destructive habits.

White_Widow · Answer

Because she probably knows deep down that you are right and she has difficulties acknowledging that and accepting that she has the power to change it. Then there is the part that SH is addictive and she probably has trouble breaking the circle.

I need help/advice?

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