When you look at it logically, girls say they want peace and tranquility, but what they say and what they do constantly contradict each other. When a man approaches with help, gifts, and high positive attention, he often seems to be perceived as worthless in women's eyes. But when the guy is toxic, narcissistic, psychopathic, harsh, difficult, or has an abnormal personality, he becomes attractive. Moreover, even after they get out of such relationships, they say they are very sad and 'forgot' their past relationships, yet they admit they can't actually forget and that it lingers in the back of their minds. Are there any logical reasons for this? đ
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1 mo
As I understand the situation, narcissistic men can be temporarily appealing in the short term because they project fake confidence and power signals, so short-term relationships might happen. But of course, nobody loves someone *just* because they're a narcissist. I found some research on this topic: scottbarrykaufman.com/.../...Triad-Personality.pdf Lastly, I thank those who respond, but if you're going to write answers unrelated to the question, it's better if you refrain from posting.
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1 mo
I don’t have time to reply to everyone one by one; relationships are already a complicated topic. I read all the comments. I admit that the phrase “most women” isn’t exactly accurate 🏳️🤷♂️. What caught my attention was that some persons commenters, as if they’d all agreed beforehand, insisted “this could never be like that”—and I want to believe them 😂(Keep it between us, I love them.)
Why are most women drawn to narcissistic toxic relationships?
I donât even have to read. This is so easy. Not just women, but everyone in general wants someone not too clingy and is healthy enough to function and have a routine etc. not being able to have that would potentially seem dysfunctional, and baffle or put us on a kind of alert 😳👍.
For females (well myself anyways, canât speak for all, but my hunch is they will relate on some level to this), we donât always like to be chased by a guy. lol. Sometimes it can be alarming. So itâs easier to be with someone (SOMETIMES) who doesnât desire us, and still coexists with us or socializes and seems alright. Itâs not the best perspective to have cause we shouldnât seek the opposite: someone who doesn't want to be around us or like us. Itâs just with some guys the desire seems like or feels like an image of a guy running full speed at a lady- and WE DONT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS. We know heâs driven to us, and we are the end goal but what happens when he reaches us? Will he just engulf us? Restrain us? What exactly will occur?
If we donât think something along those lines directly, itâs subconscious. So we canât see a male running or trying so hard, and we donât know his intentions or have time to SEE his intentions with us/for us from spending some time with him. We have to feel safe THEN feel the desire.
The desire cannot come beforehand to the feelings of safety and sureness 😂
Itâs the equivalent of dogs sniffing each other. Dogs donât always run up to each other not knowing them first. They sniff and become aware and come to know each other and then they play tag â â later and know each other better. More and more.
Itâs why we arenât encouraged to run up on cows or horses. Even if you run at your pet dog or so. They will be first a bit alarmed or so exited theyâll have to release tension and try and play tag with you or start biting a chew toy and shake it aggressively. Not all. Not all follow these exact examples. But most do.
The way we let animals smell us and build trust then engage in play âfightsâ or âchaseâ is how it ought to be amongst us and our peers even potential lovers of opposite sex. Especially if men are more likely to have some higher levels of strength and all, then pursuing a lady in full engaged land focus mode can be nothing short of alarming 🚨 😂.
Whether predator or prey. Mammal or not. Evolved or not. Not everyone likes being chased. Itâs instinctual. We have to absolutely know who is chasing us and know it is a friendly game. They come in peace.
So since men and women donât exactly get this. We see women and some men go for those who seem to have their head turned away in disinterest but yet we have an UNDERSTANDING of each other⌠a knowing and familiarity. We have their scent. We know their patterns.. we coexist. Thatâs more of a safe feeling which can eventually turn to a habit which is why if itâs directly toxic. Or just one sided. Some people stay with that.
Some people stay cause they donât want to be alone. They take what they can. Etc etc.
Iâm just saying for ladies this is why we may see them go for the turned away males than the ones RUNNING at us with efforts and intense emotions and we donât know what those mean. Itâs why communication is so important.
Is he giving stalker? Or protector. Friend or foe? What vibes is that? What scent? You know?
Itâs why people need to take time to get to know each other. And it starts with mutual attraction for the most part⌠cause that just makes things hella easier- for the familiarizing process. Not the finding love process lol.
***Cause all who are attracted arenât compatible⌠we know that already.
But if the attraction helps to familiarize better and the chemistry solidifies. Things move a lot better in pace and in the sense of longevity⌠the attraction helps us process strong feelings which would otherwise set alarms off in us.
Naturally when not mating or aroused any kind of chase will trigger fight or flight. Etc. when mating or aroused. Itâs mutual. Chemicals are going⌠lol then we know that female wonât kill us like with spiders (when female isnât ready to mate and dislikes the male will eat him cause heâs smaller lol).
Etc etc.
Itâs why people can engage in sex because when aroused any hesitations somewhat disperse and dilute away because of the lack of inhibition that arousal brings. Etc etc.
So if both are attracted they can flirt and like it. Do sex love that. And the compatibility will further it and preserve it. Strengthen it if anything.
If itâs one sided and sets the other into a self defense mode. Not knowing what that guys about or what he wants. Not too into him. The relationship will not get very far. Same when heâs just not that interested and sheâs just âcomfortableâ with him.
I would add and leave that the narcissist men not only lack surface level threatening behavior or sometimes worrisome/overwhelming behavior, but they probably do seem confident in the sense theyâre not clingy and able to cultivate/maintain a routine which means theyâre not outwardly âdysfunctional.â Theyâre capable of enjoying a life for themselves, but they give a false idea and standard because the narcissistic guy WILL most likely (if healthy also) maintain his routine (s), but since he will not give up much of his time for her or being thoughtful/intentional with it/ managing it and including her, itâs a false sense of confidence. Cause a guy who loves her and has healthy routines will have a balance, and ofc it varies on them both but they may fluctuate spending more time together (especially in beginning stages of MUTUAL interest and general and/or sexual attraction), and also spending less time with each other and more time on hobbies or goals and etc etc.
So Iâd add in this part. Their abilities to be happy and function in own. Be healthy responsible or simply functional people, and then familiarizing themselves with these guys and have mutual interest. Thatâs the goal but doesnât always play out like that. đ
In short: we need to know the genuine guyâs intentions. Process the emotions we feel and see what they feel for us. This process takes shorter amounts of time when both really like each other. The narcissist is less emotionally charged and easier for girls to assess what heâs like cause they look while he basks in their attention and doesnât bat an eye/ second glance at them.
Absolutist statements like this do not allow for much leeway for disproval. I doubt you're looking for or would care to consider any alternative opinions but I guess my 2 cents can always be thrown into a void lol
If you genuinely think most women are like this, it'd be akin to saying most men are dangerous, narcissistic and toxic. Akin as in similar, not the same. Now it's just absurd isn't it?
See it this way: logically, when you think about it, it's impossible for most women to be drawn to those relationships because people seek emotional comfort and safety. You only get a false sense of that at most in such relationships - something allowed for the idea that this person would not have those traits at the beginning. Nobody would go into a relationship knowing that someone has those traits because there's nothing in it for them. Toxic behavior is repellent more often than not.
@capriVib Fair but observations only get you so far in your own beliefs. Kinda like "seeing is believing". What you don't see is where the real complexities come in.
Some narcissists are good at faking it better then others. Even women act innocent and like the girl a man wants and ends up being a nightmare and a half. Men fall for these women ALL the time
Because in Western culture, substance is BAD... ONLY looks and money or the status of a walking stereotype matters. It's pushed in every aspect of Western consumerist society... have more expensive stuff, make more money, etc. Every ad on TV, every song you hear. A bigger butt, more expensive car, hotter women, better than you, etc. Most companies and what I call "Movements Of The Week" now SPECIFICALLY gear their marketing to women to vacuum their money from them, and most rush headfirst for it. Now look at other places, and you'll find that those places have the collectivistic qualities and strong families that American culture CLAIMS to want -but looks down on. I hear it every day. Arabs, Mexicans, Chinese, Eastern Euros... all stronger families, far lower prison populations, far lower divorce rates-and those very cultures are bad mouthed by Americans... despite claiming to want the very qualities those cultures have. Go to Nuevo Laredo... act like a smarmy playboy fratboy... and SEE WHAT HAPPENS.👀Now act like that in Louisville and you'll have 3 baby mommas before next summer! I've had this conversation with many immigrants and 1st generation people. Trust me, a girl born and raised in Denver with the last name Sanchez DOES NOT have the same values as a girl born and raised in Sonora. 1 place pushes consumerist capitalism and nothing else. The other place... pushes the everything else, and doesn't think owning 4 pairs of Jordans puts a guy on par with Nelson Mandela. What you describe... is the de facto way of oife-in the USA.
Because a lot of women are crazy and narcissistic as well , so they latch onto a guy that keeps her on her toes , why a lot of girlsâ like the bad boy type , she loves the drama she loves the gossip , because without that , she will be bored , She doesnât want a guy that is always nice to her that always kisses her ass ,, Femalesâ actually like being put in her place for stepping out of line , she is turned on by that masculine energy her man possesses if he uses it right. Most femalesâ are natural care takers and they love being with a guy that she feels she can take care of because he is a challenge to her. You know how many times I got laid for telling a girl that was arguing with me to not let the door hit her in the ads on the way out? Because I wasnât tolerating her shit , when a girl feels her man doesnât care she assumes he has someone else , so she throws herself at him to fuck her brains out. I am not saying every girl is this way but there are a lot of them trust me lol. Most femalesâ want to be with a guy that can balance between nice guy and bad guy , if he can balance that out with her , she more than likely will stay by his side and not cheat on him whatsoever
Thanks for the compliment, this is things that I observed from my own personal experiences and things I have witnessed through the years with girlsâ when I was super nice to a girl thinking she valued me the same way I valued her , she eventually got bored of that and eventually changed her mind , Most femalesâ want opposite of what she already has , if her ex was an asshole she wants a nice guy, of her ex was a really nice guy, she eventually wants a bad boy , so balancing between both is the best thing for a guy to do to keep her on her toes , Girlsâ like a guy that keeps a question mark over head , that doesnât take her shit , she loves a guy that is mysterious that she canât read easily. When I started balancing between good and bad , that man when girlsâ stayed by my side , even though Ii didnât want to be an asshole , I still became an asshole because it turned her on. Femalesâ do not want a guy that gives her his full attention , that doesnât constantly kiss her ass , she wants a guy that listens to her instead of trying to fix her and make everything all better , she wants a guy that tells her to get over it and whatever is bothering her it will be fine that she will get through it. Instead of aww baby what can I do to make things all better , she doesnât want to hear that shit , she needs to feel her man can lead her , she loves that dominance that a man can possess that she can not, why itâs best to find yourself a submissive girl
Just like how the squeaky wheel gets the oil, the guy who asks the woman out is more likely to get dates than the guy who doesn't.
The thing about narcissists, is that they genuinely have surplus confidence, assertiveness, and are great at initiating social situations. As a woman, you notice the guy who puts himself in front of you, and the one that actively sells his best traits instead of the guy fumbling around with his own insecurities. If you're a good person, raised by good people, it's literally inconceivable that there are people that enjoy using/manipulating others. You always want to give them the benefit of the doubt and this narcissist exploits it. Once you're emotionally invested the narcissist starts using your own morals and standards against you, and makes you doubt real time experiences and feelings you have. Women aren't drawn to narcissists, they're drawn to confident, assertive men who clearly display interest and make them feel wanted.
Unfortunately, many women confuse the experience of being wanted with the ability to fact check whether this guy has all around good character.
I think the wrapper and the contents analogy is a wise one here. One always buys a candy for the contents not the wrapper yet our relationships can be so easily "sold" on the shiny expensive looking wrapping it comes in.
Look, here's the truth once and for all: If a guy doesn't make the first move with a girl he likes, his chances in relationships are very low. What I'm trying to say is, narcissists project fake confidence. An intelligent, rational woman will notice this and won't get involved. Real confidence comes from knowing how many options you have in life. But many women act on instinct in relationships. If a woman has previously had a fling or relationship with a narcissist, psychopath, or manipulator (and she usually ends up getting dumped), when she tries to flirt with someone else later, she remembers her past experience. She can't genuinely connect with someone new with real love anymore, and that woman herself becomes a red flag. And I also want to say this: Narcissists aren't respected in society; they only appear confident on the surface initially. They live fake lives.
Women are still the chased (not chaste) members of society no matter how we look at it. SO those women seek to be caught by those who will chase. Narcissistic types of men who exude confident and polish up nice do so because this will be the wrapping they seek to use to attract the gaze of women around them. These guys do this to manipulate the female psyche buy displaying and parading these traits of confident assertiveness and mirages of prosperity and potential that they can artificially hook some of them to fall for their "charms". However, once the wrapping is removed and the character and personalities given the air and light for her to scent and see, the illusion is lost and SHE will build an image of arseholes being how men are because her "female" intuition she's been told about is a sixth sense for such things and her sense she can change him (you know the 3 stages girls are taught about in marriage? Walk down the AISLE to the ALTER and sing a HYMN) to be what she deserves, desires and dreams about.
Well that candy is a liquorice and wasabi mix of lemon and uncooked rice bits which ends up being rather difficult to swallow and less enjoyable than the contents of a cat's litter tray. Unfortunately a lot of women get to experience this kind of player and end up getting upset at men being d! cks and a$$holes because they let them use their emotional attachment to the wrapper and not the candy inside.
I don't know that this is necessarily the case -- it's not "most women" for sure. However, a "good narcissist" is able to unassumingly wheedle their way into a person's life with a combination of charm and gaslighting, which draws a person in -- not just women, but guys as well -- and allows the narcissist to manipulate the terms and conditions of the personal or professional relationship till he's basically in control of the other person's life and has the power to mentally make them feel amazing or horrible about themselves.
Sure, there are also women who do things like that to hook susceptible guys, but again, that's not ALL or MOST women.
Good questions many levels to this. Many people are trapped by their learned emotional responses. What feels like love to them can be attachment issues. They wrote a narrative in their head making that guys seem better than he is and become self involved emotionally in being "picked" finally. An expression of maladaptive emotional need seeking. Very common actually for men and women. On the other side personality disorders and poor emotional empathy complete the cycle of love bombing and withdrawal. Like a slot machine that pays off just enough to keep pumping your money in. It's just human nature but hardly rare to women. Bottom line it is the hope that the relationship fantasy they have will eventually come true.
My mom⌠she was the kind of pretty that made people dangerous. Not movie-star pretty, but fragile pretty. Like stained glass. People wanted to touch her just to see if sheâd break.
She always ended up with these men who talked loud and smiled like razors.
Sheâd cry behind the bathroom door but say everything was fine when she came out. She always fixed her mascara before she talked to me.
Thatâs how I knew how bad it wasâhow long it took before she opened the door.
The demon says she was drawn to wolves because she kept dressing like a lamb. Says maybe I got that from her. Or maybe it was my fault. Says sometimes I make her cry too.
I think at the backs of their minds, women want men to be like a roller coaster... i. e. the thrill of perceived danger without the actual consequences nor threat to their wellbeing. They don't want to be with a guy whose existence is the equivalent of knitting or watching paint dry. But at some level they can't really really process the idea that if they get a dangerous, aggressive and otherwise reckless boyfriend... that they might be in actual danger of suffering actual consequences. Like they figure that if he is on their side, that they'll be shielded from all negative consequence... when in fact they're just putting themselves right in the path of danger with someone who will just use and discard them.
Because they crave abuse. It gets their vaginas tingling. They love abusive men. They're mostly emotional creatures who need those emotions to survive. They like the pain stress and violence. Treating them like crap is the only thing that works. Being nice to them usually doesn't work. Why do you think they want bad boys and druggies? They're usually completely garbage as people, but women see them as something they can change. It's all crap their mothers and female relatives tell them as children. The rich man coming to save them so they don't have to work myth, the if he mistreats you he likes you myth. Most women are morons. The smart ones are usually gay.
Iâm not one of those who spout the clichĂŠ that âwomen love bad boys,â but according to evolutionary psychology, women go wild for men who have their own authentic frame, who donât seem open to change and who stand firm against her âshit testsâ and emotional manipulations. Men who structure their lives entirely around a woman are often seen as simple and incapable of protecting themselves or any children they might have. That said, a man who resists change doesnât have to act like a jerk. Finally, just because women can seem emotional doesnât make them stupidâon average, their intelligence is equal to menâsâand theyâre realists guided by ancient instincts when it comes to relationships. Playing the bad-boy role might score you sex in the short term, but it wonât last: bad boys donât earn respect in society, and no one should recommend becoming one.
I don't agree with your premise that most women are drawn to narcissistic toxic relationships. Some women I'm sure but not most.
I'll agree that most women are naturally attracted to a man who has dominant traits but not necessarily narcissistic. There is a difference.
Dominance is a trait that is related to ability to protect. And that is a man's natural role. So a woman with natural instincts wants a dominant man because it is associated with a better protective role.
But narcissism is associated with selfishness and I don't think that most women find that attractive.
Narcists are strangely often very charismatic and charming. They gaslight you into thinking they're a great person as they drain you of everything you have to give before casting you aside when they're done with you. Parasites are very good at latching on and making sure they don't let go. It's as true for people as it is for leaches.
No, they're attracted to the illusion of strength those guys give off.. Women like good men but a lot often lack character discernment and go for the first guy that shows them what they love in a man.. Masculine behavior.. Or what is shown to them and perceived as Masculine behavior.
Because they think they need a "challenge", more stupid drama in their life with some emotional roller coaster push-pull come back\fuck off bullshit, or like being made to feel like a Gomorrian whore because a regular normal peaceful stable loving relationship is too boring or not exciting enough for them
I would even say "most". Of course there are girls who have the self-destructive instinct to date the biggest butthole on the horizon but using "most" is surely exaggerating
It's the thrill of the highs and lows of the relationship.
There aren't many who intentionally go after those relationships though.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 mo
They aren't, but many men present themselves different from that, start gaslighting and lovebombing and only then do some women realize they're dealing with a toxic narcissist.
@bddddd starting to think there won't be no stock market crash this 2025 and I may as well just get back on the horse back on the market lol stocks lol đ´đ
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