What is it difficult to be friends with guys?

[Anonymous]

Hi! I’m 20 and very shy. I mostly hang out with girls and avoid guys because they make me nervous. When I try to speak in a mixed conversation, I often go unnoticed. Maybe it’s because I take a long time to feel comfortable, so nobody finds me interesting.

Some girls seem so comfortable with guys, they laugh and joke easily while I can’t even sit near a guy without feeling anxious I don’t know why. I know looks play a role since the way you present yourself is the first impression people get, but I don’t think I’m unattractive. I’ve been hit on before, mostly when I worked as a waitress and got big tips.

I don’t have close friends so I’m often lonely and when I hang out with people it’s just girls. Maybe it makes people think that I’m not interesting?

Based on what I’ve said (being shy, backing off, not taking initiative) if you met me, would you think mean things or just not notice me and not care?

[BriamG22]

Hiii,

Sorry to hear you often feel lonely, I hope you're able to make more friends whom you bond closer with in the near future.

With regards to your anxiety its mostly practice. Recall the first time you had to give a presentation at school, it was jitters, stutters, forgetting key points and all in all a terrible experience right? But as you do more and more presentations it got significantly easier.

So, my advice is, keep hanging out with guys and with each session push yourself a little further, maybe start sitting 1 or 2 seats closer first, at least close enough where you can get words in. Then when you feel you're ready, try conversing with 1 of them instead of the whole group. Things will gradually get easier I promise.

Also, don't be afraid to fail, its a part of life. Don't care too much what people think of you, if you stutter or you feel like you said something embarassing or you feel silly, just remember you are working on you, always remember this! You are trying to get better at socializing with guys! If you hit a bump along the way, so be it.

For your last question, I can't say honestly. If I saw a girl showing signs of reclusion I would probably do something about it. I wouldn't think anything bad of you, I think it would be the same for most guys. The issue is whether or not the guys that you're with are able to pick up on the struggles that you're having. However, that's not your fault, its their fault, it means they are socially inept.

[BriamG22]

Thanks MHO!

[Orion84]

Based on how you describe yourself, I would either assume you were shy, uncomfortable, or just didn't like me for some reason. I doubt I'd have any reason to think anything mean about you.

Some people just aren't outgoing, especially around members of the opposite sex. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, if that's who you are. If you want to change that, it's something you can practice.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Men will always see you as a sexual object before they see you as a person. That’s important to keep in mind.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ever think negative things about you based on what you said. I have similar issue.

[jahaims]

You don't share enough of your personality for people to be interested

[LiamJHayden]

Most guys will pretend to be friends with girls to try to get them into bed. Unless the girl is into that, she will find it difficult as it might be easier to just assume every guy will try.

[BriamG22]

Haha, brother, why you gotta make it so doom and gloom man 🤣🤣. I mean, you have a point but I don't think its so pervasive to the extent that most guys pull that kinda crap. Maybe, over in the West guys its rampant? Since intimate activities are more accepted? But in most of Asia sex is still not an openly accepted thing, maybe even a bit of a taboo... Girls generally don't sleep around as much. I've probably only seen guys do that a couple of times in my life. Usually if a guy likes a girl it'll be stated through some kind of a confession or something similar.

Just thought to provide my two cents. But you're right though, there are plenty of assholes out there and someone lacking experience should be aware of it!

[Djaay]

Eve in the garden of Edon did the exact same thing after talking to a snake in the tree and 2000 years still is.