Why is it hard to make friends?

Question

wynning · Accepted Answer

Might be an unpopular opinion but I don't think it's making friends that's hard necessarily, it's making meaningful ones and maintaining them especially in this day and age.
But this does assume a very broad definition of what a "friend" is.

beenherebefore · Accepted Answer

As you get older people are often so busy and entangled in their own lives that they don't have the time or energy to invest in a new friendship.

Rosexøxø · Answer

I don’t know. It’s interesting cause well- this question, the concept of it, and the replies I read are all interesting.

Interesting cause we see people who seem to have little time for others, but then go home to watch LOADS of different people on tv or on their phones. Socials and entertainment. Actors with “multiple personality disorder” - joke 😂 all these characters right?

So we seem to be able to tolerate “DIFFERENCES” then, but when it comes to actually talking to these people, it’s all of a sudden intolerable. Unbearable.

Sometimes work friends gossip over the unbearable coworkers or clients. Even the bosses.

People complaining to family about work friends. Work friends complaining about relatives. Friends complaining about partners. Partners complaining about friends. PEOPLE complaining about no friends and no love life. People cheating in love relationships, or divorcing. People becoming estranged to family members.

There’s all these different types of people. Who complain about what they don’t have, or want. Not taking too seriously what they’ve got. Complaining about what they have to endure. YET taking in every type of person possible on hours of entertainment and social media. Following those they envy. Those they admire. Those who make them laugh. Tuning in for the daily video uploads. Every pointless angle on insta.

So why all these inconsistencies and irregularities?

I suppose we can relate much of this to social media and technology. Yeah. But more specifically linked to this technological trend, is people seeming to be deterred from any relationship responsibility, maybe despising “small talk,” hating or avoiding rejection, and desiring something more. WHILE giving up lots of their time for fake friends, quick flings and rebounds, and all of these characters in the alternate reality.

I think these people need help 😂

I think people do crave social interaction. People don’t HATE other humans. We enjoy seeing what others do. It’s just social media gives outlet to extreme and unnecessary criticism, and people are quick to judge or dismiss, and others have little resilience in facing rejection. Simply different interests. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know what the specific solution is for any of this, if there is one. I think people just have LOWER stamina***** in today’s age. For whatever causes. The wages. The cost of living stressors. Potential criminal activities. Too much peer competition. The pedestal we all place for perfectionism, and the boot we give ourselves which makes little to no room for self love, and self acceptance.

Poor parenting? Poor mentorship? Poor coping management? Conflict resolution? Poorly developed perceptions- earlier in life? Poor habits?

Clearly there’s lack. In some way many people think the ratios of give and take are too vastly different. The rewards are too little compared to what they have to sacrifice or undergo just to get it. Lots of people say stuff like. “Oh I don't know if I believe in love.” “Faith in humanity restored,” “protect them at all costs,” “relationship goals.” “Frenemies.” “For the streets.” “Nemesis.”

And questions like this one which has filled this site by storm, before:

”does he/she like me?”

“does he love me?” “Dos she love me?”

Are they interested?

How do we not know? Why aren’t we asking THEM? Those people in question.

People DO need to be nicer. So there’s nothing to fear, and people can look at others and say “yeah they’re approachable.”

We need to be around other humans more so we can see, with our own eyes, “oh they don’t like me.” Or “that’s not a good person.”

or…

“we really get along.”

“I really love that person.” “That’s a friend for life.” “That’s family.”

I’m not sure how we have evolved to get to this point in time. But everyone needs to be less hostile, more okay with differences, see the good in others and that be a reward, not a roadblock..

And for people to not have to question or hope on good relationships, but see them in their day to day, and be a part of good, healthy relationships.

Like I said. I don’t know what it takes.

But I do know that there is an issue with making friends and finding companionship. It is something in relation to what we can “handle” and how far we’re willing to go. What we tolerate and what we don’t.

And I do think part of it is cause of tech, and how that causes us to view others, ourselves, and how we express that to each other.

Tech or no tech, people still needed and need good mentors. Especially if they have toxic parents- which should never be the case.

Maybe the combination of unhealthy parents and overuse of social media, is what has been our greatest of downfalls. But all I can hope and say, is maybe it’s not permanent. And if it were to be. Maybe there will be exceptions. And not everyone will fit under this rule. “ “

RingOfFire · Answer

Because everyone has a busy life. Society has changed over the last 50 years. There used to be much more socialization. You had a father who went to work and a mother who stayed home to raise the kids and you could make it on that one income. Now both parents have to work to live in the same house their parents did before them. Yes they can get an extra car out of it but they have given up the normal things that human beings were designed to do such as frequent socialization.

Everyone has a busy life no and friendship is not as high on the priority list as it used to be.

Vneila21 · Answer

People like to stay in their bubble, relate to the same kind of people, and their family environment. If they find they don't relate to their family, they'll attempt to replace them. I do not think anybody really had the chance to realize differences are important; they make us who we are. Instead of realizing that, we pick fights, blame and deflect what's inside of each of us. We see what's in others, and we're afraid. We have not thought we had the power to face our troubles on our own. So, we think fixing others will be easy until the other shoe drops. After it drops, we tend to find what's easy to do.

Cormac995 · Answer

All sense of community is dead and gone. Everyone goes to public spaces to sit alone together on their phones. It used to be that you went to coffee shops and such and struck up conversations with people but now all these spaces where these things used to happen now everyone wants to be left alone. Most cities and communities no longer do things like festivals or have any community events. Potlucks are gone and people don't hang out with and befriend their neighbors anymore. There used to be block parties and such but those died out too and in these public places and events when they do happen everyone goes with people they already know and if a stranger approaches them it's weird because they are there with family or pre-existing friends and not looking to make more. In short all the spaces where you used to be able to do that our society has decided it's no longer socially acceptable to do that there.

Genie23 · Answer

Maybe because most people have social anxiety or are reserved or are too busy on their phone. When smartphones didn't exist people were more aware of their surroundings and made efforts to get to know people in person. I could be wrong, though

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

That would depend on many factors.
In my case, the problems are:

1. Most of the hobbies I actually enjoy are isolating, the only exception being multiplayer gaming.
2. Very few people out of the population are relatable.
3. I'm very busy very often, as I'm proficient in many trades and skills, and have grand aspirations and tasks that take up most of my time.
4. I work from home, by myself.
5. I have lots of pets to care for.
6. I've already graduated.
7. Most of what I buy is shipped to my house because local stores don't carry them.
8. I don't enjoy parties (unless its a LAN party), concerts, clubs, bars, etc.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

One reason I have trouble making friends is because a girl who I thought was my best friend just stopped talking to me when we started middle school and throughout all of middle school and high school she only spoke to me 3 times and because of that I have a hard time making friends because I'm afraid they'll abandon me like she did

mstbooblover · Answer

Making real friends is first of all a question of circumstances, daring to trust someone else, be honest, and accepting another person as they are. Not easy.

Making pals on the other hand is rather easy: a couple of pints, some dances, etc. But pals can become friends mind ;0)

Anonymous · Answer

It takes a good memory to have friends.
It takes effort.
When you remember what someone likes and dislikes it makes you stand out as caring, because you did care enough to remember.
This helps you select fitting gifts too.

When you ask someone their opinion listening to their response matters as they feel heard.

If you keep these in mind it helps select people you have the most common with. Personality matters too. They will be your best chance.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

It is not, for me. The way I see it, it's always the same pattern. I meet people, a small percentage of them will be of interest to me. And if I am of interest to them, then we'll be buddies talking. For a time. After a time, we may become friends. We may like each other enough to see friendship happening. Friendship as in intellectual and emotional interest, as well as trust and mutual support.

Anonymous · Answer

honestly, its because most people of those who claim they "need friends" actually don't want friends. They believe they need friends but all their actions prove otherwise,

Trust this, coming from someone who has tried so hard to make friends over the past 12 years.

If someone truly want friends, it shows. If they don't, it also shows

alice55 · Answer

Maybe because people don’t want friend? They rather have just people who they can talk to from time to rime but no real friend I guess they don’t want to out into work being friend need

SamWinchester058 · Answer

I think one reason might be because everything is digital now which cuts out our ability to see body language and hear tones in ppls voices. This makes it harder for us to understand one another when we are in person and leads to misunderstandings and difficulties in bonding. I hope in the distant future we adapt to this reality and learn why tech made some things easier and other things so much harder...

keymaker · Answer

Just hard finding meaningful connections nowadays. As you get older, your social circle will eventually get smaller. The ones that you thought were your friends in the younger days, were just passengers in your journey. In the end, the ones that stayed are only few like-minded individuals that you'll need to treasure.

exitseven · Answer

I think it is social media. Everyone has a thousand Facebook friends but most do not have one single person that they can discuss personal issues with.

genericname85 · Answer

Cause people are very diverse and it's rare to find people who fit what you need and like.

Geo1970 · Answer

If you don’t really have a personality, an inevitably if you don’t communicate with people, then what do you expect?

Jove79 · Answer

Egos.. social media has made people think they’re special. Especially women.. a girl can get 147 likes on her selfie at Starbucks, and she’ll automatically think she’s superior and won’t even make eye contact.

Shiprex · Answer

People are so much in to the online lifestyle it's breaking folks ability to connect with other's lives in real life

Nora2004_ · Answer

Probably cause some folks have alternative motives.

Anonymous · Answer

I  think they are cute. I prefer a small penis that's on a guy that knows how to listen over a guy with a giant penis who just knows how to give orgasms.

Nikki1989 · Answer

But is it? I reject more requests for friendships than I do accept them.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Personally I'm interested in friends. And I suppose people just don't have time to invest in a friendship.

es20490446e · Answer

You just need to go to some activity you enjoy.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Because in the long run, if today was the last day on earth. most, if not all, would fend for themselves, i guarantee it

Anonymous · Answer

Because people can't be sure if they can trust someone.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Some people don't trust easily. I'm one such person.

Anonymous · Answer

Because everyone now prefers to hang out individually, no one wants to deal with their friends.

chrissykerdock · Answer

ipads cellphones and blowjobs

Sevenpointfive · Answer

stop touching them?

FenixG45 · Answer

As for me, I'm neurodivergent (ND).

robocop666 · Answer

certainly is when you live in a big city

007johnwick · Answer

I think easy but it depends on yourself. 😃

jahaims · Answer

You aren't appealing

In_Trance · Answer

You're too picky

HДLILБΞУ · Answer

times have changed..

Why is it hard to make friends?

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