Would you date someone who lives with their ex?

[Anonymous]

Dating someone who lives with their ex. I went through his phone the other day and found out that they text through out the day, go out to eat on the weekends and go on day trips together. He has pictures of her on his phone.

What do you think? He swears that they are just friends and that nothing is going on between them.

[jadejess]

I have been in this particular situation recently as the ex-girlfriend. My ex and I couldn't afford to leave the house and it worked out fine when I got a new boyfriend. But I didn't go out with my ex a lot and we were both virgins so that wasn't an issue either. Considering how much time he spends with her and the fact that he's "respecting" her by not having you over, I'd say that they still have something more going on then just friends. If they were just friends, then he wouldn't have a problem introducing you to her as his girlfriend.

[Asker]

He said that they agreed that they wouldn't have anyone over out of repest for each other. He said that they don't talk abut their personal lives with each other. She knows about me but he doesn't know if she's dating anyone.

In the messages that I saw on his phone I could tell that they still really care for each other. They're supportive and encouraging,

[jadejess]

I'd just be extremely wary about it. A friend of mine was the same way with his ex and before their lease was up, he was back with her. They both had dated other people (but respected each other and didn't introduce them) but they still cared about each other too much.

[Eiffelgirl21]

from what you said, QA, I would think that maybe, he doesn't think it will work if he dates her again? So, he is still doing everythign EXCEPT for dating...and is possibly dating you because he is missing the 'dating' scene. I do not know, but sounds like too much energy..and sounds like you are worth more! ! ! ! !

[Eiffelgirl21]

Forget that. I would NEVER EVER date someone who lives with their ex.

NEVER. Sounds like a twisted relationship he has with his ex...

However, I do not know the guy. Maybe you can ask why the hell he lives with her?

And, maybe you can talk him into moving out with her?

Also, put him in your shoes!

[Asker]

What do you mean a twisted relationship?

he says that neither one of them can afford to break the lease which is up in the spring.

He and I have only been together for a couple of months and they were together for a couple of years. He told me that he has feelings for me so why is he still spending so much time together outside of being roommates.

[Eiffelgirl21]

that is a question you have to ask him, sweetie. I think his relationship with his ex is twisted..I do not know, but I know from experience with my ex...he talked to his ex girlfriend every now and then, not even constant and he grew feelings back for her. Guys seem to always want something they can't have. :-/ And, most guys that hang around their ex..well, it usually ends up again more than just friends. He is living with her? I understand, I guess..the roommate thing and they can't afford it...but...

[Eiffelgirl21]

something's gotta give..that is a TERRIBLE position for you to have to go through...And, he must know that. WTF? He is going out with her to places too. I would ask him. WHY? I do not know..that is just weird. And, if it is bothering you, like it would be me, I would talk to him about. It is almost like he is with her..but dating you too. I understand you have to trust someone first but, this is..a little pushing it. I would talk to him. And, in person, not at his house either, somewhere private

[Asker]

we usually go to my place because he says that he wants to respect her space and it upsets her to have other girls over.

I've told him that I don't like that they hang out but then he goes and hangs out with her again. I found out that they have dinners together and watch certain TV shows together. None of the texts semed sexual in nature but more like best friends. I know that she still has feelings for him and recently he hasn't said anyting bad about her & want to be friend with her.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Yeahh that is not good. And, not right. It is obvious if it makes her upset when bringing girls over that she isn't over him. I would guard your heart and break up with him..or talk to him about it, give him one last chance, and if he does nothing, then break up with him. It will save you a lot of pain in the long run. I am sorry. :/ best wishes xx P.S- Everything happens for a reason. I am going through hell at the moment too, and most likely will be single. But, I will be fine and so will you!

[Asker]

he says that he understands becuase it would upset him if he found out that another guy was there.

I just want to believe and trust him so much. His ex hasn't done anything to get in the way of our relationship.

[Eiffelgirl21]

He would be upset if another guy was there? That means he still has feelings for her.

It is really your decision and only YOU know everything that is going on, but from what I can see, he still has feelings for her and she has feelings for him. I would tell him, straight up, either you stop hanging out with her, and playing husband and wife, or I am out.

[Asker]

Some of her friends got mad that I posted a picture of us on Facebook. He didn't ask me to take the picture down, he just de-friended them.

Thats a sign.

They weren't Facebook friends for awhile and now they are, I don't know if she has said anything to him about the picture.

[Eiffelgirl21]

It is a sign. However, even HE has to know what he is doing is messed up. I would soon put him in your shoes. And, hang out with my ex!

[Asker]

I told him that I didn't lke that they hang out so much outside of being roommates and that he needed to think about how that made me feel. He said that he understood. I found out later that they went out to eat at a place like an hour away.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Yeahh..you need to dump him. You know the saying, 'if you love something, then let if free?'

Well, let him free..and if he comes back, he will come back a changed man. I am sorry. But, you deserve SO much better.

[Stacyzee]

I would never date someone living with their ex.

Many horrible problems can arise from his living situation (ex. jealously issues, arguments, more fighting etc.) especially if you two do end up dating long term.

However, I have a feeling that these two are just a bit more than just friends.

It sounds like he is telling you different because he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

[Southerngal10]

No. NEVER. People are hard to trust as it is... I feel that situation is just asking for drama and heartbreak

[Anonymous]

no. never.