What do you think of guys who have abandoned their child / children? Would you ever date someone like that or stay with them?

[Anonymous]

You met a guy and found out he and his ex were together on and off for 6 years and they had a child together, but than you later find out he was given every opportunity to have access to his child and be involved in the child's life. But he basically abandoned his own child and made zero efforts to see them.

Would you date a man who abandoned their child? and would you stay in a relationship with them, if you had been with them for 12 months and only just found out they had a child who they abandoned?

Do you ever think Karma makes people who abandon their kids suffer?

[quaranta]

I'd see multiple red flags here. He not only decided to have a kid while not being sure about wanting to be a father, but even when the kid was born he even abandoned it. It looks like someone who can't bare minimum responsibilities. If you can't be a father, or don't want, you just don't take the charge to have a baby, especially because the damage will collapse on the baby, if it was "unwanted".
(Even worse if it comes out the woman got pregnant by accident, you don't get pregnant by accident in 2022, you know perfectly how things work and if he decided to risk it then that's a major red flag).
Plus, you discovered after 12 months about this story, as if it's something marginal? It's not, he hidden this information from you on purpose. And this is the other red flag.

In general, I'd think this person is not reliable in his chioces, not even the important ones, and that I can't trust him very much so I wouldn't plan anything serious with him and would picture already getting someone else, but that's because I give really a lot of importance on responsibility, as I wouldn't want to get more responsibilities assigned to cover his lacks (like his ex wife, now charged for the kid fully, who maybe decided to have the kid with the vision of a shared parenthood instead).

Karma has nothing to do here, if women reject him because of his immaturity then be it, that's a direct consequence of the way he is and that would show in many other aspects anyway.

[Nomina]

The karma bit isn't anything I can control. Life gives good and bad things to both the good and bad. To say that only the bad suffer, isn't true. For all I know this guy will still have an awesome life whether I think he deserves it or not. So that part isn't something I would focus on.

But no, I wouldn't date him in the first place.

Had we been together for a year and then I found out, that's another story. I would encourage him as much as possible to have a relationship with his child. To get to the bottom of the story and see what can be done.

[Asker]

What would you do, if even with proof and you approach him and you do try and encourage him to have a relationship with the child, but he straight up lies and denies he has a child, and he refuses to even acknowledge the child at all, and you also found out he has been refusing to pay child support, and that he has also kept the child a secret from his own family and friends and denied his own parents any opportunity of ever knowing their grandchild?

Would you be tempted at any time to reach out to his ex to find out her side of the story?

[Nomina]

Oh if he lies about having the kid at all, then that's YET another story. The relationship would end right there. That's not okay. None of that is okay. The term "deadbeat dad" needs to come back.

Had it been a situation where the guy was afraid to have a relationship, I would stick it out. But this? No.

[Asker]

He couldn't have been that afraid to have a relationship when he married the ex despite them being on and off. They only got divorced because he abandoned her and their child the moment he found out she was pregnant. Despite him doing that, she still kept the door open for him to have a relationship with their child but he made no effort to see the child or be in the childs life. These are the things I know so far about the situation.

[Nomina]

The fear I'm mentioning here isn't about this particular situation. It was a hypothetical under which I would encourage the guy to have a relationship with his child.
It doesn't appear to be the case here.

[Guy13]

I would not date a woman who abandoned their child. They would surely abandon me. It is likely that experiencing love is something they are not capable of knowing.

[BeyondBirthday]

He is an asshole but that is up to you. What if you get pregnant do you think he will stay with you? Some guys can change.

[Asker]

They can change no doubt about that. But I guess to me, it makes me feel sick knowing they can abandon their child/ children but have a relationship with their other child / children.

[BeyondBirthday]

Well you could always talk to him about it and try and influence him to be in his child's life. Or if you don't like how he is dump him.

[Asker]

He lies and even denies he has a child. He is even refusing to pay child support. So I don't think anything I say or do will encourage him to have a relationship with his child, even more so since the child is now 5. Any photos that were sent to him of his child he either deleted the photos or threw them in the bin.

[SueShe]

If I was interested in dating in the first place, then no, of course. I would not be interested in a person that is only interested in fornicating but refuses to take the responsibility for his action.

That denotes a vile person that lacks character and personality but above all, a person that has no dignity and self-esteem.

This would be the typical kind of person that would leave anyone in need and probably even go as far as to take the last cent of a person that is dying rather than to help him/her.

To copulate is okay if both parties are consenting and adults but then you take the responsibility of your act and that applies also to a potential abortion.

If you are not ready to accept the consequences of your acts, you just don't do anything. That is not only cowardly but also selfish.

[Changiis07]

If I had just found out he had a child that would be a red flag because he isn't being completely honest with me and also it says a lot about someone if they don't care or try to put any effort into seeing them

[EmmaMary]

They are the very lowest of the lowest scum on the face of the earth... Need I say more!

[Asker]

It's a sad and heartbreaking situation.

[EmmaMary]

Never a truer word written. x

[LazerBean]

I wouldn't date someone with illegitimate children to begin with.

[Asker]

Except the child wasn't illegitimate. His ex is his ex wife. I didn't mentioned that part because I didn't think I needed too, as I completely forgot some people do automatically assume things.

[LazerBean]

Illegitimate children are normal now, so it's not an outlandish thing to assume especially in cases of child abandonment. But then again that's why I specified. I wouldn't associate with someone who abandons their legitimate children either.

[cholecourt77]

no i wouldn't cuz he could do the same to me