I have fallen into the habit of ignoring people because my self esteem fluctuates too often. My friends, family and coworkers tell me I’m a wonderful person and that I have a good personality. When I do meet new people I hear pretty soon into meeting them that I’m a nice person to be around. But my past experiences had made me start to internalize that nobody likes me. My ex boyfriend ghosted me and ended up getting with another girl even though I loved him. My friends in the past had abandoned me or bad mouthed me, and new men I met would ghost because I was too closed off or I wouldn’t be open to sex or maybe even dates. Other times I would try to date people and would hear that my walls were too high. So I recently started talking to this guy who was the last person I expected to actually help me. It’s an older man. He is 32 and I’m 24. He had a criminal past but seems to have learned from his younger years and grown to really be successful. He owns multiple businesses and has different houses all over the states. He also was a bit intimidating because he was so successful and had a few celebrity associates. But he persistently tried to talk to me in my inbox and when we did talk he assured me he was down to earth. Turns out he was. We FaceTimed and he really gave me some life changing advice. He told me I should believe in myself, that I had potential, he gave me business advice and even commented that his recently deceased grandparents would have approved of me. He told me he saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. He encouraged me to see the rest of the world outside of my small town. He wasn’t condescending whatsoever, nor did he rub his riches in. He told me his upbringing and how he thought that going to prison would be how his life was going to end until he realized it wasn’t over yet, and encouraged me to see that life had more to offer but it is what you make it. I actually do want to see where things go but I always end up pushing people away
Updates
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I swore that this successful older man was intending to manipulate me into his bed or talk to me out of boredom but once we did talk I realize he is so pressed for time and he genuinely seemed interested. He was really nice and surprisingly despite his image he was a breath of fresh air. But I can’t help but to be scared he won’t want talk to me if I let him get too close. Abandonment issues basically
