Am I abandoning this girl who’s in a toxic relationship by saying goodbye after she chose to not to accept my help? Do I keep a line open or walk on?

[Anonymous]

Here’s the complicated bit- I met her and she explained to me how bad this guy is to her. I tried to show her resources to leave him and start a new life. Then feelings emerged and we fell in love. My top priority however was to help her so she could begin a new life, by herself or with me. She also has a toddler with this guy. After everything, she doesn’t take any action and stays with the guy. It’s too painful for me and so I decided to say goodbye and move on, but I feel like I’m abandoning someone who needs help. Should I keep a line open so she has someone to call or do I let her go? I think I need to move on, I just don’t know if its wrong of me to cut her off.

[IslaTheWitch]

So. It's not easy situation and what you eould do should depend ONLY on how you feel.

She is an adult and more or less she knows her situation. She can have hopes or simply be afraid to make a step in proper direction. But it's not your responsibility. You can give her hand, but she has to want to accept it.

So if you don't feel strong enough, don't bother. It's her life, her decisions and consequences. It is how this world works.

If you feel like take her burden and be there for her, do it. But remember, no one knows when, if ever, she will be able to make a move.

I was in such relationship four years before gathered enough strength and courage to do something. It didn't work well for me but somehow, I'm still here.

[Asker]

I’m sorry for all you went through and I hope you feel like it was the right choice despite the hardships that followed. Thank you for your response. I followed this girl for a few years and nothing. So now I feel I need to reclaim my life because it’s a dead end with her. She wants to keep a secret text line going but she never texts or responds to my messages, it’s useless, I want to delete it, but I don’t know if I should keep it in case she ever needs to reach out in a crisis, but I think that’s crazy too. Just not sure, but it keeps me attached and I don’t like that

[IslaTheWitch]

You still believe she will ask for help. She probably will, but it doesn't mean she will use the help she is offered. I would even say she won't.

You have your life to live, for which you are responsible. Focus on it; don't waste it waiting for someone to wake up and start to act.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes there’s this voice in my head that says “maybe she’ll text soon and say she needs me, I can’t drop her” but I offered the most one could offer and she didn’t take it. Little chance now. It will take time for her to hopefully see that she needs to take action but if it won’t happen from me if she’s already ignored my help. Thank you for your help, I needed some reasonable advice

[IslaTheWitch]

You are welcome.

Take care of yourself.

[HateyouxD]

It's really hard for women or some people to leave toxic abusive relationships. If you love her you may have to walk away because you're only hurting yourself as she can't express that same love openly. You've already tried everything you can do

[Asker]

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. It’s a sad situation and I feel bad for women who are stuck in that kind of position. And you’re right, she doesn’t express the love back because of the complexity of the issue, so I try to understanding of that but it still hurts to have received it and then see it buried. But more importantly I pray she finds a way out. I don’t want to see her settle. But I can’t sit on the sideline forever, too.

[Joker_]

yeah you're abandoning her, but good riddance I say

[Asker]

May you explain your position? I see you’re 20 so I wonder what your experience may be on this subject, I don’t mean to offend. I do appreciate your input. Maybe I am

[Anonymous]

That makes sense to me, because she refused your help. But it also can't hurt to let her know you will help her if she reaches out.

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate that. I think she knows, it’s just our contact has reduced to almost nothing now, I know she cares and loves me but she can’t/won’t express it anymore, and it’s just too painful to watch in silence from afar her settle for her circumstances.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome.