My boyfriend is always so damn grumpy...

[Anonymous]

We've been together for over a year now. A good 70% of the time I talk to him, he's upset about something or something hurts or just something negative. It sort of brings me down. But when he's good and not Mr Grumpy Pants, he's great...I mean has me on clouds. I know that relationships are supposed to be real and I cannot expect everything to be rosey all the time but dag...I'm an upbeat person and it affects me. He hasn't been in a relationship a real relationship in quite some time. I am starting to fall for him but I fear that this could be a real deal breaker and I am having a hard time figuring out how best to bring it up w/o seeming insensitive. Its like, you had that rant yesterday...do we really have to talk about it again today. And its even starting to take away from how much he bothers to ask how I am doing. I do not want to push him away or have him to shut down on me from sharing. But is it too much to ask, "hey lets not bring up every little ruffle"?

Updates

+1 y

Honestly I am an upbeat gal moreso than not. I bring a lot of positive energy to our relationship. He has some solid character traits, ones of a great partner that I have not had in other boyfriends. He makes me want to be a better person. And he is still young enough (27) and has a drive that I believe that he knows the difference between a dream and a goal. When I say negative, he focuses more on the negative aspects of his day vs not. But when we talk he does eventually come out of it.

Updates

+1 y

Reading you guys responses is making me think...would I prefer the flip side of he not talking about the negative at all and feeling like he has to bottle it up?

[yopyopyop]

A relationship has to be balanced.

People don't change, but in their deeper character traits only. This is more a question of being positive when he's around you, which should be quite obvious to him...

I don't know how old he is, but if he hasn't understood that life is not a paradise yet, you might want to tell him that it's like that, and that you like him, but you don't appreciate his permanent rants, that it takes a little bit of efforts in order to stay in a relationship, and that being a little bit more positive would certainly help you feel better too.

Then see how much it is important for you. The problem with feelings is that they make you accept things from a bf/gf, that you wouldn't accept from an acquaintance or a friend. Then time passes, feelings always fade a little, and this is the kind of behavior al details that change from unnoticed/tolerated to unforgivable.

[aspenchef11]

Every guy you date is going to be wired a little different. This one seems to be negative most of the time. What does he do that you like that other guys don't do? If he is negative 70% of the time, how is he for the other 30%. Are you going to try to tell me that you are positive 100% of the time, because nobody is. Without balance, a relationship will be very one sided...

[Asker]

You're right. Its not so much of what he does, as how he just is. And he is consistent. I totally trust him and get this feeling of security that I've never had. I don't want to sound corny but he's such the man otherwise. It makes me think like... for that sort of feeling, I'm willing to at least try to get past his grumpiness. I hope this makes sense.

[angel1142]

Someone who is always grumpy is unhappy in his life...

Now if it bothers you that he is always grumpy, tell him how bad he makes you feel in these cases and tell him how much you love when he's just normal: remind him the few times it happened. And explain to him how it will make everything easier for you if he could durn down being so grumpy.

He should understand.

[Asker]

angel you make a great point, he is aware that he is unhappy and what he is unhappy about. and he wants to do better at addressing those things...we just both realize that its not going to happen overnight. I really like the idea of sharing how much better I feel when he is 'normal' ; it would be so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Problems are problems mentioning deal breakers is a serious statement. Don't settle and give it ample thought. I'm serous. my relationship was riddled with red flags but I married him anyway. DON'T SETTLE AND LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!.

[Anonymous]

Yuck. You don't need to be with an energy sapper. Dump the guy. Seriously. Life is too short. Notice how fast time started going by once you reached 30? It just goes faster as you get older. Don't spend your precious time on this planet trying to soothe the disthymics.

[Asker]

Doesn't feel so simple. Although you do have a point.He is younger, I always seem to attract men younger. Speaking of which, time seems to be moving more slowly now actually. I am young at heart and look much younger than 30. He has some amazing characteristics that are huge turn ons and that I greatly appreciate. Its just that this part of his character is a great challenge as well

[Opinion Owner]

Then stay and eat it. He's not going to change. Accept it and the limitations it creates.

[Asker]

I'd like to start the conversation. I'd hate to give up on him. Maybe he won't change but I'd feel like at least I tried; he's worth that much. You've definitely given me something to think on. lol @ then stay and eat it.

[Anonymous]

He's 70% a downer. Those are horrible stats. Deny as much as you want. You're wasting the last embers of your youth.

[Asker]

:(