Is it always a red flag when women have more than one kid (2-3) with different men?

Question

is it? I always notice in society that women who have their different kids with different men are never trusted. I see it as a red flag myself; not because I think they are sluts but maybe because they are complicating people that can't keep a good relationship going and don't now how to make the right choices in them. but this is my opinion, what's yours? if you see this as a red flag

timetowaste · Accepted Answer

It's easy to judge when people don't get the entire context of the whole story. Women with children by different fathers are easy to judge. Why isn't this a question that includes men with children of different mothers?

I only have one child myself.. and we were together for 5 years, even married for a couple. Everything about him indicated that he would be a great father. He was great with children, often spoke about how enthusiastic he was to have one of his own, and always said he wanted to be a better father than his own. But when that time came, he checked out and decided that what he wanted to do was more important to him than the child that he helped to create. That ended.. now.. I'm terrified to ever have children again with another person who I think is ready for it, and who will stand by me and be the person that they say they are, and the person that their actions indicate at that time because of my experience. I wasn't being irresponsible. I wasn't making poor decisions. He changed his mind when things became a reality. Is that a fault of my own? No, it isn't. I don't take lightly who I have relations with.. so if I ever do decide to have kids again with someone I love, and who also expresses that they want a child of their own, it will be after a long period of time and after very hard and long thought out consideration. Dead beat dads aren't exactly uncommon, so who is to say it won't happen again? It is a possibility. But if it does happen, it damn sure wouldn't be because I couldn't keep my legs closed and was throwing myself at every penis around, and it wouldn't be because I'm irresponsible.

This isn't to say that in some situations it SHOULD be a red flag, but it isn't really fair to judge people without knowing the entirety of their story.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm a female and I can't deny myself; I think it's a red flag.

For one, it most likely means that she does not give her body to men who specifically deserve it. Which usually indicates that they have very low self esteem and a messed up perception of their worth. Not only that, but did they just not use a condom? Because if so, then they may have some sort of STD.

Second, it's sincerely just a really bad look. Not only is it a bad look, but it's a bad situation. In cases like that, the fathers are rarely an active part in that child's life financially, mentally, and futuristically. The mom may feel bad about choosing to sleep with such a poor candidate for a father and subconsciously look for a father figure replacement to pick up the slack and make her poor judgment all better.

In all honesty, I just think that those girls have made life complex for various different people all because they couldn't keep their legs closed and control their sexual urges and it's sad.

In general, it shows extreme irresponsibility. Not only that, but the guy will have to face the pressure of becoming daddy to two or three children who are not even his. That's a lot of responsibility to put on a guy who didn't even conceive those children. There's nothing wrong with having children, but it seems pretty unfair for a guy to be expected to grow up fast and/or put his money down for children who are not his.

Stacyzee · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I think its disgusting.

It shows that the woman has low self esteem,

and is allowing any man to impregnate her.

A woman with self pride will never have a whole bunch of kids by a different man.

A woman with two different kids by two different men (I can be more understanding of her situation).

I know a girl who had her first baby at 17. She was involved with a certain boy for a while.

For the first few months of her pregnancy he treated her well. When she began to show

(the realization hit him), and he started cheating on her and hanging out late.

When the baby was born he never was there has a father.

Now this girl is 24, with another child (and is married). Things just didn't work out the first time around, so who am I to judge her based on that? The guy was a complete jerk. But of course this isn't everyones case.

Its just that things are totally different when the woman has 3 or more kids by a different man. It says a lot about her character and self worth. Its one thing to sleep around, but its another to bring innocent kids in this. Having different fathers for all of your children, only makes things more complicated. It makes me thing what is so hard about protecting yourself?

kina2k · Accepted Answer

I like this question, and I think I see what you mean by society kind of judges them.

Personally, girl with kids by different dads, or even with any kids. I wouldn't want to be with. Nothing to do with her. I just don't really see my future wife with someone else's kids. There's all the "I love her, and I love her kids blah blah." But in my ideal future, I'm married to someone that only has kids with me. Harsh but true. None of the, "you don't treat the kids equally," "You don't get on with the kid's dad." None of that extra drama that you don't really need in a relationship. Just creating extra problems. If I'm honest, It's the easy route, and when you're after your own happiness, it makes sense to avoid unnecessary drama.

Now the judgmental stuff that you can't avoid. Humans judge the future based on the past(that's all you can do). Do you want to be with someone that has concrete evidence of two failed (what you hope were long term) relationships. And then her motives, is she after a dad for her kids? Will she want kids with you as she already has two? What ended the other relationships? Sometimes it is the man, but what if it was changes in her that got rid of them?

I'd avoid if you're after a long term relationship. But as I've said that's how I look at things. From my 1st paragraph, it's not a judgement of her, it's just a situation I'd prefer not to be in.

Little-Hippie · Accepted Answer

When I meet a woman with children from other men, I don't make any assumptions about her character or her choices in life. I only make the decision that I will not be pursuing a relationship with her.

justmeagainandagain · Answer

Speaking from a purely scientific viewpoint - having children by various dads is actually a positive thing, due to the higher levels of genetic recombination! ;-)

I have noticed that some people display negative reactions towards these women and I've never quite been able to understand why. As long as the children are properly cared for and live in a responsible environment, it should not be an issue. I can understand that a man is hesitant to "adopt" another man's children and assume responsibility for an existing family, but the other misconceptions baffle me a little.

You cannot assume that a woman with 2 children by two different men is less capable of a relationship, or "sleeps around" more than a woman without children, because those assumptions are based on parameters that have nothing to do with her choices concerning reproduction. A woman might have 2 children - from the only two relationships she's ever had, whilst another woman has no children, but 50 failed or casual encounters with men under her belt.

Cocochannels · Answer

To the mom with 3 baby daddies. I have to say most are ignorant to these type of situations. I was sheltered most of my life and just thrown out in the dating field. My first child and BD I grew up knowing him and thought with a blind mind. Unfortunately we got married but as time went on I covered most of rent. Then he drops out of college after car accident. He starts trying to steal from everyone he knows. He even stole my rent money. Also instead of getting help he started dating druggies

BD #2 He is in jail for poking wholes in condoms and one of his victim committed suicide. I chose to have my baby. Yes he was a stranger and got 5 other women pregnant and vanished to different states. An sad to say 3 other women got an abortion He’s never seen any of his kids

BD3 the love of my life supports me during college and has allowed us to grow. I have a 6 figure career through the support of my 3 kids and husband. He started helping me raise my BD2 blessing when she was 6 months

Tamikaze · Answer

It depends on the details. If a woman is in and out of bad relationships with men who take no responsibility for the children and don't stay in her life, well then having several children with several men tells me she has poor self esteem and is not choosing well. She is rushing into sex and trusting men who are showing themselves to be dishonorable. That is sad and I have seen a few women like that. The children suffer a lot in these situations.

If a woman marries, has children, divorces and remarries and has a second family, I don't think that is a red flag. Marriage is difficult and when it does not work it doesn't mean you should not try it again. In those cases I usually see just 2 different families, and they are both marriages, so thought and commitment went into it before the children came along.

anon94 · Answer

If we're talking 3+ kids by different men No not a red flag more like a BIG ASS NEON BILLBOARD that screams MORON WHORE ALERT...if you can't afford birth control, or are too stupid to use condoms you shouldn't have kids in the first place..and if you're too religious for abortion you shouldn't be having sex in the first place unless married...stay away from women like this unless they're like 50 or 60  because by that age life just happens or unless you yourself are a societal blemish then hump away! Everybody needs somebody...

DebiPie · Answer

IDK, I get what you mean though, I do. You never use to see this ever! Now, it is the norm, not the exception. Myself, I would never, ever have children by more than one man, and I don't. Why? Because I see it all of the time. And these kids are usually, 1.jealous of each other about the amount of participation each others' dad's & extended family's have with each other. 2. when one or more are of different races, they tease each other terribly, so do other kids & adults.

As far as your question, yes, I can see your apprehention. Not only because the potential partner has not been able to make a go of it with one person, but because YOU are going to have to deal with all of the ex's. The kid's fathers come with the package, like it or not. And most of the time, it didn't end well. And if it were me, I'd run, not walk, from the entire situation before it started.

justin1721 · Answer

Not necessarily a red flag. I'm a father of a child with a mother who has another child from someone else. She got pregnant at 18, yes it was a stupid thing to do. But she was young and young people make mistakes. I meet her while she was pregnant, and the father didn't want anything to do with her at the time. I feel in love with her even though she was pregnant, and took the child on as my own. Two years later, we had a child of our own. Now, the father of the first kid has taken responsibility and is a part of his son's life. So, we have a mother with 2 kids, 2 different fathers. The first was a mistake, the second was a choice. But neither one of us would have it any other way. Now, after a 6+ year relationship, we are sadly not together anymore, but I know that she is a great person, and if we are not meant to be together, eventually she will find someone who she deserves. That being said, someone entering into a situation like this should approach it with extreme caution.

Anonymous · Answer

You're missing a vote for the middle ground "Maybe."

A lot depends on how old they are, for instance and how long/serious each relationship was, why it ended and how many years are between the children.

It goes for men, too. The more baby mama's a guy has, the less likely "respectable" girls seem to want to date him.

Oddly, though, looking at everyone's answers, that a lot of times this happens with people who have been married several times and not just promiscuous people... Out in the real world of marriage, sometimes even mostly good people do bad things like cheat or mismanage money or disagree on something so important that divorce happens. So a woman who has been married more than once doesn't NECESSARILY mean she's only dated "bad boys" or crap like that -- you'd be surprised at the people you find out do wrong.

toulouse · Answer

its natural. that's hoe it happens in nature. why is everyone on here so quick to use the nature argument when talking about guys having to have sex, rough sex. domination, or be a**holes, or do w/e the hell they want. but women having different kids, from different people s a major event in nature, & suddenly nature is no where to be seen.

anyways wh are all of you t judge. what fantastic things have you dine, that you are so superior to someone who brought life into the world, by different people. its none of your business.

there are plenty of insane psychopaths who never had kids& will make hideous partners, so what.

katylaura · Answer

obviously there are situations were having children by different fathers is understandable, but yes, I fall into the category of judging people who have children by with different partners (both men and women). I wouldn't think about a person having children with two different people a "red flag", but three or more would probably make me question them. are they too stupid to use protecttion? do they sleep around a lot? do they try to use children to trap their partner? are they incapable of being in a long term relationship? stupid, judgmental thoughts I know, but they are often proved right.

ketfoen · Answer

i've read the girls and guys thought on this and it seems most guys are on the same page as for the girls, it seems most of them get pretty defensive and start to argue through changing the roles of the question, making the guys look bad and the villain in all of this.

Understandable if all the females become a bit defensive because it's like attacking their sexuality.

I'm on the same page with most guys, a woman with 3 kids from 3 different fathers is a red flag in most cases, I think in just a few rare cases it isn't, but we have to go with the majority on this one.

NoOneListens21 · Answer

I believe the circumstances depends on whether or not it's a red flag.

Red flags would be: He had casual sex with multiple women and knocked them up. He treated them badly while he was in the relationship with them. He abused his kids/or the mother of his kids. He neglects the kids. Doesn't own up to his role as a father. He cheated and had these kids around the same time. These would be red flags to mi.

He could have donated sperm, helped out a friend who was having trouble, had gotten a divorce or a few. Maybe he had a kid with his girlfriend and it wasn't planned. who knows. but I would try to find out why he has so many if he has like over 10 kids O_O; yeah...i'd be suspicious off the bat. lol

MrOracle · Answer

My godmother's son, who I grew up with like a brother and is the same age as me, started dating a psycho trailer-trash girl (no one knows why), got her pregnant, had the kid, and not long after got married. That lasted about 4 years, and most of us knew it was doomed from the beginning.

Since then, she's had 4 more kids with 3 different guys (two were husbands): that's 5 kids, 4 baby-daddies! And she may be pregnant again, with yet a different man's kid. She also had several "scares" while married.

Obviously, this is a huge red flag.

But as people have pointed out, you really need to find out what the story is.

And I also agree that men who have children with multiple women are no better, and are sometimes worse.

want2helpout84 · Answer

Some guys leave the women they impregnate

How the hell is that the woman's fault!?

I'm not a single mom but you shouldn't cafeterias them right away.sure it would be ideal if she had kids with you and only you but some guys are just mean and didn't want the child to begin with.

Anonymous · Answer

Some people have no excuse, others do.  It would make me put my guard up, that's for sure, but I wouldn't completely discredit a person because they have children with more than one man/woman.  What about the guys?  Don't they matter?  It's OK to sleep around and impregnate a whole bunch of women?  A women can only have one baby every 9 months, a guy could knock up a different chick every day.  That's sort of scary.  The thought of dealing with an ex baby momma is what would keep me from dating a guy with kids.  So, how bout if there were three ex baby mammas?  What a nightmare!

unsure101 · Answer

You can't say that a woman who has kids by different dads is bad. I have two kids by two different fathers and just remarried. No one knows what will happen in a relationship. My first I was really young (16) and he made me promises that he was a good guy and I married him. Turned out he was cheating on me with every woman he would meet. I fell in love again at 24. had my daughter. He started doing drugs and drinking, would abuse me emotionally and could not keep a job. I struggled with leaving because I didn't want to be that woman who had two kids by two baby daddies but I had to leave for my kids sake. I am now remarried and happy to a man who saw that I was a great woman who had bad luck with men.

Not all woman who have kids by different fathers are bad, it could easily be that they picked the bad boys.

jamie15666 · Answer

Actually she prob has a good heart! Wants to be loved by a good guy and keeps getting a bad one!Usually girls like that ull find that dad wasn't around and she believes pretty much everything the guy tells her and believes the guys words instead of actions its sad! Most likely she thinks there is something wrong with her instead of the piece of trash she gave her heart to. She is wrong cause she has bad judgement not a bad heart.

ImperfectDVM · Answer

Many times it is to me, many times not.

I have to remind myself that I don't know the whole back story of what has happened.

There are times where I feel there is no excuse to what she's doing.

I know of a girl with 2 different kids, by two different guys. She has 3rd one on the way, by yet another guy.

It makes me sad. I pray the children have what they need. =(

I would say, put your guard up-until you're sure about them.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly, it's a huge red flag. It reminds me of a quote: "Everything happens for a reason... sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad choices."

A few factors should be taken into account...
With every major relationship she had, did she have a kid? RED FLAG!
Were any of her kids conceived in wedlock? No? RED FLAG!
Does she have 2 baby daddies and still want MORE kids? Yes? RED FLAG!
Does she have more than 2 baby daddies? Yes? RED FLAG!

Classy men do not go for low-class women who can't properly utilize birth control and insist on keeping every "oops baby" they conceive with whatever grimey guy they get involved with who will put up with that nonsense.

nicky44 · Answer

i am a mum with two children to different dads and I think it is unfair to red flag anyone in this situation.  Before you red flag a girl or a guy for that reason get to know them and there history first. A lot of us have innocent reasons or have made poor choices in life but that doesn't mean we haven't learnt from those choices.  I myself was in a 6 year relationship with a guy who when I had my son then turned abusive, so for my sons sake and mine I didn't stay. my second child was with a abusive acholic id been with for 5 years although id been using protection I still got pregnant due to a lowered immune system. I left once I had my daughter. My children are 20yrs and 13 years and I've never had another pregnancy again. You see although I made young and foolish mistakes I learnt never to go there again. So please as with every relationship whether children are involved or not get to know the other person before passing any judgements.

HeroOfVillains · Answer

Wow what a judgmental question... little intellectually to it except you think women that get pregnant with more than one man should never to be trusted. I say, no she is just as trust worthy as any one else, she has just been careless and made some mistakes. In life sh*t happens, no need to hate on people for being dealt a bad hand.

datingagain84 · Answer

I am one of these mothers..and just like the saying goes.. DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER..  You do not know anyones story..for instance.. My oldest childs father and I were best friends since grade school.. As we hit our teenage years (16-19) we began a physical relationship.. We were never what you would call a "couple" even with our precautions taken I  became pregnant..we maintained our friendship and coparent my oldest son.. When my son was 3 months old I got with a man.. After four years I had baby number two with father number two.. I spent 5 more years with father number 2.. The worst decision I made was not being careful enough and becoming a young mother.but I wouldn't trade my children for the world. By no means should it toss up any flags..no matter what color.. First find out how her situation came about before you judge

benzelizabeth · Answer

I have three kids with two different fathers. I was married at 15 and our marriage just fell apart. He started doings drugs and when I couldent help him stop I left for my own sanity. I remarried and had another child.

I don't judge people,life happens.

brian-h-2008 · Answer

I don't think a girl in that situation gets around more than anyone else. I just think they haven't been as careful as other people. Or haven't learned from their mistakes. That is just what I think. And I am really sorry if I stepped on anybodies toes. I just wanted to give an honest answer.

MsPanama · Answer

I see a lot of women get labelled for that but when its between 2-3 kids I don't judge until I know the person but if she has 4 or more and non of them have the same father and they all young and no more than 2 years apart...u gotta think twice cause its not a good look. No way around it.

(Now go answer my question Mister...I would like a Male's opinion...lol.)

goldgunsgirls · Answer

Yup, most likely a red flag. I'd be thinking something along the lines of how she didn't learn how to choose better men or made the same mistake somehow.

It'd also be a red flag if it was a guy who had multiple children with more than one woman.

Of course, this is assuming they're single parents.

DutchAtheist · Answer

It is always a red flag. But red flags signal potential threat, not real threat per se.

If such a girl screws you over, you can't really say that there was no red flag right?

And if it goes well and she's great, you should expect someone to say: "Sure there was a red flag, but I trusted her".

SarahHen · Answer

I think so, but then again the first thing that comes to mind is the Maury show and "You are not the father!" and those women need more than red flags! But it depends on the person too, I'm sure some are careless, slutty and in some cases just dumber than a sack of hammers. But others, like you said have relationship issues in regards to keeping them or possibly rape, which is an entirely different issue

hes1985 · Answer

It is circumstances, if the woman was in serious relationships, or was married it's understandable things do happen. I believe that when a woman is single and have children without even being in a relationships is morally irresponsible, not only for her but the children expecially when she can't support them on her own, and expects the fathers and state to pay her way cause she can't keep a job and abandons the children to go party and get high. Instead of giving them time with their fathers she leaves them with who ever.

LoveLust · Answer

If she's a really nice person or has a nice body, then maybe the guys used her for sex. If she's around the age of 25, then most likely products of one night stands. There are a lot of different ideas on who she is. Maybe she was a fast paced dater. There are endless possiblities, but do try and keep an open mind about her before you make any judgements.

Olivia9 · Answer

No, actually. My mom was married to my father for 8 years had me then divorced and got remarried to my step father 4 years later and had me. No it doesn't mean that the woman is a whore, I think people need to look at the big picture of things. Perhaps they are responsible when it comes to raising their children. I just think it's funny that the same people that bash abortion call women with kids by different men sluts. It's like if you abort the baby then you are a murderer and if you keep it you have evidence of sleeping with men. Age, time between pregnancies, whether or not they were in serious committed relationships or not all factor in. You can't paint everyone with a broad brush like that. This is the 21st century and there are numerous types of families. Don't demonize a specific group because you are too narrow minded to understand another lifestyle or family than your own.

Anonymous · Answer

One father is understandable. She was in love, she thought they'd be together forever, he turned out be be a douchebag... eh, it happens. I like/want kids, so I could probably get past that.

Two different fathers? Well, fine if she's still WITH one of them. If she's not, then it shows that she doesn't have incredibly good judgement. That'd probably be a deal breaker for me, because that's a lot of emotional baggage to carry.

Three or more fathers? You've got to be kidding me.

zachg · Answer

Hell yeah it should tip you off to be careful, if she just sleeps around and is too dumb to use birth control then stay away. And even if she's a good woman who just had bad luck with a bunch of different guys there's gonna be some big baggage to handle there

Anonymous · Answer

I'd see this as a red flag in a guy also not just a girl.

If you are having multiple kids with multiple people it probably means you have a hard time finding what you really want, knowing what you really want, or you just are too complicated to have a relationship with and don't know what you want.

Well it's not really that big of an issue with me since I'm with a guy (thank God) who was with a girl who didn't want to have any kids so he doesn't have any kids...

ilovebender · Answer

Another factor could also be that they have terrible taste in men. Men who cheat, abuse or leave when they get bored. I am sure this is the case with some of them.

Anonymous · Answer

If she was raped by two men and, out of the goodness of her heart, decided to have the babies, not abort them...?

However, by your standard she should've aborted so she isn't perceived to be a slut and rejected by men from a distance.

Todays score:

Pro-choicer +1

Pro-lifers -1

Anonymous · Answer

You should at least said more than 2 and never been married,  Because you could have been married divorce and remarried.  But women with 3 baby daddy's or more and never been married,  Is very poor judgement.  I've been married and my kids are by my husband ,  And I'm glad.  I never like different baby daddy's,  That's why you should be married before having children.  But things in love does happen to people ,  You never know.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

depends how old she is and how far the kids are spaced apart. if they are like one year old, 2 year old and 5 month old with all different dads then yes lol

vishna · Answer

I think it is in most instances, not in all, but in most yes. It shows that maintaining a relationship isn't one of her strong points and like you said making the good decisions in the relationship isn't a strong point either.

raven333 · Answer

It shows poor judgement and not being that intelligent, on her part. I understand if it's 2 different daddy's but, that's pushing it.

datingagain84 · Answer

How is it that a personal opinion can be turned into a fight.. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.. Bashing anyone for any mistakes in life is never ok.. I see all these answers and I'm appauled at the name calling.. Yes sometimes a mother with more than one baby father could be from bad personal choices but YOU DONT KNOW FOR SURE..  Before you judge anyone else you better make sure you're perfect

SixStringSeal · Answer

It's not always a red flag, I think you'd need to know more about the history there.

Personally though it's just not what I'm looking for in a relationship. Not because the person is bad anything it's just not the family situation that I'd want.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

If she's married, has a kid, and then get's divorced, and remarried and has a kid, then no...otherwise yes. Same goes for guy though too.

mimikaycool · Answer

If she has the kids while she's married, not necessarily. But if they're with different guys, porbably.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

Of course it is a red flag. People need to be held accountable, for the decisions that they have made in the past. If someone has a history of bad decisions, then that is a red flag.

MissLeslie · Answer

This is a red flag for both genders, but yeah I see what you mean, it is a red flag.

whattothink · Answer

Depends on what the situation was. But generally I think it a red flag. Now if they are far apart that's a different story. A year or two eh gives me pause.

TTWICE · Answer

Red flag.  Ditch the bitch.  More than likely she has baggage you probably don't want to deal with. Plenty of fish in the sea bro.

martyfellow · Answer

Usually they are some sort of gang girl who goes with different gang members...at least in the big city, it's that way.

7gnat · Answer

I completely see it as a red flag. I can see it happening once but not twice or a third time etc etc. If a woman has two or 3 different baby daddies then it shows how irresponsible she really is.

BigDog1989 · Answer

Eh, not really. Just usually means the men in her life wound up being douchebags, as usual

In reality, women just want a man who's honest and they can rely on. If you can't be there for her, and be honest with her. Why should she be with you?

scorpioGirl01 · Answer

I don't think so.. its when she has one kid and doesn't know who the father is between 2-3 guys that would raise a flag for me..

forever_broken · Answer

It always depends. You don't know a person's life story. I'm not going to judge.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely. At the very least, it shows she has horrible judgment.

carnations99 · Answer

I would say run... as a female that is a huge red flag...

WhitneySnow · Answer

Yeah but guys who do that are a red flag too.

Hades · Answer

A blood red flag flowing in the wind, raised sky high for all to see.

G_GTom · Answer

Most single women with kids are looking for an easy meal ticket.

Anonymous · Answer

I see that as a red flag in women as I see that as a red flag in men (fathering different children with different women).

Anonymous · Answer

It certainly shows that she is careless. If it happens one time, well sometimes things happen. If it happens more then once, something is not quite right with her. I can understand why guys would consider that a red flag.

Anonymous · Answer

back in the native times girls would have babies with like all kinds of dudes

Is it always a red flag when women have more than one kid (2-3) with different men?

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