It's easy to judge when people don't get the entire context of the whole story. Women with children by different fathers are easy to judge. Why isn't this a question that includes men with children of different mothers?
I only have one child myself.. and we were together for 5 years, even married for a couple. Everything about him indicated that he would be a great father. He was great with children, often spoke about how enthusiastic he was to have one of his own, and always said he wanted to be a better father than his own. But when that time came, he checked out and decided that what he wanted to do was more important to him than the child that he helped to create. That ended.. now.. I'm terrified to ever have children again with another person who I think is ready for it, and who will stand by me and be the person that they say they are, and the person that their actions indicate at that time because of my experience. I wasn't being irresponsible. I wasn't making poor decisions. He changed his mind when things became a reality. Is that a fault of my own? No, it isn't. I don't take lightly who I have relations with.. so if I ever do decide to have kids again with someone I love, and who also expresses that they want a child of their own, it will be after a long period of time and after very hard and long thought out consideration. Dead beat dads aren't exactly uncommon, so who is to say it won't happen again? It is a possibility. But if it does happen, it damn sure wouldn't be because I couldn't keep my legs closed and was throwing myself at every penis around, and it wouldn't be because I'm irresponsible.
This isn't to say that in some situations it SHOULD be a red flag, but it isn't really fair to judge people without knowing the entirety of their story.
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I'm a female and I can't deny myself; I think it's a red flag.
For one, it most likely means that she does not give her body to men who specifically deserve it. Which usually indicates that they have very low self esteem and a messed up perception of their worth. Not only that, but did they just not use a condom? Because if so, then they may have some sort of STD.
Second, it's sincerely just a really bad look. Not only is it a bad look, but it's a bad situation. In cases like that, the fathers are rarely an active part in that child's life financially, mentally, and futuristically. The mom may feel bad about choosing to sleep with such a poor candidate for a father and subconsciously look for a father figure replacement to pick up the slack and make her poor judgment all better.
In all honesty, I just think that those girls have made life complex for various different people all because they couldn't keep their legs closed and control their sexual urges and it's sad.
In general, it shows extreme irresponsibility. Not only that, but the guy will have to face the pressure of becoming daddy to two or three children who are not even his. That's a lot of responsibility to put on a guy who didn't even conceive those children. There's nothing wrong with having children, but it seems pretty unfair for a guy to be expected to grow up fast and/or put his money down for children who are not his.
Honestly, I think its disgusting.
It shows that the woman has low self esteem,
and is allowing any man to impregnate her.
A woman with self pride will never have a whole bunch of kids by a different man.
A woman with two different kids by two different men (I can be more understanding of her situation).
I know a girl who had her first baby at 17. She was involved with a certain boy for a while.
For the first few months of her pregnancy he treated her well. When she began to show
(the realization hit him), and he started cheating on her and hanging out late.
When the baby was born he never was there has a father.
Now this girl is 24, with another child (and is married). Things just didn't work out the first time around, so who am I to judge her based on that? The guy was a complete jerk. But of course this isn't everyones case.
Its just that things are totally different when the woman has 3 or more kids by a different man. It says a lot about her character and self worth. Its one thing to sleep around, but its another to bring innocent kids in this. Having different fathers for all of your children, only makes things more complicated. It makes me thing what is so hard about protecting yourself?
I like this question, and I think I see what you mean by society kind of judges them.
Personally, girl with kids by different dads, or even with any kids. I wouldn't want to be with. Nothing to do with her. I just don't really see my future wife with someone else's kids. There's all the "I love her, and I love her kids blah blah." But in my ideal future, I'm married to someone that only has kids with me. Harsh but true. None of the, "you don't treat the kids equally," "You don't get on with the kid's dad." None of that extra drama that you don't really need in a relationship. Just creating extra problems. If I'm honest, It's the easy route, and when you're after your own happiness, it makes sense to avoid unnecessary drama.
Now the judgmental stuff that you can't avoid. Humans judge the future based on the past(that's all you can do). Do you want to be with someone that has concrete evidence of two failed (what you hope were long term) relationships. And then her motives, is she after a dad for her kids? Will she want kids with you as she already has two? What ended the other relationships? Sometimes it is the man, but what if it was changes in her that got rid of them?
I'd avoid if you're after a long term relationship. But as I've said that's how I look at things. From my 1st paragraph, it's not a judgement of her, it's just a situation I'd prefer not to be in.
When I meet a woman with children from other men, I don't make any assumptions about her character or her choices in life.
I only make the decision that I will not be pursuing a relationship with her.
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Speaking from a purely scientific viewpoint - having children by various dads is actually a positive thing, due to the higher levels of genetic recombination! ;-)
I have noticed that some people display negative reactions towards these women and I've never quite been able to understand why. As long as the children are properly cared for and live in a responsible environment, it should not be an issue. I can understand that a man is hesitant to "adopt" another man's children and assume responsibility for an existing family, but the other misconceptions baffle me a little.
You cannot assume that a woman with 2 children by two different men is less capable of a relationship, or "sleeps around" more than a woman without children, because those assumptions are based on parameters that have nothing to do with her choices concerning reproduction. A woman might have 2 children - from the only two relationships she's ever had, whilst another woman has no children, but 50 failed or casual encounters with men under her belt.To the mom with 3 baby daddies. I have to say most are ignorant to these type of situations. I was sheltered most of my life and just thrown out in the dating field. My first child and BD I grew up knowing him and thought with a blind mind. Unfortunately we got married but as time went on I covered most of rent. Then he drops out of college after car accident. He starts trying to steal from everyone he knows. He even stole my rent money. Also instead of getting help he started dating druggies
BD #2 He is in jail for poking wholes in condoms and one of his victim committed suicide. I chose to have my baby. Yes he was a stranger and got 5 other women pregnant and vanished to different states. An sad to say 3 other women got an abortion He’s never seen any of his kids
BD3 the love of my life supports me during college and has allowed us to grow. I have a 6 figure career through the support of my 3 kids and husband. He started helping me raise my BD2 blessing when she was 6 monthsIt depends on the details. If a woman is in and out of bad relationships with men who take no responsibility for the children and don't stay in her life, well then having several children with several men tells me she has poor self esteem and is not choosing well. She is rushing into sex and trusting men who are showing themselves to be dishonorable. That is sad and I have seen a few women like that. The children suffer a lot in these situations.
If a woman marries, has children, divorces and remarries and has a second family, I don't think that is a red flag. Marriage is difficult and when it does not work it doesn't mean you should not try it again. In those cases I usually see just 2 different families, and they are both marriages, so thought and commitment went into it before the children came along.If we're talking 3+ kids by different men No not a red flag more like a BIG ASS NEON BILLBOARD that screams MORON WHORE ALERT...if you can't afford birth control, or are too stupid to use condoms you shouldn't have kids in the first place..and if you're too religious for abortion you shouldn't be having sex in the first place unless married...stay away from women like this unless they're like 50 or 60 because by that age life just happens or unless you yourself are a societal blemish then hump away! Everybody needs somebody...
IDK, I get what you mean though, I do. You never use to see this ever! Now, it is the norm, not the exception. Myself, I would never, ever have children by more than one man, and I don't. Why? Because I see it all of the time. And these kids are usually, 1.jealous of each other about the amount of participation each others' dad's & extended family's have with each other. 2. when one or more are of different races, they tease each other terribly, so do other kids & adults.
As far as your question, yes, I can see your apprehention. Not only because the potential partner has not been able to make a go of it with one person, but because YOU are going to have to deal with all of the ex's. The kid's fathers come with the package, like it or not. And most of the time, it didn't end well. And if it were me, I'd run, not walk, from the entire situation before it started.Not necessarily a red flag. I'm a father of a child with a mother who has another child from someone else. She got pregnant at 18, yes it was a stupid thing to do. But she was young and young people make mistakes. I meet her while she was pregnant, and the father didn't want anything to do with her at the time. I feel in love with her even though she was pregnant, and took the child on as my own. Two years later, we had a child of our own. Now, the father of the first kid has taken responsibility and is a part of his son's life. So, we have a mother with 2 kids, 2 different fathers. The first was a mistake, the second was a choice. But neither one of us would have it any other way. Now, after a 6+ year relationship, we are sadly not together anymore, but I know that she is a great person, and if we are not meant to be together, eventually she will find someone who she deserves. That being said, someone entering into a situation like this should approach it with extreme caution.
You're missing a vote for the middle ground "Maybe."
A lot depends on how old they are, for instance and how long/serious each relationship was, why it ended and how many years are between the children.
It goes for men, too. The more baby mama's a guy has, the less likely "respectable" girls seem to want to date him.
Oddly, though, looking at everyone's answers, that a lot of times this happens with people who have been married several times and not just promiscuous people... Out in the real world of marriage, sometimes even mostly good people do bad things like cheat or mismanage money or disagree on something so important that divorce happens. So a woman who has been married more than once doesn't NECESSARILY mean she's only dated "bad boys" or crap like that -- you'd be surprised at the people you find out do wrong.its natural. that's hoe it happens in nature. why is everyone on here so quick to use the nature argument when talking about guys having to have sex, rough sex. domination, or be a**holes, or do w/e the hell they want. but women having different kids, from different people s a major event in nature, & suddenly nature is no where to be seen.
anyways wh are all of you t judge. what fantastic things have you dine, that you are so superior to someone who brought life into the world, by different people. its none of your business.
there are plenty of insane psychopaths who never had kids& will make hideous partners, so what.obviously there are situations were having children by different fathers is understandable, but yes, I fall into the category of judging people who have children by with different partners (both men and women). I wouldn't think about a person having children with two different people a "red flag", but three or more would probably make me question them. are they too stupid to use protecttion? do they sleep around a lot? do they try to use children to trap their partner? are they incapable of being in a long term relationship? stupid, judgmental thoughts I know, but they are often proved right.
i've read the girls and guys thought on this and it seems most guys are on the same page as for the girls, it seems most of them get pretty defensive and start to argue through changing the roles of the question, making the guys look bad and the villain in all of this.
Understandable if all the females become a bit defensive because it's like attacking their sexuality.
I'm on the same page with most guys, a woman with 3 kids from 3 different fathers is a red flag in most cases, I think in just a few rare cases it isn't, but we have to go with the majority on this one.I believe the circumstances depends on whether or not it's a red flag.
Red flags would be: He had casual sex with multiple women and knocked them up. He treated them badly while he was in the relationship with them. He abused his kids/or the mother of his kids. He neglects the kids. Doesn't own up to his role as a father. He cheated and had these kids around the same time. These would be red flags to mi.
He could have donated sperm, helped out a friend who was having trouble, had gotten a divorce or a few. Maybe he had a kid with his girlfriend and it wasn't planned. who knows. but I would try to find out why he has so many if he has like over 10 kids O_O; yeah...i'd be suspicious off the bat. lolMy godmother's son, who I grew up with like a brother and is the same age as me, started dating a psycho trailer-trash girl (no one knows why), got her pregnant, had the kid, and not long after got married. That lasted about 4 years, and most of us knew it was doomed from the beginning.
Since then, she's had 4 more kids with 3 different guys (two were husbands): that's 5 kids, 4 baby-daddies! And she may be pregnant again, with yet a different man's kid. She also had several "scares" while married.
Obviously, this is a huge red flag.
But as people have pointed out, you really need to find out what the story is.
And I also agree that men who have children with multiple women are no better, and are sometimes worse.Some guys leave the women they impregnate
How the hell is that the woman's fault!?
I'm not a single mom but you shouldn't cafeterias them right away.sure it would be ideal if she had kids with you and only you but some guys are just mean and didn't want the child to begin with.Some people have no excuse, others do. It would make me put my guard up, that's for sure, but I wouldn't completely discredit a person because they have children with more than one man/woman. What about the guys? Don't they matter? It's OK to sleep around and impregnate a whole bunch of women? A women can only have one baby every 9 months, a guy could knock up a different chick every day. That's sort of scary. The thought of dealing with an ex baby momma is what would keep me from dating a guy with kids. So, how bout if there were three ex baby mammas? What a nightmare!
You can't say that a woman who has kids by different dads is bad. I have two kids by two different fathers and just remarried. No one knows what will happen in a relationship. My first I was really young (16) and he made me promises that he was a good guy and I married him. Turned out he was cheating on me with every woman he would meet. I fell in love again at 24. had my daughter. He started doing drugs and drinking, would abuse me emotionally and could not keep a job. I struggled with leaving because I didn't want to be that woman who had two kids by two baby daddies but I had to leave for my kids sake. I am now remarried and happy to a man who saw that I was a great woman who had bad luck with men.
Not all woman who have kids by different fathers are bad, it could easily be that they picked the bad boys.Actually she prob has a good heart! Wants to be loved by a good guy and keeps getting a bad one!Usually girls like that ull find that dad wasn't around and she believes pretty much everything the guy tells her and believes the guys words instead of actions its sad! Most likely she thinks there is something wrong with her instead of the piece of trash she gave her heart to. She is wrong cause she has bad judgement not a bad heart.
Many times it is to me, many times not.
I have to remind myself that I don't know the whole back story of what has happened.
There are times where I feel there is no excuse to what she's doing.
I know of a girl with 2 different kids, by two different guys. She has 3rd one on the way, by yet another guy.
It makes me sad. I pray the children have what they need. =(
I would say, put your guard up-until you're sure about them.Honestly, it's a huge red flag. It reminds me of a quote: "Everything happens for a reason... sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad choices."
A few factors should be taken into account...
With every major relationship she had, did she have a kid? RED FLAG!
Were any of her kids conceived in wedlock? No? RED FLAG!
Does she have 2 baby daddies and still want MORE kids? Yes? RED FLAG!
Does she have more than 2 baby daddies? Yes? RED FLAG!
Classy men do not go for low-class women who can't properly utilize birth control and insist on keeping every "oops baby" they conceive with whatever grimey guy they get involved with who will put up with that nonsense.i am a mum with two children to different dads and I think it is unfair to red flag anyone in this situation. Before you red flag a girl or a guy for that reason get to know them and there history first. A lot of us have innocent reasons or have made poor choices in life but that doesn't mean we haven't learnt from those choices. I myself was in a 6 year relationship with a guy who when I had my son then turned abusive, so for my sons sake and mine I didn't stay. my second child was with a abusive acholic id been with for 5 years although id been using protection I still got pregnant due to a lowered immune system. I left once I had my daughter. My children are 20yrs and 13 years and I've never had another pregnancy again. You see although I made young and foolish mistakes I learnt never to go there again. So please as with every relationship whether children are involved or not get to know the other person before passing any judgements.
Wow what a judgmental question... little intellectually to it except you think women that get pregnant with more than one man should never to be trusted. I say, no she is just as trust worthy as any one else, she has just been careless and made some mistakes. In life sh*t happens, no need to hate on people for being dealt a bad hand.
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