Boys (and girls) why does it seem like only weird guys like me?

[Anonymous]

Not to sound like I think I'm better than everyone or judgmental, I've dated plenty of guys that were known much more for their personality than looks, but it seems like the majority of guys that like me or ask me out are the "weird" guys in school or guys I have NEVER talked to before. I don't not date them because they're known as "weird", but I'm not attracted to them. I have nothing in common with them either. With most of them, I don't even know they like me until someone is giggling and telling me that the weird kid in the class likes me. This is happened almost every year of school. Out of all of my friends, I was the one that ALWAYS attracted the weird guys.

I'm trying to word this best I can without sounding mean, but this confuses me. It seems people I've never talked to or guys with really low social skills are like 90 percent of the boys that like me.

I'm eighteen, and there's only been two occasions where I liked a guy that liked me back. (That I know of)

Not to sound conceited, but to add more detail about myself: I'm smart and creative, I've been told I'm beautiful all my life, I'm funny, I'm average height and slim, I dress well, and I have a variety of friends.

This sounds really bad, but I can't think of another way to word it... Why do these boys think they have a chance with me? And why doesn't anyone I'm interested in, interested in me?

I rarely go on Facebook, because every time I do, I get chats from boys I've never talked to or even noticed in my class. I get hit on by them in my messages, as well.

I'm just really confused. I'm just as friendly, funny, and attractive as girls who get the "cool" guys or the guys they want, at least.

Sometimes, I think it's because I'm too nice. I treat everyone well, despite their social status. It's how I was raised, and I don't feel right making fun of people, especially people who haven't done anything wrong to me.

I thought maybe my kindness could be a reason why, but then there are "weird" guys I've NEVER talked to before, had any classes with, and didn't even know they knew me. What bothers me most is that, if I never talk to them or they don't know me at all, how is it even possible for them to like me?

Guys...Any help? And girls, if you have a similar experience it'd be great to share.

[journeyman1126]

I don't want to be cruel and tell you you're a stuck up girl who is too judgmental of the guys who want to date her.

I'd say what you need to do is re-examine your personality by taking the Myers-Briggs personality inventory, and see if you're really as extroverted as you think you are. Most of us shy geeky types will go after other introverts, because we have been burned by socialites, or they just don't appeal to us intellectually.

You may be coming off as approachable but insecure - and the alpha males you're wanting to attract may be going for the more glamorous types.

Anyway. Do the personality inventory. Ask a few of the flies on the wall that you don't pay attention to in school how everyone thinks of you. You may be surprised what persona you're portraying. I learned long ago that on the social scene, we are not so much ourselves as we are the collection of impressions we make on others.

That's why once you're out in the "real world" all of your time will be spent chasing better credit, better social circles, and a better reputation. Because as you're learning now, in America it's what you look like that matters. Take the current election and try to remember one specific fact about the campaigns. Then try to remember one embarrassing thing either candidate has said. Which is easier to bring to mind?

And that's my wry social commentary of the day. Take it with a grain of salt.

Now imagine those boys who are approaching you, and ignore what anyone else has to say about them. Look them in the eyes, and see how they treat you. Watch how they act, and ask yourself if people are misunderstanding them, or if the grapevine is producing sour grapes because of envy or snobbery.

Is the weirdest kid in class also the best poet? Or the one who works constantly to overcome some family stigma they had nothing to do with? Why are they considered weird, and why do you care what anyone else thinks?

[TheDigitalSaint]

So you think you're a certain "type" of girl that guys should want, right? You are after a certain type of guy that you want, right? If that type of guy isn't coming up to you, why is that? My guess is that who you are isn't as attractive to who you'd like to be with as you'd like to imagine, otherwise they would have come up already. Don't overestimate your attractiveness to men, but instead approach them.

The only way to find out if you're capable of snagging one of the "cool" guys is for you to take responsibility for your own dating life. Go up to one of the cool guys and start flirting with him. If he responds, it turns out that you were in his league. If you hit on multiple guys that you think are cool, and they don't respond, then it means that the types of guys you are attracted to, aren't attracted in return. The only way for you to find out is to stop being so passive and approach guys first.

[Asker]

No. I don't like jock guys or popular guys if that's what you're implying. God... what I think is cool in a guy is much different from most girls my age...

And it's not really that I think I'm a certain "type". I'm just confused by why I attract so many people that have something ..."off" about them. I don't think I'm better than them, I'm just confused by what they see in me.

I will be more assertive with the guys I like. Thanks.

[TheDigitalSaint]

That's a better attitude to take than to overthink guys you aren't interested in. You need to find out what type of guy you like (whatever type that is) and find out if you're interesting or attractive to them. Guys do the same thing, including the ones you don't find appealing. Nobody really knows for sure if they are capable of getting what they want until they risk the fear of rejection. This means approaching people if people that you want aren't approaching you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

nah, you're just like my best friend. she's beautiful and nice and friendly to everyone. she get's hit on by all the weirdos because they confuse her friendliness for flirting. because the 'weird guys' in school are never treated nicely by pretty girls or see nonjudgmental pretty girls, so they think they can get a girl with a beautiful face and a beautiful personality even though they aren't the best looking or have the best personality themselves. they aim too high and get shot down. it's sad really.

i don't think I covered it all here. but here is just a bit of reasoning behind it.

[Asker]

Wow, I totally agree with the friendliness for flirting thing. I've given one or two of the boys advice to not let people walk all over them, and I never really thought they may be taking it differently. My friends have said that when I'm being friendly I look like I'm flirting because I always smile.

Anyway, thanks so much this makes sense! I'm really surprised it was the boy's answers that are being the most defensive and rude. ha ha I was hoping for more answers from them.

[nermalinda]

You might be cute, so weird guys are going after you, but you might be a little different, like have a unique personality so "normal" guys are not interested.

Pretty much for any girl, being too nice will get you hit on by the weird guys because they won't be afraid of mean rejections that crush them.

[Asker]

That makes a lot of sense. I think it's because I come off as not being threatening? And I do like quite a few different things than most girls. It's hard to explain, but I couldn't really think of any other word to describe the guys than what people say. Thanks for the answer! This really helped! :)

[what_the_hell]

Man that sucks

[Anonymous]

You must be overvaluing your personality or looks, or both. If you were perfect girlfriend material, you'd already be getting hit on by the top-tier guys. You are shooting above your league by overestimating your own worth. It is common for girls to this. Any time a girl asks, why aren't I getting the guys that I want it means this:

1. My standards are higher than what I offer in return.

2. I'm overestimating my own value in one or more areas.

3. A combo of items one and two.

Your best bet is to either approach and hit on guys you think you SHOULD be getting, or learn to not be so judgmental about the guys who are actually hitting on you. Water finds its own level.

[Asker]

Oh my god how many times have I said I'm not judgmental?! You clearly didn't read it. I've dated guys others considered "below" my league. Everything I said about myself has been told to me. I don't act like I'm the sh*t. Maybe I didn't describe these boys well enough, but anyone would agree with me if they really knew.

[Opinion Owner]

You can claim to not be judgmental, but by rejecting the guys who have hit on you, you did cast judgement on them. You judged them to be below your standards of dating. I have no dog in this fight, as I'm not trying to date you, but rather explain to you that you very well may be overestimating where you stand in the league system.

[Asker]

I have never openly rejected any of them. I was always kind. I even gave my phone number to a few of them. I don't think you can "explain", because you obviously didn't read what I said. I consider myself normal status, it's what other people say to me that I used in my description. They were not "below" my standards, but honestly, would you date someone you weren't attracted to? In conclusion, I don't think you proved a point. It just seems like I hit a nerve more than anything.

[Opinion Owner]

I never claimed you were being rude. You can cast judgement without being rude. You don't have to date anyone you don't want to, but you still have to be realistic in terms of what it is you can actually catch. I only date people I'm attracted to, but I approach a lot of girls to get what I want, because not every one is going to want me in return. My point is that you need to do some approaching yourself and start hitting on the guys you want. From what I've read, you haven't done so.

[Asker]

So first you tell me I'm overestimating who's in my league, and then steal other answers for your "point". If that was what you were getting at all along, you would've disclosed that in the first answer. Suggesting I approach people is much different from saying I overestimate my league. It's really the exact opposite. I don't approach anyone. I don't think I'm good enough, and from what I've explained I feel gives enough backup as to why I feel that way. And these answers certainly don't help.

[what_the_hell]

Bullshit answer. Guys are terrified of really pretty girls even if they are cool and popular. No one likes being rejected, especially a good looking popular guy but weird guys have nothing to lose do they shoot their shot.

[Love2Ball]

Thats why girls should do some approaching.

Do not complain if you aren't getting approached by guys you think are not weird. If you did some approaching or small talk yourself you wouldn't have this problem.

[Asker]

Thanks, that makes a lot of sense. I guess I overestimate some men's confidence, and should approach them more often. To clarify, I say "weird" because that's what other people say or know them as. Some of them are noticeably "behind" and I didn't want people to automatically judge me if I said that. Didn't really work though. Haha thanks, again.

[Love2Ball]

Well I mean you don't even have to approach. If a girl said hey and smiled that's enough for literally like 90% of guys to approach you. I don't see why some girls find it so hard when it just takes a word or 2 literally. I know plenty of good-looking, tall, confident guy who don't approach because they aren't given any signals... It takes effort from both people.

[Asker]

Very true. It seems when I THINK I'm flirting, no one can tell. I'm actually kind of juvenile when I really like someone. I usually tease guys that I really like, and I never considered if they take the teasing badly. I do it because I don't really know what to say, and I'm kind of embarrassed because I feel like the signs of my affection are so obvious. Thanks for your answer! :) Now I just wonder how apparent I need to be without actually saying I like them.

[Anonymous]

On behalf of all weird guys, we are sorry that we are attracted to you or anyone else. We wanted some kind of normalcy, but didn't realize it was such an inconvenience.

[Asker]

Ha I figured I would get one of these. You obviously wouldn't know how it is. I'm plenty weird, and I made it clear that I'm not being judgmental. Quite being such a smart-ass.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not. I sincerely apologize.

[Asker]

I can take it you've experienced this before because you're judging me without knowing me. I've had plenty of sh*t in my life, I'm not a petty, shallow-minded person. I've gone through more than many girls my age can imagine. I'm the last person to judge on someone who wants "normalcy". I asked because I'm insecure and confused, not because I think I'm so great. You think you sound witty, but you just sound like an ass.

[Opinion Owner]

What the hell are you reading exactly? Take it at face value. That's how I meant it.

[Anonymous]

There's not really anything you're doing on purpose, it's just the type you're attracting...