Why would she hide the fact she has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’ve known a girl for five months now, and recently she revealed to me when she was drunk that she has had a boyfriend of eight years. Before this, she told me she was single and told me of people approaching her on Valentine’s day last year. As it was her birthday, I just wanted her to be happy and didn’t ask her why she lied to me about her relationship status. We spend quite a lot of time alone with each other on campus but I haven’t found a way to ask her why she lied to me without making things more awkward than they already are. Should I ask her? If so, how should I ask her? I’m quite hurt by her being dishonest with me and probably can’t stay around her for much longer if things are not resolved. Thing is, we work well together in a mutually beneficial manner in uni and I don’t want to lose that.

[talloak]

If she was interested in dating you, then her reasons are clearly dishonest. Otherwise there could have been reasons entirely unrelated to you. For example, they might have been broken up when you first asked her and then they got together later. If the contradiction is getting between you and will push you apart, then you should ask. I strongly discourage leveling a charge against her ("Why did you lie to me?"). Instead, stick directly to the facts: ("I'm confused; you told me five months ago you were single but then you said you had a boyfriend for years. What's up?")