How I Deal With Being Ugly

[Anonymous]

I am not the most attractive person. I don't attract many guys and the ones I have I only dated them because I thought I would never find someone. I used to hate going out with my friends; people would hit on them and I'd stand by and watch. I take the couple pictures when my friends would invite me out and I'd be the 5th, 7th, etc wheel. A guy I liked all four years of high school eventually dated my friend because she was better looking.

After years and years of feeling worthless and unwanted, of staying in because I don't want people to judge me, I got tired of it. Here's how I deal with it:

I stopped looking in mirrors.

The only time I look in the mirror is so I can do my hair for the day and that's it. I avoid looking at my face as much as possible. Now that I don't see myself very often I don't think about how unattractive I am. When I did look I would try to convince myself I liked what I saw but that wasn't the truth. Now I don't sorry about it. Instead I have an image in my head about how I look and I'm able sustain some type of confidence.

I realized my friends and family accept me for me.

Even though I am unattractive they still found something in me to love. I never feel like I have to hide my face or that I'm inferior to anyone. They are able to see how smart and kind and all that other jazz I am. Because of this I always make sure I do what I can to let them know how special they are to me. I support them all, I'm a wing man, the nice and helpful aunt, sister, daughter and friend.

I stopped trying to get a guys attention.

I've wasted a lot of time being with guys who treated me like shit because I didn't think anyone else would want me. It worked in the beginning but then things would get worse and I would let myself be emotionally abused, being ran over and used. I got tired of that. Now I don't worry about dating at all. I know most people look me and go WTF and trying to convince them otherwise was not working. Letting myself go through that shit was more harmful than anything. I've accepted that I'm going to single for most, if not all, of my life. Why deny it? Guys come and go, but my family and friends will always accept me and that's all I need.

Get a pet.

All animals need is love, shelter and food and they will love you unconditionally. They won't judge you, avoid you or run from you. They accept you and love You with their entire being. I have a dog and a cat and it's the best feeling in the world when I come home and they greet me. They sleep with me, spend the days with me, etc. It's a special bond that can never be broken.

I stopped comparing myself to my friends.

There's nothing to compare. They are beautiful, smart, have goals and people adore them. I will never be like them or keep up with them so I stopped trying. I don't dress up when we go out, I wear what I want. I don't try to present myself when I know I'm going to be shut down anyway so why not do what I want? I enjoy their company and friendship and didn't want to give that up and stopping trying so hard. So yeah, I may get left alone at the bar or dance by myself in the middle of the club while people laugh and stare but at least they're my real friends. They care about me and they want the best for me and that includes accepting my looks. Besides, it's more fun looking completely out of place than trying to fit into a crowd I have no place in.

I do things I enjoy.

I'm a good writer, I'm a very good dancer and I love cooking. Working at these things gives me a confidence boost and goals to work toward. Anytime I feel sad about the way I look or I feel defeated I do one of my hobbies and easily kick those awful feelings to the curb.

I also work on being a unprofessional comedian. Looking at me, it's understandable why I'm funny, silly and sarcastic. Being funny looking gives me material make fun of and make others laugh. I also make some funny comments about others or other things and for some reason people think it's hilarious so I just keep it going.

Being ugly doesn't have to be an end all deal. Yeah I'm unattractive but I'm working it and making the best of it. Beauty fades but you can always be interesting.

[Battooot]

you may think you are bad looking but there will still be a lot of guys who will find beauty in you. For example, i value girls with large dark eyes and dark hair. I find them really really beautiful. Although to other guys this may look like a normal trait or even boring. But to me they are Queens.

secondly, even if your are ugly. You can still work on yourself and appear way more attractive than other girls. How? work on your body. Start working out, build up that curvy body with nicely shaped strong legs. Start doing squats (make sure you do it the right way) so you can make your butt look 10 times better. Afterwards, if you wear leggings, you are going to kill everyguy who looks at you. Especially me, cause i love legs and ass. Eventually, you will find a guy who values you for your personality (especially if you were really nice, and had a nice spirit) and is willing to look over your looks and having a nice body will just convince him even more in the process of accepting you and being with you.

Good luck, i think you fall in the first category i mentioned by the way. I rarely ever find girls ugly. Nontheless, you can still use the 2nd advice either way. It will always be better to have a good body.

[springocelot]

there's two types of beauty - objective and subjective

objective is what you see on magazines - golden ratios, symmetry, etc.
subjective is everything else

if you don't consider yourself physically attractive, there's two routes you can go - ignore it or fix it. sounds like you chose the former.

as for subjective side, it's more powerful than you think. otherwise, people of varying looks would not exist. i have a friend, she's not physically attractive by societal standards but she's extremely charming and has had good guys ask her out. she's aware of her looks. yet no one steps on her. it's a matter of projecting the right aura to people.

[steven7890789]

I do feel sympathy for you, cause I know below average looking people have it hard. I think deep down you still feel insecure about your looks because you make fun of your looks. I think you still don't accept the way you look and you can try to prove yourself otherwise by making fun of your looks. Making fun of your own looks is sad. I know how you feel though. I felt the same way as you did, but I never made fun of my own looks. Anyways I ended up getting a girlfriend despite making myself think I would be single most of my life or all my life. I am 24 and have a girlfriend. Never had one before. Most of someone's life is when they are in their 40s so that wasn't the case with me. Also, if your friends make fun of yourself dancing by yourself they are not true friends. I am sorry to say but they are laughing at you. Also other things you said about them show they aren't true friends. Stand up to yourself to them when they treat you badly. Also, there are TRULY nice people out there that would be friends with you and that won't laugh at you, etc. Also, hope you are not making fun of other people's looks when you are being a comedian. Cause that is bullying, and you are basically trying to make yourself feel better by putting other people down and you are basically bullying yourself by making fun of your own looks. Be a comedian just don't make fun of other people's or your own looks. Don't give up on finding a boyfriend. There is someone for everyone. Don't rush finding a boyfriend though. You could meet him when you least expect it.

[steven7890789]

@Anonymous I didn't mean to put the word''can'' in the second sentence after the words ''and you''. That was a mistake.

[Ratiocinative]

There's two kinds of ugly when it comes to physical appearance. Being ugly because of things outside your control (such as genetics, injury, chronic illness) and things inside your control (bathing, exercise, diet, clothes).

I seem so many women who are ugly because they are fat, lazy, do nothing with their hair, wear clothes that don't fit, etc, than I do women who are ugly because they have bad genetics. Same goes for guys too. Fat guys everywhere.

Not saying it's easy, but if your body is ugly because you don't take care of it you have no one to blame but yourself, which is the case for the vast majority of people.

[Byakuyarko]

Why on god's green earth should ugly people stop looking at mirrors? So the fuck what you were born with allegedly inferior looks? Doesn't mean that you'll stop looking after your looks and doll yourself up once in a while. Call up your friends. Go to a beauty spa. Practice yoga. Try to look and most importantly, feel as good as possible while feeling positive. And then make the logical leap of faith... Dare to think that you're pretty or at least okay to look at. Sure. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop chasing guys (fuckbois) Adopt a pet. Do the things that make you happy. But accepting yourself needn't mean giving up and letting life happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Came here to say that everything about this post is extremely accurate, straightforward, practical, altogether well-written. This topic had the potential to be written very poorly---could have just been a woe-is-me-and-my-ugly-face pity-fest, OR you could have gone on for paragraphs trying to convince everyone (including yourself) that EVERYONE is "beautiful" and there's no such thing as not-really-attractive people in this world. But I like that you're practical enough to be able to look in the mirror and think, "Hey, I'm not the best looking chick around, but I've got other things going for me, so it's okay."

THAT'S the kind of balanced, objective attitude that I wish EVERYONE had.

[JRICHARDS1996]

I have to admit that for a woman, being ugly or less than attractive is certainly a lot worse than for a man. The thing is, a man can compensate for bad looks with either money or confidence whereas for a woman, her looks tend to be the sole, defining aspect of her worth. I don't agree with avoiding mirrors, however. That just seems like a form of escapism--avoiding the problem. Instead you should take affirmative action by trying hard to improve your appearance to the best of your ability.

[Daniel961]

WTF? Defining aspect of her worth? You've got to be kidding me... Since when people's worth is defined by looks? So fucking shallow and sexist.

[JRICHARDS1996]

@Daniel961 I never said I agreed with it. I was only relaying what society seems to believe.

[Johnagain]

@Daniel961 "... shallow and sexist." Welcome to American society post 2000.

[howzit2015]

everyone is ugly to someone. I find it's best to not get bent out of shape about it. Looks fade, and eventually that super hot woman/man everyone broke their neck trying to get a second look at will be just another old person who no one looks at even once

[Stacyzee]

I like this post. Instead of dwelling on what cannot be changed you focus on the positive attributes you have to bring to the table.
Beauty fades with time.
Your education and accomplishments is something that can never be taken away.
Good job !
You're inspiring many to come to terms with who they are and what they can be if they work on their goals and personality.

[The-lone-wolf-arises]

I have the same problem as you except I have a really hard time loving myself. I keep looking at my friends and thinking that they are beautiful and angelic compared to me. Boys don't really like for I am extremely different from all of the other girls at my school. I'm glad you're getting to love yourself, I haven't managed to get there yet, hopefully I will...

[IamFler]

You're so pretty! No idea what you're talking about being not pretty!

[The-lone-wolf-arises]

@IamFler I have many flaws, just not captured on camera.

[Jooker]

holdo on but you are so pretty!

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Dafuck? You're pretty. Stop stealing attention from real ugly girls, attention whore!

[Anonymous]

The older you get, the more your relative attractiveness is based on things under your control.

Age 30 with below average face, good hairstyle, dressed nicely, and in shape (not obsessive, but generally in shape) plus haven't killed skin via smoking/tanning, you're probably above average compared to your same-age peers.

Just thought i'd throw that out there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but at least you still have had dates. Unattractive men are fucked if they don't have money to make up for their looks. During my time on here this has been majority a guy problem. Even in real life. I remember a female in high school guys used to call a crackhead because they said she looked like one. 15 years go by and I see her at the store and her looks haven't changed one bit since high school and she has kids and a boyfriend . I know a guy who was the same way in high school too. I see him later in life and he was still single , no kids no girlfriend, nothing Another example is this girl in high school again that didn't have the looks at all (her teeth were crooked and pointed like a monsters literally not to talk down on her) but she had a killer body and still got just as many dates as the better looking girls.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

I would say life is unfair but we alreay know that. As men, we dont have the same privlages as women. Like complaing of being ugly. How will that change anything.

[WhaChaChaKing]

Nope nope. I've known a lot of ugly guys that have gotten a lot of girls. Hell my sister is beautiful and is currently dating one of the ugliest people I've ever seen and he's broke.

[AprulZ]

I'm fugly but still have a boyfriend... I don't know what the fuck he sees in me because he's the most wonderful man in the world, and he's dating this blerb right here. But I don't avoid mirrors or any of that crap, I don't even try to improve my face and my birthmarks anymore. I just accept that I'm ugly and it will never change

[BrownBoyBrownies]

I used to feel ugly too but then it went away when I stepped back and look at myself from a different perspective. I realised there's a lot more beautiful things to see and explore in life. Looks don't matter in things that I find interesting, it's just a tiny portion. People accepted me why can't I. Then it didn't bothered me again.

[fueledbythc]

I feel ugly too. But I know Im a good person and I surround myself with people who not only accept me but like being around me. I too don't try to dress up and try to look my best. I wear track pants and sweater when it's cold and basket ball shorts and t shirts during the summer. I don't do my hair cause I keep it short.

I don't feel I got a low self confidence because I can always bring myself out into public and never feel nervous or shy. I just won't try and impress women cause I'm ugly.

[Foreverconfused21]

Well that was depressing lol... I feel most people just accept the way they look instead of trying to improve it... a little effort can go a long way!!

[DrKran]

Just because you say your ugly doesn't make you ugly to me.
Women are beautiful. Ugly would be extreme deformities in my oppinion, but some men love that too.

[Arthur1970]

To be ugly is only subjective feeling. Maybe opposite is right. Try to look at you from the 3rd person angle. Sorry, but no human and especially woman is really ugly.

[Spirit_Is_Free]

Great take but I wouldn't be throwing around words like ugly or unattractive or ugly, you are just who you are.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

I know the struggle, I did a lot of those and I was a lot happier. I'm not happy but I'm less sad with my looks haha

[JamesDylan1990]

I have been called ugly

10 billion people in the world

lots of people think i'm " ugly "

some don't

i focus on the ones that think i''m cute.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Smart man.

[Rawrzz]

Good perspective. That is acceptance.

Except cats hate you or don't give a shit about you. All kinds of beauty fade.

[WhaChaChaKing]

Cats are awesome. Even after I've fed mine he still follows me around. Pretty sure he likes me.

[Rawrzz]

@WhaChaChaKing He views you as a food source, pretty much nothing more. He was probably trying to tell you "Hey bitch, get me my shit." He ever brought a dead animal into the house? That's him telling you that you're a shitty hunter, so he'll get you your food. Or rubbing his body on your leg? That's him spreading his scent over you, to claim you're his property.

[Rawrzz]

@WhaChaChaKing Sphynx cats are pretty much the only breed that are more loving-pack oriented. Sphynx cats are like half dog half cat.

[WhaChaChaKing]

They wouldn't do those things if they didn't care about you. What makes you think dogs like you? They could just be using you as well.

[WhaChaChaKing]

I've had a few cats that acted exactly like dogs. They'd come when I called them and always seemed to want my attention. What's the difference then?

[Rawrzz]

@WhaChaChaKing Everyone uses everyone. The only reason to do anything is for a benefit. The difference is how you feel about the person you're using and allowing to use you. The difference is perception. Dogs see you as one of their pack, a family member. And I don't know. I'm not a cat scientist. I've just looked up the claims. Then cats are just assholes for no reason, like knocking shit over for kicks and giggles and stuff. And the cat I had ran away. :/ Never had a dog run away.

[WhaChaChaKing]

Well I don't agree.

[Bards]

False