Disclaimer:
There are no stupid questions. The purpose of this myTake is to make people laugh, add a little smile on some people's face. It's not supposed to make fun of anyone or any kind of situation. If you're still offended though, I really don't care. We can't save everyone. Have fun!
I never planned for a part 2, to be honest. But since people kept asking for it, why the hell not? After all, there are enough questions in here to write a book.
So behold. Our beloved Frequently Asked Questions Part 2 (of 2!).
Note: I strongly suggest you check out part 1 first, as you won't be able to keep up with the twisted plot. I'm kidding. Check out part 1 though you lazy ass!
Note 2: To the moderators. Feel free to change anything you want. Access Granted.
On with it!
1. Is it a turn-off when a girl gets wet before having sex?
*Sigh*. This didn't start well.... I've read like 100 different opinions on this and every-single-one-of-them stated that NOT ONLY it isn't a turn off, but on the contrary, it is a HUGE turn-on. We, guys (and girls that are bi, which must be tons as a guy mentioned in part 1, and gag is full of certified scientists so he must be right) love EVERYTHING about your little vgg (or big, we don't care). Soooo, if it gets excited and wets itself (oh how cute?) it's like it's telling us "I like you, I want you to do naughty things to me even though I'm trying not to show it". Anyways, long story short, we LOVE it. L-O-V-E it. So don't worry about it and let it soak. If you're out and you're soaking wet down there, just go wipe it in the WC. Just make sure you tell it to your loved one. A simple "I have to wipe my kitty as it's too excited about you. Brb" This, will be torture for him. I promise. I also hope this tip puts an end to the "How to tell a guy you like him?" Q.
2. Is 9ft 6" tall for a guy?
For the love of god. Unless your balls are tickled by the grass when you walk across a football field, there is nothing wrong with your height! Of course for a small % of women height matters more than it should, but you can't condemn yourself for them! But do they prefer a taller guy? NO! This is not 100%. I know girls that don't like much taller guys as they make them look tiny even on high heels. Plus, a sane and good girl looks way deeper than that. Just relax and enjoy being you. The whole 5ft of you. (Jk)
3. Do girls prefer hairy or shaved guys?
Hmmm. It depends on the QUANTITY. How hairy we're talking about here? If you have a bit of chest and leg hair, there should be no problem, unless the girl you're after has the bar set up too high (in which case you should stop chasing her as she has no clue how relationships work). Now, on the other hand, if you look like Donkey Kong, you will have a problem, unless the girl really likes jumping over barrels or crushing them with a hammer (get it?). Too much hair is not sexy. Maybe it was back in the 80s (like bushy vggs) but not anymore. Now, shaved guys? I really don't know either. Opinions vary again. Most girls seems to like a bit of hair (not around your Dr.Sausage) more than completely shaved guys. So, guys, don't go too far if your goal is to attract girls.
4. I didn't have an orgasm. Should I dump him?
Alright. This Q has many similar forms. Lets analyze this. Research, and GaG girl opinions (after all we are awesome!), say that MOST girls won't have an orgasm EVERY SINGLE TIME they have sex (or similar naughty stuff). It's a fact. So I wouldn't worry about it. Especially if the relationship is still new and you've only had sex a few times (I won't even mention first time with him or virgin here). Even then though, a gentleman would of course try to satisfy you no matter what. If this happens often, then I'm sorry but you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Sex is something that BOTH should enjoy and not a one-way street. You can't have sex and then enter the shower so you can't masturbate and relax. Talk it over. If things don't change then give him a warning. If this fails as well, then I think it's time to move on. If he doesn't care about you during sex now that it's early (and sex should be still much exciting) then he won't even think about it after a while. You can't be stuck with someone like that.
5. Im tall, rich, good-looking and have a big penis (the classic 8"x6" that 1% have but 99% of gag guys have). Why am I not surrounded by vaginas?
Because there is something wrong with you! Wake up! Everything you mentioned is something that MIGHT impress a girl and HELP you get closer. It doesn't mean that the girl will attack you like a bear just because your backround is on-point. No. Unless you want to attract one-night-stands or temporary fun, then your "insides" play a much more important role than everything on the outside. Again, find out what is wrong and try to fix it. Talking about it with a girl close to you might help as she could give you some pointers. Girls see what's wrong much easier. And don't take any kind of advice from the "gang". We suck at giving advice when it comes to girls. Seriously.
6. Every time I sit on his lap, I can feel his boner. Does that mean he likes me?
Take a look at Q number 1. Similar to a little vgg that gets wet, out magic wand get harder and bigger. Yes he likes you. If you don't like him back, then stop teasing the poor fellow! Let him know he's friendzoned and stop sitting on his lap as this says "Maybe you're not friendzoned after all." Now, if you like the guy back, enjoy his boner and the fact that he likes you. It time to give him a hint that you like him back. For a good idea, check Q number 1 again. If he has a boner already, he will poke your eye out after that. Eheheh. You're welcome.
7. What do you think about Turkey?
I know you've all been waiting for this. This guy is a ninja. *Foop! Pops out from nowhere!* "What do you think about Turkey?" *Poof! vanished behing a trail of smoke* Police are already briefing their best detectives to find this guy... Eye witnesses also state that there is nothing with Turkey. by the way, is he talking about the country, or the bird?
8. Tall or short girls?
We do not care. How many times have we seen this? Chances are the girl asking this is 5ft, or shorter. Petite. "Fun pack". Unless the guy has a height fetish then there is absolutely no problem. You're fine and you should be proud of yourself. "But people call me short!" Well, you are. So what? Chances are you're cuter and not intimidating, as many guys don't like tall girls. They think they're intimidating or "too much", or they will make them look short etc. Bull! My girl is 4 inches shorter than me and when she's on high heels, she's taller than me. I find that sexy. Hot. Truth here guys, many of us as insecure. Anyways, girl, there is also a nice plus in being petite. Everything on you is smaller and everything on him is bigger. Get it? Enjoy.
9. Can a guy and a girl be best friends?
Wow. This will surely cause madness and hate. Most girls think "Of course! I have many guy friends!" Aaaaand most guys will say "Nope. I can't help myself not thinking of her naked!" See? I also agree with the majority (remember, I said majority as there are people that think otherwise) that the average guy and girl CANNOT be 100% (and only) friends. Even in the tv series "Friends" they started banging each other after a while.... No. They can't. I'm sorry. You can start cursing now. Do a little experiment girls. Tell your girl friend to keep an eye out while you drop something "by accident" when you're out with your guy "friends". Now bend over nice and sexy (don't go too far, have mercy) and grab it (the thing you dropped you little slut! Not that!). Your girl friend will tell you that EVERY-SINGLE-ONE of your guy "friends" looked at your butt and winked at each other. Now, you know the truth....
10. Do guys like shy girls?
There are many guys out there that like them of course. There is nothing wrong with a shy girl. I don't prefer them but I'm just one guy so don't listen to me. Not to mention those guys that have a have time expressing their feelings. Those guys simply run away if the girl is a bit aggressive. Now, just a reminder. Being shy is ok. Being too shy is not ok. It give out the impression that you have insecurity issues, or that something else is wrong. Try to control it as most guys won't try to chase for long and head for the next available bee-hive. Now you're gonna say something like "Well, good riddance. if he doesn't chase me like crazy, he isn't worth my vgg." No. It's not like that. Testing him a bit and crawling back into your shell every time relationships are mentioned are two different things. Build up some confidence. We love this stuff!
11. How many dates before having sex?
The is no such things as "Minimum ammount of dates" or crap like that. Everyone is different and the situation is always different. Some people feel like having sex after a few times, in order to feel a connection or become sure or whatever. Others need a lot more time in order to feel that way. Some like sucking each other off, engage in brazzer-style hardcore anal action and then exchanging numbers so they can talk and get to know each other (what?) better. Who are you to judge and who is this guy or girl to judge you? Do what you feel and don't listen to anyone. If you want the D, do it! If you are not ready yet, don't listen to your boyfriend pressuring you to spread those buttcheeks. It's your call. Period. Plus, when you judge someone, don't say "This is not right!" but say "This does not feel right TO ME." There's a HUGE difference there.
12. I gave him a bj and then he came in my butt. I'm still a virgin, right?
When Qs like that pop up, I see people fighting like mad. Why? It's actually simple, as many opinions state. Physically speaking, you're still a virgin as your vgg hymen is still intact (unless you ripped it off playing with that horse dildo replica of yours). Anyways, you're a virgin if your vgg never had a penis friend come over for dinner. But cmon.... The truth is you're far from a virgin. In fact, your mind is a lot LESS virgin that the average non-virgin girl. So save it. And by the way, if you don't want to rip your hymen because of your religion or tradition or whatever but everything else is free-for-all, shame on you. You're like a "gentleman" that waits for marriage but his speed-dial is filled with contact names similar to "Anna Lee" (and this a real name folks). Nope....
13. Do guys like "big" girls?
Another classic girly Q. Notice that in every similar Q, the girl does not say "fat", "chubby" or anything like that but just simply states "big". Why? She's probably insecure about her chubbiness. Alright. I really like the opinions and of course I support them 100%. There is nothing wrong about being overweight. I know many people that like chubbier girls for various reasons. 100% chance of bigger boobs and rounder butt. They tend to be better in bed in order to somehow "balance" the fact they feel they are not pretty enough. To all chubbier girls, guys speaking: Either embrace the fact that you're chubbier and that there are many guys that like it (for the reasons we talked about) OOOOOOR do something about it! There is no reason to be insecure and try to "fish" good comments (that most of the time are plain sympathy). Either accept or take action! PS: Please don't be the chubbier girl that flames skinny girls or fitchicks by saying stuff like "pile of bones" etc. If you do, then don't complain when people call you "bulldozer bitch (a.k.a. B.B.). You had it coming...
14. What is your favorite sex position?
Here we will hear every sex position there is, which makes sense. However, and I know I speak for the majority of guys here (if not please correct me or have a sex-change operation), we like V-A-R-I-E-T-Y. As much as we like screwing you doggy style (the view is amazing girls, you can't blame us...) we will get bored of it eventually and ask for something else. The same goes for girls, or at least that's what life taught me so far. Anyways, if you are an inexperienced girl, or guy, asking this in order to impress your SO, my advice is to master the basics first, then slowly try new stuff. Have fun.
15. Shaved or natural vgg?
Every time we see Q number 3, this Q is probably the next that pops up. Magic! Lets keep it simple. A vgg is a vgg to us guys. We simply love this little hole and everything about it. So I think you shouldn't worry much about that. However, most opinions (including mine) state that they don't like hair in their food(naughty Leon, shame on you!). That says it all. A nice, well trimmed vgg (a nice sexy shape is always a bonus, the way it pops up when you slowly slide the panty down huh? WooF!) is the winner. Shaved comes right after that. We like seeing this little vgg in action. Last place is for hairy (or bushy) vggs. Although bushy was really popular in the 80s or so, its not anymore. So if you want to impress your boyfriends, either shave it clean or get creative. Anyways, you can always talk about this with your boyfriend. Best option in my opinion.
16. Help! We had sex. I was a virgin! I orgasmed 5 times but it took him a whole hour to c*m on my buttcheeks. Am I that bad at sex?
Another great classic! Poor girl. It took him an hour to orgasm while enjoying the great butt sightseeing. I can't imagine the amount of girls reading this and giving you the finger! "Wtf b*tch! My guy fks me for like 10 minutes if im lucky, fills the condom and goes to sleep like a pig!" I can sense their rage! Listen up girl. You are fine and trust me, consider yourself a really lucky girl! Plus if the guy fks you for an hour, its not because you suck at lovemaking, but because he really loves screwing you that much that he simply doesn't get enough! He just doesn't want it to end! Now stop worrying and go back to your boyfriend and go wild. by the way, consider selling a few XxX videos of you and your boyfriend in action online. Such talent should not go to waste.
17. I have had sex with 48 guys and I'm 20 years old. Am I a slut?
Of course not dear! What moron called you a slut? It's just 48 guys. Now that's like one guy every month since you were 16. Biiiiig deal! OK ENOUGH WITH THE BS! I don't know if you're a slut or not, as the definition of slut does not include a mininum of different DNA facials, look it up. However, don't call yourself an innocent girl, or a girl that just magically can't fine the right guy and keeps getting "used" (facials...). You're not! You're a wild girl that likes enjoying the pleasures given by the male reproductive organ! Slut? We don't know. A casual girl? OH HELL NO!
18. Why are all guys obsessed with anal? It's gross and I feel like I'm gonna sh*t on my guy's d*ck. What's the big deal?
Well, you know what people say. Play with someone's butt and eventually, you're bound to find yourself covered in sh*t! Couldn't agree more. However! 1st: We are not obsessed with anal. I'm not and I know a lot of people that don't want to stick their most precious part inside a poop generator. Most of the opinions related to this kind of Q, clearly state that most guys don't feel like it's something special. 2nd: It's gross. Well, I'll talk about myself. When I see my girl's butthole upclose while we're having sex, I somehow want to stick it in. But, after analyzing it a bit in my mind, I decide I don't really want to do it and it's just the heat of the moment. Also, hygiene. A nice-smelling, hairless butthole is like a vault door, you're dying to open it wide. I can't even imagine how I would feel if I saw a butt and the poop fragrance tickled my nose. 3rd: Well. I have talked to people that fancy anal a lot and truth be told, poop is something you just can't avoid. It will happen, so be prepared for it and accept the fact that, well, it's a fricking butthole you're poking there. 4th: It feels indeed like you're about to cover your BF's jewels with brown toothpaste. But only when you're just starting out. After a few, successful, times, things will suddenly feel awesome. Anyways, if you don't like it and your boyfriend insists on it, screw him! It's your butt and not his. Wait until you're ready, even if that time never comes.
19. Do you agree that girls that have sex before marriage should burn in hell, after getting their eyes poked out?
The rage! Don't tell me you never saw that. Somehow, a % of girls (thank god not many) think that they are "superior" to girls that have sex before marriage or any kind of commitment. Why the hate? Just because your tradition, your religion or your beliefs don't like it, you can't hate it. Just don't support it. I alone, have written endless lines of explaining and analyzing to girls trying to prove their vgg is only meant for a penis attached to a wedding ring. No. It's no right. Everyone is free to do as they please. Want to have sex? Do it. Want to save it for after marriage? Good. There is no reason to flame each other. Actually, the amount of hate we mostly see is from virgin girls towards girls that have sex. Calling them "whores", "sinners", "sluts", "used" etc etc. This needs to stop. Respect.
20. How to lose weight quickly?
This Q is 90% asked by girls, chubby ones that have no idea how diet and exercise work. They will mostly add info below like "I need to lose 30 pounds quickly" or "I need to tone up for the beach" etc etc. Below, in OUR opinions, you see various stuff. What consernes me, is the fact that there are still people that say crazy stuff like "Oh do this 500 cal diet only eating grass", "do the 69 day booty challenge", "dont eat processed foods", "dont eat sugar" and crap like that. Thank god there are also sane people to balance this out. Folks, it's actually simple. In order to lose weight, you need to eat LESS than you BURN. If you want to "tone up" or pack a few pounds for that squat booty you've always dream add some resistant training. Now, some are gonna say "Yes but how do I know how to keep eating less than I burn Einstein?" Well. If you have no clue, you should definitely ask for professional help. Search for people close to you that actually accomplished to lose weight and ask how did they do it, who helped them etc. One last thing though, there are no shortcuts. It's like success, there is no elevator, you have to take the stairs, literally!!!
Well, that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed it! Leave your ideas and comments below (bitching is of course welcome!) Who knows, maybe if I see enough, I'll post a 3rd part! (Plz don't! My girl is gonna kill me!)
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