I can't really decide where to begin but I suppose maybe just explain the whole of my personality and need for this website and how it helps me I suppose?
I got surrounded by a lot of negativity in school, bullied and while it was often verbal I did get a bit of physical bullying as well from people, it caused stress and a negative emotional buildup a lot.
I won't say I had no friends, I had a lot of friends, many friends indeed in the school and they helped me too, but it was stressful being in a situation of abuse from students like any bullied student would agree.
I entered my college and got along with everyone, but the pain of my last school had me on my edge against others, I was being tense a lot till my course proved to have very friendly people and funny casual staff. I felt calm and got along with them, they began to consider me a extremely extroverted person, I became trusting of everyone in the college and it stayed that way.
My stress began to spike again when they started to give more assignments than students could handle and having days when teachers would not turn up to our lesson and I ran it for everyone, I knew what was meant to go on in the class and everyone voted I lead so I led them all to do research, only to get in trouble with a 40 minute late teacher who asked why I was helping them work.
I calmed down a little, I have favourite staff in the college who I love dearly and ones I wish to never see and avoid contact with as they spike my stress.
As I eventually got my diploma in my first course, I moved on to my 2nd, 3rd and 4th, each of which caused what you can imagine was a lot of stress, the 4th being this year and getting nothing we need done to get the diploma because we can't go in to college and get support, not saying I want colleges to open, I want people safe, I stay in more than all my family, I just am stressed that the level of work is being sent to us by email and no support can be provided.
But my reason for joining this website so long ago is because this place gave me a place to see something other than negativity, other than the negative conversations of the people I know or the family or college, just a bunch of strangers and their craziest weirdest and funniest things made my stress go down.
I get too much of this thing where if I complain to a person about a problem in my life they reply with Well at least you don't have this or have to do this I mean, is it really too much to ask for someone to just be there for you? And people on here are, they know nothing about you, so they can't make a biased opinion based on your identity, I also know that people on here won't get the wrong idea and then be able to report it to a bunch of my friends who will spread rumours, it is a reliable place.
An example of a recent one I complained about was this
A fellow college student asked me how life was and I said how I was stressed out with needing to do a assignment but not having any staff to tell me if I am doing it correctly
He replied with Yeah, well I got given 4 assignments so I guess you are lucky in a way when this guy still goes in college for face to face support for his work, I just didn't reply to him and went on here, popped on music and checked stuff out, it was too agitating to think of. This didn't happen today but still annoys the F**K out of me.
You all make posts that just make me go
They have a point there.
And even more different thoughts that I appreciate! :)
My point being is that I don't just use this website to socialise to help people, I use it to help myself in a way that people couldn't do, because it is a thing that if I explained it, the best way for making myself feel better for this problem is having someone who will listen, I don't want suggestions of how to deal with it, I just want people who can listen for a moment and let me vent, that is all I need, it makes me feel good to vent and it is something I need to do, it is not something that requires a treatment, everyone vents but at different frequencies.
You know how sometimes you complain to someone about something and it makes you just feel a whole lot better that they paid attention and were there to comfort you? It's like that, there isn't always a answer, just a comfort moment instead.
I don't think any of you realise how important you are, how big of a impact you have on me, in a good way that is! You help me all the time and it is even more moving when I look at my profile and look at my followers, that is something I do when I need to feel really happy and I know there are people on here with thousands, but I honestly never knew I would be so lucky as to have as many as I do already, I actually joined assuming I would just be a background character, someone who spoke and didn't get any views on my opinions but wow was I wrong and thank you to every one of you <3
I feel like I want to make this longer but I know it would be a bad idea to add in stuff I can't think of at the moment and it is late at the moment, already 11:00PM and I don't want to come back tomorrow and add irrelevant content to the post, so I will call it a day and finish up here.
Thank you for all your support and hope the music was as chill for you as I found it to be :)