Nice Guy Last: A Gentle Man Being A Gentleman

[Nice_Guy_Last]

A lot of people have commented on my name, liking it or asking why I have it. I wanted to explain to people why I am a Nice Guy, and what it really means to me.

Now, I want to preface this: being a Nice Guy is not about the expectations of sex or commitment on the part of the woman or man he is going after. It is about being a kind person for the sake of being kind. If a man acts nice with the intention of getting a woman to have sex with him, he is merely using a nice demeanor with bad intentions.

What is a Nice Guy?

A Nice Guy is a man who truly cares for the people and the world around him. This is who he is at the core, and while he may use this trait to many different ends, it is this unifying principle that makes him a Nice Guy. In essence, a Nice Guy is a gentleman at his core.

What are the positives about Nice Guys?

A Nice Guy is polite and calm, not just to the people he is interested in dating or in a relationship with. He doesn't interrupt in conversation, he listens patiently while others talk, and when he does talk, he comes across at most as assertive, often as passive. The last thing he wants to do is cause conflict.

He is also caring and sensitive to other's problems. He wants to see people succeed: when they excell, he praises them and joins them in celebrating their accomplishments; when they fail, he becomes a safety net, providing emotional, physical, and even financial support for those he cares for.

His love for others is unconditional. A true Nice Guy doesn't care about what others can do for him. His role in life is to help others. If they return the favor with love or repayment, it's an added bonus. To him, seeing others do better because of his help is reward enough.

In all, a Nice Guy is selfless. He doesn't care what happens to him, so long as everyone else around him is happy.

What are the negatives to being a Nice Guy?

Nice Guys have an unfortunate tendency to be overlooked. His personality isn't attention drawing; in fact, it tends to push attention onto other as he attempts to raise them up. Often, Nice Guys are evasive. They hide their fear of confrontation with a guise of being nice, causing them to back down when a challenge arises.

He also tends to be far too sensitive to situations around him. He overreacts when bad things happen to others, but he also underreacts to bad situations involving his life. His altruism is often taken advantage of by others, and he ends up hurting himself if he is not careful.

His unconditional love often bites him back. By showing approval and acceptance of others despite their repeated hurting of him, he creates situations where he is abused and used. In his own life, he fails to live up to personal goals because he focuses too intently on others to solve the problems in his own life.

The perfect Nice Guy is one who is kind but assertive. He knows what he wants, but concedes to what others want from him first. He stands up to all problems, even those he doesn't face personally. He takes care of others and himself.

He leaves the seat down for the girls in the house and he opens the doors for everyone. He takes on tasks from others because it makes him happy to know he can help. Most importantly, he finishes last, so that no one else has to.

And that is why I am the Nice_Guy_Last.

[Silamy]

This is the kind of nice guy I like -not the one who asserts that he is and then demands that an imaginary debt be paid. Props to you, sir!

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Why thank you! I hope this didn't come off as bragging though. I was just going for an explanation.

[Silamy]

You presented an upstanding image of what you strive to be, which is admirable. Claiming you've got a 100% success rate would've been bragging.

[LibraPisces66]

I am essentially like this, and agree with most of what is said here in the Take, except for many of the negatives, as I have or express almost none of these qualities and don't accept the generalization that we all would have them, or even any of them. Many of us are more evolved and well-rounded than that. For example, I am not too sensitive, nor a doormat, evasive, I don't overreact or under react, and my focus is balanced (in true Libra fashion) on both others, myself, and the world. I'm also very attractive to people (and animals as well), as they tend to simply love my energy and being around, near, or talking with me. I just want to set the record straight that we are not all some generic "nice guy" that can be summed up like that. All souls are unique, both nice ones, and not so nice ones. I am no greater-than, or lesser-than any other.

[AleDeEurope]

I've always been a Nice Guy, but it brought me more problems than good, people were only there when they needed something and once I helped them they disappeared, until they had a new problem and came back.
I didn't gave a problem with that until I had big problems myself and no one came to help, that's when I realized I had to change and stop being so "nice" and only start helping others once my problems were solved. It's not easy cause you feel like you're programmed to help those who need it, but either you stop giving so easily, or you're gonna end up miserable.

[Anonymous]

There a two senses to the word "Nice Guy", but when it comes to dating there's only one.

1) A Nice Guy is someone who is genuinely nice (I. e kind, considerate and caring). "Oh Kyle is such a nice guy for bringing Mel home"

2) (in Dating) Being considered a "nice guy" by a girl is them saying "I'm not interested in you romantically, but you're a good friend".

Nice guys finish last because they're considered lap dogs with no spine. The way they act and the things they do (albeit for a good cause) turns women off completely.

Attraction is discovered, not formed or created. Buying things for a girl or being exceedingly nice to her isn't going to help your cause if she's not attracted to you.

Lessons have to be learnt.

[RationalLioness]

I disagree with the negatives. A lot of women are interested in nice guys like that (clearly, some of them are not). The issue with a lot of nice guys is that they are not attractive. Then it's the personality (some nice guys allow themselves to be walked over).

[HookingSwan]

My boyfriend is like this too. I often think he is a much better person than me. I like myself too lol. I just really envy some of his qualities. He is a genuinely altruistic individual. How rare. Nd im soo lucky yes XD have to remind myself to pamper him even more nd more :D he deserves it <3

[Aud_Queen]

Don't they ever want to succeed for themselves? Or is success only possible for them if it's through someone else?

I'm genuinely curious about this.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

To me, personal success is a means to the goal of helping others so they can achieve greatly. I like to succeed because it means that I am a better person for those around me. For example, by graduating from college, I can get a good job and have a means of providing for my companion and/or children. Thus, I appreciate the success of my own work, but only when it helps me help others.

[Aud_Queen]

Ohh ok. Thanks!

[beyonder]

I know a guy who I defined as being a "nice guy" and this take totally described him. He's one of the best friends I've had but he does tend to get antisocial at times..

Anyway, great take!

[Anonymous]

No offense that is just a pushover who needs to get a backbone. Girls don't want a nice guy they want a good guy. There is a difference where the guy is not passive and acts like a man.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Miss my third to last paragraph? It's about being the best "Nice Guy" you can be (one with the balls to make decisions but puts others before himself). I was just bringing up the fact that guys who are kind and caring tend to have said problems.
At any rate, this isn't about getting a woman, this is about a personality type. What I describe as a Nice Guy has nothing to do with sexuality or dating.

[Opinion Owner]

No I read the whole MyTake. I am telling you how it comes across from your written word. I understand that you didn't want to related to sexuality or dating but it a certain underlying tone of referencing those topics within it. A guy can care about people without having to use the 'excuse' of saying that type of guy has the 'balls' to put others in front of himself. Any self respecting man will go that regardless if they are a 'nice' guy or not.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

True enough, but here's the thing: there are many guys who don't respect themselves.
Look, this isn't about "Nice Guys" being the greatest gift to humanity because they are sensitive and kind and blah blah blah. It's an honest evaluation that I have made about them, being one myself. I understand my faults and my shortcomings. And just because Nice Guys are by definition predispositioned to being caring, that's not to say that others can't be kind, it's just suggesting that it takes more effort out of the non-nice guys.

[muspelhem_5]

I used to kinda be like that. Couldn't stick with it in the long run. I discovered I needed to meet my own needs if I wanted to stay sane.

[TheGreyMan]

"Russians don't smile at strangers."

Save your niceties for those who have earned it.

[JulyAndrews]

Strange how nice men is a thing but nice women is not a thing. Weird..

[LibraPisces66]

I disagree. I think and know that they are out there, but like us guys they are simply rarer, and harder to come across.

[JulyAndrews]

I think it's because women are expected to be nice, whereas men aren't expected to be kind and nice. It's the whole women are nurturers thing, women are empathic beings, women are sensitive beings, women are yadayadayada. The typical generalizations. Because of this 'nice women' is not a thing.

But in reality all the men I've met in my life were very nice men, with great outgoing personalities. Nice people are NOT rare at all.

[JulyAndrews]

And nice woman are equally not rare either.

[gray_sailor]

You must have been spying on me. You described my to a T.

Good myTake.

[GraySailorsBride]

Very good take. Yes, that's you. And you're my blessing! Love me some @gray_sailor

[Anonymous]

I've always fell for he nice guy since highschool.. Always

[Urotsukidoji]

Meh, rather just watch porn. All this crap I have to do is tedious.

[Just_be]

Hmm not really the topic but
To win the girls you should not be nice or bad
Its just confidence
But what do most nice guys dont have that the bad boys have?
The answer is confidence ;)

[Phoenix98]

A nice mytake I myself am a gentleman though.

[ThatBritishLad]

On GirlsAskGuys, everyone's a nice guy but.

[SexyTexas]

~Loving This~ :)