As I peruse the questions on GirlsAskGuys, there is a buzzword that keeps appearing in the answers: Confidence. Those attempting to master the world of relating to the opposite sex seem to trip over this stumbling block more than any other. And that gets the snowball rolling as each mistake just makes the person less confident.
Whether the question is how to approach someone that he or she is attracted to, to set up a date, to gain the courage to use the latest pick-up line, etc., a common theme in the answers is often to have confidence. While there is a great deal of truth to the notion that confidence is an integral key to success in the dating world (and success in the world in general for that matter,) it also remains a very vague notion. So what exactly is this confidence? How can it be used to make you a more successful player in the dating game?
My favorite definition of confidence is: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities. So how does this definition pertain to confidence in the world of relationships? Simply put, the more you believe in yourself and in your ability to win someone over through whatever means you choose, the more confidence that you have. The more confidence you have, the more to the point you will be. And when you feel good about yourself, you will feel more able to let go of whatever has been holding you back from your best game (or perhaps from having any game).
The first thing that you must have or build is an internal belief in yourself. We have all been told or labeled at some point in our lives with many negative adjectives or phrases. I had some doosies as a youngster. The point is that when you start to believe these, you are headed for disaster. Those that achieve their goals and dreams, get past all of that negative crap that they were force-fed. So if you have something in you that is holding you back from being confident, there is something that you can do about it. First realize that: IT IS YOUR FAULT. Next, realize that it is ONLY IN YOUR MIND. Third, make attempts everyday to MOVE PAST IT. Yes, you all have these thoughts and only when you realize that they are just thoughts, can you get past them. Believe in yourself, build on your strengths, and skyrocket your confidence level.
There is something called the Pygmalion effect or self-fulfilling prophecy. When we see ourselves in a certain way, positive or negative, we act along those lines and create the results we expected to. If we think we are going to land the business deal and that the other company's rep is going to like us then we approach it with that mindset and it happens. But if we think we are going to fail, then we make that happen to. The future has not occurred yet.
Pay attention to your negative, non-confident thoughts. Then try spending a week telling yourself the exact opposite of what you heard. If you think, I'm not smart, tell yourself I'm brilliant. Do this each time a negative thought pops up and see if you don't start to feel more confident.
Relationship building is the same in every environment whether it be in the office, within the family, at school, at a networking or extracurricular event. Those who have enough confidence to build strong and lasting relationships with their parents, siblings, peers, friends, co-workers, teammates, etc, would be well-suited to simply apply those same skills or techniques to their dating lives. If you encounter someone at the library and get a favorable response, apply the same trait at the bar or other social environment.
In my business career, I can confidently say (yes, pun intended) that I have been very successful for someone with my years of age and experience. Is it because I am smarter, craftier, luckier, or harder working than the next person? Of course not, just look around you and admit to yourself that there is always someone better than you (me) at each of these things. The key to my success has simply been outwardly appearing confident.
When you walk around with your head in the sand, trying to take the easiest route to the finish line or thinking it safest to try and remain anonymous to get through your day, that is exactly what will happen and you will end up as an anonymous, hard working, likeable person. This is fine for most people. It has never been fine with me. I prefer a more confrontational, wild-haired approach. Does this mean that my ideas or my game doesn't suffer a blow once in a while? Absolutely not, this is a part of learning and building confidence.
So what is the lesson here? Easy, it is not the success or failure that occurs as a result of your approach, it is the fact that you made the approach in the first place. This is what builds confidence! So just put yourself out there, it gets better I swear. So stand up and believe in yourself and you will be amazed at what you have accomplished when you look back.
Whether the question is how to approach someone that he or she is attracted to, to set up a date, to gain the courage to use the latest pick-up line, etc., a common theme in the answers is often to have confidence. While there is a great deal of truth to the notion that confidence is an integral key to success in the dating world (and success in the world in general for that matter,) it also remains a very vague notion. So what exactly is this confidence? How can it be used to make you a more successful player in the dating game?
My favorite definition of confidence is: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities. So how does this definition pertain to confidence in the world of relationships? Simply put, the more you believe in yourself and in your ability to win someone over through whatever means you choose, the more confidence that you have. The more confidence you have, the more to the point you will be. And when you feel good about yourself, you will feel more able to let go of whatever has been holding you back from your best game (or perhaps from having any game).
The first thing that you must have or build is an internal belief in yourself. We have all been told or labeled at some point in our lives with many negative adjectives or phrases. I had some doosies as a youngster. The point is that when you start to believe these, you are headed for disaster. Those that achieve their goals and dreams, get past all of that negative crap that they were force-fed. So if you have something in you that is holding you back from being confident, there is something that you can do about it. First realize that: IT IS YOUR FAULT. Next, realize that it is ONLY IN YOUR MIND. Third, make attempts everyday to MOVE PAST IT. Yes, you all have these thoughts and only when you realize that they are just thoughts, can you get past them. Believe in yourself, build on your strengths, and skyrocket your confidence level.
There is something called the Pygmalion effect or self-fulfilling prophecy. When we see ourselves in a certain way, positive or negative, we act along those lines and create the results we expected to. If we think we are going to land the business deal and that the other company's rep is going to like us then we approach it with that mindset and it happens. But if we think we are going to fail, then we make that happen to. The future has not occurred yet.
Pay attention to your negative, non-confident thoughts. Then try spending a week telling yourself the exact opposite of what you heard. If you think, I'm not smart, tell yourself I'm brilliant. Do this each time a negative thought pops up and see if you don't start to feel more confident.
Relationship building is the same in every environment whether it be in the office, within the family, at school, at a networking or extracurricular event. Those who have enough confidence to build strong and lasting relationships with their parents, siblings, peers, friends, co-workers, teammates, etc, would be well-suited to simply apply those same skills or techniques to their dating lives. If you encounter someone at the library and get a favorable response, apply the same trait at the bar or other social environment.
In my business career, I can confidently say (yes, pun intended) that I have been very successful for someone with my years of age and experience. Is it because I am smarter, craftier, luckier, or harder working than the next person? Of course not, just look around you and admit to yourself that there is always someone better than you (me) at each of these things. The key to my success has simply been outwardly appearing confident.
When you walk around with your head in the sand, trying to take the easiest route to the finish line or thinking it safest to try and remain anonymous to get through your day, that is exactly what will happen and you will end up as an anonymous, hard working, likeable person. This is fine for most people. It has never been fine with me. I prefer a more confrontational, wild-haired approach. Does this mean that my ideas or my game doesn't suffer a blow once in a while? Absolutely not, this is a part of learning and building confidence.
So what is the lesson here? Easy, it is not the success or failure that occurs as a result of your approach, it is the fact that you made the approach in the first place. This is what builds confidence! So just put yourself out there, it gets better I swear. So stand up and believe in yourself and you will be amazed at what you have accomplished when you look back.
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