How to know when a man will never deliver, and what to do about it?

[THEALIster]

So of course (there are exceptions), but the principle of this take is, you want to prevent heartache. I'm writing this for all my girls.... I do however recognize some men will be upset because it will mess up there game, or expose how they are, but you have information to take or leave, and see what hasn't worked for you , and try something different? So I'm no expert on relationships, but I have read brilliant advice from (The mirror aphrodite) I thought I'd share my experiences plus her approach.

Recognize the signs

If a man does not see no future with you, whether, no relation, you are a passing fling, he isn't that interested, or truly in love there will be signs from the beginning. Men are different and want different things, but a few of these you might notice.

He keeps the situation between the two of you the same as when he first started showing signs or agreeing to starting something with you.

So it's been 3 months or more now, and this guy is still only flirting with you, only still texting you whenever it's convenient for him, and he's never tried getting to know you more, he doesn't want to know what your looking for in a relationship, you've never hung out. He probably just wants an ego boost, and you jump to his convenience.

You've hung out, but he's never took you on any dates, except the "sofa date" you've probably never met his family, because he sneaks you in the house.

It's been 6 months of this, and he still doesn't know you. You've offered going elsewhere but he brushes it under the couch, and you don't bring it up because you don't want to nag him. because he just wants sex. While dates aren't obligated, it's the principal behind people's actions.

He throws negative talk aimed at you.

He might say something that offends you like "Mmh, that girl over there is so bad" while you're on a date. He might say something offensive in front of his friends, but he's just a guy so you brush it under his couch. He talks recklessly, in no spare of what you might think of him. Some might not know it's offensive but I'll explain this later.

He flakes on dates.

It's a difference if something really came up, but say he never called you that day, or the day before, but he called the next day or a couple days later. He flaked on you, and he didn't care to call for 30 seconds, or text you. He might have even text you back like nothing happened.

He still hasn't asked you out after 6 months...

It doesn't have to be specifically this long, but usually this is the time people fall in love. If he still hasn't fallen in love or is displaying disinterest he isn't going to.

So, what to do about this? From the very beginning it's important to call him out on it. Do not brush what hurts you under the couch, even if it's a misunderstanding, he should know what hurts you, and you should know his motives. If a guy did not agree on dating you, and you didn't agree on getting to know each other then you are single, he's single, and you shouldn't focus on what he is and isn't doing. :) Of course you can show him your interest, but Most man take advantage of women who pursue. When you text him first( all the time,) when you tell them you like them, when you give your heart away before he can even ask you on a date. He feels no need to do anything because he already has you.

When you call him out on his flakes, his rude comments, and etc.. (things that hurt) you shouldn't nag him, or complain, but you should simply ask him why, and explain that you don't appreciate it and don't want to get to know someone like that. He'll either straighten up, or he will use the guilt trip on you, and blaim you for his actions, and if he doesn't straighten up, and he apologizes but does it again, you shouldn't further anything with him because that's what dating is for to get to know a person and see if they have the same morals and values as you. He will keep this behavior and you cannot change a man, into treating you the way you want him to!

You can also ask him, what his intentions are, and why he wants to get to know you. If he really likes you this shouldn't scare him away. When you ask about why he hasn't asked you out yet, I believe in setting time limits to prevent waisting time. He shouldn't have a problem doing so, but after so long and he still making up excuses you have to cut them lose, because that's the purpose of dating to enter a relationship.

In doing this, he might grow to treat the next woman better.

[AleDeEurope]

Nice take, everything you said is true, though I disagree when you say most men take advantage of women who pursue, that's not true, only the assholes will take advantage of that. If a man wants that girl, he won't take advantage of her if she texts first or puts her heart out there.

A good way to avoid men like this is if women start taking more initiative. Women barely take action or take the first step, it's always the man, that's why he plays with her, because he's always one step ahead and because she thinks it's the man's job to do everything in the relationship/dating phase.
If women did what they want, they would avoid all these. If she wants to get serious after 3 months, ask him if he wants to get serious, don't wait till he asks. If he rejects that, then move on to another guy.
If she wants to go out instead of staying in, say so and stick to it, don't just say "why don't we go out?", say "lets go out, I'm tired of staying home".
Women need to become more dominant in order to avoid these kind of men that are just playing with them.

[aboomya]

U are wize beyond ur years

[AleDeEurope]

@aboomya Thanks :)

[sjoes006]

"When you call him out on his flakes, his rude comments, and etc.. (things that hurt) you shouldn't nag him, or complain, but you should simply ask him why, and explain that you don't appreciate it and don't want to get to know someone like that. He'll either straighten up, or he will use the guilt trip on you, and blaim you for his actions, and if he doesn't straighten up, and he apologizes but does it again, you shouldn't further anything with him because that's what dating is for to get to know a person and see if they have the same morals and values as you. He will keep this behavior and you cannot change a man, into treating you the way you want him to!"

Very, very true. He won't grow to love you and change. This is just how he treats women and now you know why he is single. Ask him his back story with other girlfriends and it will be the same pattern.

[Anonymous]

Always take advice from people who use double negatives. "If a man does not see no kind of not future not with you."

If you're idea is the end goal being marriage, you're in for a surprise. The marriage rate is declining and will decline much, much more, as there is hardly any benefit to marriage for males and great potential negatives. Like losing our children or half or more of our income and assets. Good luck snagging a man who's halfway intelligent enough to see that marriage is of little benefit to him and of great potential detriment.

"He should know what hurts you instinctually, even if you don't say anything." Typical mainstream female reasoning, is it? "Read my mind, or you don't love me." In other words, we should instinctively understand the arbitrary and individual-specific time limits you put on various actions.

"If he hasn't asked you to a movie in two weeks, put his arm around you and given you specifically skittles within 10 minutes of the opening, then he doesn't love you."

"If he hasn't walked your dog, pet your dog in this specific way, given your dog one red skittle and then one green skittle BUT NOT THE GREEN SKITTLE BEFORE THE RED SKITTLE, then he doesn't love you."

And yes. I'm so terribly angry because you're ruining my game for the 20 people who will read this, or 10 females.

Lemme ask you this. Why, exactly, wouldn't a man ask you out? The chances of sex are higher, and he can just drop you whenever he feels like it. And he really doesn't have to invest much. Unless you don't put out unless he's invested exactly 1,000 dollars. Sounds like you are speaking so, so particularly about something that happened to you. Oh, and of course, it's impossible for a man to take advantage of a woman he's asked out, as opposed to a female asking him out. @_@ What are you smoking? Because I would really really... not want any. Maybe it wasn't the act of asking a man out, but the act of asking *the wrong man* out?

Bitches be crazy yo.

Holy shit! Something reasonable! Actually fucking *talk to him about your insecurities and fears*. Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

[THEALIster]

"He should know what hurts you instinctually, even if you don't say anything." Typical mainstream female reasoning, is it? "

I said in the last paragraphs, if he says or does things to hurt you, tell him sit it and that you don't want to get to know someone like that. You didn't either didn't read it, or your using the (Blame game) That I also mentioned above.

[THEALIster]

Tell him that*

[THEALIster]

You misunderstood me sir. I meant he should understand what hurts you (when you tell him that you don't like a certain action). That was the point of that paragraph. I said you should know his motives when you ask him (why he wants to get to know you.)
Most girls got it, I guess I should be more clear next time

[Opinion Owner]

Oh. Well. Okay then...

[Opinion Owner]

As for the game, you can call it whatever you want. I just talk about things that I think are wrong. And exactly why would I be trying to use the supposed tactic to get laid on you? You going to put your vagina through my screen? Because I would be totally cool with that. Also astounded and calling news outlets, because you're clearly a fucking magician or have some sort of super technology that I would really, really want. Also you don't mention the word 'blame' in your post, at all. And you only mention game once, in reference to playa playa styles.

[Azara]

what do you mean men take advantage of women who peruse?

i hear this a lot and i think its insulting to women as well as gives men a ton off wiggle room to be dicks. while your waiting to see how hell behave you could just find out and save yourself the time.

a guy who is into you should be able to respond honestly and gracefully to your initiation... if he reacts poorly its not bc you made a move its bc he's a poor candidate for a love interest. if he only has to worry about pursuing then he can just be in it for the high.. there's no way of knowing. its a lot harder to be receptive than to turn someone on or flirt. bc you're in control of that, but when someone asks you out they are in control. telling women to stay in control by relinquishing control of themselves to guys they dont even know is really backwards. i see this advice everywhere its mind boggling.

pursuing doesn't mean 'always' doing anything. and if he's going to be a jerk bc you initiate i think you'd want too know that sooner rather than later,. if the very same guy acts nice when he asks you out but is a jerk when you ask him out then hjes the jerk. not the nice guy. thats valuable information

. additionally if either party is finding they are 'always' doing something,. things are not well, regardless of sex.

there's no reason top wait around and call him on his bullshit. make a move if he responds poorly move on.

avoiding heartache is not as valuable as learning from it and moving on. you can still get hurt whilst avoiding it... we can't control everything no matter how meticulous,. but we can move forward. with skill.

i say be emotionally proactive be willing to get hurt and learn to ride above it... rather than emotion prevention. doesn't work bc life is full of emotion.

;-)

[Anonymous]

Agree with all of this.

While occasionally people need a lot of time before taking the massive step of being a couple (which has huge ramifications, like you'd actually have to dump them not just stop calling, and also... no that's about it actually), for the most part, people know pretty quickly. If they want to be a couple, they will ask. Some guys are shy, guys who are shy are not sleeping you for months while not having the courage to ask you out.

There's no reason someone shouldn't be able to ask you out on a damn date right away. If they're not ready to do that, either they're not interested, or they're not relationship material, period.

Same ideas apply to guys, though it's a little different. For guys it's a mix of this, plus her being ready to get more physical.

[THEALIster]

Thanks :)

[Anonymous]

As a guy who experienced many such things and have friends who also did and probably still do...

This Take is right.

Girls, I want you to really remember everything here. This is true and spot on. She is right that there is a game, and her Take overrides it. Just follow her simple steps.

Save and copy this. It will help.

Us guys may have many reasons why we do things, but every guy knows it is wrong to hurt or play somebody else. Sadly, some of us still continue playing.

I recommend this Take for every girl out there.

Good luck.

[THEALIster]

Thanks :)

[ThatJarHead]

I agree with this for the most part. Helping women avoid being used for sex? Good job keep it going! Seriously! What I don't agree with (and I know you never mentioned this but you should have) is that once a women is hurt by one man she assumes every man is the same. That's not fair. I've been hurt by plenty of women before I met my wife. I gave every damn girl equal chance and the benefit of the doubt. Why can't women accept that if you meet a guy at the bar or a night club he's gonna be a prick! It's factual! Pick up artists aren't good people. That's life. However not every single man who asks you out is a sleezy pick up artist!

Well shit.

Somebody had to say it...

Or else it would go Unspoken.

[THEALIster]

I agree with you. Maybe you should do a Take explaining how to know a guy is genuine

[stardust101]

I love this take. I can understand how it speaks to both genders (the guy who uses women) and the woman who's on the receiving end of men like this. I agree guys like this are a huge waste of time and to be honest, I don't think I would actually wait 6 months to be proven that the guy isn't serious, because if "I" was serious enough about entering into a relationship, then all of these signs would be red flags from the beginning or at least 2 months in. Good job with the post. I know not all guys are like this, just some. And guys, you know who you are! Haha

[Anonymous]

I love when people tell me what my feelings, intentions and motivations are, otherwise, without a women to dictate to me my experience as a male I would never know how I felt. "He should know what hurts you," this really spoke to me, I'm sorry for not doing exactly what you want when you wanted it. I'll try to be more psychic in the future.

media.giphy.com/media/oj2dsM4jwwJYA/giphy.gif

[sjoes006]

Either you dont care or you are ignorant if you continue to perpetually disregard her feelings. Either way you aren't fit to be a boyfriend yet.

[THEALIster]

"He should know what hurts you"

You misunderstood me sir. I meant he should understand what hurts you (when you tell him that you don't like a certain action). That was the point of that paragraph. I said you should know his motives when you ask him (why he wants to get to know you.)
Most girls got it, I guess I should be more clear next time

[Opinion Owner]

Ah, gotcha.

Well the first part stands. You've got this mix of utterly basic and utterly subjective things that makes it feel nonsensical.

If a guy totally stands you up on a date, completely flakes.. then duh, there could be reasons but generally still just duh.

But after 6 months you need to have asked him out and expressed yourself. It is perfectly reasonable for him to be in the same position as you, but because of that you should ditch him? You don't just get to decide what he's feeling.

And then we move to "Most man take advantage of women who pursue." What? Just what? Because what? This feels like a case of "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

[Anonymous]

Don't date Chad Thundercokesque men and you women can save yourself all the heart aches you all don't want in the end:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a23529-the-effects-of-the-80-20-rule-the-future-of-our-society-s-love-life

If you women don't want to be used for sex then stop chasing the guys all your other girlfriends and 80% of the female population want.

[Moose2coolvargas]

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. It takes dedication to a person, the ability to overcome trials and challenges that everyday life throws at us You have to take a step back and look at things and look at the big picture, Timing is critical, you don't want to rush into anything, say or do something with a hasty attitude and derail the relationship before you really see what path it will take you on, test of true character comes from honesty and integrity so take the stages as they come to you, follow your heart

[Anonuser2020]

So true a man who will deliver is a man who does not just talks. My ex and i talked about marriage, as I was striving to get somewhere in life he didn't do anything! When we broke up he was in exactly the same spot he was when we 1st met, I had already taken a class needed to further my education and was on the road to finding a professional job. I knew he would never deliver, plus he took me for granted. I haven't seen him in a couple months, but I highly suspect he is still in the same place of not having any ambition. I have gotten a new job and I am now considering which educational path I want to take. Take it from me do not fall in love w a person who will not deliver. This will just end in heartbreak.

[the_rake]

I appreciate this is the perspective of the woman who feels used, especially for sex. I think it also needs to be understood from the man's perspective: sure there are men out there that are players and sleep with 80% of woman, but these men are in a minority (20%). Most other men will be relatively inexperienced, sexually speaking, and will be more inexperienced than the woman who expects them to commit to a relationship. In their eyes, it is not fair that they are expected to settle down and commit to one woman who has been with lots of other men before them, while these same men are still inexperienced and possibly even virgins. So if you're a woman reading this, know that it is probably the womanizing type of man - the player - that you need to impose this kind of platonic relationship on, not your regular shy guy who's as much a victim of the dating hierarchy as you are!

[Anonymous]

Dang I just realized how many fuck boys I have met from reading this mytake alone. It's fucked up how some women still manage to get criticized even when they cut the asshole out of their life, by that I mean when people say things like "but he's handsome "
"He is rich you missing out"
"But he bought you a necklace "
I disagree with men taking advantage of women who pursue. My ex boyfriend was a good guy and I initiated hanging out first and it was always him who initiated everything after that.

[Tdieseler]

O... M... G...
Did i just really read that whole thing? what planet do YOU live on? by the time i got to the third paragraph, all i could see was "... make sure he bows to you and if he doesn't, leave"
we are human beings too... men know women are MORE likely not to deliver... so thats why we do what we do. Ask the ton of men on here how we can spend everything to make a girl's day awesome and we mess up ONE thing and poof... all the others are gone.
You know that guy you described? the one who flirts still, who flakes, and still wants to sweep stuff under the rug... I WANA BE THAT GUY... cuz thats the smart guy.. and women don't like smart guys... you know how i know.. I've faced them too.
Wana know how a man is not going to deliver? you keep this BS mentality in your head... **Mic Drop**

[THEALIster]

Well :) Obviously you're the first guy on this thread to think so... Thanks for your blatant honesty. I'm pretty sure no good woman would want a negative pessimist like you!

[THEALIster]

Time to start evaluating why your really on this website

[Tdieseler]

Thank you :) what can i say... i say it as it is. I've found that many women don't like men that don't just do everything at a whim for em or say what they wana hear WHEN they wana hear it. If you are like that... good for you
I was that guy... constantly bowing... the unhappiness was real and theirs happiness was amazing.
I want happiness too... and i do what i know will attain it.
NB: Im on here to help those who actually want real-life working relationships to attain it and maintain it. Those that base theirs off of fiction... Thumbs up, ain't my cup of tea.

[THEALIster]

Yeah too bad your advice sucks...

[Tdieseler]

well... my advice is not your cup of tea... its not for everyone... its for realists. People who don't want to use GaG as much.

[CBryan]

I don't see the point in stating the obvious but when it comes to picking guys, statistically women have a tendency for "judging a book by its cover". Rarely do they care about the table of contents if the cover isn't appealing...
I met this wonderful girl at church a few years ago, and I was crazy about her. We usually went out for dinner after service as a big group. We talked a few times, and even though we have a ton of things in common, she didn't have a drop of interest in me, and while I thought she was the most amazing girl I've ever met, I wasn't good enough.
Recently she posted, " love is a lie, all you have is your soul", apparently after a bad break up with the guy who was at first, the perfect guy.
I really miss her :)

[JayB124b]

I agree with most of this apart from the sofa date part and family part. I don't go on dates outside my flat. It's far too expensive. Any woman who needs a £20 meal, or a £12 movie isn't for me. I don't get on with my family so chances are she wouldn't meet them till the wedding day, or after.

[THEALIster]

I agree with you on the dates :) lol It be fun to go out to dinner, their are even cheap places that seem fancy. But the thing is, I also wouldn't mind a date that didn't cost money. If I were a guy, I'd take a girl "Sight seeing" lol 😂 it's free, you get to talk laugh, etc...

[THEALIster]

Because the purpose is to be able to relax and get to know each other

[Blonde401]

Sometimes he will ask you to be his girlfriend so he can trick you into thinking you're his girl and he gives a shit. Nice take though, some good advice!

[Anonymous]

I think a big part of the problem is the asymmetry of value. Women want a man's commitment and devotion, this is something tremendously valuable to most men (particularly the more desirable ones). In return women will give their commitment and devotion but this is something this type of man values very little. Women are offering what looks to them like a fair deal but to the guy it isn't.

[THEALIster]

I believe it really depends on the guy. Some want commitment and value family life me than others, most man value work. No one is obligated to stay single or in a relationship. But most women who are showing interest in a man, eventually wants to commit. If you feel you are giving something up, perhaps dating is not for you. That's what dating is for. to lead somewhere. Or else why waist time? Most people will do what they want, and I as a woman want to be able to know which man I'm dating the commitment phobe, or the one who values family life.

[Anonymous]

One very obvious sign you failed to mention is whether or not the woman can offer said man anything and if she meets the standards he might be looking for a serious relationship if not then she is just some MOPED he's been sticking it to until a chick thats marriage material comes along.

[THEALIster]

Yes, my intention was to avoid the men who think that way. The principle of his actions is his thought process that he thinks it's OK to treat women that way. We don't want that...

[Opinion Owner]

Actually no different than most women with impossibly high standards.

[Darkone1]

Agree with it

There must be some criteria to check or measure the sex after dates because the Virgin guys which mostly are will not settle with the used up (non-Virgin) women easily.

[Anonymous]

Nice myTake. I had a guy flake on me 4 times during the dating phase in one day. He called an hour before to apologize and reschedule each time. After the 4th time I called him back up and ended it.