Don't Keep Initiating contact with Him. Okay?

[Anonymous]

If a guy wants something he'll do it. He's not stupid. Trust me, he knows you exist and he knows where to find you. Don't text him. Let him miss your company...The thing with guys is sometimes they take a girl for granted when she's constantly there. He doesn't get the chance to miss you or yearn for your company. I'm not saying that you shouldn't text him at ALL...I'm just saying keep it to a minimum. If you intiated the last convo..the ball is in his court. If he doesn't keep the game going...Leave and don't look back!

[RJGraveyTrain]

Wait, so why is it only the guy that should initiate? If the girl wants it, why wouldn't she do it herself? Women are perfectly capable of doing it too, we're growing out of the whole gender-role expectation as time goes on, so I still don't get this mentality.

It seems silly to me to play these sort of games of cat and mouse: yes, it should never be only one party always initiating, but then again, both parties should actively be pursuing the other, it should never fall to the soul responsibility of one person. If you both like each other then you BOTH should be putting effort forth, to expect someone to simply chase after you, regardless of gender, is self entitled and lazy in my opinion.

If you want to talk to each other, talk to each other, don't play unnecessary games where you limit how much you talk to them. Would you limit showing how much you care about somebody if they were right in front of you? No. Being honest with your feelings and making equal amounts of effort is a good way to keep people from having to guess how interested you are or feeling like you have to constantly prove yourselves to them.

[myTake Owner]

A person will never intiate contact with a person they're not interested in. Women tend to forget that there's limitations to chasing a man. Men are logical. Women do things out of emotions. Men are literally programmed to chase and if he really wants you, there is no excuses, he WILL find a way to get you. No one said anything about women not "capable" of texting a man. It's not about mind games. It's about self worth. Women need to. understand that they need to give the man a chance to chase. That's his thinking and that will never change. Like I said before text if you want to text but it's. a two way street. if one does not return the favour they will know where they stand.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I think that's a painful stereotype and I think you're severely limiting and underestimating women. I think women are completely capable of being logical and I don't think making a man initiate is self worth, that comes from within. I personally just do not at all believe in gender roles where a man has to "chase" a woman. I think if two people care about each other, then they'll come together. It shouldn't be about pulling away and chasing, women aren't prey to be captured.

But hey, that's just me.

[missjayne]

She's not saying he has to chase but more or less he has a need, I guess. Especially if he is interested. While I do hate games, in some ways what she is saying does make sense. If a guy is willing to do a little chasing then he is interested. A guy will not chase if it's just a mere booty call. I do agree with you that a woman should send the first text if she wants, I myself have been the initiator in the past and they were all failed attempts. Therefore, I let the guys do all the initiating now so I am not wasting my time and efforts on a guy who is no where near being interested in me. As for women being more emotional, of course we are. That's psychology 101. Yes women are perfectly capable of being logical, but in the end we definitely make more of our decisions based off of our feelings. This in no way shape or form makes a woman less than a man. It just makes us women.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I still don't believe that love should be a "chase." It isn't a game. Why is it not considered a sign of interest if a woman chases? Why is it that the man has to be the chaser or he isn't interested? I just think it's a silly, worn out idea of gender roles that people don't even realize.

[HowRUbBuddy]

who said men want to chase? why do all women assume that ? heck we dont want to chase anyone we just want a normal human being that is a girl and we want her to be nice and caring and interested , nothing more nothing else , we do you get these ideas from?

[HowRUbBuddy]

also yeah we are mor logical and that usually means no texts=shes not interested , therefore we're no where to be seen , most guys dont think much about it and sneak out of the girls life , just like that

[Mesonfielde]

No, just because he is male doesn't mean you should be playing mind games. If you are interested, then initiate. If you initiate all the time, then gauge if he really is as interested as you are. But this take here is a recipe for playing games and manipulation.

[Azara]

Women are not stupid either. if they want a guy they know where to find him,.

i seen reason this post is directed towards women, or anyone for that matter. let people sort out for themselves what they are comfortable doing.

its also really degrading to be telling women they shouldn't do anything bc the only person who matters is the guy.

iof a woman is interested shell do something. same with a guy. its people who are not interested who do nothing.. and in time this will become clear to the other party,.

if you keep texting a woman or man who is not interested you'll eventually realize they are not interested and you'll stop. and move on.,

if a woman or man only likes you if you play games,. then as long as you plays games you'll never figure out out.

also if someone likes yo but doesn't like texting they should TEWLL you not make you guess.

by acting against your nature it just makes it take that much longer to determine how the other feels.

i say be who you are and if they dont like it all the better for you to find out.

whats the point of being who you are not to artificially improve someones behavior towards you.. so you can what be with them and be miserable.

people who only want people who act uninterested will never actually want those people. EVER. its a fools errand trying to trick them into looking you with perceived absence. and since i think your theme is about desperation its disparate. tricking people into thinking you are who you are not so they'll like you is disparity,.

if you're a big texted be a texted. accept they may not like you., if you like to initiate things initiate things,. if they can't handle it let them move on. you have to be brave and honest with dating or you'll be a s;lave to the other person forever.

i dont think the point of dating is to have just anyones who you can convince to like you. l i think the point is to find someone you like why likes you,.

so let the texters text until they decided otherwise:)

[Azara]

ok 'look' if a person is 'logic;l' they are not going to reject someone they like bc she initiated. thats not logical thats stupid,.

pursuing a person you have FEELINGS for, is not ogical its emotional. you do it bc you desire the person. thats emotion. especially if a guy chases no matter what no matter if she's interested thats delusional,. not 'logical'.

whoever is ging you advice tell them you want your money back. they are helping you believe that you have to be at other peoples beck and call.

everyone has a ''limit to being perused. thats why both people should make ann effort. women dont want mens endfklessly perusing them any more than men want it. thats human. if you're not expressing interest there's no reason for anyone to be 'chasing' you. how is that 'logical' and why do you think women can not tell when someone does not like them.

if peopl are honest which is 'logical' there would be no misunderstanding.

your logic doesntr come from pursuing it comes from honesty.

[asiag299]

It should be equal dang you other teen girls are playing games. That's why y'all can't find something serious. There's nothing wrong with showing attraction and texting back again even if he doesn't respond. Stop playing these childish games if you like a guy and enjoy his company then what's wrong with constantly trying to talk to him. Everyone is sick of the whole I don't text twice bullshit because honestly it shouldn't matter. I texted my boyfriend back to back before we were in a relationship and you know what he said. He appreciated the fact that I wasn't trying to play hard to get and that I enjoyed his company so much that I didn't care about saving face or whatever. Texting back immediately or double texting doesn't make him automatically think you're desperate in fact they appreciate that you don't care. These texting games are stupid honestly I know some girls who get replies late so they wait the same amount of time before replying even if they got the message right after he sent it. How stupid is that like can the guy not have been busy? Girls depend on texting too much if you ask me if you want to have a full blown conversation then call the man or Facetime him. That way you have his full attention and you can both talk as long as you're able. To be completely honest my phone isn't always in my phone so yes my replies will be late sometimes but why should I have to be penalized into waiting for a response when I was simply busy? Yes he should miss your company but not like this. By missing your company he should be like aww man this movie would be great if (the girl) was here. He shouldn't be feeling like OMG WHY ISN'T SHE TEXTING BACK! That doesn't make him miss you it makes people annoyed especially if we know you got the message and you're just trying to play the texting game. Girls please don't listen to this advice because this chick is an idiot. If he's taking you for granted for constantly being there without you being clingy then he's an asshole. A real man would appreciate the fact that his girl has his back :) Do not keep it to a minimum show that you're attracted and interested in him. I personally wouldn't give up until he tells me he's uninterested because that's how I got out of the friend zone with my ex lol I kept at it and pretty soon he started seeing what I saw in him lol. Also before someone says he settled he had plenty of other girls after him as well and they were a couple who were prettier so no he didn't settle for me

[asiag299]

If I'm on my phone then I'm going to respond as soon as I get the message. What's the sense in waiting? That's stupid as hell -_-

[Azara]

Well said. I agree. If he's not interested you're going to find out. At least you can keep your dignity and be yourself in the process so it's not painful lol I dont get how pretending to be who you are not is 'not desperate' and being you is 'desperate'.

not everyone is compatible and thats ok. better to find out and move on. games just make everything endlessly arduous and confusing, and i think., really demeaning.

id rather respect my voice and get rejected than pretend to be a step ford wife. i wouldn't want a guy whop only likes me bc i dont do anything anyhow. whats the point.

[asiag299]

@Azara exactly I will never understand why someone plays games when they want a serious relationship. How can it be serious if you're playing games. Just be yourself because trying to seem more standoffish doesn't make you more alluring it honestly makes me think you're not interested especially if I know that's not how you normally act. :)

[myTake Owner]

you're living in dream land but then again I would expect Tom foolery from you if you ask me. 😂 there's only so much a girl can do to pursue a guy. Not every girl is a stage 5 clinger like you and not every guy appreciates the chase by a woman. Secondly guys will not tell you whether they are disinterested or not hence there are players and fuck boys walking around like they own the world. This is not the 18th century where people will tell you how they feel right off the spot. That's because a guy tolerates you initiating contact doesn't mean his necessarily Into you. Thirdly I don't know how the heck you got the fact that a girl should not reply to a guys messages when she recieves them as that was not written on my take. so I suggest a new pair of eyes and CAT scan cause right now you make the demented look normal. like I said before a girl can initiate but it has to be level based. she can't be doing all the work while the guy sits back and relataxes. that simple.

[asiag299]

ugh shut up

[Justanothernerd2012]

To the MyTake owner: THAT IS BULLSHIT. If a man is worth dating then he is mature enough to tell you he doesn't like you. I don't know what horrible relationships you had to think that guys are elusive fucks, but you're wrong. Guys like smart and mysterious girls, but we're not here to play fucking games. We're men, not boys. I want a woman who is honest and will tell me if she likes me, not a GIRL who plays mind games. Delete this take and get a real look at real men if you know what's good for you.

[asiag299]

@Justanothernerd2012 I couldn't have said it better lol but it was clear to me that she truly believed what she was saying so I decided not to argue with her :) Thanks by the way

[asiag299]

Also myTake Owner I'm not a stage 5 clinger. I do whatever the hell I want and playing mind games with a guy I like is not something I want to do. Also guys will tell you if their interested whether by their body language or words. Fuckboys and players let girls know exactly what they want but the girls that fall for them don't pay attention to the signs that are right in their fucking face. I have never fallen for a player of fuckboy just for the simple fact that I'm very observant. The problem is that now girls are really desperate for relationships so they're falling for the okie doke. I make the demented look normal girl please you sound like a bitter woman who tried to play mind games on a guy and he left you. I bet it sucks to know that this constant game playing is what's going to leave you single and lonely. :) Glad I don't believe in these stupid mind games because I never would've been in a relationship with my fiance ❤

[Justanothernerd2012]

No prob! I wasn't planning to rant at her, but the arrogance is real.

[Dawsonwc]

Like I'm sure every other guy has says this is a pretty poor plan for several reasons.
1. "If a guy wants something he'll do it" this is just false. If it was true every man would be a millionaire. Want does not always equal action. Plenty of guys will take your texting habits as a negative sign and may give up. Which may be a good plan to you but it seems pointless to me. Why encourage people to give up.
2. It's manipulative. Why not just be direct? I promise you you're never as good at manipulating other people's behavior as you think you are and the older you get the harder it'll be.
3. You're not the first girl to think this up. In fact your not the millionth girl to think this up. Girls have been trying this since cell phones were made. Do you not think men don't know what you're doing. A lot of men will immediately recognize your plan and purposefully play with you. It's like guessing the plot of a movie. It always makes you hate the movie a little bit.
4. This doesn't create interest it creates drama. No man has ever liked a woman more because she made him try harder. He may work more and try harder for a relationship but he's not doing it because he's more interest in you he's just responding to the drama you're trying to create. It's called loss aversion. It's a proven psychological phenomenon that basically states we have a stronger desire to avoid loss than we desire to obtain more. As soon as you stop all the drama goes away and he'll loose interest because the most interesting thing you've done to keep him around was make him feel like you were leaving. Your entire relationship becomes built around a fear of abandonment and not a desire to be closer.

[JSmuve]

If a girl wants something she'll do it. She's not stupid. trust me she knows you exist and she knows where to find you. Don't text her. Let her Miss your company... Thing with girls is sometimes they take a guy for granted when he's constantly there. She doesn't get the chance to miss you or yearn for your company. I'm not saying that you shouldn't text her at All... I'm just saying keep it to a minimum. If you initiated the last convo.. the ball is in her court. If she doesn't keep the game going... Leave and don't look back!

[myTake Owner]

exactly :)

[Azara]

#mytakeowner,

he just flipped it around- as i did in my response, and i think its very reasonable to try thinking of what you said in the exact inverse of how you -seemed to- intend it to be read...

was i mistaken in your intention? did you men to agree with him? did you mean for this post to apply to everyone, or just women? or were you just assuming he was saying the same thing?

im so curious lol ;)

[JSmuve]

@Azara yaaaaa I kinda laughed a bit when she agreed with me. I'm not so sure she's the brightest bulb in the package.

[HowRUbBuddy]

do you truly believe that this works? i have bad news for you , it doesn't.

why the hell would i want a girl who is ignoring me on purpose? iam quite smart and its easy to see if she likes me or not and regardless of her feelings if she starts acting like this , iam gone you won't find me anywhere near , i will looking for a girl who shows as much interest as i do , if not she's gone too.
I've done it before , i ignored and cut off a girl i was in love with because she started acting like a bitch and ignoring me on purpose , she got mad and tried fixing it and told me she had "issues" ... yeah that didn't work much.

in short we are guys and we are different from girls , we go for girls who give us attention , if i see two attractive girls , the one who gives the most attention wins me , if neither do i have other options and most guys do , i dont ask questions , i dont get mad i dont try thinking about you... if you do this iam leaving without saying a word.

[myTake Owner]

she didn't ignore. she expected you to make effort. you have no idea how's it's like being a girl. you don't know how hard it is to try think at a guys level. A girls nightmare is to be a stage 5 clinger. what you think we're doing on purpose is actually what we do to try and IMPRESS you. a lot of you guys assume everything is about you when it's actually not.

[myTake Owner]

or she could have been disinterested in you sorry to burst your bubble.

[PTE2015]

This is exactly what i worry about, and why I let the guy constantly initiate stuff... don't want to come across as clingy or "too" interested" because apparently that pushes guys away too :-(

[HowRUbBuddy]

well coming directly from her , she was pretty interested but made wrong choices and when she realized her mistakes it was way too late , and you dont have to think like a guy its easy if you like a guy make him know that , if he likes back he will make a move if not he won't.

[meowcow]

The reason why so many relationships fail to take off is because both parties play stupid mind games as you are describing. Almost every girl I know who is 25-30 and still single are the type to play stupid mind games and texting ping pong matches, where they only reply a few hours or days after they've read the last message. It gives the message to both parties that neither is interested, even if both people like each other. Even if it were possible for a relationship to spark, these games usually extinguish any spark of romance very quickly.

The result is perpetually single, dissatisfied men and women, complaining about how the other gender sucks so much. Meanwhile, those who never stoop so low to play these games are in a happy relationship.

[lonerider]

This is a perfect way to lose a guy who respects himself. It works 100% girls! Rest assured, it'll help you find only the desperate and low self-esteem guys. In the beginning, I initiate all the chats, but after a while, i expect the raatio to be 50-50. If not, her no. goes off my contact list.

[Battooot]

Nope, this is the most thing i hate about girls. If we DON'T see you texting us and initiating often, then we think you are NOT INTERESTED in us.

STick this in your mind and let it sink deep forever. My advice to every girl in here reading this; Stop these stupid ass games because grown up men want grown up women. Do what you really want to do and don't be bound by those stupid rules of stupid games. Nothing more awesome than a free woman that follows what her guts tell her.

[sdistotallyme]

thank you. Women are naturally good at testing men anyway. I don't see this out of bitterness... but it's true that EVERY woman will test a man in one way or another. Why take things a step further?

[RJGraveyTrain]

I agree.

[Battooot]

Yes, women play testing games a lot. They don't know that the ways they do their testings are stupid. Men will almost ALWAYS fail their testings, not because we r cheaters or nontrust worthy or anything like that, it's because there is a FALLACY in those ways of testing. You think u r smart when u test someone but u r stupid, you never realize that u r looking from ONLY one tiny perspective and not taking into consideration everything that plays into the situation.

Here is an example: A woman will test a certain man and says ok: i won't text him for the next 3 days to see his reaction and if he texts me or not. If he texts me and gets worried it means he cares about me, if not, then he doesn't care about me and may even be speaking to other women.

Now the man's perspective: I haven't been hearing from her in a while, I really like this girl but i won't text her so she doesn't think i'm desperate or clingy since i always text her. I will wait until she texts me first
Get it now Girls?

[Battooot]

@sdistotallyme
@RJGraveytrain

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah and it's like not knowing how to play the mind games like that makes you a creep or desperate inherently somehow. Not all girls do it of course but I've met a lot who do. Or girls who ask to text but give one word replies and don't further the conversation. I'm not bad with striking a conversation but it can only go so far if the other girl isn't adding anything to it. Feels like I'm doing a fucking interview.

Imagine if you were about to hang/text one of your best friends and think oh man what am I gonna say to him?

[myTake Owner]

well then make the effort just as much and you'll see the magic.

[gblue25]

But what about the girls who do text first and we don't get a text back for a couple of days. Then we come off as needy

[Battooot]

@gblue25

No, if you text someone and they don't text you back for a long time then it probably they are not interested. Especially if they keep this behavior for a long time. A guy whose interested in you will reply quick.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"If a guy wants something he'll do it."
Or... not. Just because you say words doesn't make them true.

"they take a girl for granted when she's constantly there"
I appreciate you more for always being there.

"Let him miss your company"
Don't play mind games. If I get the inkling that you're doing it on purpose - and the whole point of this thing is saying to do it on purpose - then I'm outties. I actually want to enjoy the idea that you'll always be around... what you're doing is exactly the opposite of that... stop.

"If he doesn't keep the game going... Leave and don't look back!"
Ugh, arbitrary ultimatums... ugh.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

This is exactly what guys are talking about when they say girls play mind games. If I'm interested in someone I will call them and talk to them and show them I am interested. I don't need to pretend and be disingenuous about anything. If they don't like me for it then fine, we wouldn't have worked out anyway because that is the type of girlfriend I am. My boyfriend met me and at the time he didn't want a relationship. I continued to be myself, I called him when I wanted, said the things I wanted to say and now we're happily in love going on two years. I will never pretend to be something I'm not, if I want to call you I'm gonna call you.

[asiag299]

That's exactly how I feel :)

[Cookies_AndMilk]

@asiag299 Yes girl. Only children play mind games lol. There's nothing more beautiful than a purely genuine heart.

[oddwaffle]

If you do this then you will lose the guy. Why? Because you are not the only one on his list.

A guy will generally pursue a girl he likes as long as the chase is interesting. You have to give enough to keep him interested or other girls will get to him 1st.

You want a guy to value you for who you are then don't play games with him. Be a lady. Act with grace, thoughts and above all confident.

[shortandsweet24]

You know, this is crap. What if a guy is super busy and has 87 different things on his mind, at one time? What if he isn't always on top of everything, so he needs you ro be there for him, when he wants to talk? What if he's no good at initiating contact because he's forgetful or shy?

I don't mind initiating contact with him, first, if a guy wants. Mind games are classically ignorant and any guy or girl that plays them is not ready for an adult relationship. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but... This mytake happens to be inaccurate. :(

[Anonymous]

This is why I hate texting and dating. There are times where a girl could wanna text and initiate it most of the time and then they may text a lot in the beginning and ask to text or either they'll give one word replies and do nothing to further the conversation which makes me wonder if the girl is shy or is uninterested and I'm bugging her.

Then there's times where I'll have a date with a girl who's very interested initially and we could have a good date where we hit it off and then flake out of the blue, ignore texts, etc without any explanation which causes me to over analyze and make me thing I fucked up big time. While texting is convenient, it also fucks up a lot of things and causes mind games.

[nemer26]

I hate texting. I've gone for the calling and leaving messages now. I just go by rules not society's. If ya aren't interested say somethin.

[PTE2015]

I'm kind of glad to hear that girls aren't the only ones who over analyze things haha

[Opinion Owner]

Nope guys sure over analyze things as well as have emotions just like women.

[Anonymous]

Or I'll get turned off because she isn't initiating anything and then I'll move on and go find another girl who is a little more hands on, thats probably the more likely scenario, I'm not going to waste all my energy doing everything for this girl, especially with texting, I dont text girls to begin with, even if I like her thats not going to change, so if she is waiting for me to text her she is going to go to her grave before that text comes, if she wants to talk to me so much she can initiate it herself. This is not a good piece of advice because then I will just lose interest and move on, I'm not going to beat around the bush or waste energy, time, or money, trying to pursue a girl that isn't showing interest, I'll go find one that does.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

If a girl wants something she'll do it. She's not stupid. Trust me, she knows you exist and she knows where to find you. Don't text her. Let her miss your company... The thing with girls is sometimes they take a guy for granted when he's constantly there. She doesn't get the chance to miss you or yearn for your company. I'm not saying that you shouldn't text her at ALL... I'm just saying keep it to a minimum. If you intiated the last convo.. the ball is in her court. If she doesn't keep the game going... Leave and don't look back!

In other words: that he's male doesn't mean he should always be the one to initiate. Stop playing fucking games.

[Kirah]

This is incredibly stupid and sexist. This advice is the perfect way to lose a great guy.

STOP PLAYING MIND GAMES. If you really think a guy should "prove himself" by playing stupid little mind games, then I don't think you're ready for a boyfriend yet. How old are you, 12?

No doubt you'll passively-aggressively downvote this opinion, like you did with all the others who disagreed with you. You don't seem like a very likeable person.

[AleDeEurope]

"If a guy wants something he'll do it. He's not stupid" So I'm guessing you're encouraging girls to act stupid and not do anything when they want us, right?
5 lines and pure crap, you got a record a think :/

[nightskycat]

This is more annoying than helpful. If a girl does this to me, I do miss her company but at the same time I start thinking she isn't interested in me so I will just not text her as well. I love when a girl initiates contact sometimes and other times the guy does it and both times, it leads to a good conversation.
I hate playing games and just avoiding texting the other person because you want to get some sort of reaction/feelings to arouse from it.

[Anonymous]

I get what your saying. I was in a relationship like that and it wasn't fun. I put in 90% of the work. He never called, or text me I always had to initiate the contact, but I saw him everyday. When valentines, my bday or Christmas came around he didn't do or get me anything. He always wanted to stay at the house and never go anywhere with me, but always made time for his friends. We talked about it and nothing changed so I left. After leaving all he do is blow up my phone, he wanna go out now and everything. But for me its to late and now I'm moving on

[Azara]

what you wrote supports texting or doing whatever yo normally do. so you could find out who he really was. it does not support trying to leave everything to him so hell 'like you'.

you were with a guy who didn't want you. if you had not been honest you might never have found out6, as you say he started texting making contact once you left. so you being honest was vital in that leaving process..

how is your story in support of never doing anything so that the guy doesn't true of you? you think he got bored of you , as apposed to just not caring in the first place? you think if you didn't text he'd have been a good bf? does that even sound reasonable? that its k for him to be a jerk bc you texted?

[Opinion Owner]

@azara he was just lazy and he became complacent. We were together for 2 years, after 6 months of being with him he stop trying. I talked to him about it and he said he'll try, but that only lasted for a couple of days and then he's back to his normal ways. He claims he loves me, but I just couldn't do that with him anymore. He made me fill like something was wrong with me when I got mad that he didn't get me anything for my body or Christmas. We were the perfect couple as long as I didn't push him out his comfort zone, Like wanting to go out or doing something special for me. How would you feel if all he wanted to do was stay at the house with a bunch of people and never be alone.

[SugaBabe]

I think everyone should do what they feel to do! You can text him first, you can make the fist step, you can initiate a conversation its not that guy should do all that first or it is wrong if the female does that. You won't change his perception about you if you do that. There are many guys who are not interested but there are msny more out there who are shy, or afraid of rejection, or who like the woman to make the first step. So yeah, DO text him if you feel like it ;).

[Azara]

Agree.