Don't Keep Initiating contact with Him. Okay?

Anonymous

Don't Keep Initiating contact with Him. Okay?

If a guy wants something he'll do it. He's not stupid. Trust me, he knows you exist and he knows where to find you. Don't text him. Let him miss your company...The thing with guys is sometimes they take a girl for granted when she's constantly there. He doesn't get the chance to miss you or yearn for your company. I'm not saying that you shouldn't text him at ALL...I'm just saying keep it to a minimum. If you intiated the last convo..the ball is in his court. If he doesn't keep the game going...Leave and don't look back!

Don't Keep Initiating contact with Him. Okay?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • RJGraveyTrain
    Wait, so why is it only the guy that should initiate? If the girl wants it, why wouldn't she do it herself? Women are perfectly capable of doing it too, we're growing out of the whole gender-role expectation as time goes on, so I still don't get this mentality.

    It seems silly to me to play these sort of games of cat and mouse: yes, it should never be only one party always initiating, but then again, both parties should actively be pursuing the other, it should never fall to the soul responsibility of one person. If you both like each other then you BOTH should be putting effort forth, to expect someone to simply chase after you, regardless of gender, is self entitled and lazy in my opinion.

    If you want to talk to each other, talk to each other, don't play unnecessary games where you limit how much you talk to them. Would you limit showing how much you care about somebody if they were right in front of you? No. Being honest with your feelings and making equal amounts of effort is a good way to keep people from having to guess how interested you are or feeling like you have to constantly prove yourselves to them.
    LikeDisagree 17 People
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    • Anonymous

      A person will never intiate contact with a person they're not interested in. Women tend to forget that there's limitations to chasing a man. Men are logical. Women do things out of emotions. Men are literally programmed to chase and if he really wants you, there is no excuses, he WILL find a way to get you. No one said anything about women not "capable" of texting a man. It's not about mind games. It's about self worth. Women need to. understand that they need to give the man a chance to chase. That's his thinking and that will never change. Like I said before text if you want to text but it's. a two way street. if one does not return the favour they will know where they stand.

    • I think that's a painful stereotype and I think you're severely limiting and underestimating women. I think women are completely capable of being logical and I don't think making a man initiate is self worth, that comes from within. I personally just do not at all believe in gender roles where a man has to "chase" a woman. I think if two people care about each other, then they'll come together. It shouldn't be about pulling away and chasing, women aren't prey to be captured.

      But hey, that's just me.

    • missjayne

      She's not saying he has to chase but more or less he has a need, I guess. Especially if he is interested. While I do hate games, in some ways what she is saying does make sense. If a guy is willing to do a little chasing then he is interested. A guy will not chase if it's just a mere booty call. I do agree with you that a woman should send the first text if she wants, I myself have been the initiator in the past and they were all failed attempts. Therefore, I let the guys do all the initiating now so I am not wasting my time and efforts on a guy who is no where near being interested in me. As for women being more emotional, of course we are. That's psychology 101. Yes women are perfectly capable of being logical, but in the end we definitely make more of our decisions based off of our feelings. This in no way shape or form makes a woman less than a man. It just makes us women.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mesonfielde
    No, just because he is male doesn't mean you should be playing mind games. If you are interested, then initiate. If you initiate all the time, then gauge if he really is as interested as you are. But this take here is a recipe for playing games and manipulation.
    LikeDisagree 32 People
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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Battooot
    Nope, this is the most thing i hate about girls. If we DON'T see you texting us and initiating often, then we think you are NOT INTERESTED in us.

    STick this in your mind and let it sink deep forever. My advice to every girl in here reading this; Stop these stupid ass games because grown up men want grown up women. Do what you really want to do and don't be bound by those stupid rules of stupid games. Nothing more awesome than a free woman that follows what her guts tell her.
    Like 8 People
    • thank you. Women are naturally good at testing men anyway. I don't see this out of bitterness... but it's true that EVERY woman will test a man in one way or another. Why take things a step further?

    • I agree.

    • Battooot

      Yes, women play testing games a lot. They don't know that the ways they do their testings are stupid. Men will almost ALWAYS fail their testings, not because we r cheaters or nontrust worthy or anything like that, it's because there is a FALLACY in those ways of testing. You think u r smart when u test someone but u r stupid, you never realize that u r looking from ONLY one tiny perspective and not taking into consideration everything that plays into the situation.

      Here is an example: A woman will test a certain man and says ok: i won't text him for the next 3 days to see his reaction and if he texts me or not. If he texts me and gets worried it means he cares about me, if not, then he doesn't care about me and may even be speaking to other women.

      Now the man's perspective: I haven't been hearing from her in a while, I really like this girl but i won't text her so she doesn't think i'm desperate or clingy since i always text her. I will wait until she texts me first
      Get it now Girls?

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  • Dawsonwc
    Like I'm sure every other guy has says this is a pretty poor plan for several reasons.
    1. "If a guy wants something he'll do it" this is just false. If it was true every man would be a millionaire. Want does not always equal action. Plenty of guys will take your texting habits as a negative sign and may give up. Which may be a good plan to you but it seems pointless to me. Why encourage people to give up.
    2. It's manipulative. Why not just be direct? I promise you you're never as good at manipulating other people's behavior as you think you are and the older you get the harder it'll be.
    3. You're not the first girl to think this up. In fact your not the millionth girl to think this up. Girls have been trying this since cell phones were made. Do you not think men don't know what you're doing. A lot of men will immediately recognize your plan and purposefully play with you. It's like guessing the plot of a movie. It always makes you hate the movie a little bit.
    4. This doesn't create interest it creates drama. No man has ever liked a woman more because she made him try harder. He may work more and try harder for a relationship but he's not doing it because he's more interest in you he's just responding to the drama you're trying to create. It's called loss aversion. It's a proven psychological phenomenon that basically states we have a stronger desire to avoid loss than we desire to obtain more. As soon as you stop all the drama goes away and he'll loose interest because the most interesting thing you've done to keep him around was make him feel like you were leaving. Your entire relationship becomes built around a fear of abandonment and not a desire to be closer.
    Like 7 People
  • lonerider
    This is a perfect way to lose a guy who respects himself. It works 100% girls! Rest assured, it'll help you find only the desperate and low self-esteem guys. In the beginning, I initiate all the chats, but after a while, i expect the raatio to be 50-50. If not, her no. goes off my contact list.
    Like 11 People
  • AleDeEurope
    "If a guy wants something he'll do it. He's not stupid" So I'm guessing you're encouraging girls to act stupid and not do anything when they want us, right?
    5 lines and pure crap, you got a record a think :/
    LikeDisagree 12 People
  • asiag299
    It should be equal dang you other teen girls are playing games. That's why y'all can't find something serious. There's nothing wrong with showing attraction and texting back again even if he doesn't respond. Stop playing these childish games if you like a guy and enjoy his company then what's wrong with constantly trying to talk to him. Everyone is sick of the whole I don't text twice bullshit because honestly it shouldn't matter. I texted my boyfriend back to back before we were in a relationship and you know what he said. He appreciated the fact that I wasn't trying to play hard to get and that I enjoyed his company so much that I didn't care about saving face or whatever. Texting back immediately or double texting doesn't make him automatically think you're desperate in fact they appreciate that you don't care. These texting games are stupid honestly I know some girls who get replies late so they wait the same amount of time before replying even if they got the message right after he sent it. How stupid is that like can the guy not have been busy? Girls depend on texting too much if you ask me if you want to have a full blown conversation then call the man or Facetime him. That way you have his full attention and you can both talk as long as you're able. To be completely honest my phone isn't always in my phone so yes my replies will be late sometimes but why should I have to be penalized into waiting for a response when I was simply busy? Yes he should miss your company but not like this. By missing your company he should be like aww man this movie would be great if (the girl) was here. He shouldn't be feeling like OMG WHY ISN'T SHE TEXTING BACK! That doesn't make him miss you it makes people annoyed especially if we know you got the message and you're just trying to play the texting game. Girls please don't listen to this advice because this chick is an idiot. If he's taking you for granted for constantly being there without you being clingy then he's an asshole. A real man would appreciate the fact that his girl has his back :) Do not keep it to a minimum show that you're attracted and interested in him. I personally wouldn't give up until he tells me he's uninterested because that's how I got out of the friend zone with my ex lol I kept at it and pretty soon he started seeing what I saw in him lol. Also before someone says he settled he had plenty of other girls after him as well and they were a couple who were prettier so no he didn't settle for me
    Like 2 People
    • asiag299

      If I'm on my phone then I'm going to respond as soon as I get the message. What's the sense in waiting? That's stupid as hell -_-

    • Azara

      Well said. I agree. If he's not interested you're going to find out. At least you can keep your dignity and be yourself in the process so it's not painful lol I dont get how pretending to be who you are not is 'not desperate' and being you is 'desperate'.

      not everyone is compatible and thats ok. better to find out and move on. games just make everything endlessly arduous and confusing, and i think., really demeaning.

      id rather respect my voice and get rejected than pretend to be a step ford wife. i wouldn't want a guy whop only likes me bc i dont do anything anyhow. whats the point.

    • asiag299

      @Azara exactly I will never understand why someone plays games when they want a serious relationship. How can it be serious if you're playing games. Just be yourself because trying to seem more standoffish doesn't make you more alluring it honestly makes me think you're not interested especially if I know that's not how you normally act. :)

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  • oddwaffle
    If you do this then you will lose the guy. Why? Because you are not the only one on his list.

    A guy will generally pursue a girl he likes as long as the chase is interesting. You have to give enough to keep him interested or other girls will get to him 1st.

    You want a guy to value you for who you are then don't play games with him. Be a lady. Act with grace, thoughts and above all confident.
    Like 9 People
  • Jayded1
    This is dumb. What if he read the same thing but for guys. Neither of you text because you are both stubborn and think it is some kind of game. If someone doesn't want to talk to you they won't respond. Grow up, this is high school stuff.
    Like 6 People
    • Anonymous

      no. not everyone was raisad pathetically. if I don't want to talk to you that doesn't mean I won't reply. there's such a trait called politeness.

  • Kirah
    This is incredibly stupid and sexist. This advice is the perfect way to lose a great guy.

    STOP PLAYING MIND GAMES. If you really think a guy should "prove himself" by playing stupid little mind games, then I don't think you're ready for a boyfriend yet. How old are you, 12?

    No doubt you'll passively-aggressively downvote this opinion, like you did with all the others who disagreed with you. You don't seem like a very likeable person.
    Like 6 People
  • Azara
    Women are not stupid either. if they want a guy they know where to find him,.

    i seen reason this post is directed towards women, or anyone for that matter. let people sort out for themselves what they are comfortable doing.

    its also really degrading to be telling women they shouldn't do anything bc the only person who matters is the guy.

    iof a woman is interested shell do something. same with a guy. its people who are not interested who do nothing.. and in time this will become clear to the other party,.

    if you keep texting a woman or man who is not interested you'll eventually realize they are not interested and you'll stop. and move on.,

    if a woman or man only likes you if you play games,. then as long as you plays games you'll never figure out out.

    also if someone likes yo but doesn't like texting they should TEWLL you not make you guess.

    by acting against your nature it just makes it take that much longer to determine how the other feels.

    i say be who you are and if they dont like it all the better for you to find out.

    whats the point of being who you are not to artificially improve someones behavior towards you.. so you can what be with them and be miserable.

    people who only want people who act uninterested will never actually want those people. EVER. its a fools errand trying to trick them into looking you with perceived absence. and since i think your theme is about desperation its disparate. tricking people into thinking you are who you are not so they'll like you is disparity,.

    if you're a big texted be a texted. accept they may not like you., if you like to initiate things initiate things,. if they can't handle it let them move on. you have to be brave and honest with dating or you'll be a s;lave to the other person forever.

    i dont think the point of dating is to have just anyones who you can convince to like you. l i think the point is to find someone you like why likes you,.

    so let the texters text until they decided otherwise:)
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • Azara

      ok 'look' if a person is 'logic;l' they are not going to reject someone they like bc she initiated. thats not logical thats stupid,.

      pursuing a person you have FEELINGS for, is not ogical its emotional. you do it bc you desire the person. thats emotion. especially if a guy chases no matter what no matter if she's interested thats delusional,. not 'logical'.

      whoever is ging you advice tell them you want your money back. they are helping you believe that you have to be at other peoples beck and call.

      everyone has a ''limit to being perused. thats why both people should make ann effort. women dont want mens endfklessly perusing them any more than men want it. thats human. if you're not expressing interest there's no reason for anyone to be 'chasing' you. how is that 'logical' and why do you think women can not tell when someone does not like them.

      if peopl are honest which is 'logical' there would be no misunderstanding.

      your logic doesntr come from pursuing it comes from honesty.

  • DanteSparda
    da fuk?
    I'd drop her in a blink of an eye if I'd find out that she's been playing games.
    Why?

    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
    LikeDisagree 10 People
  • nightskycat
    This is more annoying than helpful. If a girl does this to me, I do miss her company but at the same time I start thinking she isn't interested in me so I will just not text her as well. I love when a girl initiates contact sometimes and other times the guy does it and both times, it leads to a good conversation.
    I hate playing games and just avoiding texting the other person because you want to get some sort of reaction/feelings to arouse from it.
    Like 4 People
  • JSmuve
    If a girl wants something she'll do it. She's not stupid. trust me she knows you exist and she knows where to find you. Don't text her. Let her Miss your company... Thing with girls is sometimes they take a guy for granted when he's constantly there. She doesn't get the chance to miss you or yearn for your company. I'm not saying that you shouldn't text her at All... I'm just saying keep it to a minimum. If you initiated the last convo.. the ball is in her court. If she doesn't keep the game going... Leave and don't look back!
    Like 8 People
    • Anonymous

      exactly :)

    • Azara

      #mytakeowner,

      he just flipped it around- as i did in my response, and i think its very reasonable to try thinking of what you said in the exact inverse of how you -seemed to- intend it to be read...

      was i mistaken in your intention? did you men to agree with him? did you mean for this post to apply to everyone, or just women? or were you just assuming he was saying the same thing?

      im so curious lol ;)

    • JSmuve

      @Azara yaaaaa I kinda laughed a bit when she agreed with me. I'm not so sure she's the brightest bulb in the package.

  • Darkone1
    No, with such attitude you never gona have a serious relationship, he will dump you when he has the chance.
    Like 8 People
  • TJ-Laser
    i can't be bothered with women like this. nothing but game playing. I have no time for shit like this anymore.
    Like 3 People
    • Anonymous

      then don't play the game either.

  • ovodm
    I think both sides should make equal effort, but if someone isn't interested you can tell more from their responses rather than whether or not they text first.
    Like 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      also true :)

  • HowRUbBuddy
    do you truly believe that this works? i have bad news for you , it doesn't.

    why the hell would i want a girl who is ignoring me on purpose? iam quite smart and its easy to see if she likes me or not and regardless of her feelings if she starts acting like this , iam gone you won't find me anywhere near , i will looking for a girl who shows as much interest as i do , if not she's gone too.
    I've done it before , i ignored and cut off a girl i was in love with because she started acting like a bitch and ignoring me on purpose , she got mad and tried fixing it and told me she had "issues" ... yeah that didn't work much.

    in short we are guys and we are different from girls , we go for girls who give us attention , if i see two attractive girls , the one who gives the most attention wins me , if neither do i have other options and most guys do , i dont ask questions , i dont get mad i dont try thinking about you... if you do this iam leaving without saying a word.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • Anonymous

      she didn't ignore. she expected you to make effort. you have no idea how's it's like being a girl. you don't know how hard it is to try think at a guys level. A girls nightmare is to be a stage 5 clinger. what you think we're doing on purpose is actually what we do to try and IMPRESS you. a lot of you guys assume everything is about you when it's actually not.

    • Anonymous

      or she could have been disinterested in you sorry to burst your bubble.

    • PTE2015

      This is exactly what i worry about, and why I let the guy constantly initiate stuff... don't want to come across as clingy or "too" interested" because apparently that pushes guys away too :-(

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  • RachelBrigs
    What if he's thinking the same thing? If two people like each other they should both put it in effort..
    Like 2 People
    • Anonymous

      exactly:)

    • No you are saying to never text or call first...

  • SugaBabe
    I think everyone should do what they feel to do! You can text him first, you can make the fist step, you can initiate a conversation its not that guy should do all that first or it is wrong if the female does that. You won't change his perception about you if you do that. There are many guys who are not interested but there are msny more out there who are shy, or afraid of rejection, or who like the woman to make the first step. So yeah, DO text him if you feel like it ;).
    Like 2 People
  • Bookwik
    These are the kind of dumb games that would have guys looking for the door. Terrible advice.
    LikeDisagree 13 People
  • rjroy3
    "Ladies, don't text your crush. Start seeing other people. Marry someone else. Start a family. Keep him guessing"
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    • "Start a family, keep him guessing"... hahaha awesome.

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