Continuing on my Lotr kick, I think the thing that needs to be said is that a majority of men secretly think they’re Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
This isn’t meant to be a diatribe dissecting a movie and adapting it to real life except insofar as guys seem to really think that they are some disgusting creatures that have to do much to overcompensate for their grotesque wants, desires, and appearance that they have to buy fancy clothes, take a girl out on fancy dates, come up with things only she wants to talk about, and get really lucky if a girl decides to sleep with them or date them. It’s almost as if a guy feels like he’s “pulling one over on the girl.” Like he’s getting something he shouldn’t really be getting. Like girls look at his desire for sex as unnatural and perverted.
There are a lot of reasons get rejected. And there’s a lot of reasons why girls may appear to be grossed out by the thought of having sex with you. The fact of the matter is that if you have a functioning dick then you are capable of giving women orgasms and therefore women would actually enjoy having sex with you and if you have a moderately decent caring personality a girl is capable of falling in love with you and therefore the majority of women would in fact if they let themselves go could experience a lot of joy from you. The problem is that you come as if something’s wrong with you like you’re a little creature needing to compensate with a fancy fake attitude and things you bought to cover up some grotesque little secret about yourself. You can’t calm down and just be no matter how much you try and so the girl can’t really be comfortable and actually want you or your dick because of that. You’re just too much to deal with and so she’d rather not. (Of course there’s a lot of other reasons like waiting until marriage, getting out of a bad relationship etc. we’re talking most typical scenario of single straight boy and girl who’ve been that way for a while.)
The reason you can’t just calm down and be yourself despite the fact that you may even yourself reason trying so hard and getting so worked up is getting everything way more complicated than it needs to be is because, again, you think you’re Gollum. We’ve been raised to on the one hand want more and more out of the female body, but on the other hand feel we’re not good enough to deserve it. My personal reason for this is consumerism—we can’t be made to buy anything if we already feel we’re enough so advertisers are always convincing us we aren’t enough but that if we buy more stuff we will be enough then convincing us we aren’t good enough again. However, the reason doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you think you’re Gollum and the question is what do you intend to do about it?
I know I like a broken 8-track, but it’s again just plain simple confidence. I believe I’m valuable. I believe I have something to contribute. I believe girls would enjoy having my dick inside them. I believe girls would enjoy having me as their boyfriend. It doesn’t have to be fancy. You don’t have to believe you’re superman. You’re just a boy standing in front of a girl saying you’re a pretty, darn all right guy that can make her happy. When you feel you have value to offer, you feel more deserving of the valuing she is capable of giving to you. This creates that nice flow where you’re both feeling each other and neither feels like they’re getting more than they get or vice versa.
But women often take your lead especially as it’s you who’s usually doing the approaching, so it’s important that you don’t sub communicate that she has everything to offer and you’re some nasty little creature on the inside trying to steal her ring. Getting laid and getting into a relationship shouldn’t feeling like stealing something it should feel like sharing. Change while you still can…