Most Men Secretly Think They’re Gollum

[pavlove]

Continuing on my Lotr kick, I think the thing that needs to be said is that a majority of men secretly think they’re Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

This isn’t meant to be a diatribe dissecting a movie and adapting it to real life except insofar as guys seem to really think that they are some disgusting creatures that have to do much to overcompensate for their grotesque wants, desires, and appearance that they have to buy fancy clothes, take a girl out on fancy dates, come up with things only she wants to talk about, and get really lucky if a girl decides to sleep with them or date them. It’s almost as if a guy feels like he’s “pulling one over on the girl.” Like he’s getting something he shouldn’t really be getting. Like girls look at his desire for sex as unnatural and perverted.

There are a lot of reasons get rejected. And there’s a lot of reasons why girls may appear to be grossed out by the thought of having sex with you. The fact of the matter is that if you have a functioning dick then you are capable of giving women orgasms and therefore women would actually enjoy having sex with you and if you have a moderately decent caring personality a girl is capable of falling in love with you and therefore the majority of women would in fact if they let themselves go could experience a lot of joy from you. The problem is that you come as if something’s wrong with you like you’re a little creature needing to compensate with a fancy fake attitude and things you bought to cover up some grotesque little secret about yourself. You can’t calm down and just be no matter how much you try and so the girl can’t really be comfortable and actually want you or your dick because of that. You’re just too much to deal with and so she’d rather not. (Of course there’s a lot of other reasons like waiting until marriage, getting out of a bad relationship etc. we’re talking most typical scenario of single straight boy and girl who’ve been that way for a while.)

The reason you can’t just calm down and be yourself despite the fact that you may even yourself reason trying so hard and getting so worked up is getting everything way more complicated than it needs to be is because, again, you think you’re Gollum. We’ve been raised to on the one hand want more and more out of the female body, but on the other hand feel we’re not good enough to deserve it. My personal reason for this is consumerism—we can’t be made to buy anything if we already feel we’re enough so advertisers are always convincing us we aren’t enough but that if we buy more stuff we will be enough then convincing us we aren’t good enough again. However, the reason doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you think you’re Gollum and the question is what do you intend to do about it?

I know I like a broken 8-track, but it’s again just plain simple confidence. I believe I’m valuable. I believe I have something to contribute. I believe girls would enjoy having my dick inside them. I believe girls would enjoy having me as their boyfriend. It doesn’t have to be fancy. You don’t have to believe you’re superman. You’re just a boy standing in front of a girl saying you’re a pretty, darn all right guy that can make her happy. When you feel you have value to offer, you feel more deserving of the valuing she is capable of giving to you. This creates that nice flow where you’re both feeling each other and neither feels like they’re getting more than they get or vice versa.

But women often take your lead especially as it’s you who’s usually doing the approaching, so it’s important that you don’t sub communicate that she has everything to offer and you’re some nasty little creature on the inside trying to steal her ring. Getting laid and getting into a relationship shouldn’t feeling like stealing something it should feel like sharing. Change while you still can…

[Azara]

i think its a decent my take and applies to a lot of people OF ALL GENDERS. certainly not all, as some are very comfortable with themselves. i also think it depends on the person you're with. some people bring to feelings of grotesqueness for the same exact behavior where another elicits feelings of competence. its something to pay attention. i think lots of people blame themselves wen they dont click thinking they just need to be better more relaxed more real, when they are actually dealing with a jerk who wants them to feel like shit. And, as mc as guys tend to refuse to except this., your take does not represent things and feelings that are uncommon to women. you're basically talking about experiejcxe indicative to most of the population, as few people meet conventionally considered perfect or above average standards on all loveels. personality looks outlook career grades relations.. its just impossible and most people feel the sting of feeling unlovable or gross or needy or whatever at some point in their life.

you're thinking of a scenario where the guy is kissing the girls ass and trying too hard this making her not like him. she may just not like him and if she did shed make it easier for him to talk to. women are not dumb. they know how to talk and engage a person they are interested in. its not like every little thing you do is going to have ultimate control over her.

plus you're not dealing with all the woman who are nice and pleasant to guys they like where the guy treats them like a disgusting piece of plankton. or even if the guy likes them he's so insecure yes a jerk and she has no way of knowing, how he feels. in my experience men are more likely to be assholes to someone they like, than are women. so women are made to feel gross by guys who dont like the, and guys who do. men mostly have to deal with bad reception from women who just dont like them. in which case respect she knows herself and just move on instead of acting like you can construct a different visceral reaction in her by working magic over her malleable impressionable brain.

[pavlove]

women's bodies even fat ones are seen as valuable because the vagina has been raised on such a pedestal of desire however because women are so much more selective it can have the effect of having males feel like they're own bodies aren't as valuable or are even not really what women want to have and so they can feel grotesque so in that way it's a crisis of masculinity and not a crisis of self esteem in general

[TheSkaFish]

I still think presentation counts for a lot, especially when we're talking about a person that at one point was willing to talk to you, and would always talk to you. I think that when two people can talk but one fails to attract the other, then it could be attributed to presentation. Perhaps the person came off badly somehow.

I really feel like the same person who was rejected could have been seen as attractive, if only they presented themselves differently.

[ThisDudeHere]

I partially agree to this except I think I'm Gollum not because I presume I'm grotesque or what not. I think I'm Gollum because of this scene:
media.giphy.com/media/niMQW6U668wcU/giphy.gif

[pavlove]

lol part of your morning routine?

[ThisDudeHere]

It's actually evening here.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Actually, I see myself more as a fallen Bruce Wayne from Dark Knight Rises. I want female companionship; but past experience has me subconsciously convinced that every new girl I meet is secretly Talia al Ghul, and will betray me the minute I let my guard down.

I see the crumbling Wayne legacy, the pit prison, the endangered Gotham, and broken back as metaphors for everything broken in my life that I sometimes wish I could fix easily, but know I can't.

The film's script may have been horrible and riddled with plot holes. But its poetic meaning is painfully transparent to me.

[pavlove]

what about the Wayne that will be in Superman vs. Batman. From Ben Afflek's interview he seems like he's going to be a playboy/dark character instead of "well my life is ****** might as well fight crime!" unreliable saint vigilante. Excited?

[ObscuredBeyond]

A little. Though, having him in a misguided quest to battle Superman does put a damper on it. I'm more excited for the Suicide Squad movie, actually. They're marketing it as DC's answer to Guardians of the Galaxy. If they can keep that direction, given how well Guardians worked, SS just might work too. That, and I saw the cartoon "Assault on Arkham." If the film SS is even half that good, it will cement the DC-CU and allow it a chance to become just as good as the MCU. In the 90s, both Marvel and DC rocked. I'd like them to be equally awesome again. Last decade was very hit and miss for both. For every Dark Knight and Iron Man that excelled, there was a Ghost Rider or Jonah Hex film that is best forgotten. So I'm hoping this is the start of an upward trend in writing quality.

As for reimagining Batman per se: I'm all for it. Nolan dropped the ball and ruined Batman. Now the studio gets to fix that.

[pavlove]

you even hated the heath ledger one that people lose their shit over?

[ObscuredBeyond]

That one was okay... until the ending. The ending was horrible. The rest of it was acceptable. The first one was also modest. The third... negated everything good the first two did.

Nolan was never interested in giving us the true spirit of Batman. He was merely using the characters as a vehicle to teach an impromptu classroom (the audience) a lecture about his own insights into philosophy and male psychology. He allowed academics in those fields to look cool again, while providing their classrooms with fodder that can hold a modern-day attention span.

Which I'm convinced was also half the point behind Inception, which was just a more mature version of The Matrix. (Though that didn't make it bad by any means.)

[pavlove]

most iterations of batman i see he's an obvious homosexual

[ObscuredBeyond]

That doesn't make sense given the women he has. TV Tropes refers to "most iterations" as "Camp Straight." They're straight ultimately, but they're so campy that they could be mistaken for gay easily by those not paying careful enough attention. DC markets every version of Batman at once, rather than picking just one. They know that "Brave and the Bold" and Frank Miller cannot be reconciled to one another.

A psychology hack named Gershon Legman in 1949 believed that all camp aesthetic was just poorly-suppressed homosexuality, thus birthing "Gay Batman." (That, and he REALLY hated Robin.)

Many reject Legman's theory today, though the very Rainbow-Brownshirt Nazis he meant to attack have ironically embraced his theory to push their agenda. (One which appears to have won over several modern publishers, as even the X-Men have gone from a black metaphor to a gay metaphor.)

In my own superhero works, I make a point of rejecting Legman. Even the Camelry's camp is downplayed.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Prince Charming in Shrek, Jack Skellington, Fix-It Felix Jr., Toy Story 3 Ken, Yao of Mulan, Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove, Nevel from iCarly, are all examples of camp straight.

[Anonymous]

The problem is, if you feel and act like you're Gollum, evil yet weak, disgusting, slavish, the lowest of the low, and trying to "pull a fast one" on girls, then of course they'll see through that and you won't get anywhere. I'd like to think that I've put at least some distance from thinking I am Gollum, like I used to in grade through high school or so.

But the problem is, on the other hand once I started dropping the Gollum thing and standing up for myself and saying "hey, you know what I am a pretty good guy, I have a lot to offer someone and there should be a girl who likes me, because damn it, I'm a good guy!" that's when I get people shouting me down with my "favorite" word, "entitled!" (fuck that word!). When you're down people walk all over you. When you try to stand up people try to shove you back down. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What's a guy to do?

[Opinion Owner]

"I believe I’m valuable. I believe I have something to contribute. I believe girls would enjoy having my dick inside them. I believe girls would enjoy having me as their boyfriend... You don’t have to believe you’re superman. You’re just a boy standing in front of a girl saying you’re a pretty, darn all right guy that can make her happy. When you feel you have value to offer, you feel more deserving of the valuing she is capable of giving to you.

But women often take your lead especially as it’s you who’s usually doing the approaching, so it’s important that you don’t sub communicate that she has everything to offer and you’re some nasty little creature on the inside trying to steal her ring."

Yes, I liked these quotes a lot and I wish I had internalized this before, though I'm trying now to just hammer it into me that I'm a desirable guy. I really believe that when I was thinking of myself as Gollum, it really cost me.

[Byakuyarko]

makes sense... But I suppose, this could apply to really ugly women, or women who think they're really ugly... Sex is a fucked up thing... And if my Endocrine system didn't insist otherwise, I'd never ever have sex

[pavlove]

you're a funny guy lol

[tyber1]

I'm not so sure Gollum is the best example but there's truth to it. I shouldn't feel like I'm sleezy for trying to have sex. I'm moving past it slowly but surely, but these things are so ingrained that it takes time.

[TheSkaFish]

The problem is, if you feel and act like you're Gollum, evil yet weak, disgusting, slavish, the lowest of the low, and trying to "pull a fast one" on girls, then of course they'll see through that and you won't get anywhere. I'd like to think that I've put at least some distance from thinking I am Gollum, like I used to in grade through high school or so.

But the problem is, on the other hand once I started dropping the Gollum thing and standing up for myself and saying "hey, you know what I am a pretty good guy, I have a lot to offer someone and there should be a girl who likes me, because damn it, I'm a good guy!" that's when I get people shouting me down with my "favorite" word, "entitled!" (fuck that word!). When you're down people walk all over you. When you try to stand up people try to shove you back down. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What's a guy to do?

[TheSkaFish]

Whoops nevermind. Wrong box. Sorry.

[ChromAzonyx108]

I was intrigued by the title of this myTake so I had to have a read. You make a pretty compelling argument here.

[pavlove]

thank you. I'm always concerned my titles aren't grabbing enough

[John_Doesnt]

I also have a secret desire to kill hobbits and bring the destruction of middle earth.

[pavlove]

I sensed that about you

[Anonymous]

Nah, I'm not like Golem at all.

Golem pretty much went to the ends of the earth in pursuit of something. I would have never left the cave.

[blondfrog]

Okay but I am ugly and I have tried faking confidence and most women can see right though it at least when I do it I am not good at faking.

[pavlove]

as gollum?

[Dipsy]

@blondfrog you shouldn't fake confidence. I know it's hard to say and to do, but try to get real confidence, that's not something you can fake.

For example, when someone is truly happy during a certain moment, does that person think about what others think of him? Does that person matter what others do/say? Both answers are no, because the person is happy already, so what does it mind what others think? ;)

Being genuinly happy really raises your confidence :)

[xxcchhllaauu]

I don't know all I do know is men have it bad if they have small dick my mind is full dark and hate sometimes like today I feel like dying like wouldn't it a relief to stop worry about girls and fucked god made you from birth

[ScruffynateAK]

You mean, I'm not gollum?
My world can't handle this bro.

[Anonymous]

Hmm this is true. Great comparison actually. Even the ring thing. Some guys freak out over the whole marriage/engagement thing too.

[pavlove]

thanks haha yeah i didn't even think about marriage but that's probably what it is. feeling like they don't really have anything to offer the woman and so the ring is scary

[ShepherdOfFire99]

Gollum is #relatable tbh.

[Fugue]

Filthy little MyTake writerses...

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm not most men then.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Good take.

[pavlove]

thanks man

[Anonymous]

Spot on myTake.

[pavlove]

thanks man

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. Hopefully both sexes will take something away from it.

[Belliebella]

Interesting.. I learned something new

[MCkart]

I think exactly the same about myself... lol😑

[skeptic007]

LADIES THIS IS SOOOOOO... TRUE

[WaterNymph611]

Awesomeness!!!