This is a sequel to my first rant a few months back. I would have done this sooner but I was trapped in static thoughts. (See # 3001)
32b) Men's Restrooms. First off it's always a crap shoot. Either it's somewhat clean or you're stepping over bodies. You get little to no warning from the last guy. If you're lucky you'll hear "You might want to breathe through your mouth in there." as you're passing each other. You just pray you're not walking into a remake of the movie "Saw" . God forbid you have to do anything more than pee! Because men rarely lift the seat and the toilet covers have all been used as last minute TP. Hopefully there's paper towels around because if not you're using wadded up TP to wipe down the seat. *Warning* Never Use A Campground Toilet! Compared to them "Saw" takes place in a Hospital Restroom. You're better off digging a hole.
17) Drinking Buddies. Drinking with friends is always fun but not when you're the first to pass out. Usually after trying to light your farts on fire. Still Shaving, Permanent Markers and Suspect Picture Taking may all be used on the first guy to pass out. But those are your friends.... right? Do you see women doing that to each other? Ahh the joys of being a man.
112) Given Names. Usually Men only hear their proper names when they're in trouble. If Fred hears Fredrick he is automatically on edge. If the middle name is used in combo with the first and the last...RUN MAN...Mom's got proof! Also it's not cute to me when Women try to say my given name flirtingly...it's just weird. I mean either I'm in trouble or I'm getting laid, don't confuse me.
Z) Clothes. I've always known that Men buy clothes for Function. Our clothes last for years and as long as a hole is not misplaced or too big we will keep wearing it... unless a Woman is cold due to a cute outfit that didn't haven't a jacket to go with it. And when we can't wear them any more they become shop rags if they make it that far. Women buy clothes for Fashion that's why they need to borrow/steal ours. Sure they look cute in our clothes but it always seems my favorite sweater is missing at the end of a relationship. I've stopped having "favorites" amongst my sweaters and now I buy two of the same kind to combat comfort hogging Women. (*sigh* I'll never see that Hoodie again)
142) Bugs. From Spiders and Flies to Mosquitoes and Worms. Also every other slimey thing under the Sun I'm on the hook for killing it. Which is fine but Swarms of critters don't count Ladies... so it's every Man for themselves! (Seriously I will leave you behind so keep up. Same rule as Zombies.)
24*) Grilling. I hate grilling but some how this a job for a man. Sure it keeps me out of the trouble of mingling with people but at the same time male bonding is conducted by the grill. Every guy has their own grill routine and will chime in with it. As if the smoke and the bugs weren't enough I've gotta listen to other guys rant about when to flip the burgers or how to stack the charcoal to get the best flames. I've learned that this is the best time for a "bathroom break" which is at the bar down the street.
627) Dad Voice. For whatever reason I'm cursed with my Father's Detroit voice with a Southern twist. The first time it happened I was yelling at my dog to drop the bird but it has since spiraled out of control. If I call a sibling the first thing I hear is "Dad?? Why are you on Pj's phone?" And when I talk to myself outloud I hear my Dad's voice, it's creepy. Espeacially when I comment on how HOT Kate Beckinsale is! Instant headache, so I don't do that much talking any more.
3001) Normal Thinking. Aside from the Creepy thoughts I've mentioned before, My mind is mostly tunned to the old tv static station...ssssssshhhhhhhhh.....iiiiiiiiitttttt... I wish I had something profound to think about. I imagine if some person randomly looked into a woman's mind you'd see a barage of thoughts too complex to unravel. The mysteries of a Woman's mind is comparible to the mysteries of the Universe. Yet my complex thoughts are a mix of what I heard on the radio, something funny that pretains to it and not running some idiot driver off the road, until I get to work which brings me back to static. When I was younger and women asked me "What are you thinking?" I usually paniced saying something that got me in trouble. Thankfully I've learned over the years that when a "grown" man says Boobies it's a great way to deflect the question. I think it's because there's no vocal tone that doesn't automaticly turn a man into a 10yr old boy faster than saying Boobies. For the most part it comes off as cute and women don't really understand the static thing, at least when I explain it. 
What Girls & Guys Said
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My guy friends have a 'You snooze, you lose.' policy. One time one of our freinds passed out and they rubbed a chilli pepper in his eyes to wake him up. I was furious but he was surprisingly ok with it.
LMAO! You're awesome for this!
Yay boobies :D