The Real Reason Why Men Are Single

[Anonymous]

For the record, I am no longer single; however, I know what it is like to be a single man. For that reason, I decided to write a Take on some reasons why men stay single for a long time. Before I continue this Take, let me make something clear. There are 2 types of men in this world:

-There are men that don't value relationships and just want sex and hookups.

-There are men out there that genuinely want a partner and a real relationship.

This Take is catering to men who want a real relationship and not a hookup. If you are looking for a hookup, this Take may help you a little bit, but I am speaking to men who want more than just a hook up.

Finally, I am creating this Take due to the amount of requests from my previous Take, The Real Reason Why Women Are Single

Let's begin!

The Introverted/Shy Man:

Let me say this - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING AN INTROVERT. To be perfectly honest, I am introvert, and I don't really like being around people. However, if you want to meet women, you need to learn to conquer your introverted personality.

Women are passive creatures, and they expect men to do the approaching. For example, if you sit at a bar all night long, no matter how good you look, women won't approach you (unless you're famous or well known). They expect you to make the first move.

When it comes to shyness and introversion, you have to learn to turn it off and on. Did you know that famous people like Daniel Tosh (Tosh.0) has a social phobia and is very shy when he is not on camera?

http://www.beyondanxietyanddepression.com/celebrities-anxiety/daniel-tosh-social-anxiety-sufferer-how-he-uses-it-great-effect

In order to meet women, you need to learn how to step outside of your comfort zone. If you go to a party, for example, and you just sit down the entire night and expect women to approach, it's not going to happen. You need to take initiative and approach women yourself to get any results.

Conclusion:

If you want to build confidence in this department, you should go out once a day and just approach and talk to random strangers. This will help you learn that it is okay to talk to random people and that not all interactions will be pleasant.

For example, if you approach 100 women in one day, maybe 95 of those women will show no interest in you, but 5 will. It's a numbers game, and the more women you talk to, the greater chance you have at meeting one that is your type.

This is precisely why I hate it when people say, "he's a player, because he talks to so many women". In all honesty, a man should be talking to a lot of women, up until he is IN A RELATIONSHIP. If you only talk to 2 women, chances are, at some point, both those women will flake on you. Talk to 10, 15, 20, 25 women at the same time and you will find that one "4 leaf clover" in the "field of clovers". Once you find that "clover," weed out the rest.

__________________________________

The Average/No Style Man

Not being stylish actually ins't a deal breaker. However, many men don't take pride in the way they present themselves and it makes them look average, unkempt and undateable. Looking average is never okay, because how do you expect to stand out? When it comes to meeting women, your personality can go a long way, but the way you look and dress will also help out tremendously.

A lot of men lack confidence these days. By dressing like a "winner" you will start to become a "winner" and you will gain more confidence in yourself. A man who feels like a million bucks will come off as confidence in the eyes of a woman.

When you are going out there to meet women, it is important that you dress like someone who is a success. I am not saying that you have to wear a suit to meet women, but when you go out, dress nice. Check out the examples below:

As I said, personality is important when meeting women, but having the look to backup your personality is very important. Before dates or before going out to meet women always make sure that you:

-You are well groomed

-Well showered

-Smell good (cologne)

-Dress well

Taking care of yourself doesn't have to be a chore and it doesn't have to be expensive. Just get some scented body wash and cologne at Wal-Mart, buy some nice, inexpensive styles at H&M, and shower and spruce up before you go out on a date or go out before you meet women. Doing these little things can go a long way.

__________________________________

The Lame Man

As a man, it's very important to be passionate about something. Having a passion drives us to get up each and every day and propels us to want to do better in life. However, a lot of men don't have a passion in today's generation, and that can equate to being boring and even being a "loser".

If you go on a date with a woman, and she asks you to tell her more about about, what are you going to say? If you saying something like this:

"Ummmm... I like to watch TV, sleep in on the weekends, play video games and relax."

You're going to have a very hard time finding a woman who appreciates you. Sure, you can talk to a woman about current TV shows and maybe video games, if she plays videos games, but you haven't introduced her to anything new.

Women like adventures, men who share their passions and introduce her to new experiences. If you don't have a passion, you need to find one. A lot of men out there play video games, and that's cool, but if you're sitting inside all day, what new experiences can you provide for a woman?

There's so many things out there in the world that you can find interests/passions in:

-You can travel around and see new places.

-You can take up cooking classes and learn how to whip up new and interesting dishes.

-You can be a music lover that loves concerts and someone who creates music as a hobby.

-You can get into health/fitness and take up gym classes and body building.

-You can learn about cars and have a passion for tuning them up/customization.

-You can be an avid reader and maybe dabble with writing your own material.

-You can be into wine taste and visit different wine tasting places around the area.

These are all things you can have hobbies in, become passionate about and areas where you can provide an adventure for the girl you're dating. It's good to have more than one interest, because it will make you seem all the more interesting to the woman you are meeting.

Conclusion:

It's important to have some sort of interests. At all costs, avoid interests that involve sitting inside all day (watching TV or gaming). It's okay to be an avid TV watcher or a gamer, but have other interests to back it up.

Let me ask you, when describing your interests and passions to a woman, which sounds better?:

Sample A:

"I really enjoy watching TV, trying different soda, sleeping in when I can and playing video games online with my friends."

Sample B:

I'm a jack-of-all trades kind of man. I do everything and anything, and I'm very open to new experiences. I know quite a bit about cars, home improvement, I dabble in gardening, watch sports, love fashion, love to cook and come up with new dishes, learn how to fix things, you name it! I have a lot of knowledge on a wide variety of topics. I love to do salsa dancing, take yoga classes, boxing, and I go to the gym pretty often because fitness is important to me. On top of that, I'm very adventurous, and I love to do activities that are outdoors; whether it be boating, fishing, bowling, walking around the city at night or even skinny dipping at my apartment complex late at night.

__________________________________

As a man, there can be a wide variety of reason why you are single. However, for this Take, I choose some of the main issues I see when men try to get out on the dating circuit.

Honestly, dating is a numbers game. If you are SINGLE and you are only interacting with one woman, be prepared for heart break. You should always be talking to multiple women, just in case one flakes. Once you get into a relationship, you can then weed out the other women that didn't make the cut. However, it's up to you to take action, get out of your shell and talk to women.

Grooming and dressing well is also important. While your personality will carry you, if you look like an average Joe, you will most likely be overlooked. You don't have to be a "metro sexual" and get heavy into grooming, primping and fashion. All you need to do is put some thought into what you wear, smell good and keep your hair under control. If you look like a confident person, you will feel like one also.

Finally, it's important to have passions and interests. If you are the kind of man who sits on the couch all day, doesn't go out at all and you aren't working towards anything, what new experiences can you provide for a woman? Woman like men who seek adventure, men who like to go out and do new things, men who can introduce her to their world and open up about their interests. If you take pride in yourself and your hobbies, women will want to be around you, as they will deem you to be a man of high quality and a man of many interests.

So, what are you waiting for?

Let go of your Urkel and open up your inner Stefan:

And get out there and mingle:

[Anonymous]

This is a pretty good take. But I think it's better to do all of those things purely to further your self in life, not in any relation to women.

Why?

Just ask yourself, in what ways do women improve themselves to attract men?

Do they pursue a multitude of interesting hobbies?

Do they learn new skills?

How many women do you know that are very interesting?

How many women do you know that you can learn something new from every time you talk to them?

Aside from dressing to impress, makeup, and hair, what do women do to add value to the man's life, compared to what a man is advised to do, or does?

As far as I can see, the man improves all areas of his life to increase his chances of attracting a woman, but what does the woman do?

[Incompatible]

THIS!!!

[CubsterShura]

I can't stress over how important dress-up is for me. A man has no control over his face or his height or his skin. A man has no control over his crooked nose which is why I never ever judge a man by his looks. But facial expressions, clothes etc are things that truly matter to me,

[zagor]

Wow, I am always clean and groomed, but I dress to be comfortable, period. Shorts or jeans, tshirt or flannel, depending on the weather. I don't waste money on designer shit, or accessories. I don't judge others by what they are wrapped in, and I'd advise you to do the same.

[CubsterShura]

@zagor You don't need expensive designer clothes or a lot of accessories for dressing up good. And yes I would judge a guy ifrom he shows up with a random t-shirt and pants that we are wrinkly and smell like one year old sweat,

[JakeP43]

It doesn't matter how expensive your clothes are. How clean your clothes are matters. How confident you are matters. If you act like you look good, people pick up on it and think you look good (unless they just think you're cocky). If you act shy and self conscious people will think you're shy and selfcomscious ( not that either of those are necessarily bad but they don't help if you want girls cause girls like confidence.) So even if you're poor, you have some clothes that are nicer than others. Just look fresh and be confident and try to look good. I think that's what @CubsterShura is trying to say. Not that you have to buy designer clothes.

[CubsterShura]

@JakeP43 Someone who finally understood my point. Thank you.

[JakeP43]

No worries 😉

[freakyzeaky]

Most people, men and women, I would say about 80%, don't have "passions' per say, but dabble in a bunch of different things. Most people are basic in that they have basic hobbies and interests which include TV shows, movies, music, camping, concerts, museums, fitness, the occasional trip or vacation, writing, reading, video games, etc. Most people don't have the money or the time to travel on the regular or the desire to spend copious amounts of time learning something like learning an instrument or a martial art.

There are homebody women out there. Just because you like anime, video games, reading fantasy novels, watching horror movies, playing D&D, going to nice restaurants, cooking, poetry, theater, and other typical introvert or geeky hobbies, doesn't mean there aren't women out there that will appreciate that in her mate and may even enjoy many of the same interests.

I say as long as you are willing to go on new adventures with your partner, it shouldn't matter too much if have crazy interesting hobbies, skills, or stories to tell. If you like a certain hobby, pursue it for own benefit, not because you think woman will find it attractive. Take Salsa dancing for example; if you don't like it or don't want to spend the vast amounts of time to master it, just because some women find dancing sexy, doesn't mean you need to learn it for their approval.

The key to not being boring or uninteresting is not to pad your life with fluff that you think others will approve of. The key is to recognize your own self-worth (as you are now or as you are working to be), to be enthusiastic about what you do regardless of what it is, to have the right attitude, and to not care what women think about it. You are a man of our own purpose and vision, and no woman should pressure you to compromise that.

It is true, no all women will care for what you have to offer. Not all will like that you are a middle age man who loves his anime, video games, metal concerts, theater, poetry, historical sites, random knowledge, and so on. But you aren't looking for ALL women. You are looking for the one of the select few that is compatible with you and desires you for who you are and not because you can amuse her with your "cool life".

(If you are depressed about your life, don't feel comfortable where you are, want to make some changes, then do it! But don't do it impress others, do it because you genuinely want to).

[Anonymous]

This is great advice for the majority of men. Sadly, there is absolutely no hope for some of us.

Any guy 5'6" or under is going to struggle tremendously no matter how well he looks or dresses, no matter what his hobbies, career, or bank account look like, no matter how many qualities he checks off on women's lists. Even much younger women have told me how much I remind them of their little brother-- it's always the little brother-- and those are the ones who are nice about it. More women than I can count have said "You're too short. Why are you talking to me?"

I also have Aspergers. This does not disable me in any way. I run my own business and am quite successful. But I miss social cues. I am completely oblivious to flirting behaviour and have had a handful of women tell me they practically threw themselves at me, but I never responded so they assumed I wasn't interested and moved on. They claim to have done everything to get my attention except the one thing that would have got my attention: tell me they were interested in me. Why is it easy to say, "I liked you a lot, but you never knew it so I moved on," but impossible to say, "hey, I like you. We should hang out sometime"?

Also, some of us live in small towns. We can talk to every woman in a 10 mile radius, but still not talk to "lots" of women. And its not exactly like every woman around is someone we would even want to date or someone who would ever give us a chance. I am politically liberal, an atheist, and I don't drink. I live in a county that has little social life beyond bars and church and that voted 83% for Trump in the last presidential election. The pool of people I have common ground with is SMALL.

I have been in seven serious relationships in my life. Twice engaged. Almost every single one of them, including both fiancees, cheated on me. Only one did not. She was killed in a car wreck (hit by a drunk driver, of course) just weeks before I was going to propose to her. All of the men they cheated with were taller than 6'.

I'm a successful businessman, not bad looking, dress nice, well read, well traveled, intelligent, charismatic, in better physical shape than most men half my age. So why am I still single? Because I'm short and autistic. Because I don't go to churches or bars. But mostly because I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't appreciate me, inspire me, elevate my life, or with someone who can't be honest.

[Goochbreaker]

the kind of men who would forgo pussy for his dignity, or really forgo most anything for his dignity, is the kind of man that deserves respect, and when you do strike gold, it'll be the jackpot

[freakyzeaky]

The third paragraph is the only part I can really agree with you on as I can empathize. I can pick up on queues, but sometimes I find it hard to act on them, so it is basically the same situation. Call it shyness, call it insecurity, call it trust issues, whatever it is, it makes it tough to tease back or act on flirt unless I am comfortable. I am working on being more present and less in my head, so there is that.

Short can be tough, but it isn't insurmountable. Some women don't mind a short guy. Some women love short guys like Elijah Wood (5'6") or Daniel Radcliffe (5'5"). Just depends on the woman and yes, it becomes a numbers game at that point.

Sorry to hear about the engagements and cheating. I can see why you'd be frustrated and somewhat bitter.

The only thing you can do about commonalities is to move or to travel some to socialize and hope she can eventually move closer to you later down the line (or vice versa).

[Tdieseler]

Very good and informant Take, I used all these back when I was a player. Its a good way to get More than one girl. You could say "you find the four-leaf clover in a field of clovers".. wonderful reference by the way, but look at all the clovers you have to go through, it would take a lifetime to sort through all, so some of us (me) sort through em like 5 .. or more, at a time. And believe me, when you have that much attention, as a guy, its hard to just "weed out" the rest.
These are good Main reasons why many guys are single... there are so many other minor ones... for example, the one I use. Choice. Im single by choice. Relationships only look promising and hopeful to people who
1. haven't been in any or many
2. don't know how to cut through feminine bullshit
3. are lonely.
I know im missing a few more, but I've come to think of them, relationships AND females as a headache. Always something to do or prove. Why can't I just be myself and be accepted? always some "standard" to meet.
Now, after saying all that, I've broken EVERY SINGLE ONE of these reasons and still been able to pull many girls... im introverted, i like my game and computer time, and i love dressing like what is called a "bum", hell sometimes, i go weeks without shaving. It doesn't affect anything, matter of fact, it helps me weed out the potential headaches, because they stay away... for the most part. All i do is make em laugh.
Add a couple drinks on my end, and that goes into overdrive. I don't need to advertise, all i gotta do is say hello. The only time i advertise is when I've got an agenda.

[lord_chilled]

This is actually ridiculously accurate.
Pretty much any guy has a success rate of say 2-3/10. Ask 10 girls out and 2 nay say yes. However not every guy is confident enough to ask a girl out, let alone ask 8 more girls after he is rejected twice. This is one of the reasons i respect some players. The few players that i know and are friends of mine dont get every girl they approach. What sets them apart is that they have a bottomless well of confidence. If one girl tells them no, it won't affect their drive to ask out 2-3 more girls. If they dont get lucky in one night, it doesn't affect their deaire to try again next week. Thats actually something very nice to have.

This take can and should be taken in an inspirational way. Otherwise, the truth is that you are kind of a pessimist and a defeatist.

The only thing i didn't like in this take were the pics of examples of mens fashion.
They look horrible.
Modern mens wear is absolutely ridiculous.
I will gladly wear some cleancut old school clothes over this stuff 😂😂

[SwoopingHawk]

Why do all the "fashionable" men look like effeminate sissies? There's a difference between good looking and gay.

Otherwise, I would say the core concept is solid: be an interesting person. But it feels like you're telling people that they have to change themselves a little more than is reasonable or fair in some cases, and maybe it's just hyperbole, but if he goes to places with like minded people that's probably a better option for an introvert than telling him to force himself into a different personality that he won't be able to sustain without draining himself and making himself miserable.

[Nyx_85]

Exactly. If I see a guy in skinny jeans, I run. And he can't slept more time in the bathroom than me (I spend roughly 20-30 minutes. 30-45 if I'm doing the whole shebang).

[Truthatanycost]

I couldn't even wear skinny jeans. Even a moderate amount of strength training builds legs too much for those.

[Margillard]

And these guys:
www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html

[Anonymous]

I know someone who fits into "The Lame Man" category and it really ticks me off because, one he complains he is ALWAYS tired. He sometimes helps his mom he lives at home and he is 40 doesn't have a job and is on govt assistance in the USA. He stays up countless hours watching tv/ catching up on shows, and I mean seriously he has a show every day of the week he watches and more than one. He tries flirting with me having phone sex you name it and he knows I'm taken and I told him to back off! lol and by the way nice mytake :)

[ATuairiscean]

There is definitely some logic to your take but I am a great believer in just being yourself and if you are one of the above so be it - I dunno I think it you create a false impression of yourself you will eventually go back to the person you are that is not to say that some of your advice is very good to make the best of yourself.

[RedVulcan]

You can change yourself though. Improvement and growth is constant throughout life.

[HandsomeGuy500]

This is horse shit. First of all I, and other men I have come across, have had women approach us in a bar. A lot of men actually get women approach them by being aloof. I've had it happen quite a few times in the past. So this idea that women don't approach men is complete and total bullshit.

Secondly, I'm not even pursuing a woman. They're no longer worth the hassle. I live my life the way I choose, and if women don't like it then they know where the door is. I won't change for anyone. If that means staying single all my life then so be it. Bollocks to what women want.

[Anonymous]

"-You can travel around and see new places.
-You can take up cooking classes and learn how to whip up new and interesting dishes.
-You can be a music lover that loves concerts and someone who creates music as a hobby.
-You can get into health/fitness and take up gym classes and body building.
-You can learn about cars and have a passion for tuning them up/customization.
-You can be an avid reader and maybe dabble with writing your own material.
-You can be into wine taste and visit different wine tasting places around the area."

I agree with all of these, but sadly none of them come for free :/

[Shengning]

Of course, to be the man like that will soon get you popular, but think about what kind of girl will you attract. I've tried before, turned out she seemed real to care about money, not too much money, so not too much fun there to offer. And when I was in a bad mood, instead of comforting, she would always say something about me being so naive. And she's a little bit vulgar I think.

I say don't try those things make you feel weird or like something you honestly have no passion, in case you date the wrong girl.

[ManOnFire]

These are pretty generic explanations that are true sometimes. Having said that, I don't think this is a bad Take, but the bad part is that all it does is fuel the female ego and entertain their reasons for rejecting men.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I do have passions. It's just that very few women have any clue what I'm talking about. And the more I try to explain it, the more confused they get. Most don't have the patience for me to load a web page and show them either. That, or they assume the wrong thing before I have a chance to correct them. They don't wanna associate, because that would mean having to explain to their friends something they themselves barely comprehend.

[itwasmelaniasfault]

Thank you! I was tired of some these gag men complaining how they couldn't find dates. This my take actually works for women to.

[ADFSDF1996]

That’s about right but there are two more things, such as the elephant in the room which is looks. Women do care about looks but they don’t instantly lust after men, biologically that’s not how women’s reproductive systems work. The other one is that maybe those guys aren’t currently looking for a girlfriend, maybe their just waiting for the right time to get a girlfriend.

[RedVulcan]

Two things that should be clarified about your take. First, you clearly don't believe in romance or soul mates or whatnot. Fine, that's not for everyone, but you're looking at it, as you say, like a numbers game and a numbers game only.
Secondly, I can't follow your mytake because I don't have the means. I'm simply not old enough. Great tips, I think they'd work, but I can't do them.

[WhereAmI]

"You can learn about cars and have a passion for tuning them up/customization."

"These are all things you can have hobbies in, become passionate about and areas where you can provide an adventure for the girl you're dating"

Yeah, what woman isn't going to be into fixing/customizing cars? lol

[Truthatanycost]

She will be interested... in having you as her handy fix upper man... while she dates someone else LOL.

[WhereAmI]

@Truthatanycost Exactlly.

[Cosytoasty]

You've summed it up. And it's resulted in you getting a girl, well done.

Best not to try too hard to convince on GaG though, many fall into that lamer category and it won't change anything until they themselves decide to change.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Agree

[Genbento]

That's a really long post haha! Anyways... my reason for being single is because: I grew up with my parents telling me to wait until college or after. (Turns out they actually didn't think I would follow that rule... haha!)
Eventually, I became custom to it. I still want to wait until college or after... if I EVER do get to go to college... other wise, I'll just stay with being "Just Be Friends". (It's probably better that way for me anyways... knowing me... lol)

[SarahsSummer]

At age 25, and still haven't gone to college, what are you waiting for?

[tarrycat]

@SarahsSummer Sorry, but I have to agree. If a relationship influences your studies, then it's best to first complete your studies. People usually meet the right person when they're in their early 30's, which is based on facts. Usually those relationships last the longest as well, which is ALSO based on facts. 25 is young. Men shouldn't settle at that age.

[tarrycat]

I meant to reply to him. My bad.

[Genbento]

@tarrycat Yeah... I've been hearing about SO MANY break ups in the areas I'm living in. >< Most of them are because of before 30s. ><
My grandparents got together in the late 30s! Haha! They are now in their 70s/80s (my grandma is younger than my grandpa by 5 years! lol) and they still make out and stuff! XD (How I know? I accidentally saw them once. XD)

[Genbento]

@SarahsSummer My life is complicated. -w-' First, like what I said on my post. 2nd, we grew up in a poor family so, I was never able to afford College. THEN, just recently I found out you can get financial aid. Now people are telling me that it's still best to find a job. BUT, I've been trying to find a job after I took the extra courses after graduating High School... and still no luck. I tried getting help and all I got was just an update to my resume. Just last week, I went to my grandparents for 5 days because we went to 2 cities where I can try getting a job at also. (I hope I'll get a job at least one of those places because of all that gas... lol ^^') I also tried applying at 1 job at my grandparents town.
... still nothing so far...

[SarahsSummer]

Yeah, there are more pressing issues in your life than dating. Good luck to you.

[Genbento]

@SarahsSummer Thanks! X'D

[Wwwyzzerdd]

If she can't see my value then she wasn't worth dating anyway. I'm staying single, most women are a waste of time money and effort. Fuck what she wants it's my life, my money, and my time. It's easier to be happy alone than miserable in a shitty relationship.

[Tdieseler]

Preach it my brother. Women always want you to like them for Them, but they want you to have all these external factors pat down... fuck that.
So what happens when another guy with great social charm, better job, and a flamboyant lifestyle comes along? is she supposed to "upgrade"?
Found out in my time that many women if not all of them always want the "greener" grass. I know women who are faithful in their relationships, but FANTASIZE about it being like someone elses. Its just human nature I guess.

[Wwwyzzerdd]

@Tdieseler Yep. Women want to hold onto the hypergamous card while men get left in the dust. A guy that helps a woman out of the ditch and walks with her along the road will get passed up for the first dickhead who shows up in a pickup asking if she wants a lift.

[Tdieseler]

That... sir is a very astute analogy. He did the work, but she takes the grass still... you get it. Hats off.