I Love Chivalrous Men

[Anonymous]

One Halloween night, my friends and I were at a club all dancing and having a great time. Everyone we met had on the coolest costumes and everyone was just really trying to have a good time. Cut to, this random guy comes up behind me and decides he's just going to grab my butt. Now before I could even whip my neck around my guy friend apparently flew down from whatever perch he was able to see this happening from in this dark club, and was on this guy so fast and needless to say, this guy didn't just 'get away with it.'

Chivalry: the modern definition of the term means a man who shows courtesy or attentiveness toward women. I love that. Most of the men in my life including a lot of strangers, are and do exhibit modern day chivalry, and what's wrong with that? Why do some women struggle with this idea of a man being nice and courteous towards them? Why do some men consider this some sort of burden to their sex?

I am always nothing but appreciative to any guy who has shown me such care. Open a door for me, thank you. Nice enough to bring a water for not only yourself, but one for me without asking, that's awesome. Pull out a chair for me at dinner, aren't you the gentleman! Offer me a coat when its freezing, you're amazing. Why would any of this be a problem? Does it not feel good to do nice things for other people regardless of who that person is, especially if they are appreciative of your efforts?

But for the men who take issue with this, let me tell you I HAVE TRIED TO RECIPROCATE such efforts. If there is a guy behind me, I hold the door open, but the response I most get from guys is, "why did you do that," or "no, I'm supposed to hold the door for you." And I have yet to meet any guy who would actually really like it if I pulled out a chair for them at dinner or went to their car door and opened it up for them personally---many would consider that emasculating or weird---because no matter how modern we get, or try to resist, there are just certain things that happen in a society that make them "the ways things are," and to shift from that takes a whole lot of time, change, and effort on everyone's part.

Bottom line, I don't expect any guy to automatically be chivalrous towards me just because. Chivalry is a choice.

Still, I love chivalrous men who are this way because it's who they are, or they enjoy just being kind in this way. I lead my life with kindness and always try to help people when I can and do nice things for others because that's who I am. And sure, one can argue, it's 2018 and I don't need a man to...blah, blah, blah, but who doesn't like being treated with kindness? So to all the chivalrous men out there or just kind people in general, I say thank-you from the bottom of my heart, and keep it up--a lot of us ladies really do appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I usually do helpful things around elderly people, sick or hurt ones, and definitely pregnant women and children.
I will never forget how kind and helpful total strangers were to me when I was pregnant and sick and in terrible pain, and when I was so devasted with the new baby.
I guess women show a different kind of chivalry towards men, not opening doors etc. By nature, I guess guys do that sort of thing because women are supposed to be physically weaker (trust me, when I see a heavy door looming in front of me specially when I'm in high heels), so reciprocating the exact same way would be funny. But I have helped guys, lending them a pen, helping the father who is struggling with the children when it's his turn, etc. And a lot with guys I know, at school or work, helping them with homework, storing or finding items, cooking or offering to share a meal or giving them a snack or treat, you know, feminine stuff.

[Hollicurious2018]

Absolutely I love a man that is chivalrous. You don't see it much nowadays, especially if you're not as attractive as you once were because you're getting older, but when it does happen it makes you feel very well taken care of and an overall feeling of well-being. So thank you Gents so much for the chivalry that still happens with so many of you still today.

[goodlongman]

A gentleman does so when he takes out his date no matter the age or looks. I also do so for everyone as we enter a building or go for a drive

[Anonymous]

"If there is a guy behind me, I hold the door open, but the response I most get from guys is, "why did you do that," or "no, I'm supposed to hold the door for you."

Sorry but I gotta call bullshit on this one. ^^ I don't doubt it may have happened to you once or twice, but most guys? Nonsense.

I think it's great you are kind to everyone, but most women see chivalry as men treating women as special. Treating women differently than they treat men. Showing them more kindness and courtesy than men. OF COURSE women like men who treat them as special. But women have lost the right to be treated as special, because women ARE no longer special. They have worked very hard to achieve that. SO no, you cannot have it both ways. Chivalry is dead and women killed it.

[myTake Owner]

Clearly chivalry is not dead and you can't re-write what I know has happened to me personally. Everyone likes to be treated as special which is why I live my life with kindness especially when kindness has been shown to me. Being treated with chivalry is not a right---I'm not sure why you believe that---I said in quotes, it is a choice and you are more than welcome to not do it if you don't want to, but I point out that for me in my world, I am very thankful for those men who do it and for anyone who treats me with kindness and care

[Opinion Owner]

I never said it was a right. It is certainly not. But it is an expectation among many women even today. My point is that the notion of chivalry is sexist in today's world. Kindness is not. Let's call it what it is but get rid of the entitlement-driven notion of chivalry. Women have been pushing for equality and chivalry is not consistent with that. Women cannot have their cake and eat it too.

[myTake Owner]

So then what difference does it make today if I call a man who opens the door chivalrous and tomorrow you call it kindness? You say sexism, but that man, unless asked to do so, has not been made to or forced to do what he has chosen to do. I do not believe my sex is superior to that of a man simply because a man chooses on his own to open a door for me. I consider that a nice thing to do which is the basis of why I like this, not because I feel entitled to recieve such treatment...I don't demand these actions from anyone because again, chivalry is a choice as is kindness or whatever word we throw at it.

[Opinion Owner]

I believe you and I are in agreement except for your use of the word chivalry. As I said, let's call it what it is (kindness) and get rid of the entitlement-driven notion of chivalry. And I'm not talking about you when I refer to entitlement. But there are plenty of other women out there who do feel entitled to it.

[Anonymous]

I dated a woman who went off on me for opening the car door for her. She told me that she "was not a weak female." I felt like shit and was embarrassed. A few weeks ago, I opened the door for a woman, she went to the other door and opened it for me... and laughed... like it was a competition or something. For a second, we both just stood there with both doors being held open. It was awkward. I just walked through. Times are changing and confusing. I guess younger women find it offensive or something. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[myTake Owner]

Well that was awkward! Don't let someone elses behavior change who you are. If you like being chivalrous in that way, then you do it because you want to. You cannot control other people's reactions to the situation nor should you let a few who don't show or have any appreciation for it, "ruin it for everyone."

[KingsAndQueens]

I don't get women like that. I feel like they're insecure being women and are always on the mission to prove something. I have a friend who's like that. She's 42 and has been single forever. I feel like she's scaring men with her "I'll do it, I'll do it". Last I heard she had a fight with a sales guy at the paint store. Of course, she knew better.
Anyways, women like that ruin it for other women who appreciate men for the chivalry.

[yucychan]

Yeah, these are some weird times we are going through. I wouldn't mind a guy opening the car door for me etc. I'd think he's being a gentleman and it's nice. It's so weird that some women take it as a sign of belittlement.

[BeautifulMind59]

Those are misguided women who do not appreciate or value their own femininity. I guess feminism is to blame though.
I am sure most women and men would appreciate kindness.
Sometimes though, I just feel sorry for the person helping me, specially if I've received tons of help that day. I just think, poor guy why should he have to be burdened because I am not strong enough to take care of things myself? And I feel embarrassed and try to scramble to do it myself. But now that I see it from your point of view, maybe I should just thank them warmly and accept their gracious offer.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Recently I had a bitch think I was opening the door for her when I opened it to let myself through. Unlike most women, she actually said thanks. When I walked through instead of being her slave and let the door swing shut behind me, she got snotty and said "I guess not". To which I responded "Fuck off, cunt".

Women created this, and it's enjoyable to give them exactly what they've earned.

[Wolframium]

Devils advocate (and arguments in which I really believe) here: As you, yourself write, „Chivalry: the modern definition of the term means a man who shows courtesy or attentiveness toward women. I love that.“. So, by that definition, it's sexist. No, really. Hear me out. It is positive discrimination based on…well…sex. Isn't it? You react to this that you love it. So…you love positive sexism towards women. Cool. {And I can understand this. You get free services and some things. That's only positive for recipient.}
„Why do some men consider this some sort of burden to their sex?“ Me: I don't want to be your slave. I will not do things for anyone just because (some part of) society think I should. They can do it, I don't care.
Paragraph 3. „Why would any of this be a problem?“ It's not a problem FOR YOU. That's the key here. Perspective. You describe men like your servants. And you enjoying that. {Again. I can understand that, from your perspective.}
„But for the men who take issue with this,“ Oi! Hiiii! :-D Thanks you thinking about (not only) me. :-D
You see… Nobody needs to…IDK…open doors for me. Or anything else. I'm remarcably lazy, sure, but I am also still capable to do those things for myself. :-) Just as you or pretty much any girl is. Bomb dropped (another one).
„Chivalry is a choice.“ Cool. Thanks for acknowledging that. I choose not to do those things. Because we all are (pretty much equal, and are equal in this area. Anyway, isn't this goal of feminism (I mean the ideology, not the modern instance of it. Between these 2 there are difference like between communism and North Korean dictatorship)? Both sexes are equal. Sure, you'll probably not send women to mine stuff (you send machines, I hope), but openning the doors and sitting down… You, dear women, can do that. I believe in you.
And I've finnised this article (good one, even if I strongly disagree), and I haven't found one key thing (let's get real. I've knew it's not here upon reading the title). Where is some analog of this, but in opposite direction? Women doing things for men. Out of…goodness of their hearths.
No, this chivalry thing, that is just artefact of the past. Just like daylight savings time or imperial system. Or religion. All of these things needs to die and actually dying out in different rates.
Listen, if some guy want's to be your slave… I couldn't care less. His choice. But I will not. And when society comes to judge me, I point out the sexism. Against men.

[myTake Owner]

How can a stranger I've never met before who happens to want to open the door for me because I certainly have not asked him too nor have I ever met him before...be my slave? Slavery implies that you are being forced against your general will to do something without the freedom of choice. Chivalry, as I have pointed out is a choice. I care not whether you do it or not. There is no where here that I said all men HAVE TO do anything for me. This is but a thank you letter to all the men who have chosen to be chivalrous and why I love that. You say why don't women do this for men...I point out that I do. I open doors for guys coming in behind me, I've done very nice things for people in my life regardless of their sex whether I've personally known them or not. Why? Because I want to...not because I am so man's slave or servant or because someone told me too. HUGE DIFFERENCE. You aren't being conscripted into being chivalrous. You are not my nor anyone else's slave. You either do it or don't

[myTake Owner]

Why would this be a problem...my point still stands there as well. If you choose to do these things and someone is appreciative of your efforts, yes, why is that a problem if you finished that paragraph? If you made the choice to be nice and someone says thank you...what is the problem?

[MrOracle]

Let me start by saying that I was raised by people with southern/midwestern values (where my grandparents were from), even though my parents were both born in California. I hold doors open for everyone, and I'm polite and all about customer service.

But it can't be denied that Chivalry was developed because women were seen as weak, inferior, and helpless - and essentially as property - and thus in need of help and protection. And while Chivalry meant that noble women were protected and men made sacrifices for them, women in turn were expected to be deferential and obedient and to serve her man.

You can't have Chivalry and Equality as they are opposites of each other - and you certainly can't pick and choose from the advantages of each as it suits you.

Now, there is nothing wrong with being deferential and obedient to your man if he has proven to be worthy of it, and many couples prefer traditional gender roles even today (I myself tend to attract women who prefer that). Many women today might look down on you for it, but some of them secretly long for it and are afraid of peer pressure and being a "failure to feminism" and instead live lives that don't make them happy.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with being equals either. The only real problem is wanting it both ways - that just doesn't work, and men won't put up with it for long.

[myTake Owner]

As stated, chivalry is a choice. I neither demand it nor expect it from any guy, I point out that I am appreciative of the kind gestures when they happen. For example, I have 4 boxes in my hand, and a guy helps me by opening a door. There is no need for me in this day an age to suddenly feel I need to be subservient to him, especially as he is a stranger, though in future I may open a door for him in return as a gesture of kindness because I enjoy being kind. That is my choice as much as it is his. No one has demanded or asked the other to do these things.

This has nothing to do with equality or feminism (at least as I view it). I'm not trying to change the world or demand men start licking my boots. I don't stand around yelling "hey you should have opened the door for me...I'm a girl!" Anyone can be kind to anyone else in this world, it's just that we have a term for it when it comes to men doing so for women--a term I did not invent or modernize (see dictionary).

[CubsterShura]

But in other cultures like in many Asian countries women are expected to do a lot for their men and baby them. Wash their feet. Put their clothes on. Pour water in his glass. Do these cultures consider men as inferior?

[MrOracle]

Again, what you are describing isn't really chivalry - it's basic politeness - and there's a difference. Chivalry is much more extreme, in both directions.

[torken]

The primary issue with chivalry is that it is in direct odds with feminism. Feminism states that men and women are completely equal. Chivalry argues that men should take some level of effort to serve the women they encounter during the day, with no expectation in return.

The root of Chivalry is there exists some level of innate inequality between the genders, and it is the man's role to serve the women to help them with things they can't do on their own.

Personally, I'm a southern boy raised to be kind toward women. I can't undo my raising, but its hard for me to see past the inequality that is inherit in the way I was raised to act. So really, I have taken a passive seat in this fight, and I let the women in my life tell me to what degree they want to be treated equal or to what degree they want to be treated like fragile damsels.

[myTake Owner]

Do you think there is actually equality that exists even without chivalry between men and women? Nothing is fair and there will never truly be equality because to give one thing to one sex means something is taken from the other and even if both men and women were required to do this, someone would always have a problem with it because that's the way the world works.

[torken]

That's a pretty defeatist attitude. But sure, according to your line of thinking, it would be better to focus on the positives of inequality rather than try and solve inequality. I'm sure you'll find circles of folks who will accept that and I wouldn't say that is inherently bad, it just isn't the same attitude everyone takes.

[cykasenpai]

Men tend towards being chivalrous to women and women tend towards being deferential to men. I'm the kind of dude who's very inclined towards gestures like that, but I absolutely see why guys wouldn't do it. You're one of the unicorns of today, and the problem is, when a too low percentage of women show appreciation, men slowly lose incentive to act that "instinct" out.

It's the same I think with showing politeness and courtesy in general too. When cashiers don't lift their eyes up or people cut in line or don't give their seat up to those in need or check their smartphones too much it slowly erodes everyone's urge to be participate in the politeness game.

[TheHillsRAlive]

I love the special treatment that men show women. It's a touchy subject for some- We've made it so difficult to show common courtesies to each other.
i think we just need to accept the kindness with graciousness- assuming there's no malice in their intent.

Thanks for the read!

[Massageman]

We dinosaurs appreciate your appreciation. One flexible point is the holding-the-door-open gig. A generally good guideline to follow is that if someone is obviously burdened with a heavy or bulky load, someone else- regardless of gender- would hopefully be kind enough to hold open the door. Goes back to the days when men walked on the street side of the walk. It seems that- before indoor plumbing- people on the upper floors would pour out the contents of their chamber pots on the walk. blech

[Marinevet84]

I walk on the street side of the sidewalk when I’m with my girlfriend. I also hold doors open for her, and go out of my way to open the car door for her, along with pulling her chair out for her at a restaurant. Needless to say my girlfriend really respects my efforts and appreciates it.

[Massageman]

@Marinevet84 You've found a keeper!

[Marinevet84]

Indeed I have.

[MrMysteryMan]

I was brought up that way, that you treat a lady like a lady until you find out otherwise. As well, you be the gentleman no matter what. I stick by that and I teach my son those same values and it's what I feel how it should be between men and women. Yes we are "equal" in certain ways, but us males are the ones that should be the protectors, the support, the strength, the ones to look up to for strength and knowledge and knowing what's the right thing to do. I really don't think Chivalry is dead, but this garbage about it being a way of showing that women aren't our equals is killing it.

[Comawhite666]

I too like this and my boyfriend is like this to me! Though some things like holding a door open or bringing over a drink (if he's a guest in my home) or something for him is something that I would do for anyone.

A girl I was at uni with hated guys doing stuff for her, like once our housemate offered to walk her somewhere as it was dark and late and she bluntly said no. Her reasoning was that men won't offer to do that sort of stuff for other males and were only offering because she's female?

Just some things you do if you're not a rude human, I would never not hold the door open for someone and let it hit them.

[JSmuve]

Cool story. I felt like I was there. Here's a thought though. At what point does chivalry because patronizing? Do you want me to order for you? Should I cut your food for you and feed you? Should I pick out what you wear? At what point does it become too overbearing? Where's the line? Who decides? This "modern definition" seems like women's attempt at taking a word and twisting it to suit them. Here's another thought. If a guy pulls out a chair, is he expected to push it in? And if he can't, would you take it as you're too fat? I can't imagine it's very easy to move a 120+ lbs object across a surface when you have a lot of friction acting against it and your force is partially directed downward.

[myTake Owner]

As I said in quotes, chivalry is a choice. You don't have to do a thing if you don't want to. If you choose to open a door for a lady with no one asking you, what exactly are you upset over? Kindness by men or women is a choice. Doing something for someone else without them asking you to, is a choice.

[JSmuve]

It is a choice. Everything's a choice. And I'm not upset about anything. I'm just musing about at what point does "chivalry" become overbearing? I suppose it's a matter of opinion.

[myTake Owner]

The idea of "too much" will be determined always, by those involved. If you dislike chivalry, you won't do it because that's too much. If you do like chivalry and you're chewing a woman's steak and regurgitating it into her mouth like a mama bird, she might say, yeah, that's too much.

[JSmuve]

So then chivalry isn't always appreciated

[dantetheexplorer]

I don't see the need for chivalry when you can just be kind and polite to EVERYONE regardless of biological sex or gender. If everyone could just be kind and polite to everyone else, the world would be the better for it. We can be kind and polite and courteous to women, men, children, older people, animals, the sick, etc. If I'm reaching the door before the person behind me, I'll hold it open for them regardless of what they have between their legs.

[Reggieray]

Great take. Good for you for being courteous and appreciating courtesy. By acting as a lady, you set the expectation that men should respond as gentleman. Many have forgotten that respect is earned, not given.

[_piotr]

To me chivalry is just pretty word for forcing men to be subservient to women.
1. Originally chivalry was a medieval code for knights.
2. It fitted in previous epochs because of different social structure and gender roles.
3. Women took from savoir vivre mostly men's duties that are convenient to them, but ignored the ones targeted for women or both genders.
4. If men is forced by culture and society to eg. open doors for women like a servant for a queen, its meaning is diminished. It is not because he cannot freely choose if wants to do this or not - it's not a good deed, expression of love; he is just forced.
5. It is against equality - why should I be a second class citizen obliged to serve just because I was born as a male?

[MrNameless]

Opening car doors and chairs for women are too much. I feel like in the year of 2018, if it isn't mutual respect (BOTH partners should be courteous and selfless), then it puts men beneath women and puts them on a pedestal.

In this day and age when men and women are supposed to be treated equally, chivalry is no longer needed, and its existence is just sexist and stupid.

[myTake Owner]

You say, "if it isn't mutual respect (BOTH partners should be courteous and selfless), then it puts men beneath women and puts them on a pedestal." As I was discussing with someone else---we have this so termed definition of chivalry when men show these courtesies for women but there isn't really a term in the reverse. I hardly think it's sexist to hold a door open for someone coming in right behind you instead of letting it slam in their face. I do the same for anyone regardless of their sex, but there is no term for that other then perhaps politeness or kindness when it comes to women. I hardly think wanting to do something nice for someone else because you want to is sexist or stupid. No one is forcing those who do, to be chivalrous or kind. As I said, it's a choice.

[MrNameless]

I hold doors for everyone, regardless. What I'm saying is that neither sex should get "special" treatment.

[Anonymous]

Notice how it was your “guy friend” not your “boy friend” who came down on that guy at the club.

Alright, I’ve always been chilvarous whether I’m attracted to the girl or not. But there is this twisted sense that chivalry gets tied into “nice guys” then the friend zone...

I remember going out of my way to drive a female acquaintance to a martial arts event. She has a long time boyfriend and had no interest in her. I just knew her through the gym.

But I bought her cheap lunch just for the hell of it. Out of nowhere she blurts out “you must get friend zoned a lot” because I was being so nice/chivalrous to her (and I had no objective) I responded with “Jesus Chris Alice!” I yelled at her and if I was smart I would had ditched her the event.

She has been extremely nice to me see then but the damage is done. She pointed out a sick psychological hypocrisy with females.

[ATuairiscean]

I honestly think for a lot of guys it is habit rather than a concious decision and they are polite to most people rather than an obvious leaning towards one gender though there may be a natural leaning towards women. TBH if a guy was being super chivalrous and thinking about it, I would say he is probably trying to get in your pants.

[Max_Stryker]

I recently had a girlfriend (ex) who said i was too nice. I would do things like for instance, when she would put her shoes on, i would cover the door nob with one hand and hold out the other above her head to make sure she didn't bang it on the door handle. It seems some girls are not as appreciative

[MrIvyLeague]

Third wave feminism put a big question on chivalry in men. Third wave feminists make chivalry to be damaging to women because it makes women look weaker than men.
As a guy, I have to say that there is nothing wrong with being respectful towards women. Why can't a man hold open for a woman who has her hands full or helping her out of your car?

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I'm lucky to have genuine chivalrous gentlemen in my life: my dad, my brothers & my fiance.

[Benedek38]

Probably men would be more like that if it mattered anything. Remember - chivalry is about fairness, and as such, about reciprocity too. Don't expect men to be chivalrious when 99% of women say "he's a nice guy, but..."

[5yrup]

chivalry makes me cringe, its really unnecessary, i may be biased since i live in london and we're all selfish cunts regardless of sex. everyone's thinking "i'm getting through that door/barrier first, fuck the rest of you" lol

[Marinevet84]

Wow really? I thought a lot of men in England were still well mannered.