Guy's Behavior

Confessions of a Man's Man, man

This is a SATIRE/joke about Confessions of a Ladies Man: Signs That a Guy is Worth Dating

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS A BADLY WRITTEN SATIRE MADE FOR FUN AND WITH NO REAL PLANNING WHATSOEVER DUE TO LIMITED TIME. YOU MAY BE OFFENDED BY HOW HIGH THE OP SOUNDS WHILE WRITING THIS, SO VEIWER CAUTION IS ADVISED, EVEN MORE SO THEN WHEN BOARDING AN American AIRLINES FLIGHT WHICH TRUST ME, YOU SHOULD LIKELY AVOID AS THERE ARE ALTERNATIVES. I PROMISE YOU. THERE ARE. LIKE RENT A DONKEY. RIDING A DONKEY WILL LIKELY BE MORE EFFECTIVE. PLEASE BELEIVE ME. IN FACT, I'M GOING TO LEAVE THIS HERE: https://www.thedonkeysanctuary.org.uk/about-us/wildlife-conservation https://www.thedonkeysanctuary.ca/ WHY ARE THERE NONE IN AMERICA? SEE? LOTTA PROBLEMS WE NEED SOLVED, NOT MORE GODDAM STARBUCKS POPPING UP! GEEZ, GET IT TOGETHER BILL CLINTON.....

I MEAN, OBAMA.

ANYWAYS,

Ladies, have you ever felt in heat? (I can take care of that..... jk :D ) Ever been ghosted by somebody and lost hope in dating all together? (Me: I have, Dora the grown up: ME TOO!). Here are some very clear signs that the guy you just started dating is CRAP. Legit crap. Like major crap. The crappy kinda crap. Kinda shitty too. Did I mention C.R.A.P? No? Crap.

How He Treats You After the First Night Of Sexy Time


After you have sex with him the first time a lot will be revealed. (that is, if he is even worth fucking.... *cough* @Apope16.... lolz, he and his fans likely mad at me now :D ) I will argue that no matter how long you date a guy you never truly know him or the relationship until you have fu-....... who the fuck writes this shit???

No no, OK this is how it actually is: The sex doesn't matter too fucking much. Hell, many don't fuck until much later and I don't blame em, as I too would prefer a Taco Bell box first. Gracias. Taco Bell by the way, is a HUGE sign of love. Js. No TC, no love. Seriously, and no, they have not sponsored me, (yet) which is quite the fucking disappointment.Point is, fuck when ya feel like it, never feel pressured, hell, probably better when the girl initiates it, as they are the one risking pregnancy and pain vs the guy who's getting pleasure at that possible cost. If a guy understands that, he just might be a keeper. :D

So if y'all do fuck, remember cuddles. Cuddles are fun. If he can cuddle well, maybe he's alright. Hell, if he's OK cuddling, no sex needed whatsoever, I'd think it's a pretty good sign.

Now, If he say sweet things to you the next morning or kisses your forhead or any romantic stuff? Very clear he likes you as more than just se- yaaaaah, no.

The next morning, he may do or say anything, and it may or may not mean that much. Compliments are nice, but its just sex or cuddling, and there should be a lot more to ya in his mind or sorry, but congrats, you picked a manwhore. Like Xbox says, "ACHIEVEMENT". :D

Sometimes after sex a guy will continue limited text messaging. That is okay. As long as he responds to you the same da-

mofo, we can be busy with a lotta shit at anytime, well text when we can MMK, cause perhaps, just maybe, we are fucking skydiving, and for some reason, the instructor said "no phones" so that can't really be helped. Or more likely, boss being a dick, lotta work, yadda yadda, be patient, will talk when we can, jeez.

"He Wants to Get to Know You
If he is talking to you about more than just sex...if he is asking more information that invokes feelings like your childhood or dreams and such. Very very good sign."

Hmmmm, can't argue with that much.

"Is He Making LOVE to You?
Any guy can pound away and orgasm. (can they tho?) Cool. But if the guy you are with is focusing on foreplay. Giving you the full making love treatment. Slowing it down and being sensual...He is most likely into you on a deeper level."

Alright fair enough.

"He Has His Proverbial **** Together"

(OK, now I am fucking offended, as most people in general don't and if they do, that's actually suspicious in itself. Harsh truth)


A lot of ladies think that a big spending guy is worth dating. "He bought my dinner so that means he likes me". Don't be fooled by that.

(again, agreed)

A wealthy guy can manipulate with money. (like Apope or olderandwiser :D )

Really focus on whether this is a man who is on his purpose or not. Does he have aspirations. (no) Is he striving toward something in his life? (no) Is he passionate about a hobby? (NO) Date that dude. (well fuck me, single life gang forever :D )

If a guy isn't buying you dinner or paying anything for you but is passionate about building sculptures. Date him over the business executive who has money to fly around.

(can't really argue...... dammit apope you made this satire a lot more difficult than I thought)

You want a man with PASSION. He is the life winner.

(I have a PASSION for doorknobs. So shiny. Does that count? :D )

And now, for the conclusion, if you can get a good mix of the following guys, you may just have a relationship that doesn't end in divorce or a breakup that is followed by Ben and Jerrys/old school Taylor Swift:

Damn hes hot.
Damn he's hot.
Oof, its getting HOT in here... oooh
Oof, it's getting HOT in here... oooh
OMFG I JUST GASMED :D This guy. THIS guy. A god. No argument.
OMFG I JUST GASM'ED :D This guy. THIS guy. A god. No argument.
Confessions of a Man's Man, man
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