How to get a woman if you are an Incel

[NicoletteXO]

Ok, so here is a PSA for Incels.

Instead of whining about your 'unfair' lot in life, here's something you can do about it.

Women need to feel protected. It is basic biology. We are extremely vulnerable - especially during pregnancy - so we are biologically wired to gravitate towards men with a capacity to protect us and our children from greater threats.

Why do women often like 'bad boys'? Because they know bad boys can fuck up other men. At a primal level, this feels like protection.

If you are not blessed with good looks or strong musculature, that's ok. While I suggest you work on that to the best of your ability, you need to look to other ways of providing her protection.

If you are financially well off, this will help. So if you can't protect her physically, at least you have the financial means to protect her in other ways. You can buy a house in a secure neighborhood, and so on.

If you are unable to earn a large amount of money, then hone your ingenuity or creativity. Artists, creatives and so on - even ones who are not classically good looking or rich - are often attractive to women. This is because we know a man who is strong in his purpose and who can think creatively can protect us through his novel thinking.

A great example of a man who has classical Incel features, yet who is definitely not an Incel due to his chosen path in life, is Andrew Henderson of Nomad Capitalist. I bet this guy struggled to get chicks when he was younger. Now he would have his pick of women. Not because he is physically superior (he's definitely not), but because he has used his ingenuity to build a very clever business model for himself. He can protect a woman well, despite not being naturally genetically blessed. As a result, he becomes attractive to women.

Incels, please. Stop your misogyny and woman-hating. There are ways to get what you want and need, regardless of what you may or may not have been blessed with in life.

You can become loved and respected by women. But only if you lay off the vitriol and start applying yourself to something worthwhile.

Wish you success.

[Fineold]

It really isn't that hard if you're determined. If young guys just did what their grandfathers did, minus some archaic beliefs about race and sexual orientation, they wouldn't have a problem landing a woman. I mean, what were our grandmothers looking for in a man? Essentially the same thing young women today look for. Provision, protection, and persistence. Our grandfathers didn't sit around pissing in their beer because they weren't good looking enough or didn't have a big cock or that women wouldn't just throw themselves at them for no good reason. They took the initiative, worked hard, and made sure they were tough enough to defend a woman should the occasion arise. They would go after a girl usually when they were very young and somehow they managed to hang on to them for 50 years. That is no accident. In those days men knew they had to do the pursuing and that they had to have something to offer. And they knew that burden awaited them and they accepted it. All our grandmothers were looking for was a man to take care of them. That's it. The same thing young women today look for.
I have a 21 year old daughter. She's currently living with a young man and they're talking marriage. He's blue collar but earns pretty good money, and she's in school studying for a career and working part time. So far I like what I see from him. He's a good kid and works hard. But I've already told him that if he doesn't take care of her, then I'm gonna take care of him. I told him that it'll be at least another 25 years before I won't be able to break his neck. He understands I think. She gets mad at me for intimidating him, but if I'm handing over the job of protecting her to him, I want to make sure it's done right. And my father-in-law did the same thing to me. For god's sakes he showed me his gun collection when I went to his house the first time I met him when going to see my late wife. Maybe he was just assing around, maybe he wasn't. But I got the message.
I'm rambling now but the point is, if you want a girl, you gotta go out and get her, and you gotta have things to offer or you're gonna be jerking off to porn and whining on the internet your whole life.

[NicoletteXO]

BRAVO! THIS IS WISDOM. Thank you. Guys, please read this and follow his man's advice. He is 100% correct and knows what he is talking about. Women need the exact thing they've always needed - minus the archaic beliefs.

Do you ever wonder why women in the past were so sweet, and made cookies and washed her husband's clothes, and didn't argue and had a delicious hot meal for him every night? Because he was paying her bills! He was guarding the perimeter of their home, literally and metaphorically. He was taking care of her. So it was natural for her to take care of him!

Love your story about the guns! A good lesson, and you obviously took it seriously. Wish you and your family all the best :)

[Lliam]

So true. Really good MyTake, NicoletteXO.

When it comes to being of value, I would also suggest:
Learn how to be a gentleman and treat women with respect. You don't have to be a bad ass to make a woman feel like a lady. Certain classical stars come to mind. Cary Grant wasn't studly, Alan Ladd was 5'6", Humphrey Bogart wasn't handsome, yet their film personas were idolized by women

Carry yourself with confidence with erect posture. Look people in the eye. Being suave, but not fake or smarmy, shows that you are self confident, like yourself, and don't need anyone's approval. Nobody likes someone who doesn't like their self. Women feel safe and protected around someone who is self confident. They may be intrigued by a less than studly-looking guy who seems so sure of himself.

Have a witty sense of humor. It displays intellect. And intellect is another trait like creativity and ingenuity that doesn't require brawn or wealth.

Don't dump your woes and insecurities on a woman. Be a man.

Lastly, you actually need to like women, not just as objects for gratifying you sexual desires. They are not inferior to men. Just like men, each woman has her strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, hopes, dreams, and values. She doesn't NEED you. She wants a man she can look up to, count on, and respect. And if you don't respect women, they won't respect you.

[NicoletteXO]

Oh, this is just a wonderful response :) Thank you Lliam. It's very refreshing. I concur with everything you've said, and you've articulated some important nuances.

GUYS, TAKE NOTE: THIS MAN KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT!

Simply by the way you articulate yourself, I can tell you are a high quality man. Bless you!

[Lliam]

Thank you, Nicolette. 😊☺️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

This here💯

[NicoletteXO]

@Brainsbeforebeauty exactly. Sadly, it seems 95% of guys here want to stay stuck in their bitter and hollow shells, perpetually blaming women for their own failures.

It's clear who will end up in a good relationship and have a satisfying life: guys with an attitude like Lliam.

[Lliam]

Thanks for the MHO, Nicolette. :-)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Why do people think they speak for their whole gender... You can only say what you want as a woman... Just being a woman doesn't make you an authority on all women.. Not all women need men to financially support them to feel protected... Not all women want "bad boys".. who fyi usually bail at the first sign of trouble cuz that bad boy image is usually fake cuz that's what men think women want. Some of what you said in this take is WHY some men think the way they do about women these days...

[NicoletteXO]

Honey, you clearly didn't read my piece properly - I never claimed all women need men to financially support them to feel protected. Go write your own piece if you have something legitimately enlightening to contribute to this conversation. Otherwise, don't throw a reactive tanty about something you didn't even bother to read properly. Jesus Christ.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

'Women need to feel protected. It is basic biology. We are extremely vulnerable - especially during pregnancy - so we are biologically wired to gravitate towards men with a capacity to protect us "
No, some women just want to be loved
"
Why do women often like 'bad boys'? Because they know bad boys can fuck up other men."
That's so not always the case both that women often like bad boys or that they can fuck up other men.
"If you are financially well off, this will help."...
Money means nothing if they're a man of poor character..
What didn't I read? Just because I disagree with the way you're portraying women here don't mean I didn't read it... @Lliam answer nailed it better than this mytake, just saying

[NicoletteXO]

Ok... this is very annoying because you are jumping all over the place.

One of your initial gripes with my piece was, to quote you: "Not all women need men to financially support them to feel protected".

In response I said - "I never claimed all women need men to financially support them to feel protected".

Then you cut and pasted a bunch of my quotes - as follows:
'Women need to feel protected. It is basic biology. We are extremely vulnerable - especially during pregnancy - so we are biologically wired to gravitate towards men with a capacity to protect us "
"Why do women often like 'bad boys'? Because they know bad boys can fuck up other men."
"If you are financially well off, this will help."...

None of these quotes claims that "all women need men to financially support them to feel protected". So I'm not sure what you think you've proven. Newsflash: nothing.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No I'm not jumping all over the place. I broke down what's wrong with each assumption you made.. the point is you think because you're a woman (if you are) that you can give men or 'incels" advice how to get a woman..
But based off what? What you want in a man? Again, not ALL women want the same thing in a man.. The best way to get a woman is too get to know her, her wants and needs, what's important to her, and proceed from there, not treat all women like the same things are important to all..
Even a 19 year old got that🤷

[NicoletteXO]

Ok. Let me get this straight. So you can give advice on "the best way to get a woman" - which you literally just did - but also you claim women shouldn't speak on behalf of other women. That's a logically inconsistent position.

Also, you were jumping all over the place. The breakdown of certain things which you happened not to like about my piece were completely separate to your initial gripe. However, you rattled them of as if they were an argument against that gripe, which they weren't, because that gripe was based on your own misreading of my piece - which you denied with no backing.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I said go by the individual.. I'm not claiming to know what all women want... You just can't accept that not everyone agrees with you.. You've attacked or been rude to everyone that didn't agree with your take.. but sorry that's life, not everyone sees things the same way.. And maybe go back and reread my first reply.. I didn't just mention the financial protection, I also mentioned the bad boy theory as well as saying the things you posted on this take is exactly why some guys view women the way they do... But okay, seems to be going in one ear and out the other...🤷

[Lliam]

@NicoletteXO. I hate to disagree with my friend, bbb, but from an evolutionary perspective, I think your MyTake is true. It's the reason for sexual dimorphism and why males and females are attracted to their opposite gender's forms. That's how I saw it.
There are two factors that need to be considered, though. 1) The rules never have and never will apply to everyone. There are always exceptions. 2) Modern society has diverged a great deal from the way we evolved over millions of years. So there is even more space for various attitudes, preferences and behaviors.

[NicoletteXO]

Honey... you absolutely ARE jumping all over the place. You had no answer to the fact that you falsely claimed that I suggested "all women need men to financially support them to feel protected". You never conceded that - and instead started to change topic because you didn't want to admit you were wrong. Hilariously, you accuse me of not wanting to admit "I am wrong". A little hypocritical. Just sayin'.

And you have no answer to the fact that your position is logically inconsistent: that you believe you can give advice on "the best way to get a woman" - which you literally did (that's your quote) - but also you claim women shouldn't speak on behalf of other women. Your answer; "I said go by the individual" doesn't change that point - you think you can speak in general on the best way to get a woman (which is in your opinion, to go by the individual), however you think I can't speak on the best way to get a woman. Yet you state that women shouldn't speak on behalf of other women. But that's what you're doing in suggesting your way trumps my way and that my way is "wrong".

And this quote from you:

"And maybe go back and reread my first reply.. I didn't just mention the financial protection, I also mentioned the bad boy theory as well as saying the things you posted on this take is exactly why some guys view women the way they do... But okay, seems to be going in one ear and out the other...🤷"

Again... so, you got owned about the financial protection thing. You didn't accept that. So instead you go to... "but what about this other unrelated thing I said!". No, that's not something going in one ear and out the other from my end. It's you trying to deflect from the fact you got owned. Also, hypocritical and ironic, because my response to you on the financial protection thing pretty much went 'in one of your ears and out the other', since you jumped around trying to avoid it.

[NicoletteXO]

And ok, you want me to respond to your bad boy point? I will. It's groundless. You said, "Not all women want "bad boys" - you say that as if I asserted that they did. I never asserted that. So your arguing against an argument I never made. AGAIN. Which is why I told you to read my piece properly before getting your knickers in a twist.

[NicoletteXO]

Also, finally... to your claim that "You've attacked or been rude to everyone that didn't agree with your take.. but sorry that's life, not everyone sees things the same way"...

I have no problem with someone seeing things a different way to me. There was one man here who suggested I hadn't taken certain aspects of male biology into account - and I concurred with him. But he put his point forward coherently - he didn't start with a barrage of accusations, or some kind of whingeing victim mentality tirade about why I should think this or that, or why women are hoes or nothing more that "used pussy". He just politely offered a different perspective. No problemo - his point was taken.

You'll also notice that my response to any man who took a moment to craft his reply thoughtfully was gratitude and appreciation.

However, I don't take kindly to unprovoked rudeness. If someone wants to 'have at me', well, they will get what they give and more. In every single one of my fiesty comments, the man or woman led with aggression, rudeness, victim mentality / entitlement or straight out slurs, before I responded accordingly. I make no apologies for that.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣 think it's your knickers in a twist but okay🤷 I'm not the one jumping on everyone that disagrees with this take.. You say you're trying to help guys but then you started insulting the guys that didn't give your take their glowing approval.. Whatever happened to respectfully agree to disagree🤔 @Lliam and I don't ALWAYS agree like for instance this take, but we always keep it respectful and friendly

[NicoletteXO]

@Lliam More wisdom from a man with a great head on his shoulders. Thank you! :)

Yes, it is this dimorphism or polarity which results in evolution. My suggestions (as you've rightly imputed) are there to assist in cultivating better polarity between the sexes. Otherwise, when the polarity is "low contrast", attraction between men and women is diminished.

I think one of the reasons many younger people are taking so long to get married and have children these days is because we are encouraged to act like 'gender neuters' - I know this happened to me. I am naturally an extremely feminine woman, but I was encouraged to study law, told I should focus on my career, and of course "don't get pregnant" (as if children were a curse)... and honestly, it took me years after law school to deprogram myself from this hyper-masculine dogma. I found once I re-entered my feminine nature and stepped away from the law, my relationships were much more satisfying - and also, that I attracted what I actually deeply needed - the protection and provision of a man. This allowed me to be a much better partner - nurturing, spicy, sweet, generous, calm, patient, fun! Rather than stressed, irritated and exhausted - who wants that?

[NicoletteXO]

@Lliam
And absolutely, I agree with you - there will always be exceptions to the rules. There will be some women who are very masculine, who will be less attracted to a man who shows 'protection and provision' instincts. These are the kind of women who bristle instead of smile when a man tries to open a door for them, or offers to pay the bill. I would argue though, that the majority of these women actually are only this way because they have been indoctrinated into the poisonous ideology du jour - which falsely equates chivalry with chauvinism. Unfortunately this kind of attitude will usually result in unhappy relationships for those women. Either they will end up with a passive freeloader, or some chump they can boss around (which might feel good in the moment, but it's hard to maintain a good sexual relationship with someone you don't actually respect).

And yes, of course there will always be the rare folk who are genuine exceptions to the rule. Not because they have been brainwashed, but because that is a reflection of who they are. More power to them. However, my piece was about some tips which - if applied - would assist in a majority of instances.

<<< Just a little not for Brainsforbeauty if you happen to be reading this. Do you notice how I agreed with Lliam's point which was a clarification of my own? In a sense, his position is not radically different to yours... he is essentially saying, 'not absolutely all women will be attracted to a man who offers her protection' - and I agree. However, his tone, his manner and his level of thoughtfulness and respect mean that he can engage with me in a way where his perspectives land. Your tone and manner did not achieve that. I am happy to engage with you at this level of civil discourse. So take note of this bar, and if you want to continue I'd appreciate keeping it at this level - if you do so, I will certainly reciprocate in kind. >>

[NicoletteXO]

Again, BBB, you just don't want to admit you got owned. You start changing the topic to an ad hominem as soon as you are cornered with a reflection of your own logical failure. It's very easy to see through, and you're not fooling anyone.

Yes, I was trying to help these guys. This doesn't mean I must put up with rudeness, BS or crazy-talk - which I won't. Again, I make no apologies for that, and I'm not sure why you are supporting such ridiculous behavior.

I'll make an analogy. Let's say there were a group of starving people and another group had cake. The first group of people were loudly complaining all over the internet about the fact that they were starving, and many of them were blaming the ones with cake. So my PSA was an act of kindness, to say "hey starving people, look, there is a table of cake at this location - you just need to go here, and here! Try it, I wish you well, I don't want you to starve!"

And to this, the responses are ad hominem attacks on my person, whingeing and complaining, like "why won't you just give me your cake? You are a hoe if you don't etc".

And you expect me to take kindly to this? No thank you. Absurd. I tried to help, but if they want to starve, they are welcome to it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Don't you see though, you're equating your personal experience as that's the case, experience for all women?
My husband and I BOTH worked, took care of one another, I wasn't with him for his financial providing, until he got sick and could no longer work.. And what then for the women who solely depend on the man to provide if he becomes unable to do so? For those that believe in gender roles such as the man provides and the woman stays home, if that works for them, fine... But that's for each individual couple to decide what works for them... And also those that say how things used to be, paint a rosy "Leave it to Beaver" picture that wasn't reality. Back in the day, even when women didn't work outside the home in companies, women took in sowing jobs or laundry or planted and sold vegetables for extra income. And the farmer's wives who worked in the field along side her husband... People are all different what works for you great, what worked for me and my husband, great... It's when people try to act like their way is the only right way where the issue comes in... Not all women who work to help provide for their family are unhappy or have a bad sex live with their partner. It was usually the bored housewife who felt unfulfilled... I think it's nice you want to help men. But there's no set way to get a woman or be successful in relationships because people are vastly different from one to the next.. So what a man could do to attract you might not work with another female.. What worked for me, same thing... Or takes knowing what you want in life a relationship a partner and finding someone likeminded not trying to force gender roles or rules on someone that wouldn't be happy that way..

[NicoletteXO]

Your point:

"My husband and I BOTH worked, took care of one another, I wasn't with him for his financial providing, until he got sick and could no longer work.. And what then for the women who solely depend on the man to provide if he becomes unable to do so? "

How many times do I need to repeat myself. I NEVER argued that financial provision was the only way a woman can feel protected in a relationship. Re-read my article - it is VERY clear. Please stop suggesting I said this and arguing against an argument I am not even making.

[NicoletteXO]

Also, nobody is trying to "force" gender rules on anybody. I offered some suggestions to men who are having NO SUCCESS. What they are doing (or failing to do) is clearly not getting them what they claim they want.

I agree with you - whatever works for people is fine. But these are a group of people for whom what they are doing (or failing to do) is not working. In which case, suggestions were offered to amend that.

I think some concrete steps are usually more helpful than some "whatever works for you comment".

Like, if I had no idea how to get to the bakery, and I'd tried and failed - I would be quite relieved if someone said - here's a route that many have taken to the bakery, try that. If someone just told me "do whatever works for you", while it's fine, it doesn't really give someone who has no idea where they're going any concrete help.

Of course, what I've discovered is that 95% of these incels don't actually want to get to the 'metaphorical bakery' at all. They just want to keep whingeing that they can't get a piece of pie.

[LavenderLuna]

I think it’s more about attitude than how well they can protect women. And not all women want the same thing.

[NicoletteXO]

Yeah, you are 19. When you're older you'll understand more about this.

[LavenderLuna]

I’m old enough to understand not all women are the same, but somehow you don’t seem to get that

[NicoletteXO]

Look, at a superficial level I agree with you that not all women want the same thing. But at a macro level, we do actually need the same things. The word 'protection' may be something that doesn't resonate for you. Another word could be safety. That said, when I was your age I wouldn't have put much credence in either of these words either. There are reasons why they become apparent as you mature. In no way am I suggesting you are 'immature' in any derisive way whatsoever. Simply that with life experience, things become apparent. Of course, you are perfectly entitled to your perspective no matter what age you are :)

[MrOracle]

Unlike women, the vast majority of whom have high value automatically just by going through puberty and being fertile, men start off their teen and adult lives with very little inherent social value (with a few exceptions - the few men fortunate enough to have really good looks, incredible talent, or who come from wealth and status), so most men have to work - both hard and smart - to create value for ourselves.

This doesn't just mean working to build a career - though that's a part of it - but also to build YOURSELF. It means working on your looks and style (you might BE a geek, but you don't have to dress like one or have a 9-year-old's haircut), and it means working on your confidence when it comes to talking to other people. It may be unfair that some of these things seem to come naturally to others but not you, but that's irrelevant - no one said that life was fair. But the vast majority of men who call themselves "incels" are not being honest with themselves. They are INVOLUNTARILY celibate only to the extent that they're not willing to change their thinking and to put in some serious effort to change themselves - to dress differently, look after their appearance a bit, and most importantly, to TALK to other people on a regular basis and to use people's reactions to those conversations to constantly improve. If you know that your chances with women will improve if you make changes, but you aren't willing to make those changes, then you are really VOLUNTARILY celibate, because you are choosing a path that you know women don't respond well to.

Sure, there's a small percentage of men who ARE literally incels and probably won't be able to do anything about it - they just aren't capable of making changes - but for most to self-apply that term to themselves, it's really that they're unwilling to do the work or make it thei priority. They want to get women without doing any work to earn them, and that's never been a good path to success.

[Bluemax]

To these I might add they must learn that rejection is the norm. I spent my 20s with a guy who looked like young Tom Cruise, another who looked like young Peter Gallagher, and one who... well he didn't closely resemble any celeb but women thought he was hot. Even with them, they got rejected about 75% of the time.

I've something to say about unwilling to do the work. I agree with you to some extent, but I've something to add. That will have to wait.

[moviedude714]

Reminds me of a quote someone told me, it is:

"men have to create their value, women have to protect their value"

[MrOracle]

@moviedude714 That's correct (at least, for the vast majority of people who weren't born rich or exceptionally good-looking).

Women have high value automatically simply by being young (because it's assumed she's fertile), and so women maximize their outcomes by maintaining that value (i. e., not sleeping around, and perhaps most importantly by not having children with some other man) and by attracting a high-quality man while her own value is still high (generally meaning she's still in her 20s).

Men are born with essentially zero value and must WORK to build value if they hope to ever have any. Men who want value have to work virtually every day of their lives to get it and to maintain it. Guys who are lazy or otherwise unwilling to work will generally have low value, and that's their own fault.

[InventorofWarp]

I didn't really read all of this but I will agree with people who say that most incels have terrible mentality and it's what leads to them being the way they are. Granted, I know tons of man-whore assholes who think similarly and still get laid constantly but I assume it's either, A: Prostitutes, B: Pity, or C: Simply not quality women. Which are as rare to find as quality men these days.

Personality, still a virgin at 24, I don't identify as an incel. Mostly because, A: I chose my path in life and want to wait for the right woman and still do, still have my purity ring. And, B: Yes, it's true that women in school never gave me a second glance and constantly called me ugly or grease or whatever and I've never really had anyone who wanted to just get to know me or found me attractive or had a crush on me. But, frankly I just tend to simply not think about it too much (that's not me saying it doesn't bother me and remain an insecurity, I just control it). And I can say I've never cheated on or with anyone.
Maybe I'm not attractive, I dunno, you can check my posts and see my photos. But the mentality is everything.
If you're a positive-attitude upbeat kind of person who is constantly trying new things and learning new skills and improving yourself then, honestly, that should be your focus. Not sex or what you don't get from women, and then you can realize like "hah, there's nary a woman who'd deserve me and I get to have me".

[NicoletteXO]

I saw your pics. Physically, you're certainly attractive enough! There are plenty of men who are way less attractive than you who have partners. I think you will age quite well too :)

I think your first great move is not identifying as an incel, even though you are a virgin! Good to keep your psychological distance from that community, it's very toxic.

Just out of curiosity, why do you have a purity ring? Is it because it makes being a virgin easier to accept?

Overall, I think you sound like a lovely guy, and you have a great heart. Have you ever considered getting dating coaching?

[InventorofWarp]

Well, let's hope you're right on all of that. So far I've aged better than the vast majority of guys I know which tends to make me happy since the majority of men feel the need to boast of sexual conquests seemingly to try and cut me down. But... I still have my hair and possess the best physique of any of my "friends".
None are as heavily tattooed as I am either, which I've noticed tends to attract a lot of attention but unfortunately also leads women to assume I'm sort of player or easy lay. Being touched by someone I didn't solicit just makes me feel terrible like I'm not a person and has nearly brought me to tears on occasion.
I still can't seem to fathom why some of the biggest douchebags who have cheated and need to lie about their "skills" and stuff seemingly just to compete with me end up with girlfriends and I don't but, like I said, I just think about how fucking unhappy those women will end up with them and focus on finding my eventual wife. Unlike those men I'm actually secure in who I am and every skill and talent I have I worked for and earned, no need to lie about it.

Out of curiosity, why are you concerned with my reasoning behind having a purity ring? Frankly In don't really feel the need to explain it and it's something from my childhood that proves just how long I've been dreaming of my girl and will hopefully let her know that once she puts hers on she'll never have to worry about me and where my heart lies, even when I'm miles from where she is.

What would dating coaching do for me? Better question, why should I require dating in my life?

[NicoletteXO]

Ok calm down. You are getting very defensive. I'm not your enemy. I've only showed support to you, so no need to get spiky. First, I asked because it seems that you feel upset that you can't get a partner - so there is some part of you that clearly wants intimacy. Having not had sex at your age is a deviation from the norm - and it can come with a lot of baggage / issues / resentment / fear / uncertainty and so on. It just seems like having a purity ring might provide a panacea and a rationale for a situation that actually you are not ok with underneath it all. That's my reading. I'm not saying I'm correct. That's why I asked you. If you don't want to explain after being asked with genuine interest, I'll have to stick with my intuition.

Also, the fact that you were almost brought to tears over someone touching you in an unsolicited way indicates trauma/ paranoia around touch. (Caveat: I am assuming this happened clothed, if not, that's different and please disregard what I said). This could definitely feed into why you are having difficulty.

And I'm not here to justify why dating coaching would be a good idea. I think it's clear - you want to have a partner and you don't. It's not your looks - they're fine. So it's something to do with your behaviour/ energy/ approach. Almost everyone could benefit from coaching in some area of their lives - it's nothing to be ashamed of or resistant to.

And you ask why you should require dating in your life? Ummm... because you want a partner. And you won't get one unless you know how to interact with women and learn how to date. Pretty obviously.

[InventorofWarp]

You're reading into a lot of shit in my posts that definitely wasn't there.
Yes, I have some degree of insecurity behind being a virgin at my age, that's natural even without being a male but women don't understand the extent of things because as a man you're not valued without notches in your belt, and my experiences with women in my age bracket have only ever been negative.
I've flat-out been dumped for being a virgin after 20. Difference is my insecurities don't run the gambit of my life. I have hobbies, goals, skills and talents that I've developed and work towards that I've found other men envy me for hilariously enough. I've done the things I wanted such as modifying my body with art that apparently makes me stand out in crowds and I am big on working out and maintain a better physique than most men.
I'm quite happy with where I'm at being single and without intimacy. Do I desire intimacy and want someone in my life? Absolutely. But I'm not about to cry over not having it. I've been able to travel and do a lot of the things in my life that I wanted to do because I've always been alone.
Never being desired by anyone and being told I'm ugly as a boy definitely ruined my self-esteem, but I find my confidence slowly creeping back as I've begun to notice other men attempting to cut me down because they feel threatened by my abilities.
I don't know where you got this idea that I NEED someone but I definitely don't. I WANT someone in my life for sure and I have a crush in my life that I'll never have but I'm otherwise the happiest and most secure man I know. I don't define myself by the opinions of others. I spent long enough doing that when I was younger.

[NicoletteXO]

Yeah, there are so many contradictions in what you're sharing with me that I'mma just leave you to it. I tried to be helpful and kind, and all I got was a defensive earful. Good luck with your aloneness. You can front security all you want, but your reactiveness screams insecurity. Ciao.

[InventorofWarp]

There are no contradictions, you're reading into shit that isn't there.
And there's no need to front security, I have my insecurities, definitely. They aren't as big as you seem to think they are and they're definitely under control now compared to 2 years ago. The way I know that is interacting with other men who feel the need to brag or lie about stuff they can't do when around me to try and compete. That's something I don't feel the need to do.

[NicoletteXO]

Dude. Can you see what has happened here? I'm a woman who started here with empathy and an open heart. You started accusing me of "reading into things" after I asked you a question which you refused to answer. I then had to make an assumption simply because you wouldn't answer the question - and I made the clear caveat with that that "I could be wrong". I didn't assume I was right, I tried to understand you, you refused to engage, and now you accuse me of shit. You successfully turned a woman with a lovely attitude towards you into a woman who who feels repelled by you and your shitty attitude. It's perfectly clear why you have no girlfriend.

[InventorofWarp]

You're actually the first woman I haven't gotten along with on here in quite a while, typically I'm easily befriending.
But uh, no, you inferred stuff but we'll say what we want here, I suppose.

[NicoletteXO]

I literally told you (now for the third time) that I had to infer because you refused to answer my question. I only asked you the question because I was trying to understand you, in order to help. I also made a caveat with my inference that of course I could be wrong. You're just being a jackass at this point about nothing.

[Abholos]

While I don't consider myself an "incel" (I don't blame others for my problems, I own my short comings), I'm bad at socializing and have severe anxiety, I can't drive due to PTSD (and I couldn't afford a car anyway, plus the insurance and gas). I work from home, you cannot walk to anywhere from where I live, I don't know where to begin as far as socializing with others. I've tried online dating, but I send like 60 messages and get next to no real replies, and nothing ever comes of it, I've tried all the apps, and all the advice from relationship and dating gurus (the non toxic ones) and I'm still celibate at 25 approaching 26. It is not as easy for men as it is for women, and that is I think just the nature of evolution, (men being the pursuers, women being the pursuees (? is that how you spell that, ah, that's not even a word, whatevs.) I appreciate the desire to provide advice to men who struggle with these things. But it comes off a little bit lacking in the empathy department. You have no clue how damaging it is to a mans sense of self to not be able to fulfill the biological imperative to pursue. And I would ask that you try and see it from a mans perspective. We put in all the effort from the start, and we're lucky if we see any return on investment from that time we invest into it. That's all I'm gonna say. It just feel a bit condescending is all.

[MCheetah]

@NicoletteXO
I started off writing a response to you. But it became too big and long to handle (that's what she said!) So I made it a MyTake response to your MyTake. I'll say I appreciate you, a woman, writing a non-attacking article towards incels though, and not beating sad depressed lonely men when they're already down. So thank you for being polite and kind to them.

A response to NicoletteXO's "How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel"

[NicoletteXO]

Cool - thanks MCheetah :) I look forward to reading your piece.

Honestly though - I have been on this site for I think less than a week and I am already sick of it. You approach people with kindness and a good heart and mostly all you get is the most appalling trolling. Like, I've never seen worse trolls anywhere else ever. I am shocked that these kinds of beings even exist. Makes me reconsider the state of the human race. I certainly won't be going out of my way to assist the incel community ever again.

[MCheetah]

Don't take it personally. Ignore the anons (they're the trolls) and block anyone if they get too mean and rude to you. Believe me, I've been on Quora, Reddit, and other sites, and GAG is one of the better ones. A million times better than Reddit.

[NicoletteXO]

I don't take it personally. I am just amazed that there exists such a large proportion of people who exhibit literally psychopathic tendencies. I liken it to a group of people drowning in an ocean. Some of them are yelling at ladies in boats for assistance. Analogously, with the MyTake, out of compassion, I rowed my boat over and tried to offer assistance to people who claimed they were suffering and in need. Instead of someone jumping on the boat and being like "thanks!", the drowning masses spew nonsense and curse words at me, stab the arm that is reaching to assist them and make complaints about how shitty the boat is. Like, ok then, drown if you prefer. But what makes no sense to me is complaining about women in this context. It's literally group mental illness. No excuses. It's astoundingly shocking and disgusting. If you say it's worse on Reddit etc, I just have no words.

[Rangers]

"You approach people with kindness and good heart and all you get is at most appalling trolling"
Welcome to the world that so called "incels" live in!

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers Well they should get out. It's a sick community that fuels mass mental illness. However, they seem to enjoy it there, so I'll leave them to their misery.

[Rangers]

Get out of where? They didn't choose to get beat up by a woman and his boyfriend when they stepped in to stop him from abusing her, they didn't choose to get bullied every day only for everyone else to laugh at them, they didn't choose to have their second amendment taken away if they seek mental treatment for being suicidal, those were fates put on them by society and those things need to change.

[MCheetah]

@NicoletteXO
What you wrote literally sounds like ALL of Reddit, especially it's sh*tty moderators. They're often the worst of the worst. You should stick around longer. Most people on GAG aren't bad. Just the anons.

What @Rangers meant was that, what you said is exactly how incels feel. Most aren't "woman hating," and the ones who are have gotten that way with good reason. Like, a LOT of mental illness. And as I said, I am one of the guys who are too short and not seen as physically attractive by women.

What he and you said is accurate: You try to be nice to people and they treat you like sh*t as if they have mental illness. Yeah, that describes how incels see women and how awful they treat them, LONG before they become misogynists. Typically, just for their looks and lack of confidence.

[MCheetah]

*Yeah, that describes how incels see women treating them all the time and how awful women treat incels, LONG before those incels become misogynists. Typically, just for their looks and lack of confidence.

[NicoletteXO]

Yeah I'm sorry but this is such a self-defeating attitude and there's no excuse. I could just as easily get really angry due to being around these misogynistic incels online, then continue to engage with them of my own volition, then say "well, it's not MY fault men are disgusting misogynistic ass wipes". And even worse, to say this to a man who was actually trying to be a decent human to me in the mix. No. This is incorrect thinking. If I choose to keep doing things which bring me misery, that's on me. Women are no less hard done by. I've been raped, I've been molested as a child. While I have undergone years of therapy, I don't wah-wah on about it or assume it defines me. Nor do I think it defines all men - there are plenty of beautiful men in this world. Nor do I think all men owe me something just because I was molested. Or that if a man acts kindly towards me that I am entitled to hurl a barrage of abuse at him just because I had some shittty experiences in my life with other men. This is the kind of mentality that does not deserve enabling. I think we all deserve compassion - but if compassion is offered and a guy wants to hurl abuse at the one offering it, or to complain in the face of someone offering assistance that they are still infinitely hard done by, that they have absolutely no choices in their lives whatsoever, and on and on, then those men can keep complaining all alone. And have no one to blame but themselves.

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers to your points specifically - "Get out of where? They didn't choose to get beat up by a woman and his boyfriend when they stepped in to stop him from abusing her, they didn't choose to get bullied every day only for everyone else to laugh at them, they didn't choose to have their second amendment taken away if they seek mental treatment for being suicidal, those were fates put on them by society and those things need to change." >>>>> Did these things happen to you? If so, that sucks. Those things shouldn't have happened to you. It was wrong and it must have been really hard. And also - I can promise you worse things have happened to others - men and women. And people in worse situations have decided to change their lives in spite of their shitty experiences. But you need to want to change, otherwise you will remain in a cloud of self-perpetuating misery forever. If you don't want to change that is your choice, but it has fuck all to do with "women". In the same way that if I never decided to heal as an adult, after been molested by my father as a child, that would be on ME, not on "men" in general. While what my Dad did was wrong, that doesn't entitle me to demonize all men. And it certainly won't help my life to do so.

[MCheetah]

@NicoletteXO
I'm just telling you how they feel, not whether or not you think it's justified or not. It's really hard to know whether or not that's justified unless you've been through it. And not many people (if not most of them) seem to have the endurance you do. That's why some of those guys become incels and some (like me) don't. But there are angry rude people on both sides; it's not just the incels themselves to blame. And everyone is entitled to their own emotions, even if they're not entitled to whatever actions and behaviors arise from those emotions.

[Nik1hil]

So true...
Have any one of these..
1) physically strong to protect her..
2) money to buy her a safe place and comfortable life..
3) if you cannot have above two.. At least have strong social connections with 10 strong people in your society.. People in police and military and doctors..

Girls want to feel safe..
Safe & loved makes them stay.. 😉
Passion and devotion making a roller coaster of emotions makes them happy 😉

[NicoletteXO]

You seem to be one of only a very few sane men on this site! 100% correct. You get it. I have no doubt you will be blessed with wonderful and fulfilling connections and relationships with women. Warm wishes to you from Australia xx

[Nik1hil]

Thanks you..
But relationships are a lot of pain and since I have understood a lot about women.. I don't feel bad about being single anymore..

There is a lot to learn.. And I am all ears.. With my brain open letting women carve and shape it the way they would prefer it..

[NicoletteXO]

I think the essence of a good relationship is not that there will never be pain... but that you are willing to work together through the pain and the joy. Through all the shades of life. You seem to have a great heart and a humble spirit. I am sure you will find that special connection when the time is right. And in the meantime, enjoy the single life! xox

[Nik1hil]

" willing to work together through the pain."

My grandpa used to say... " How far will your partner come for you defines their love for you, will they leave their town.. their city.. Their nation, or their continent."

[Anonymous]

Noble intended and noble performed. Just the usual incels really had to show up here and crap all over the comments section 😂😂😂 doing what they're usually doing. They cannot be helped. It's like giving a beggar money so he can buy some more beer instead of using it to apply for a job.
Well done.

[NicoletteXO]

Oh, lady. You nailed it! Absolutely. Lesson learned: NEVER HELP AN INCEL. So sad, I was all open heart here. There were a small percentage of reasonable respondents. Mostly though, it's clear to me that they both desire and encourage their own misery. Fuck that, it's horrible energy to be around.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. Well at least it helped someone I see, so it was worth posting still.
But the lesson we can take away from here is that on the big picture not very much will change. I mean that's fine and all. We can then decide how to invest our time.

[NicoletteXO]

For sure.

[aliiiek]

Don't be like that , what u wrote helped , totally helped

[EternallyCorrect]

Good points but mostly a waste of time. They don’t feel like they should have to do anything to get women. They think that all women are trash anyway, so in their minds they’d be working hard to get trash women, which would be pointless. They’d rather talk to each other about how shitty women are.

[NicoletteXO]

Yep. Sadly it seems most are probably lost causes. Exhibit A, this Hanmakev lunatic below. What a chambering example of incel mentality.

[NicoletteXO]

*charming

[Slartybartfast]

As a divorced guy, I'd say if you can just stop thinking about women and get on with your life you'll be much happier.

It's actually not better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

Guys in western society are better off single and the most likely result of getting into a relationship with a women is that you'll lose your money, your home and possibly your will to live.

[NicoletteXO]

Seriously. I've been divorced. I didn't ask him for shit. I got on with my life, and stopped whingeing. You should too.

[LoveIsFake]

Women are favored in western culture. Anyways if you have money you never get married

[NicoletteXO]

@LoveIsFake all I hear is "wah wah wah I'm going to wallow in victimhood mentality". Grow up, or enjoy your perpetual inceldom and aloneness. Such a self-defeating attitude.

[LoveIsFake]

But men are always the victims in divorce though

[NicoletteXO]

@LoveIsFake Your mindset is so narrow and bitter, you deserve to wallow in it. I'm not going to argue with you - even though all your major points are either flat out incorrect, or are that way for very good reason. But you clearly love being bitter, and no amount of reason will shift that. Also, it's not my responsibility to do so.

[Bluemax]

Well put.

I might add to this that they can try improving their appearance. Many people are capable of doing this.

[NicoletteXO]

For sure. And thank you.

[Bluemax]

I was reading your comments on McCheeta's mytake. I would have replied to it except he has blocked me. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind reading a response I wrote to yet another incel question. What do you say?

[NicoletteXO]

Blocked eh? Interesting. Yes, sure - post away.

[Bluemax]

Leftist media is using the new incel shooter to demonize the Blackpill community? ↗

My response to e-z. It's lengthy but I'd like to hear what you think. I'm thinking of writing a mytake.

[NicoletteXO]

Ok, Bluemax, so I read your comments. I definitely think you should write a MyTake :) I agree with you that it would be useful to have different classifications for the two major camps of incel - the 'misogynistic asshole camp' (Camp A) and the second camp you came to connect with via your brother (Camp B) - those who are genuinely down on their luck. Though I suspect a majority of the misogynistic assholes will persist in claiming to be a part of Camp B. Part of their schtick (the grossest part) is claiming victimhood status, alongside the sense of narcissistic entitlement that stems from that (which disacknowledges that plenty of people struggle and suffer, yet don't blame and attack others for their woes).

I can sense the passion in what you shared, which obviously stems from your deep and heartwrenching interactions with Camp B. I think your relevant lived experience will provide a great place from which to speak more to these issues.

[NicoletteXO]

That said, regarding the incel shooter being used to "demonize" Blackpill communities... Having seen the absolutely poisonous mentality of those in Camp A, I think society has good reason to be concerned. The Camp A Incel culture truly is a shockingly toxic swamp - kind of the worst of humanity... deluded, lazy, entitled, illiterate, highly aggressive, inane, vitriolic, incoherent, reactive, heartless, narcissistic, ungrateful, hypocritical and more. I have never seen such entrenched hatred of women - or just hatred in general. That kind of mentality is sick and dangerous. You can see it in some of the comments in response to this MyTake. Sadly, these are the 'incels' that are loud and vocal, and these are the ones that most women will encounter. In fact, I don't know if I've met an incel here yet who I could truly say was a Camp B incel - that is, someone who struggles with intimacy due to problems such as a physical disability that are truly beyond his control, and who doesn't contribute more to this situation through self-created behaviours such as entitlement and narcissistic wallowing. I believe and accept that Can B incels exist, and they should not be lumped into the same category as Camp A.

I think there is an easy test to distinguish between the two Camps. Offer kindness or empathy - Camp A will respond with complaints and vitriol. Camp B will respond with relief and gratitude.

[LoveIsFake]

But why is it men should offer all these things to a women when all she can offer is used pussy. Women aren't even in their gender role any more so why do men need to still provide for you financially and be the protector and act their gender role?
Oh and just because someone is a bad boy doesn't mean they can fuck a man up. There can be a good guy that knows how to fight and fuck up a bad boy. Bad boy doesn't mean he can fight or stand up for himself. Ordinarily a bad boy was someone who goes against society and the norm.

[NicoletteXO]

If you truly think all a woman can offer is "used pussy" you deserve to be alone. Get your attitude and your head checked. This is a disgusting and profoundly wrong understanding of life, which guarantees your perpetual unhappiness.

[LoveIsFake]

Women definitely don't like cooking. Tell a woman to go cook and she will say that's sexist. So why say that men need to provide protection and financial support, that's sexist. A woman is capable of protecting herself and winning money to get a house.

[NicoletteXO]

False and wrong. I love cooking. I'm great at it. But why would you "TELL a woman to cook"? That just an asshole attitude. You don't need to tell her what to do or boss her around like a lunatic. If you are paying her bills, the vast majority of women will delight in cooking for you and looking after you. It is perfectly natural. Yes, of course many women are capable of earning money - and many men are capable of cooking. But the whole point of being in a relationship is to work as a team so both people are better off. For the majority of women, they would prefer to do most or all of the housework/ cooking, assuming the man pays most or all of the bills. The problem is, A-holes like you won't offer that support, but are still whingeing that a woman won't cook. No. She just doesn't want to do your job AND her job. Again, check your attitude.

[LoveIsFake]

And telling your man that he has to protect you and provide for you is also an asshole move then.

[NicoletteXO]

I never told a man he "had to" do anything, numbnuts. My article is on how to get a woman - it is advice for those who want to do that. If someone doesn't want a fulfilling reciprocal relationship with a woman then they should do what you do - be an asshole and offer nothing, and they will get nothing - but maybe regret on their lonely deathbed.

[NicoletteXO]

Honestly, you just really sound like a bad person. It sucks that humans like you exist.

[LoveIsFake]

You know when you die you die, there's no afterlife. Personally I don't see what's so bad about being alone, I find comfort in it actually. Anyways you did state that in order to get a woman a man must be able to protect and provide, so in a way you're saying that a man must do those things to get a relationship. You should be in a relationship because you love them as a person and want to be with them, and not from what they have to offer. If you're in it for what they have to offer then you're only using them for your own interests. That's why I decide not to offer those things to women, if they love me they'll love me even if I don't have much to offer but if they don't love me because of what I can't offer then they aren't worth my time, effort or even worth being with. If I see that they still love me even if I have little to offer then I'll offer more

[NicoletteXO]

So... let me get this straight. You bitch and moan (above) that "women don't cook anymore" - clearly suggesting you expect women to offer something in relationship. Now you say people should have relationships simply on the basis that you love them, and regardless of not having anything to offer. And that you won't offer anything at all. This is just bum mentality. Also, it's absurd. We are attracted to others and we love them because they bring something to us. I don't mean someone literally has to be "doing something" for us all the time... but for instance... I loved one of my exes because of his personality and intelligence. But he had to work like a motherfucker his whole life to be able to have that kind of quality personality. He has a PhD, and multiple degrees. I didn't love him just because of his qualifications, or what that might bring to me (though actually, he did help me with my career at the time), but because of the qualities of perception, mental clarity, big picture thinking and so on that he had spent years honing. It was just a pleasure to have a conversation with him (and I adored it!) because of these qualities. But he couldn't have been that way had he chosen to just be a bum like you who didn't want to cultivate anything in life at all. There's really nothing to love about your lazy ass attitude to life.

[Celtero]

Incel is a myth. Any man can save up 50$ and buy a cheap hooker to experience all that womankind has to offer.

[NicoletteXO]

Your attitude reveals you will never know diddly squat about what womankind has to offer.

[Celtero]

And what would that be?

[NicoletteXO]

Also, your attitude proves the existence of Incels.

[NicoletteXO]

Fix your attitude and you might find out.

[Celtero]

Wait... You're 35? I thought this was like a 19 year old writing this. Yikes.

And you know, my question was serious. I'm a friendly guy too, so it's not like I have an actual attitude problem. Internet time is when I don't have to give a fuck. But at the end of the day I have good friends to hang with, an infinite amount of porn and entertainment... so really, what does a woman have to offer me? Throughout my life I've just been shat upon by women while in my adolescence I tried my hardest to please them... So really, tell me please, because I can't fathom what the benefit could be.

[grega239]

I can be protective. Im 180 cm, skinny and a collection of blades ( we have strict gun laws and guns are expensive).

I could buy a small house.

I don't hate women. I do however find it annoying that they ask for help with things they could do themselves.
No vitriol here. Im a closed book.

So, wheres my girlfriend?

[NicoletteXO]

Ok, so you have some of the basics covered, that's good :) And well done for getting your finances in order at a young age - that's a great achievement.

However, when you say "where's my girlfriend" you say this as if she's just going to knock on your door. How often do you pursue women? In what context?

[grega239]

I said that because you kinda wrote it in a way that would seem that a woman would come knocking.

I stopped trying to pursue women because i never get past friendship.

So what am i missing?

[NicoletteXO]

Hmmm... well, perhaps I should have prefaced my post with a disclaimer. Which is that you need to pursue women, or at least make some moves, on top of having your shit together as I explained in my post. I thought this would be obvious, but apparently not. No matter how awesome you are, you'll need to make some moves so she knows you are interested. I'd suggest getting some dating coaching. I have someone really awesome I could recommend if you like. He's male, but one of the few dating coaches on earth that really knows what he's talking about. Most dating coaches are just pick-up artists, which won't help you achieve a healthy relationship.

[grega239]

Ok... obviously the disclaimer is unnecessary. I was being slightly sarcastic.
I know id have to "make some moves".

But again, why would i? In the last 6 years, all women i met , showed no interest (expect 1, ill get to it) it kinda tells me that i should stop trying altogether.

The one that did hint (not really a hint she straight out said shed give me a chance) at the possibility of a relationship is currently in a relationship with a guy that
Smokes weed all day, makes no effort to find a job beat up his father in a drunken rage, is waiting for said father to hand over his business to him...

These are the type of guys that have gfs.
And he's not even the worst example i could bring up, but it hopefully explains my frustration and why i just can't be bothered to engage with women.

As for the dating coach. No thanks. Id rather spend my money on my hobbies than being lectured on getting a woman. Im not that desperate

[NicoletteXO]

Cool story. Enjoy being a jaded and bitter old man all alone then. Sad.

[grega239]

Rook you longer than i expected to say that

[NicoletteXO]

Well, I was trying to give you a chance. You fucked up in the end with lame victim mentality. Proving my kindness and this conversation are ultimately a waste of my time.

[grega239]

What victim mentality? All i said was that im frustrated with dating, that im not willing to spend money on a dating coach and that i dont understand why women go for men like the one i described.

[NicoletteXO]

Victim mentality is when you focus on a list of things that are wrong and that you won't do anything to change. That's the approach you took. It's 'wah wah woe is me... but I won't do anything about it. And any helpful suggestions will be argued against or ignored because I want to stay in my wah-wah's box and continue to complain indefinitely". So boring. So unattractive. Classic incel mentality. Yawn. I'm done here.

[grega239]

Your advice was to get a dating coach and to "make moves".

My answer was: no to the dating coach because i dont want to spend money on that since i need said money to fix my teeth and the hobbies i enjoy.

As for making moves. I dont even know what thats supposed to mean.

Maybe im an idiot, but i thought going on dates was meant to get to know someone and see if it leads to anything. Dinners and movies and whatnot making jokes with each other. Like, what else do i need to do?

I've seen people touch each other (not sexually but hugs and lower back) but im not the touchy type unless its made clear that its wanted

[NicoletteXO]

Dude. If you're not having success with women, I've given you advice. You don't want to take it and your acting super spiky to someone who tried to help you out. If you think dating well is simple, think again. You have to know yourself - your conscious and and your subconscious mind. You have to understand human psychology and sexuality, masculine and feminine dynamics. A good dating coach (not just a shitty pick-up coach) with mentor you in deep masculinity - getting you honed on your purpose, your energy and way more. You will resolve trauma with such a coach and gain wisdom and healing.

Oh. But you don't "want to". Cool, be alone then. You clearly haven't worked it out without help, and you don't want help, so... whatever. That's a pain in the ass attitude.

[grega239]

Im nott being spiky. I explained my situation and current mindest to you.
I understand myself well. I went to therapy which gave me a different perspective on myself.
Masculine-feminine dynamics. People usually learn this in their teenage years. I had no such experience because girls didn't show any kind of interest or attention back then. Hard to teach an old dog new tricks

Again , even if i considered getting a DC, money doesn't grow on trees.

And it's not that i dont want to, but if i could get a woman when i was younger, i dont like my odds as in getting older

[NicoletteXO]

You asked me in your first response to this MyTake "where's my girlfriend?". I'll tell you where. She's on the other side of you making excuses.

But the reality is you don't want a girlfriend. It's like you're arguing against any ideas around moving forward. Men who have girlfriends do the opposite of this. They look for opportunities.

Like, that's cool if you don't actually have any desire to do what it takes to get one. But don't pretend you really want one. That's the same as saying "I really want to turn on the TV, but I can't be assed to push the button". If you can't be assed to push the button, you don't really want to turn the TV on. And if you think you'll be able to without doing the necessary steps, well, good luck with that.

[grega239]

Not sure i understand the " she's on the other side of you making excuses"part.

What advice? All you said was "get a dating coach".
I asked them out for drinks, i tried to be in contact with them more often. I even straight up told them i liked them. doesn't matter how many opportunities i get , if the answer is always no, then im obviously wasting my time because i seem to be repulsive to women.

Yea i might be too stubborn to take your advice, but you'll forgive me for taking note from my past experiences and coming to the conclusion that im undesirable

[NicoletteXO]

No, I won't forgive you. You're here on my MyTake, asking "where's my girlfriend?" while you acknowledge what you've done in the past hasn't worked, yet you belligerently refuse to do anything differently. That's on you. Basically, you're asking me to condone a BS attitude, and I won't do that.

If you truly don't WANT a girlfriend, no problem. Live your life, and get off these kinds of threads which are not meant for someone who genuinely doesn't want a partner.

But you are posturing that you do, then making a shit tonne of excuses. It's lame, and annoying. And it is that kind of attitude that will repel women. And you are choosing it.

[grega239]

Yea well, 6 years of rejection will give you this kind of attitude

[NicoletteXO]

Oh my god. Wah wah wah. You are not the only human on earth with problems.

[grega239]

Never said i was.
Also great response.

[NicoletteXO]

Your comments indicate you think you are justified in wallowing and victim mentality. If everyone who had a problem made the kind of excuses you're making, we'd have an even sicker society than we do now. You are not uniquely hard done by, yet the chip on your shoulder you carry indicates you think you are. "Six years of rejection". Dude. I was molested by my father as a kid. If I wanted to hate on all men, I'd have something to lean on there. But I don't choose to. There are so many amazing men in this world. Sadly, instead of taking note from them, incels choose to bitch and moan.

[grega239]

Alright. Answer me this.

If i can't even get a woman to have coffee with me, how do you expect me to have an optimistic attitude towards dating. Dont you think my self esteem would be in the gutter at this point.

I do have something to lean on. My ex gfs subjected me to emotional abuse, cheated blah blah etc. To them, i was disposable utility.

I don't hate women.

[NicoletteXO]

Are you still complaining. Jesus.

[grega239]

Yes and you're complaining about my "complaining".

Your advice was a dating coach.

Here's some advice for you. Dont post mytakes like this if all your gonna do is be a cunt when someone explains their troubles.

[grega239]

And if i remember correctly, you and one of your feminists buddies here were arguing about feminism with me. And when i gave an advice, you did the same thing. Complain.

I may be an "incels this that and the other" but at least im not a massive hypocrite

[NicoletteXO]

You explained your troubles. I listened with a kind heart and an open ear and gave you advice. You refused the advice and whined more. And more. And more. Then you called me a cunt when I got sick of listening to your moaning. And here, ladies and gentleman, is a self-explanatory rundown of why this guy is alone.

[NicoletteXO]

Seriously, your attitude is repugnant. And you ask "where is my girlfriend?". What a joke. There is no way in hell you deserve one when you behave like this.

[NicoletteXO]

I have no idea what you're talking about with the feminist thing. I don't identify as a feminist. You may have confused me with someone else.

[grega239]

No you didn't. You told me to get a dating coach. And when i said i can't afford one, you went off about me being a whiny bitch.

Everytime i asked you to explain and give me your perspective on why certain things are repeatedly happening, you basically told me to go fuck myself.

Amd the "wheres my girlfriend' part. Sarcasm so obvious its visible from space.

[NicoletteXO]

Yes, because that response is the response of a whiny bitch. You didn't say "I can't afford one. But I could do X. Or what would be your suggestions for an affordable one? Or what could I do in the meantime while I save money". No. You shot down a solution to your problem by whining. Like a bitch. And yes, because you seem to think that describing the reason why something happened gives you an entitlement for it to remain that way. It doesn't. Unless you want to be alone. Which you clearly do.

[grega239]

Yea i did. I said that money doesn't grow on trees, that im currently going to a private dentist to fix my teeth and that i invest in my hobbies to stave off depression.

And yeah i guess i did take your advice because i signed up to a dance class organized by a dating site. Uts gonna be embarrassing because ill probably step on my dance partner all the time.

When i presented a situation to you that im currently in and expressed my lack of understanding of it, you said "cool story" as if i made it up just to spite you.

So ill repeat the situation to you so you can hopefully answer it this time.

The woman i took a liking to is in a relationship with a guy who hasn't had a job in over a year and according to her didn't even look for one. He smokes weed all day, has beaten up his father in a drunken rage, has made many , many insulting remarks towards her. And has apparently forbidden her from talking to me.

Hiw does he have a girlfriend is my question.

Keep in mind, despite me being very open with you in this conversation, she knows next yo nothing about my past or anything I've written here. I do t share such things irl.

[moviedude714]

Reminds me of a long post I read and it was written by a woman and I'm glad even she admitted that women are a bit more complicated and harder to attract than men are

[Anonymous]

Ok understandable. But since all points are about women's biological instincts , women shouldn't complain when men cheat on them or leave them while. being pregnant. As men are wired to spread as much as they can. In animal kingdom most male are actually leave the female after mating and sometimes kill newborn kids.

[NicoletteXO]

I think you have a point about taking account of both men's and women's biological instincts. In aristocratic circles, men always took very good financial care of his wife (or wives in some cultures). Affairs were discreetly happening all the time, both for the husbands and the wives. People didn't worry about it too much, and it worked ok. I think in modern times we have an opportunity to be more forthright and moral about this. For instance, if my husband was paying my bills and was otherwise loving and respectful, I honestly have no problem with him sleeping with other women. If it truly would give him joy, I'd encourage it! It wouldn't need to be cheating, or an affair. It's just called ethical non monogamy.

[t-8900]

I've been single for my entire life and I'm 6'3 and about to be 32 years old. I guess I'm too ugly and poor.

[NicoletteXO]

From your photo your looks are fine! You'd do better if you lost a bit of weight, but even if you didn't you are definitely not ugly. There are plenty of women who'd find you physically attractive exactly as you are now, and many more if you lost that extra weight. So it's not your looks. Do you have purpose/ ambition in life? That would tilt the needle. And what is it that's causing you to be poor do you think?

[t-8900]

This is a photo from 2 years ago. I lost 30 lbs and am on Keto. I am working out 4 days a week. I'm poor because I am disabled. BUT I am going back to school for Human Resources Management with Colorado Christian University. It should propel me from what i currently have to a 53K prospect that when fully cultivated can get me to 130K in a 10 year time period.

[NicoletteXO]

Hey - congratulations on the weight loss with keto. Good for you! I'd say you'd be looking really attractive by now.

What is your disability and how does it make you poor? Genuine question :)

[t-8900]

So my father was the only thing I had in my life. One day I got a call and I was told he was being rushed to the hospital. I became a nervous wreck having lived with just him and being alone the rest of my life. So I ended up developing panic disorder and deep depression. The paxil caused my to pack on the pounds. I still have a long way to go but I was on 5 drugs, now on just 2. Trying to ween of the paxil but I can't do it alone. I'm just yearning to be loved by someone. I think that would help me get through it tbh. But good luck trying to get someone to stick by you at your worst today. I can't even get people to message me on the phone for support...

[NicoletteXO]

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear this. It sounds like you just never received the care, love and security you needed from a loving family (aside from your Dad for a while). It's not fair, and with all the drugs etc that you are on... I bet you could let go of them all if you just had someone to be there for you. Hugs are medicine! Please don't lose hope. You are actually doing amazingly well. Probably your main focus at the moment will be school and career. But when you feel ready to connect with a woman, I would highly recommend this amazing coach, Ruwan Meepagala, who could help you with the psychology of dating. While most dating coaches are total BS, as a woman I can attest to the fact that this guy knows what he is talking about. I sense you have a really good heart and soul, and I believe by the time you are 40, the way you are going you could most certainly be in a stable and loving marriage or committed relationship with someone who adores you. Keep the faith! Sending you hugs :)

[t-8900]

Oh God...40. Not only will I probably not be able to emotionally wait that long but what about kids? What about anything really? 40 is really getting up there...

[NicoletteXO]

Look. I say 40 to be realistic. If you've been single your whole life there is a lot to get together. Once you've finished school and got stable finances, you're going to be in a much better position, emotionally and practically. You'll be able to take women on dates, you'll be able to offer security (emotionally and financially) and so on. The thing I could foresee being an issue once you've achieved those necessary milestones, is that your boundaries might be off, and you might attract a woman who would use you, since you wouldn't know the signs. That is why I suggest Ruwan as a coach. If you don't think you can last til you've finished school etc, then get the coaching earlier. That said, if your life is not together, the coaching will not be as successful. Either way, I think you will succeed in the end. Think about this as a long-game thing. It will be much better to get your life together and wait a little longer, so you can be in a mutually loving and fulfilling space, than waste your time yearning after women you are currently not in a position to date, or accepting relationships with lower quality women who will drag you down.

[NicoletteXO]

In terms of kids, if you are in a great relationship by 40, you should be good to go having kids straight away. It shouldn't be too much of a problem. What would be a much worse problem would be to jump in a relationship with a lower calibre of woman right now (because - considering your life circumstances, that's likely what you will be able to attract). If you have kids soon with a low calibre woman, you will be stuck with her. Not to mention, you can't afford kids right now. This will cause animosity and damage to your relationship, and to any children. Better to get your finances and career in order, then be able to connect to a higher-calibre woman, then start your family.

[t-8900]

ya i agree with that. Just kind of sucks we can't date while I'm going through the motions but i guess men and women alike are unreliable in that regard today to be there at the best and worst before they know stability is there. It makes sense but it still sucks.

[NicoletteXO]

I don't think it's so much that people in general are unreliable. It's just that you are in the wrong stage of life to attract someone who will be loyal. Let me make an analogy. Let's say you want to borrow money from the bank. The bank checks out your history before accepting your proposal and effectively putting their trust in you that you will fulfill your agreement together. If you have a good credit score, they are likely to lend you the money. If you end up having some unexpected financial troubles during the loan period, a bank with good ethics and policy will give some leeway for that. They won't just suddenly be like "fuck you I'm taking your house". But if you apply when you have a bad credit score, you won't be in a position that the bank will agree to lend you money in the first place.

Similar with relationships. You are at this point in a position at the age of 31 with no dating experience, non-ideal mental health and a non-stable career position. This is effectively the same as having bad credit. It's not a good bet for a woman to invest in you at this stage. Once you build up your credit, as I suggested by finishing school etc. it's way more likely that a woman will do that. Then, even if you do fall on hard times, a loyal woman will show some leeway with that.

[t-8900]

the sad thing is guys dont ask this of women but we're expected to do it. If a girl is nice and cute and polite the world is basically her oyster for a good 15 years or so there. And it's usually the best years of her entire life. Meanwhile guys in their prime are basically chopped liver. I mean lets be real this isn't how things are supposed to be. I dont blame women so much as the government. There's no reason men should have to wait till their 40's to start looking, especially when they are most fertile and super horny around the same time as women. It is what it is, I have to deal with the hand I was dealt and just work through it. But you know mental health across the board would be far less of an issue if people were just around to support each other. It sucks.

[NicoletteXO]

I can feel you are frustrated. But please stop looking to someone else to blame. Seriously - that is the kind of attitude that repels women. It's certainly starting to make me feel repelled - I am not a fan of victim mentality.

The fact is most guys DON'T need to wait til they are 40 to start a good relationship - but you do because you didn't get your life in order earlier. It's obvious you had things to contend with which contributed to this delay (and some very tragic things which I'm sorry to hear about). I think you're on a good trajectory all things considered, but there are plenty of 25 year old guys who would have sorted out the stuff that you will take until 40 to sort out. Those guys won't have trouble with chicks. So it's not age, and it's not that "guys are chopped liver".

And all this 'wah-wah' about guys not asking things of women that they ask. Um... yeah... have you considered this is because of basic biology? We don't ask you to carry the children for 9 months, give birth and destroy your body, nurse the kids for years, care for their every little need at all hours until school age and beyond... because you can't. We do all these things, and it takes extraordinary energy, effort and patience. So it's only reasonable a guy should be able to contribute something worthwhile to the duo. It's an unwise woman who chooses a guy who can't provide. That is a recipe for a destroyed family and traumatized children.

Out of curiosity - what do you mean when you say you blame the government?

[moviedude714]

This answer depresses and irritates me a lot because it's a reminder how it has always felt like or seems that men end up forever alone more than women do, or just remain single much longer than normal than women do

[moviedude714]

Your profile says you are in a relationship

[t-8900]

@moviedude714 recent events.

[moviedude714]

Are you implying that you are no longer single?

[t-8900]

@moviedude714 obviously. I'm in a serious relationship. But my "entire life" if you put it up next to % and time line is about 99.9% accurate.

[moviedude714]

How long have you been with the current woman you're with now?

[t-8900]

@moviedude714 no offense but that's not your business to know. I keep my affairs pretty private, even from my family.

[moviedude714]

I apologize

[Anonymous]

Thank you for confirming women are all about a man's money. I mean, we all knew that already, but it is refreshing to see a woman with the honesty to admit it for a change.

[NicoletteXO]

Um... no, that's not what I said. I said we need protection - for a higher purpose. Which is the survival of our (and the man's) children. Protection can be provided in multiple ways - one of which is via money. You have read this in a very reductive manner.

[RolandCuthbert]

Well, their hatred for women only goes so far. They will have sex with one in a minute.

[NicoletteXO]

Except the problem is no woman will have sex with them, because of their attitude to life.

[Rangers]

Bad guys are usually the weakest of all men and they'll abandon you in a heartbeat if things get scary, just like how they fuck other girls on your bed when you're not there, loyalty is a silly concept to them, so he forewarned.
While I'm with someone, I'll still stand that women generally deserve the hate they get, so direct it properly because in that sea of 4,000,0000,000 women, there's one good woman there, so don't direct your hate at her.

[NicoletteXO]

Everyone, here is a wonderful example of VICTIM MENTALITY.

[Anonymous]

Any guy can get a girl. I see poor and ugly guys with girls. Girls like bad boys more because they are respected by other men.

[NicoletteXO]

Totally. Seems like you've been downvoted by incels who can't swallow the truth.

[Rachelspiks]

Yes, we need to feel protected - from the Incels!

[NicoletteXO]

After my recent experiences with the ones here, I have to agree! I was all up for compassion and lending a hand to downtrodden guys, but their disgusting insistence on throwing slurs and vitriol in the face of goodwill has had me change my tune. I'll stick with decent men and incels can enjoy their misery alone.

[Rangers]

What I've seen the most is women being attacked by their romantic partner, who are by definition, not incels. So you need protection from bad romantic partners, by the way stop hitting the good Samaritan who steps in when your boyfriend is hitting you next time, it makes people not want to step in as much

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers Your comment is not really relevant, because those women are not eligible to be in a relationship with you, so don't bother focusing on them romantically. They are already in a relationship with someone else. If they have chosen to be in an abusive relationship long-term, then they are also unhinged, so avoid them!! (I'm not talking about someone who is in need after a completely unexpected violent incident, but a woman who sticks around to be beaten for years). Sounds like you have had a shitty experience that you need to go to therapy for. You sound very bitter. Maybe legitimately so, but still. Yeah, it would suck to try to help someone who repays your kindness with violence, but that has nothing to do with "most women".

[Rangers]

Girls aren't with their boyfriends all the time, so another guy may ask them out but get turned down as they inform them that they're with someone already, so not totally irrelevant. And I'm not repaying anyone with violence, I didn't even hint at that

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers I didn't say you repayed anyone with violence! Read again.

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers And dude... you are the one who is having no success with women, so please don't tell me about your strategies, coz they don't work. If you don't want to take good advice that actually will work, pipe down and go continue to be alone forever.

[Rangers]

I have a girlfriend, like I've said multiple times, and I didn't say anything about dating skills. You're arguing against points that I didn't even make.

[NicoletteXO]

@Rangers you have not said this multiple times - or even once. God, if you do have a girlfriend (no, blowup dolls don't count as girlfriends), she must have god awful self-esteem to be with someone like you! Yeesh, I pity her. Someone pray for this poor lady!