A response to NicoletteXO's "How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel"


User @NicoletteXO wrote a nice MyTake called How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel . I wrote a response, but it was so long, I ended up just making it a MyTake myself. No, this isn't necessarily about MGTOW. I'm not saying MGTOW is bad, but most men can't do it (me included). It's also kind of defeatist and I personally believe the love of a truly good woman is worth more than abandoning all hope of ever having a woman, even if the latter is far more logical and likely nowadays. I guess you could say I tipped my toe into the MGTOW pool. I still won't ever get married, but I'm not giving up all hope on ever having a female partner, even though it's the strongest likelihood (given my short, ugly, overly-opinionated ass). But you should read NicoletteXO's MyTake first before reading this one. Anyway, here's the MyTake.


It's nice to see a woman actually trying to help incels, instead of crapping all over men who are already beaten down and at their worst. However, I don't think the only way to cure incels is by getting them a woman, though. Most incels are the way they are because absolutely NO ONE loves them, especially women, and they completely lack height, looks, money, etc, to get women to like them. (One could argue developing social skills might help, but social skills mean f*ck-all when you're already unattractive; women will have already made up their minds based on looks alone and charisma can only work for men who are at least a 6 out of 10.) I think the wrong message is to tell incels they need to get a woman to be "cured."

The bigger, better message (one women tend to hate because it's not about them and they get nothing out of it) is teaching incels they don't need women to be happy in life and can get love from other means. Yes, sometimes this means MGTOW (although I don't recommend it; it's harder than it looks and only a few men are disciplined enough to go cold turkey off of half of the entire human species.) Other times though, this means just purging your sadness and rejection out of you through one big cry session. Yes, we're taught that "men don't cry" but sometimes, a person has to just let it out. Not too often, though. Once a man can finally purge themselves of the rejection of no woman ever loving him due to his genetics in life, and doubled-down by his depression due to said genetics, he can finally move on to start working on himself. Getting new hobbies, learning new skills, making more money at work, and gaining TRUE happiness and confidence.

Telling an incel how to get a woman is like telling a drug addict how to get drugs after they've been outlawed. It doesn't fix the problem. Especially since you didn't address the biggest issue they have; a lack of self-esteem. We all know just about every (straight) woman on the planet loves 'confidence' in men, above all else. And I didn't see that mentioned once, here. Even if he can protect a woman and be her "provider" (which honestly, makes women look very selfish and narcissistic; like what are they giving back to the man?), a woman won't stay with a man who doesn't have high self-esteem. You're setting them up for failure.

That's why I said incels truly need to develop self-esteem first, above all else. I think therapy and support groups are good for that, but the best solutions are things like gaining new friends, getting a dog, going to the gym and seeing results from it, and other forms of self-improvement towards their mental and physical well-being. THAT is how you cure an incel. Give him something to be proud of in life, instead of a woman. Give him self-esteem and self-worth.

Just know however that these things DON'T come easy and don't come quickly. You need to build confidence one small feat at a time. It's like trying to create a mountain one tablespoon of dirt at a time. To build true inner confidence, you need to build a resume of lifetime feats and accomplishments. Think of it like an RPG video game. You're at level 1 or 5? You need to be like at level 60 before you're strong enough to catch a woman's heart and have her join your party. Otherwise, you're not ready yet, rookie.

The problem is, our society is currently sh*tting on men, left and right, while raising up incompetent women (the competent women see right through this scam of feminism, wokeness, OnlyFans sh*ttiness, and entitlement). It's all part of a bigger goals to weaken and dismantle society, starting from the strongest majority (masculine men) and working their way down. That's why victim-complex women and minorities are propped up if they can be used as pawns, and turned on if they don't drink the Kool Aid like the rest of their peers. It's ironic though that the only weak-minded people they don't try to prey upon and exploit nowadays are the single, lonely men, aka "incels." Jordan Peterson may have shepherded in these lost lambs (whether through genuine good intentions or to exploit them himself, is up to you), but the mainstream elitists haven't.

But be grateful though. It means you have the strength and power in you that those that would seek to exploit you, bad women, woke corporations, politicians, etc, can't see. You don't have to be just another sheep being sold lies and BS. You don't have to be another pathetic simp pretending to buy a woman's love, respect, and validation through Twitch.com donations or OnlyFans subscriptions. You can be the "zero to hero" role model of your own life! You can be the phoenix that rose from the ashes that everyone dismissed or took as a non-threat. But YOU must make that decision. YOU must put down the bong, get off the drugs, stop the porn addiction, and decide to be a better person and become your own role model from the future.

It's hard to be a man, nowadays. And only VERY stupid or fortunate people think otherwise. Not saying it's not hard to be a certain type of woman nowadays either. Society has always been hard on the people not "chosen" by the elites and royalty in society. The free-thinkers. The independent minded. While women certainly get propped up nowadays, that only applies to the dumbest and most useless women in society. Truly smart intelligent women don't fall for feminism propaganda and no useful, smart, intelligent woman on this planet is a feminist. Feminism is a cult for the stupid and useless, just like wokeness is, in general. If they don't want you, be grateful. It means they see you as a threat. They see you as too hard to exploit or control. And guess what? They're probably right. Prove them right. Be the man you always wished you could be. Just know; it'll take at least 5 to 10 years to get there. But nothing worth having comes easy. You DON'T have to be "an incel" for the rest of your life. For as sh*tty as this world is becoming, there's still a lot of it left to enjoy out there. And you can do so with a partner, and definitely without a partner.

Don't try to get a woman if you're an incel. Try to stop chasing a woman and stop being an incel, altogether. 20 year old me was never an "incel," (I never hated all women or blamed my lack of success on women themselves) but I was pretty damn close. I eventually learned that what we think we want, is an illusion. A fantasy. That woman who's a 10.10 that'll make you breakfast in bed and rub your feet and make you feel like a man's man, pretty much doesn't exist. And for the few that do; only the genetically gifted and super-confident men are getting them.

So stop chasing a fantasy or being depressed or sad over a figment of your imagination. Real people - men and especially women - are FLAWED. They are often annoying and troublesome. Endure through the pain and realize that you're better off being an independent man, than being a temporarily happy slave. Maybe go MGTOW; maybe don't. But whatever you decide in life, do it for YOU and YOUR OWN SANITY AND HAPPINESS. If you end up getting a woman at the end and she's actually a high quality woman, then good for you. Otherwise, start learning to live the best f*cking life possible without a woman in it. Future you ten years from now will thank you.

A response to NicoletteXOs How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel
A response to NicoletteXOs How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel
A response to NicoletteXOs How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel
A response to NicoletteXO's "How To Get A Woman If You Are An Incel"
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  • NicoletteXO
    Thanks for offering your responses and thoughts, MCheetah :) I resonate with a lot of what you've shared, and disagree with parts too. Overall though, at least you seem reflective and clear-minded. This is a far cry above 95% of people here.

    I wrote my original piece in a spirit of good will towards incels / down and out men. Aside from your response, I was bombarded with inane and hateful messages, with themes concerning rape, calling me a whore and so on. Unlike your thoughtful article, these responses were semi-coherent at best.

    I have decided never to try to assist the incel community again. It has been shocking to realize that such a poisonous realm of people exist. I truly intended to provide empathy and an open heart. What I received to such good faith was beyond disgusting. And these are people who complain that women "don't care". Unbelievable.

    I think what you suggest to men regarding making something of themselves is great advice. I don't think it has to be either / or. That is "make something of yourself" or "get a woman". Usually the two come together. If you have to choose one, yeah ok, choose to make something of yourself.

    I agree with you about feminism. It was necessary for a while in the past (for basic equal rights such as the right to work or have a credit card in your own name - which women didn't get until the 60s). However, it's gone way too far and is causing destruction. Wokeness in general, I agree, is toxic.

    I have to pull you up on this comment though: "Even if he can protect a woman and be her "provider" (which honestly, makes women look very selfish and narcissistic; like what are they giving back to the man?)..." It's so sad to me that men don't understand why a woman desires a provider man. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It has to do with biology, and the nature of pregnancy. When you are pregnant, you are very vulnerable. For 9 months, it is biologically very important not to overexert yourself (women can do it if they must to survive, but it is dangerous for the baby). While you are breastfeeding, while you are caring for young infants, it is infinitely better for the children if you can be with them, if you can be calm and undistracted, if you are not in a constant state of survival anxiety. If you decide to be with a man who cannot provide, you put your future children at deep risk. If you decide to be with a man who can provide, you are actually able to care for children well. Not to mention, you will be far more capable of being a loving, nurturing and caring partner to him. What's in it for him? A beautiful, thriving happy family. Love, honour, care. It makes me tear up when I recognize that men don't understand this. They have no idea how much love a good woman holds in her heart and how much joy he could receive from partnership.

    Anyway, thanks again for your comments :) I wish you every success in life - with or without a partner. I'll probably delete my account here in a week or so. I'm just not really seeing much fruitfulness in this community.
    Is this still revelant?
    • MCheetah

      Thank you for the response.

      The thing with those guys is, they are just paranoid and afraid. They've been burned by too many people, women and men, who have promised to be nice and approach them with good advice, only to have been burned, in the end. It happens with men among inceldom and with women among feminism. Just like the case with incels, don't let the bad ones sour you. Believe me; I'm not tall, buff, wealthy, successful, or what any woman would consider "attractive looking" either. Yes, it is often frustrating. And yes, many of these women are bad. But what separates an incel from someone like me, is accountability. Many incels don't try to change who they are (or often, don't know how). They just stay the same and don't change or grow. That's why I am saying they need that more than anything else.

      "I don't think it has to be either/or. That is 'make something of yourself' or 'get a woman.'

      The problem with this is, MANY women won't want a man until he's already made a success of himself. Not to many women want a man at the bottom, who's willing to climb to the top of the mountain. Some can see the potential in men, but I believe those women are rare. Plus, a relationship often takes work and sacrifice. If a man constantly has to worry about making his woman happy at all times (usually at the expense of his own personal growth), then how can he become the best man he can be? I think the same may apply to women, but seeing as I am not one, I can't be sure. (cont'd)

    • MCheetah

      "It's so sad to me that men don't understand why a woman desires a provider man."

      I perfectly understand why women want a provider, and even what it requires to be a provider. I am just telling you, men completely get the raw end of that deal. Aside from potentially having a son he can be proud of, there is no reason why a modern man should have to work and sacrifice, left and right, just to keep a woman and her children happy. What about the women who don't want kids? They still ask for the same provisions in a man. What about men who don't want children?

      "Not to mention, you will be far more capable of being a loving, nurturing and caring partner to him. What's in it for him? A beautiful, thriving happy family."

      This is a promise that very much often goes unfulfilled by modern women. It's something that's usually implied, but not guaranteed. Hence why so many men have become incels or go MGTOW, in the first place. If the "rules" were that simple, men would definite;y step up to them. As much as it annoys me to say this, men tend to desire women FAR, FAR more than women ever tend to desire men (even if women might need them more for safety and everyday living). I won't link all the data of how often women cheat, initiate divorce, demand more and more from men each year of marriage, etc. But it's all out there if you choose to search for it. What you're describing is a very 1950s outdated idea of marriage and relationships. I'm sorry, but people often aren't this wholesome anymore.

      You don't have to delete your account off of here. It's not all bad, and this place is certainly a lot better than most social media sites if you can learn to ignore all Anonymous accounts (they're all trolls).

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