Guy's Behavior

The Importance of Holding Frame

strong relationship
For Men, there is not much more important than holding frame. By frame, I mean that you create a set of boundaries and rules that you do not cross. Another way of thinking about it is being confident enough in who you are so that no one can "get under your skin" and rattle you.


It took me a while to understand what this term meant as I've been working on reading various philosophies of being a man. However, an anectdote from my life suddenly came into my mind that illustrated how it could potentially be effective.


I was recently married (just two months prior to this incident). My wife and I attended a wedding for a cousin of mine out of town. The family was all gathered the night before the wedding in a hotel room. We were partying and drinking and playing games.


A cousin on my cousin's other side of the family walked into the hotel room with his girlfriend. They were a few years younger than me.


This cousin proceeds to proclaim quite loudly "MAN, She's amazing (referring to my wife)..how did YOU get her? I mean c'mon, what is she doing with YOU?" - Now I can't say if I've ever met this kid ever before in my life, he didn't know me, but obviously thought my wife was out of my league.


Now, some guys would react with an attitude of "Fuck you, man..." or start an inner dialog of "man, maybe I'm NOT good enough for this woman".....and I can't say I've never reacted like that to a similar challenge. But for whatever reason, this time I only reacted with an attitude of "Damn, right I got her..." I never said anything to the guy, never reacted upset or jealous or anything.


The party continues, and we're still drinking and playing games. This cousin's girlfriend is sitting next to me. My wife retired early to bed. The next thing I know, the girlfriend is rubbing her hand up my legs. To the point where my Aunt had to yell at her "Quit that! He's a married man!"


So the moral of that story is that by remaining cool and confident, I not only still had my wife, but could have had his girlfriend as well.

The Importance of Holding Frame
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