My boyfriend is often inconsiderate of my feelings. When I ask him to be more considerate, he considers that as me trying to 'change' him. Am I?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is often inconsiderate of my feelings and can be selfish about his needs but often ignores mine. I have asked him to be more considerate (and have given examples, such as 'please tell me when you're going to be late' or 'please text me back sometimes; especially if you're active on Tinder and FB but ignoring me' etc). He claims these kinds of requests are just me trying to 'change him' and 'force him to be someone else.' I don't see it that way, because I do like HIM as a person; I just think he could consider my feelings more, because he tends to do whatever is convenient for him, without much thought as to how it might make me feel. But since he has put this idea in my head that it's me trying to change him, I'm wondering if that's true. AM I trying to change him by asking him to take my feelings into account, and to be more attentive? Or is he simply deflecting responsibility and I'm in my right? Any insight would be great :) thanks!

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[HairyDumpling]

No offense but you're boyfriend kind of sounds like a douche. Texting if you're going to be late or just texting someone back in general is common courtesy, not something that would change the kind of person he is. Unless he wants to be rude.

As for him using tinder while he's in a relationship, that's just stupid. It's an app for dating and hooking up. I don't know what else you can get out of that? The fact that he's active on it is seriously disconcerting.

[sfauo]

Wait, your boyfriend is using Tinder? Is this an open relationship?

[kangy]

To be considerate or sensitive towards other feelings isn't asking one to change for another. Being sensitive/considerate to people is a virtue, many people would understand it. I am thinking maybe he isn't willing to see this flaw of his and find excuses not to improve..
everybody should not take others feelings for granted so you aren't at fault

[Misunderstoodvirgo6]

No your not. I been in your situation. But no your simple asking for him to show he interest and it a simple way to just show you care. You dont wanna be the one to always make contact 1st so your not asking alot. And in no way is that changing him it just putting some effort in the relationship it takes two after all.

[Anonymous]

No, he's just a selfish ass. If he was mine, I'd leave him, or at least treat him like shit for a while and tell him not to try and change me when he complains about it

[Crazyced]

If he's using Tinder and your only concern is that he's not texting you while doing it, I'd say he's doing a great job of deflecting responsibilities.

[Dbt25677]

Your boyfriend's a cunt.
Tell him to stop being a TOTAL prick.