Is this guy a presumptuous a-hole?

[Anonymous]

Went to dinner with a guy... he took a cherry stem and said "amazing things I can do with my tongue." He'd only pay if I told him it was a date. He wanted to give me a ride home and I said no... then I couldn't talk him out of walking me home... when he did... I wouldn't let him up and he was like "what you're giving me the cold shoulder?" He wanted to know why I wouldn't invite him up. I said I was going to bed (It was 7:15 pm ha). It has been two days and I haven't heard anything. Was he just looking for a hookup or what?

Yes

No

Other (explain?)

Updates

+1 y

This was a first date... a tinder date. Never met the guy before that!

[genuinlysensitive]

Most likely, yes they whole cherry stem thing is done in movies all the time, but usually a hot woman twists the stem with her tongue (we men love it) and he thought since tongue play is important with women you would find it equally stimulating. Not paying unless you said it was a date, I believe is more he has had women use him for free dinners before (actually happens a lot to us). The cold shoulder comment coupled with the no communications means he probably wanted a hookup and now he knows you aren't interested so he has stopped trying to pretend to care about you.

[Asker]

Yeah, this was a first date too. A tinder date! I definitely wasn't letting some random guy in my apartment. He was just so pushy about it. I think if I say no to inviting some guy in my apt that I've never met on the first date is just fine. Who invites people up on the first date?

[genuinlysensitive]

Some do, if there is a genuine connection, if there is none such as your case, or if they aren't yet sure they typically don't.

[Asker]

Ah, I never do... too many bad experiences.

[evenlift]

So, basically, you acted uninterested, and now you're surprised he hasn't called you?

I think, he's the opposite of presumptuous. He didn't presume you liked him. He asserted his own merits and tried to persuade you. But, after having given it a fair shot, he came to the justifiable conclusion that you weren't interested in him.

[Asker]

It was the first time I'd ever met the guy. I wasn't going to let some random guy in my apartment.

[evenlift]

It may be that he wanted only a hook-up. But, I doubt it. He sounds confident enough just to go for sex, if sex is all he really wants. The fact that he asked you on a date suggests that he wanted more (by the way, wanting sex and wanting more aren't mutually exclusive). But, regardless, even if he didn't want a hook-up, acting uninterested is going to repel any guy, whatever he wants.

[evenlift]

You went on a date with a guy you had never met before?

Well, regardless, it wasn't just that you didn't invite him into your place.

[evenlift]

Oh, OK. It was Tinder.

[evenlift]

Tinder does have a reputation of being for hook-ups. So, you can't blame him for imagining that you two might hook up, if he did imagine that.

But, as I said, it wasn't just the non-invitation to your apartment.

[evenlift]

My advice is not to use Tinder anymore. Use a traditional dating website.

[evenlift]

As for people saying it's not safe, that may be true, but it's safer than hooking up drunk with someone you've just met at a nightclub and haven't really talked to at all, and that's very common!

[Asker]

Yeah, I dont do either of those...

[playdatesx]

Uh, he sounds primarily ANNOYING and not my type if you ask me.

[Michael-in-SC]

He achieved asshole status at, "amazing things I can do with my tongue." That was crude and vulgar for a first date.

[Asker]

Ew, right? I also didn't get a chance to look at the menu much and the waiter came by and we needed 5 more mins... he made some comment about how the convo was so stimulating... and that it doesn't take much to stimulate me... so creepy...

[BZerpy]

You did well to avoid this guy.

[Asker]

I agree... too creepy! Too pushy

[DiggerForTeal]

Was this your first date?

[Asker]

First date, yeah. Tinder meet up. Never even met the guy. Definitely wasn't getting in his car!

[DiggerForTeal]

Oh my gosh, yes he was definitely looking for a hook up and/or someone to kill! I would bolt lock your doors and never speak to him again. He probably hasn't contacted you because on his way back to his car he got arrested for being a serial killer!

[BertMacklinFBI]

hahaa

[Asker]

Or maybe he realized he wasn't getting any!! Can't believe he was mad that I wouldn't invite him up.

[DiggerForTeal]

Yeah you guys just met I don't know why he would get so upset. Probably has anger issues

[Asker]

I think he felt entitled to get some b/c it was early and he paid for dinner.

[DiggerForTeal]

That's just ridiculous! No ones ever entitled to have sex with someone! What a jerk!

[Asker]

I know! Yuck. He hasn't written me at all.. haha. I'm glad about that!