My boyfriend is embarrassing when he's drunk. I don't know what to think or do?

[Anonymous]

I know people come out more when they're drunk but he's plain embarrassing and I don't think it's his true personality that comes out. I feel he does it to impress people but he's naturally very confident so I don't know why he feels he has to do that.

Last night, I felt humiliated, people around me were looking at me like "what is he doing?". I kept saying he was embarrassing but he wasn't picking up on it. He ruined the night for me.

I've spoken to him but he thinks I'm attacking his personality and thinks I want to change him. He said he'll chill out more next time but he won't be happy about that. He told me he was just being who he is but everything about his actions just screams false and fake.

Aside from other things he's done, this is another thing that makes me feel less attracted to him. He seems so adamant that it's part of his personality that came out that I wonder if it's just me not liking that side of him, but no-one his age acts like he does when drunk and I don't like people who are false, that's the vibe I get from him sometimes and always when he's drunk.

He's now refusing to go to the other events we have planned.

Updates

+1 y

Please don't comment with "dump him". If I felt that that is what needs to be done, I would do so but I'm not going to give up a 2 year relationship over his silly drunken personality.

[cheeseysouffle]

So leave. If he's not going to change, you don't like the way it makes you look, and he's not willing to change then leave.

[TheWiseOwl]

What does he do when he's drunk?

[Asker]

He was over the top about things. We were playing a game and he was like shouting and groaning, trying to fit in whilst everyone else was getting loud. He wasn't putting any input in or even saying words, but acting like he was which I thought was stupid and fake. Then he overreacted with the fireworks saying they were dangerous and jumped over a person's fence (we were at my auntie's new house, in a new rough neighbourhood, it wasn't polite) and lay on their front lawn for like five minutes. It was awkward because no-one gave him the attention he was clearly trying to get. After that, he seemed embarrassed himself which I thought was good because he'll think twice next time but he obviously felt he did nothing bad. He came in and had a muddy back and sat on their chair, bringing in two slugs and I could tell my auntie and her boyfriend were getting pissed off. The whole night turned awkward and my auntie didn't even want to acknowledge me, I think we'd pissed her off.

[TheWiseOwl]

How old is he?

[Asker]

18 so he's new to the drinking scene. I know guys his age who don't act false when they're drunk.

[TheWiseOwl]

He's young, he's new to alcohol and he cannot handle its effects yet. Though I was much the same unless I was around my then girlfriend then I was on my best behaviour not wanting to cause problems because I have done far worse than what he seems to be doing when I was his age.

It appears that you're far more mature than he is and this is where a problem has arose, now I am not saying mature is boring, I actually think you have every right to feel the way you do and if I met a girl who was behaving like he does now, I wouldn't go anywhere near her. You may have to assess whether you can handle his immaturity because his behaviour is causing you embarrassment, you have aired your views and he sees those views as a personal attack against him, so there's not really a great scope for movement on your part.

[Asker]

Sometimes I feel he's immature but it's more down to lack of experience but this is the one time where I can see pure immaturity. I wouldn't say I'm overly mature, I always felt like we were on the same level in that respect, but immaturity is okay in certain company and at certain times. He runs his own business, he has a lot of confidence and I've always known him to be mature. I wouldn't have dated him if I felt like he emanated immaturity. I don't mind him being silly with his friends but when his behaviour causes me humiliation and tension between my own family, I'm not going to be happy! It's also his falseness that kind of creeps me out and I distance myself unintentionally. My mother said that he'll change as he grows older. I told him that he doesn't need to impress people and he needs to chill out more when he has alcohol. Seeing him like that makes me not want to date him anymore and I hate thinking that.

[TheWiseOwl]

You'll be fine, I'm sure.

[crazyincalifornia]

To me, he sounds like a loser.
I have no idea why the association.
Skid marks!

[Asker]

He isn't a loser. We've been together for nearly two years..

Your comment makes no sense.

[crazyincalifornia]

You asked.

[Anonymous]

What exactly does he do when he's drunk?

[Asker]

He was over the top about things. We were playing a game and he was like shouting and groaning, trying to fit in whilst everyone else was getting loud. He wasn't putting any input in or even saying words, but acting like he was which I thought was stupid and fake. Then he overreacted with the fireworks saying they were dangerous and jumped over a person's fence (we were at my auntie's new house, in a new rough neighbourhood, it wasn't polite) and lay on their front lawn for like five minutes. It was awkward because no-one gave him the attention he was clearly trying to get. After that, he seemed embarrassed himself which I thought was good because he'll think twice next time but he obviously felt he did nothing bad. He came in and had a muddy back and sat on their chair, bringing in two slugs and I could tell my auntie and her boyfriend were getting pissed off. The whole night turned awkward and my auntie didn't even want to acknowledge me, I think we'd pissed her off.

[Opinion Owner]

My brother acted like this when he got drunk it was super annoying. He's 21 now so he knows how to handle his drunk better. How old is he? If he's like 17, 18 give him time. I don't think this is a reason to dump him like other are suggesting. That's stupid. Try talking to him again. Tell him he looks kinda dumb when he acts like it and he needs to try to be more in control.