Boyfriend got drunk and embarrassed me and my friends at my best friends wedding. Should I forgive him?

[sille19]

So I’ve been with my boyfriend over a year now and invited him to my best friends wedding who I was a bridesmaid for. Long story short he got really drunk and got angry at me for chatting to another guy. My friends got involved and had to calm him down, he thought I was interested In this guy when I was only chatting to him. He embarrassed myself and himself and ended up going home early leaving me for the rest of the evening as he was too drunk to have a conversation with me and believed I was in the wrong and didn’t want to be anywhere near me. The next morning he realised what he had done and apologised over and over again saying he was so sorry he upset me and ruined the night. I am so mad at the situation and don’t know what to do. He has since apologised to my friends and they have been very Understanding and said everyone makes mistakes when they’re drunk and that he needs to make it up to me. He has previously been to other friends weddings and not reacted like this so it clearly was a drunken mistake. I think I’m just angry that it just so happened to be at my friends wedding. He is 30 years old so should no better. What do you all think? It’s obviously not normal but had anyone else been in this situation? Should I give him a chance? He is really good guy other than this incident and tells me he loves me and hasn’t done anything wrong since this. Thoughts please, thank you.

[btbc92]

How can you tell a grown man he should know better when he drinks alcohol and gets drunk? There's no point in getting angry at him knowing that you yourself chose to get involved with a person that drinks. That's exactly what happened when you choose to drink alcohol. You are either going to be a one-way or you going to behave the other way. There is no all the way around it. You got to decide what kind of person you really want to be with. It's not about you giving him a second chance or whatever because that shows that you're very much judgmental for his behavior and it's unrighteous judgement. When you're drunk like that , of course 9 out of 10 times you going to to act like a fool. That is to be expected. You owe it to yourself as well as him to decide whether or not you want to be with a person that drinks , and he has to decide whether or not he wants to touch another bottle of alcohol. Is about being responsible and accountable, and most people do not see the need for accountability and taking responsibility until something bad happens. Is one of the top main reasons why I wouldn't even dare touch a bottle and I have never drinked alcohol. Let alone would want a person that does touch a bottle. Again you must decide what you want out of this relationship and the type of person you need to be with.

[sille19]

Thank you for your advice! I don’t mind him drinking but just to not that extent! Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes. Thank you 😊

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I think he Obviously cares about you a lot if he gets jealous with you talking to another guy! Make sure its not control there's a fine line between the two if he doesn't allow you to talk to other guys run as fast as you can.. itll be other guys then girls that are a bad influence.. you will realize in the end all you have is him.. he has to trust that your just talking to another guy.. outside looking in sucks if you saw him laughing with another girl it make you a tad upset its all in how you handle yourself he must have tried to drink away his anger which made things worse for himself.. next time at a wedding you both go to lets only have 2 drinks each or something.. I know a guy who can be 10 in and still act sober so everyone has their threshold learn his and get him to respect it at public events and you do the same that time was him next time ypu dont want it to be you! Hope this helps!

[sille19]

Thank you I really appreciate your advice! Yeah I did worry is this a sign of being controlling but he’s really not like that sober and I guess it was a one off. Yeah I think next time we go to an event or wedding i will tell him again to not have crazy amounts of drink. Yeah I guess if I put myself in his situation and I saw him talking to another girl I’d be a little annoyed but I think it’s just how he handled the situation, but I know he was drunk. Thank you for replying 😊

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Your welcome.. good luck! Just my experience if it can help someone else thats awesome! Makes it more bareable

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Thank yoù

[tenukitanuki]

Some people just don't mix well all the time. I think his outburst is just his own way of revealing the problems that he's normally too controlled to think about, deal with, or address head-on. What I mean is that many guys that know they should break up just do not pull that trigger and let a dying relationship go on and on and on.

If you shoot Ol. Yeller then he'll probably appreciate your hard choice further down the line. He doesn't need to keep thinking he can lose you and you don't need to hold this over him as an example of bad behavior. You both should just try moving on and growing by yourselves for a minute.

[sille19]

Great thank you so much for replying. Yeah i don’t want to play games and keep making him feel guilty, it’s just a learning curve and hopefully we’llgrt Stronger because of it. Thanks again 😊

[tenukitanuki]

Good 'tude, hope things work out just fine. It does hold a tiny bit of charm that he'd get stupid emotional over you, even if we'd not like to admit it

[nachosaresexy]

From everything you said, it was an isolated event and so even though he acted ridiculous you have to believe he's genuinely remorseful and capable of learning from the situation. If he had or continues to have drunken situations get out of control then you have a problem to worry about. But if it's an isolated event I think you'd be more in the wrong to not be willing to forgive, unless there are bigger issues y'all are dealing with.

[sille19]

This is such good advice thank you! Yeah you’re right I mean he has apologised so I can only accept the apology and hope he makes changes. Yeah I can hold a grudge at home forever. There’s no other issues with us it was just this one incident so I don’t think I have to worry too much. Thanks 😊

[SongBird3]

Tell him you need some time to think about it. Because you do. I wanna say give him another chance if he's never acted like this until now, but this can also be a potential red flag. I think you need to go into the underlying issue of why he was raging about you talking to another guy. When you do talk to him about it you really do need to express how much he hurt you by doing what he did that way he needs to know for sure that he won’t do it again

[sille19]

Thank you so much do your advice it has really helped. This is what I thought also, I don’t want to seem naive or not fazed by the situation because it’s not normal. I did speak to him and we talked about why it might’ve happened. I’ve said to him if it happens again then that really is it as I can’t really take it again. I think he has understood the seriousness, we’ll just have to see if he can prove that it was a mistake. Thank you again for your response 😊

[SongBird3]

Im very happy for u

[KeniKeni]

I think that didn't come out of nowhere, he must feel insecure in the relationship.
You should sit down and have a talk, but mostly LISTEN to him.
And yes that is not something to break up over, we all get drunk, we all do stupid things in result.
That night for him must have been the last straw.

[sille19]

Great thank you for your advice it’s very helpful! Yeah I asked if he feels insecure but he doesn’t feel insecure. Unless he’s just not telling me. Yeah this is true It was just a silly mistake. Thank you again 😊

[Anonymous]

Does he by chance drink too much on a regular basis or seem to need to have at least one drink per day and doesn't want to skip a day?

That seems pretty extreme for an one time only incident.

[sille19]

Thanks for your reply! He drinks only when he’s going out on a weekend so every so often. He doesn’t drink every day no. It is extreme I agree and was very out of character. Obviously just unlucky to have experienced it! It’s never happened before anyway. I’ll just have to see what happens and hope he’s learnt from this “. Thanks 😊

[Opinion Owner]

When he drinks on the weekends does he drink heavily? A person can have an alcohol problem even if he or she only binges occasionally. He really might be someone who can't tolerate alcohol and maybe shouldn't drink at all.

[sille19]

Yeah that’s the thing when he does drink of weekends with his friends he drinks a lot. I have told him that I don’t want a person that drinks like that moving forward but like you said he could have a underlying drink problem he hasn’t told me about. The last occasions we went out he was drunk but not that drunk to the point where he acted stupid so I’m hoping it’s a one off. Thanks

[Anonymous]

.. I mean it’s just one crappy moment yeah I get that your mad but it kinda seems extreme to throw everything away over a dumb mistake.

You seem to suggest this is out of character for him and that he owned the mistake and has tried to make amends. Isn’t that exactly the kind of person you wanna be around cuz no one is perfect

[sille19]

Thank you so much for your reply! Yeah maybe it is a bit extreme I guess I was just so mad and embarrassed at the time. Yeah you’re right nobody is perfect and neither am I, I guess it was just the circumstances and I just wanted a nice memorable day with no drama but these things happen. Thanks for your advice again 😊

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome. And I know this was humiliating and embarrassing... given the circumstances but I’m not one to really just throw things away.

I struggle with calling your feelings extreme because you have every right to question what he was doing and what it means for your relationship cuz that wasn’t a small mistake. On the other hand if he’s been good to you and you care about him I personally believe it’s worth a shot and especially so if he truly owned up to it and tried to make amends. And it sounds like you believe he was sincere in trying to fix things. Hopefully it was a moment of growth for him.

[sille19]

Yeah you are right, and since then he has made a effort. I was probably more hurt just because it was the first ‘big’ argument we’ve had. I guess sometimes I worry about what my friends may have thought that night but I guess it’s not about them a such. Thank you :)

[Walrus_au]

If this was regular behavior then I would definitely recommend moving on.
From your description however, that doesn't seem to be the case.

My instinct would be to wait and see what he does next. it's not like you have to make a decision right this instant.

[sille19]

Great thanks I think your right I’m just going to see what happens. Yeah there’s still time to see how things go. Hopefully he’ll learn from his mistakes. Thanks 😊

[Walrus_au]

Hope it works out for the better for ya.

[yucychan]

I think this is a one-off incident and you could give him a chance, seeing how sorry he was and how he make amends and apologise.
However, being drunk actually does brings out a person's raw behavior and subconscious. There is somewhat a jealous and rowdy streak in him.

[nerms123]

Hmm. This is a very strange situation. I definitely think you can forgive him if it only happened once. If it happened again I wouldn’t stay though. However I still have questions as to why or how it happened. Just seems so odd.

[sille19]

Thank you for your response, yes it is very odd why it happened. Still trying to get my head around it. I have spoke to him about what could have triggered it like whether he is insecure or doesn’t trust me etc. I still don’t know, he was drunk though as I guess it was a silly mistake. Thank you for your advice 😊

[Bananaman177]

Give him a chance to redeem himself.

If he was to quit drinking, that would be an excellent sign that he's serious about it.

[sille19]

Yeah I will do thanks so much! Yeah I guess that would prove how serious he is. I doubt however he will go off the drink for good though! I do hope he drink less though and is more responsible at social events. Thanks 😊

[Anonymous]

You should understand what a HARD EFFORT is to go to a boring wedding with girlfriend, where he could not even meet new women. Was it maybe even in summer with hot temperature and no air condition? Well... what else can you do if you are locked up there, till the full long ceremony ends, where maybe your poor boyfriend did not even know what to say to whom? GETTING DRUNK AND FORGET THAT YOU ARE THERE. NEXT TIME, THINK ABOUT IT TWICE, WHAT A TORTURE YOU'RE FORCING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO. And be responsible for your own sober choices

[sille19]

Haha okay no one likes no air con 😂

[Anonymous]

He should have known better but he's apologized. Is this his "first offense?" If so, and if he's been good to you otherwise, I would let him off, but if it becomes a pattern, then I would dump him.

[sille19]

This is great advice thanks! Yes If he does it again I definitely will dump him but it’s only been the one occasion. Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes! Thank you 😊

[Justacatlady]

If this isn’t his normal way of acting then it seems like a forgivable situation. Only you can make that choice so take some time and think about whether you think this was a mistake or if this is a characteristic you don’t like, then make your choice.

[PineTops]

You seem like a very positive person and this is upsetting so you have forgiven him. Are considering any action against him? It sounds though if you have a drinking problem, focus is attending AA or getting other help. But it sounds like your relationship has other problems, perhaps you are argumentative, neglectful and you flirt with all the other guys. Perhaps understand his situation and stay away from his bad side.

[sille19]

I did think about whether I encouraged the situation yeah, I mean I get from his point of view that I was talking to a guy and he might feel jealous towards it but I wasn’t flirting by any means and had no intention in getting to know him like that I was just being polite. As I was a bridesmaid I had to be more chatty and supportive to my friends day so I wasn’t going to ignore her guests. The next day when he was sober he apologised and said that he doesn’t feel jealous when I talk to other guys and he doesn’t want to be one of those boyfriends that stops them doing that. I have suggested if he wants support drinking wise but I don’t think he has a major problem it’s more like he needs to be more responsible with his drink in the future. Thanks :)

[Éire1995]

Everyone makes mistakes, you say he is a good guy, so i think you just need a bit of time for the anger to subside and see how you feel then. I wouldn't dump an otherwise good girlfriend for a mistake like that. I would definitely be pissed off for a while though.

[sille19]

Thank you for your advice :)

[Thatsamazing]

I can understand your anger. I'd feel the same way. How about you just tell him how what happened made you feel?

[sille19]

Thank you for your reply! I have told him how I feel and he has realised what he’s done wrong. I’ll just have to accept it and hope he doesn’t do it again. Thank you 😊

[BluesheepOwl]

I say take some time away from him. Give yourself a week to think all this over and just be away from the drama. Give yourself time to think about it. Stay off your phone and don't contact him at all during this time. Sleep on it and occupy your time with other things. Try to keep your mind off of it. Then when you've had the full week you can decide if you can move on from this and continue dating him. Or break up with him. But you need that vacation away from him to make up your mind.

[AmeerX]

Forgive him. He made your night memorable 😂. Seriously, you will find that years later you will be laughing about it with him. Don't be upset

[sille19]

Thank you for your message! I mean I could see the funny side definitely and I’m sure we will In the future. Thank you 🎉

[Twalli]

If he doesn't usually get drunk I'd forgive him. People make mistakes, and the situation can be bad for the mistake to happen. If he consistently makes "mistakes" even if they are different each time I'd break up with him. Still it sounds like one mistake that he won't make again. You'd say a 30 year old should know better, but in the US and Australia the primary reason for drinking is to get drunk.

[sille19]

Okay thanks for your advice. You’re right it was a mistake and I do agree, if he makes the same mistake again that’s just as bad then I’d have to reconsider if it’s right or not. Yeah I know it’s the same in the UK also, we have a terrible reputation for getting very drunk at times lol I just think he could have been a bit more mindful with it being at a close friends wedding but like you said people make mistakes. Thanks for your advice :)

[Anonymous]

He acted irrationally and childishly. It was surely a mistake. So, give him another chance. If he does it again, then sorry but you gotta go. And if wants to quit drinking because he loves you, he will have to be committed. Nonetheless, you both have to discuss jealousy because he obviously remembers what happened that night. You have to convince him that talking to men friends should not be a problem and that you love only him.

[coffeewithcream]

Well, you didn't bang anybody at your best friend's wedding.
You just talked to someone.
You should talk to him about his jealousy problem.
Maybe you can create a signal just for you two.
A high sign that means, "I'm feeling jealous. Pull back."
Another sign that means, "I'm feeling really jealous. Tell him to pull out."
:)
He also may have an issue with alcohol.

[themomo84]

You need to accept the behavior may occur again or not, it's pretty simple.

[sille19]

Thank you for your advice. Yeah you’re right there’s not much I can do, once time has gone by it won’t feel as frustrating. Thanks 😊

[themomo84]

Yw, tc:)